Relationship Junk

[russhie]

Okay, so, I think I'm a pretty good girlfriend. I've been in a decent relationship for a few years now, we get along fine, it's all lah-di-dah most of the time.

We don't see eye to eye on some things though, petty things, but these things are adding up. We're about to move in together, and I worry that these little issues will only intensify once we're on our own.

I'm pretty easygoing, but my patience with some things is about at breaking point - like when I'm expecting you home at 9 and you don't turn up till after 10.30 because you were at the pub, a text would be nice. Just so I can stop wondering if you were safe, or whatever. Stay at the pub all night, I honestly don't care. I'd just rather not worry. His interpretation? "You just don't want me to have fun."

A case of expectations set too high? Or am I actually some fun-hating bitch?

I love relationships, and caring about people. Wheee.

[paul jones]

You have to trust because otherwise you'll end up on The Jeremy Kyle show with Jeremy squatting in front of the 2 of you like he's about to shit

(y)

[russhie]

Trust that he's safe?

I don't know who this Jeremy fellow is, but the idea of him squatting in front of me is intriguing...

[paul jones]

Trust that he's safe?

I don't know who this Jeremy fellow is, but the idea of him squatting in front of me is intriguing...

ah....it's a UK show like a MAURY,RIKKI LAKE kind of shit

yeah,trust that's safe from beer spillage onto his shirt.It always happens to me when I have a newly bought shirt and go to the pub.It's a fucking nightmare.It's been scientifically proven that when newly bought garments and pubs mix it always ends up a disaster

[paul jones]

Trust that he's safe?

I don't know who this Jeremy fellow is, but the idea of him squatting in front of me is intriguing...

please watch.....comedy gold

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Lvpl60JiWZ4

[AceFace]

i learned long ago to pick your battles. if my husband wants to go out and hang out, i better not give him a "curfew" or he will intentionally break it.

tell him to be safe and have fun and let him go. he'll come back. if you spend all your time worrying whether he's ok, it will become a problem.

just put your mind to something else and not think about it. or go out with the girls. let him have his time, unplanned. you'll both be so much happier.

i know why you want him home. you love him and want to be with him. you want to spend time with him and it hurts you that he's out with someone else (at least that's how i used to feel). but he is SO not thinking like you are. my husband has band practice on mondays. it used to hurt my feelings sooooo bad when he would stay there for 5 hours b/c mondays are one of the few nights we have together. every time i asked him when he'd be home, he'd get defensive. so i adapted and decided to do my own thing on mondays and now we're happy as can be.

you're gonna do fine as long as you can remember that he doesn't think like you do and he's probably pretty clueless as to how you feel.

[jabumbo]

make sure his ass knows when the weekly checkers game is

[russhie]

Oh, it's not like he was heading out to the pub. He was at an exam and I got a text at 8.30 saying he was catching the train home.

The trip home is about 20 minutes, hence the worry. That's why I got so irritated when I rang at 10 to find out he was at the pub.

I don't have curfews or anything like that. I feel it's more an issue of having some consideration, like cmute said. If he had rung at 9 and said "won't be home till 6am tomorrow, seeya!" I'd just shrug and go to bed. If he wants to get plastered and then get up for work in the morning, more power to him, really. That's not the issue. I just don't like the lack of courtesy, and the fact that he can't see he's mislead me by saying he'll be home soon when he clearly has no intention of doing so.

The boy can have his freedom. He's a trustworthy sort. I just figured that after so long there'd be a higher level of respect - he knows how I feel.

[russhie]

Not forgetful. Just doesn't think these things matter. But it's getting at me, now, because it's like he's not being flexible with it, but I have to be - I would like to be called in these instances, but my wants don't seem to be as important as his idea that it doesn't matter.

Does that make sense?

At any rate, he's a top guy, just these niggly things are stacking up and I'm afraid I'll have a fit one day when he doesn't screw the lid of the Vegemite on fully or something stupid like that.

[russhie]

Probably, we've always tried to keep our relationship pressure free, I guess I'm just wondering whether it should have evolved more over the years. To a point where he actually thinks "hey she'd like it if I called". Without being reminded.

I don't know if it's part of his nature or whether it's just something that's come from the way we've constructed our relationship, or what.

[mickill]

Girl, you have to put him in his place. Simple as pie. You see, hon, you can't just let your dude - or any dude for that matter - think he can talk down to you like that. Honeybuns, you've got to stand your ground.

Give him a taste of his own medicine, sugarbear. But don't just hit a bar and neglect to call/text/email or whatever; take it up a notch. Put on something tight, shiny and sexy and tell him you're just gonna head out with a few of your girls and be like, "Woooooooooo! I just wanna get drunk and not give a F and dance on top of tables and meet fun people and experiment" and be like, "ttyl!". For extra punch, if you have any extra skanky friends, get them to pick you up at your crib and act really obnoxious and slutty at the door and be all like, "Wooooooooo! Girls night out, baybay!". I don't think there is a heterosexual male breathing oxygen on this planet today that doesn't feel a tad sick to his scrotum when the words "girls", "night" and "out" fall out in succession from the mouths of their beloved women friend. Try it out, sweetbuns.

[abcdefz]

At first, I thought he hadn't shown up when he'd said he would, but then I realized that you just expected him to come straight home after an exam.

Yeah, it would be cool if he were thoughtful enough to let you know what he was doing, but it sounds like he's not the type. So, you know
that's who he is. There was no reason for you to start worrying except for your own expectations.

Sure, go ahead and call. "Hey, how'd the test go? What time do you think you'll be home?" Hell, invite yourself. "Sounds like you want to
unwind after the test. That sounds good. Can I meet you there?"

This really doesn't sound like a big deal at all.

[beastiegirrl101]

Having to "check in" with anyone makes me feel like I am 10 again, I do think he should be considerate, but if any guy ever said to me, call me when you get there, call me when you get home....blah blah...smell ya later. I don't want anyone having tabs on me.

but this is probably why I'm still single. . .

[mickill]

a-z, nata, relationships are about supererogatory compromise, not just employing open lines of communication.

Her dude should be trying to show her the courtesy of keeping her from wondering about him when he's not around without her having to hope that he'll eventually just sense that she would like for him to do these things on his own without her directly or indirectly urging him to do so.

[ms.peachy]

This is an issue that mr.peachy and I have, as well. If he tells me in the afternoon that he will be home around 7, and I make dinner intending to have it ready for shortly after he gets home, and he decides that actually he'd like to stop off at the pub with a mate for a pint or two before coming home, is it unreasonable for me to expect him to call me and tell me? And by call me and tell me, I mean, before or around the time he said he'd be home, and not at 9:30 to tell me "yeah I went to the pub, but I'm on my way home now"?

[abcdefz]

This is an issue that mr.peachy and I have, as well. If he tells me in the afternoon that he will be home around 7, and I make dinner intending to have it ready for shortly after he gets home, and he decides that actually he'd like to stop off at the pub with a mate for a pint or two before coming home, is it unreasonable for me to expect him to call me and tell me? And by call me and tell me, I mean, before or around the time he said he'd be home, and not at 9:30 to tell me "yeah I went to the pub, but I'm on my way home now"?



Right. But, in this case, the guy hadn't told her he'd be home right after the test. She just assumed he would.

[ms.peachy]

Right. But, in this case, the guy hadn't told her he'd be home right after the test. She just assumed he would.

She said he texted her at 8:30 to say he was catching the train home, and she knows it's a 20 minute trip. I think that was an entirely reasonable assumption on her part.

[kll]

how old is he?

[abcdefz]

She said he texted her at 8:30 to say he was catching the train home, and she knows it's a 20 minute trip. I think that was an entirely reasonable assumption on her part.


Ah. I missed that part.

Yeah -- the social contract definitely kicks in at that point.

[russhie]

We're both in our early twenties.

Again, I think I'm pretty reasonable in my expectations of him. If this relationship had been running for less than three years, I probably wouldn't expect a call letting me know plans had changed. But we're about to begin living together, so, I'm thinking lately that I higher level of courtesy is maybe warranted. And, on its own, it's not problematic, but like I said before, small things are piling up.

Part of me probably also wondered how many people would have me pegged as some whip-cracking curfew-imposing bitch for expecting a call, I suppose. As for the open communication bit - I've had this discussion with him before. About having courtesy and respect for one another. It's not like I'm trying to send this shit to him via ESP or something, he knows how I feel.

Come on, I'm smarter than that.

[Yetra Flam]

Pssh, after a while i gave up on being a cool laid back girlfriend and let my true crazy out. You sound completely reasonable to me, a call or text from him should be pretty much expected.

[Loppfessor]

Sounds pretty rude....it's just poor manners to not call if you get side tracked or something....If you want me to help you make him jealous I"m down

[Kid Presentable]

Real talk, just tell him. Just level with him and say "You won't get this, but I need you to tell me if you're going to be late. I'm a female and I worry, and you're a guy and you don't think about that stuff. So meet me halfway and tell me beforehand, and I won't worry". If he still doesn't care, peace him the fuck out until he does. Dudes walk all over doormats.

That girl rush rush, saw my teeth fall in the sink when I started to bru-hush

[tracky]

lol pj that was fucking classic!

put her on the lie detector


lol

[tracky]

blah