Home Massage 101

[AceFace]

i got a few PMs about how to massage at home so i thought i would c&p my response into a thread. i will post a different technique once a week (if i can remember) and your job will be to practice it on your loved ones. then report back to me with any questions or success stories. :)

first things first... it's not about the hands/fingers. it's about using your body. put your arm at your side and see where your fingertips hit your leg. she/he needs to be laying about that low. put some oil (i use plain old olive oil) in your hands and rub it around just a bit to warm it up.

stand at their head. think of a massage table and where the therapist usually stands. place your hands on her/his back right above the shoulder blades with the spine in between your two hands (basically on the traps). hold it there for a a few seconds with just a little pressure and open palms. just to let them know you're there and you're gonna get busy with that back.

in one smooth motion, go down the back with hands still in the same position and round out right above her/his crack and back up the same way. kinda flair it out down there to get the whole lower back and then return to the upper body and do the flair on the shoulders. return to the beginning position and repeat.

make sure to use your body weight to get the motion. not your hands or arms. its the pressure you get from the body that makes it so fluid. plus, you won't get tired as easily. sometimes i see it as a dance. try to use some relaxing music, close your eyes and feel the rhythm. massage to the music.

continue rubbing like that with the oil and just your palms and maybe use the fingers a little to flair out a bit.

it never hurts to ask "is that enough pressure?" if you ask, they'll tell you weather it's too much or not enough. i ask that ALLL the time.

make sure to avoid massaging directly on the spine. that's a massage no no.

don't forget to report back to me on this!

[little j]

thanks for posting this.:D

[Rock]

Do you do this professionally? For some reason I thought I read that you did, but am not sure.

If so, how many times have you had some dude pop a boner? and how many times have you been expected to give a happy ending?

Everyone says that i give the best shoulder and back massages but my wife, she just can't handle my shits...ima give this a go though, but when she shatters my massaging self esteem, i'm gonna come looking for you!

[AceFace]

i've had more people ask if those things have happened than actually have.

only one boner, but i did get a fart to the face once. THAT was much worse.

i did have some guy jump up from the table b/c he had to pee. he just jumped up buck nekkit and ran through the waiting room full of people. he really had to go! that was the incident that made me decide i didn't want to do massage professionally anymore.

i have my degree and many years practiced, but i let my license run out last year. i only work on friends and family out of my house now.

[AceFace]

also. i've NEVER been asked to give a happy ending.

[MC Moot]

I've always wondered how masseurs get past people with wicked hairy backs or worse pimples,moles...etc????

[abcdefz]

My ex-girlfriend was a CMT. She had a few guys throw boners, but only one tried for the happy ending.

She told me he even offered to pay extra for it. He was kind of whimpering.

Hey -- what part of "non-sexual massage" is unclear, pal?

[AceFace]

I've always wondered how masseurs get past people with wicked hairy backs or worse pimples,moles...etc????
ok, REALLY gross story.

i had this new client and she was little and cute. she said "when you massage my back don't be thrown off by my large mole. my doctor knows about it and it's not dangerous."

ok, i'm prepared.. right?

WRONGO. i flipped her over and SHAZAM! there was this thing that did not resemble a mole at all. i am NOT lying when i say it started at her bra line and went all the way past the point where i massage. it was ginormous. larger than ginormous. it covered her whole back from there down. it was so disgusting. it felt all thin and rubbery. but then it had like bumps all over it and hairs sticking out. it felt like massaging a plucked chicken that was cold and trying to grow fur to keep itself warm.

UGH. and i was sooo good she became a regular. i had to deal with that shit once a month! it was nasssttyyyyy.

[TurdBerglar]

is there a way you can massage bone?

SERIOUS QUESTION YOU DIRTY MINDED FUCKHEADS


i need something for my achy knees!

[kaiser soze]

My girlfriend has no complaints (y)

but thanks for the information!

[cosmo105]

is there a way you can massage bone?

SERIOUS QUESTION YOU DIRTY MINDED FUCKHEADS


i need something for my achy knees!

take some omega-3 fish oil supplements and maybe some glucosamine & chondroitin to help that inflammation turdy, and eat more fishies

[TurdBerglar]

anything fish related makes me barf

[HEIRESS]

I was going to say "try a new position that doesnt involve you bending your knees for extended periods of time while pleasuring the ladies" then I realized, oh yeah, its turd.

[TurdBerglar]

hey

wait a second

[TimDoolan]

This is why I didn't go into massage therapy.

[AceFace]

massage is manipulation of the muscles. can't really massage a joint or bone.

def do what cosmo said. the glucosmaine with condroitin will help. keep in mind it is helping you grow cartilage back so it's not going to be an overnight improvement. it'll take a few moths for it to feel better. if you don't like fish (man you're missing out), then take the omega 3 supplements. just don't smell them.

i'd also go see a good chiro. they can relive pressure in the joint (they don't just work on backs). plus they can give ya a good neck crackin'!

[AceFace]

i warned you it was gross!

and just think i had to touch that shit!

[MC Moot]

i warned you it was gross!

and just think i had to touch that shit!

Good on you.....to provide relief and comfort is divine....I sure as hell couldn't do it....therefore....I cannonize thee the patron saint of the massage,via con dios hermana.....Mother Theresa watches and the lepers await your healing touch....:D

[cookiepuss]

dear Ace...

I'll fly you out to California if you'll be my personal masssuer for a month. I probably can't pay you a salary, but I will cover the plane ticket and I'll keep you drunk on delicious Northern California wines so you won't even notice you aren't getting paid. hee hee.(y)

-cookie

:D

ps. I can't be a massage therapist because when I see pimples and blackheads I MUST pop them. When I try to massage my boyfriend I always end up attacking blackheads. I'm much better suited to be an enestitician.

[Randetica]

take some omega-3 fish oil supplements and maybe some glucosamine & chondroitin to help that inflammation turdy, and eat more fishies

what do you eat instead?

you probably mentioned it about 10 TRILLION!! times :P but i forgot.. maybe cause i lack fish

[Randetica]

ps. I can't be a massage therapist because when I see pimples and blackheads I MUST pop them. When I try to massage my boyfriend I always end up attacking blackheads. I'm much better suited to be an enestitician.

gross!
i never understood why people do that
i dont even do it on myself and especially not on someone else, doesnt matter how much i love or hate someone

some confuse human bodies with those pop plastic package addictos

[Randetica]

do guys actually make sex noises or do you mean the sound of their balls bustin against your body?

[ffcp]

I was studying hairdressing and I quit..I couldnt deal with people..I hated the dirty ones and there wasnt a good place to wash their heads etc...Dealing with any people bodies is not for me :(once I saw one who had a weird thing on her scalp like tiny grapes and there wasnt hair in that zone and she said its not dangerous but I didnt do her hair fortunately....

[Randetica]

that actually happened the first and last time i had a massage from a strange man. and it wasn't just his balls busting against me :(

the best massage i had was from my lesbian cousin and only then did i know what it was like to let out sex noises because i had to concentrate on not making any noises instead of just enjoying the massage. i felt really awkward



edit: i just wanted to add that i didn't just let a strange man massage me off the street. it happened on holiday a fews years ago, i was offered a free massage from one of the staff at the hotel i was staying in but i declined. i went the buy some souvenirs for my family on the last day there, and we were in a perfume shop. their perfumes are oils and a guy who worked in that perfume shop wanted me to try out some oils and offered me a massage but i declined. so, he went to ask my friend if she would like to try an oil and offered her a massage and she accepted. now, everything seemed fine and that made me feel like a prude because i declined. so when he offered me a massage again, i agreed to it.


i masturbated a bit to that story


I was studying hairdressing and I quit..I couldnt deal with people..I hated the dirty ones and there wasnt a good place to wash their heads etc...Dealing with any people bodies is not for me :(once I saw one who had a weird thing on her scalp like tiny grapes and there wasnt hair in that zone and she said its not dangerous but I didnt do her hair fortunately....

yeah, im no big fan of touching people and i dont like getting touched

not even as a baby i wanted my mum to hold me

[ffcp]

Oh yeah one has to be careful with pretenders