Christmas "Brag" Letters

[Yeti]

Every Christmas I get letters from family friends about their trip to the Poconos and how they put an addition on their house. I read these letters with a hint of disdain for the author.

If i decided to write a family Christmas letter it would be something like.......

My son Aiden turned 16 months sometime in August. We forget which day. He finally has some hair. He keeps us very busy with his determination to destroy our house and he is a curious little bugger. Just the other day I found him under the sink drinking Windex glass cleaner. It was so funny to see the blue liquid running down his cheeks. He is mechanically inclined and we intend on buying him his first welder set for Christmas.
We had a flood again this year, but this time it was on the second floor. The toilet overflowed and ruined our new shag carpet. We did take a family vacation to Coney Island but it was cut short when my wife stepped on a syringe while walking on the beach.
We are very upset by the television writers strike and the fact that Dog the Bounty Hunter has been taken off the air. We are lucky that Deal or No Deal is still on TV or we would only have our beloved Walker Texas Ranger re-runs.
We wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.
The Boyd Family

[abcdefz]

I really dislike Christmas letters on principle. I feel like, you know -- if these people really care about each other, they'd pretty much know
this shit anyway. If this letter really is "news," there's a decent chance that this is about all the contact you have during the year, and
that probably says something.

But, I know a lot of people who feel like this is the way you keep in touch, and a whole decade can go by without ever having a face-to-face,
and that's fine and you're still dear friends and you'll go to their funeral when the time comes. That just seems like a really odd sort of
relationship, to me. I don't get it.

I just got an e-mail yesterday from someone I haven't spoken to in years, letting me know that a guy I was good friends with in high school
-- his mom has cancer and not long to go, and here's her hospital address. I mean, I feel for her, but, dang. I haven't had contact with
that family in 20 years. Is it really such a lovely sentiment to reintroduce yourself in someone's life half a continent away and two decades
later with a sorry-you're-dying-hope-the-medication's-good Hallmark card? I dunno.

[paul jones]

I just masturbated into the soup.Happy Christmas

-The Jones Family

[ms.peachy]

But, I know a lot of people who feel like this is the way you keep in touch, and a whole decade can go by without ever having a face-to-face,
and that's fine and you're still dear friends and you'll go to their funeral when the time comes. That just seems like a really odd sort of
relationship, to me. I don't get it.


I guess I kind of fall into that category; I actually really like getting people's "year in review" letters. (I've not ever actually sent one, mostly because I'm just kind of lazy and waste my time here with you idiots instead, for some stupid reason.) Most of the people I get them from, I do have maybe one or two other points of contact with them during the year - an email here or there - but not so much. My cousins, old friends - bear in mind that I live on a different continent to these people you know? And even if I was in the US, we're spread out all over the country; it's not like we'd be hanging out.

It may be that this is one of those things you appreciate more as you get older. I mean, I've met a lot of really good people in my life, and even have relatives I actually like. I don't want to lose touch entirely with them and what's happening in their lives. But by the same token, I totally understand how stuff like, say, jobs, moving house, kids, kids parties, kids activities, laundry, mowing the lawn, buying groceries, picking up the dry cleaning, cleaning the gutters etc etc all that miscellaneous real life stuff gets in the way of doing things like making cross-country phone calls, or writing long emails.

[abcdefz]

Distance is a fine excuse for not seeing each other, I think. I'd have a problem with a friend who couldn't bang out an e-mail paragraph
or two now and again. Or, not "problem," exactly, but I'd assume we weren't friends.

I guess I'd just assume "they're just not that into you." :D

[ms.peachy]

I dunno, I guess I just don't feel like my older, established friendships are all that dependent on a 'time' factor, if you know what I mean? Like, I don't feel as though the amount of time or energy they put into updating me regularly is neccessarily proportional to the value of the relationship. Life gets busy, shit happens, I don't need to know the moment someone's kid's team wins their Little League championship or they decide to paint thier house or whatever. An end-of-year summary is fine with me.

[abcdefz]

WELL YOU'RE WRONG, DAMMIT

[ms.peachy]

Well just for that you are totally off my letter list for next year then, Mr. Shoutypants!

[abcdefz]

i was joking :(

[abcdefz]

i didnt mean to hurt anyone :(

[abcdefz]

honest :(

[venusvenus123]

i'm keeping score guys. :p

[QueenAdrock]

My friend sends out these letters...except they've got terrible writing skills and keep changing points of view. It's like:

Dan just got his first job off of the military base this August, and Julie was very happy to have him home. We decided that since he got this job that we would move to Baltimore and relocate everything to be closer to his work. Julie then decided to get a job, too, and put their daughter into preschool.

I'm like HEY, IT'S FIRST PERSON, SECOND PERSON, OR THIRD PERSON, TAKE ONE AND STICK TO IT PLS.

[venusvenus123]

those impersonal bulletins are awful.

[marsdaddy]

One friend sends out the too honest kind. Like:

"Dad is doing as well as can be expected after his gastric bypass, and sis has a new man and her third child -- we're hoping this one sticks around after the birth, unlike the other two. Timmy's really struggling at school and was held back again. It might be because he can't see but, thankfully, Jane got a job, after 2 years of unemployment, so we can finally get Timmy's eyes checked. I finally figured out the government cheese has been making me sick, because I'm lactose intolerant. Since I need to lose weight anyway, I'm going to finally cut back, this year. And this is the year we're going to win the lotto and can stop working and worrying. My strategy is to up the spending from $250 to $500 per week -- so I have to win!"

[Documad]

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