I've always wanted to share some stories

[ericlee]

Of the days when I was a correctional officer. One of the strangest and interesting jobs I've ever had.

One time, I was a cell block sergeant, watching over the verrrry bad guys. One guy had a doctors appointment and I happened to be the one who had to inform him to get his shit ready for his appointment. In the prison, we have a three verbal command rule and if they don't want to follow orders after that, it's considered an aggrivated disobedience charge and with that charge, almost anything goes till they comply.

Well I walk up to the inmate's cell and me being smooth, the conversation went like this...

Me: hey Williams, ya got to get ready for your appointment
Inmate: fuck you sarge!
Me: ok, here goes strike number 2, get your stuff ready so we can cuff you and take you to your appointment, please
Inmate: Sarge. Go fuck yourself
Me: strike three, ya know what happens if you don't want to listen
Inmate: Strike three ain't shit, you ain't doin shit but sucking this dick *whips dick out*
Me: *shakes can of deepfreeze* Oh yeah? *sprays deepfreeze on his exposed dong*

Just to let you know what deepfreeze is, it's a combination of pepper spray and c.s. gas. It's mean shit, commonly used to control prison riots.

Inmate: Aaaaaaaargh!! Ok sarge! Ok! Are we there yet?

Oh man, I always think of that day when I need a good laugh. It was fun writing the report for that one too.

Many stories to tell if you want to hear more.

[icy manipulator]

this is gonna be like an episode of oz

[Bob]

note to self, don't go to prison

[ericlee]

this is gonna be like an episode of oz

Oz is pretty much on point of what goes on but of course they over exagerate for the tv. Not too much though.

I first worked for a medium security joint in Louisana for a privately owned prison. Making $7.45 an hour to watch over fuckers that had like 85 years to life. That place is where most of the bizarre stories come from. How you going to tell a guy who will never be free to put his shoes under his bunk or he's going to the block? Reeeeaaaall smooth.

One time in there, I was doing a random shakedown. We just walk to an inmate who is standing near or is sitting on his bunk. I walked to him and said, "shakedown" and he was very hesitant about it.

I started going through his footlocker, nothing. I then went to look under his bunk and he got real nervous and started walking towards me. I stopped and told him to back the hell up.

I felt something different that was strapped under his bunk, pulled it out and it was a 12 inch shank. He tried to lunge towards me but, luckily I was being watched by 2 fellow officers that knew this guy was trouble and they jumped on him before he could get to me. Yep. He went to the block for 2 months for that charge.

[mikizee]

more more more

[TAL]

How do you like it, how do you like it
more more more

[Helvete]

I only have stories about massive gang fights with Russians whilst in Germany. Nothing cool.

[ericlee]

Of course inmates that have a sentence that's as small as two years without a little bit of contact with a female, they're gonna jack off. Cant blame em. But don't do it when Lt. D is in the dorm and definitly, don't do it while staring her down.

Lt. D is a small irish lady and a dyke. She'll rip your balls off, stomp on em and paste em to your forehead.

One time, it's like 3 in the morning on a weekend. On weekends, the tv room is open all night and usually there's just one inmate in there watching tv while the others are sleeping. From our office, we can see inside the tv room cause it's just a big room with a big window. Inside of there, there's plastic chairs.

Lt. D and I were in the office shootin the shit. She looks into the tv room to notice the chairs being stacked up. The chairs are supposed to be on the floor, lined up next to each other.

She then notices a head peeping and bobbing from behind the chairs. She looks at me and says, "I believe that motherfucker is knockin me down". I have a look over and say, "yep, he sure is".

She walks into the tv room and tells the inmate to stand up. He does and he had a huge boner. She says, "you were knockin me down weren't ya?!!"

The inmate didn't deny it at all. She told him to grab each chair from the stack and throw it as hard as he could on the floor and he did.

It was loud as hell, 3 am, all the other inmates were sleeping and they all woke up to see what the noise was. There were chairs scattered everwhere.

She then told him to pick up the chairs and put them back where they're supposed to be. All the inmates knew what happened and the jack off jokes were soaring.

Of course she sent him to the block on an aggrivated sex offence. The dumbass only had 6 months left. The aggrivated sex charge gave him another year.