Ladies: If a girl tells her boyfriend about an old friend...

[SugarInTheRaw]

If a girl tells her boyfriend about an old friend who has been sending her love messages via text, and this old friend wants to be with her romantically, should the boyfriend be concerned? She continues to communicate with this old friend regardless of how he feels about her.

[Yetra Flam]

i don't know. generally these situations aren't all black and white, you know.

[abcdefz]

Sounds like she's trying to make the guy jealous, or maybe she's dipping her toes in the sea of infidelity.

But the guy should either live with it or walk. Right now he sounds like a doormat.

[TurdBerglar]

maybe she just keeps this guy around as a back up or a fall back

[SugarInTheRaw]

i don't know. generally these situations aren't all black and white, you know.

What should the boyfriend be on the lookout for?

Is there anything the boyfriend could or should say about it?

[TurdBerglar]

tell her you feel about it about then let her do what she wants. if you don't like what she chooses it then fuck off. if it's not enough of a problem for you not to fuck off then don't worry about it. one of the worse thing you can do to someone is try to persuade them to do things that only favor yourself.

[cookiepuss]

I'm not sure why the girlfriend would bother to tell the boyfriend about the love messages from the old friend, unless she wanted one or all of the following things:

1. create jealousy/pump up her worth to her partner
2. She wants her partner to help her/give advice on how to handle the situation.
3. She thinks that the old friend may try to contact the boyfriend and stir up trouble. so she tells the boyfriend as a premptive strike.
4. she's a jerk. lol.

see cause otherwise, if it were not big deal, then she could just handle the matter privately and there would be no need to tell the boyfriend. right?

[SugarInTheRaw]

I'm not sure why the girlfriend would bother to tell the boyfriend about the love messages from the old friend, unless she wanted one or all of the following things:

1. create jealousy/pump up her worth to her partner
2. She wants her partner to help her/give advice on how to handle the situation.
3. She thinks that the old friend may try to contact the boyfriend and stir up trouble. so she tells the boyfriend as a premptive strike.
4. she's a jerk. lol.

see cause otherwise, if it were not big deal, then she could just handle the matter privately and there would be no need to tell the boyfriend. right?

How might the boyfriend bring up the question as to why she told him about the old friend's love interest and avoid extreme awkwardness? She has stated to her boyfriend that if any girl were to try and flirt with him, she'd be pissed. Growing up, her family life has been a double-edged sword and this situation seems to be no exception.:o

[Planetary]

If a girl tells her boyfriend about an old friend who has been sending her love messages via text, and this old friend wants to be with her romantically, should the boyfriend be concerned? She continues to communicate with this old friend regardless of how he feels about her.

put a 9' to his cranium

[cookiepuss]

How might the boyfriend bring up the question as to why she told him about the old friend's love interest and avoid extreme awkwardness? She has stated to her boyfriend that if any girl were to try and flirt with him, she'd be pissed. Growing up, her family life has been a double-edged sword and this situation seems to be no exception.:o

how about being straight forward.

"Listen, I was just wondering why you decided to tell me about this amorous friend of yours? Cause honestly, I'm not really sure what to do with this info. I was also wondering if you'd thought about how you would react if I had come to you with a similar situation?"

[afronaut]

I'm not sure why the girlfriend would bother to tell the boyfriend about the love messages from the old friend, unless she wanted one or all of the following things:

1. create jealousy/pump up her worth to her partner
2. She wants her partner to help her/give advice on how to handle the situation.
3. She thinks that the old friend may try to contact the boyfriend and stir up trouble. so she tells the boyfriend as a premptive strike.
4. she's a jerk. lol.

see cause otherwise, if it were not big deal, then she could just handle the matter privately and there would be no need to tell the boyfriend. right?
5. She's in a committed and honest relationship, and tells her significant other about significant things that happen in her life.

[cookiepuss]

5. She's in a committed and honest relationship, and tells her significant other about significant things that happen in her life.

yeah right.

ok yeah, that could be a reason to. but you don't have to tell your partner EVERYthing to be in a committed and honest relationship.

and it seems to me if there's no possibility of mutual feelings about this guy who is in love with her that it would be a pretty minor thing and not significant enough to discuss with her significant other. (I have no idea how casually she brought this up, so it's hard to say. but if she was laughing about it then yes perhaps she's just sharing an event with her partner.)

there's no need to discuss it if you aren't going to reciprocate the guys love and you aren't looking to "test" your relationship even on a subconcious level.

[afronaut]

yeah right.

ok yeah, that could be a reason to. but you don't have to tell your partner EVERYthing to be in a committed and honest relationship.

and it seems to me if there's no possibility of mutual feelings about this guy who is in love with her that it would be a pretty minor thing and not significant enough to discuss with her significant other. (I have no idea how casually she brought this up, so it's hard to say. but if she was laughing about it then yes perhaps she's just sharing an event with her partner.)

there's no need to discuss it if you aren't going to reciprocate the guys love and you aren't looking to "test" your relationship even on a subconcious level.

And this is coming from what? Your personal book on proper conduct within a relationship?

I've been in pretty much this exact same situation, coming from both sides. We both shared this information with each other. There was no chance of anything happening, and thus no reason not to tell each other.

If you're seriously looking to cheat, or if you do have feelings for someone else, why the FUCK would you tell your significant other?

[TAL]

She wants a 3some.

[cookiepuss]

And this is coming from what? Your personal book on proper conduct within a relationship?

I've been in pretty much this exact same situation, coming from both sides. We both shared this information with each other. There was no chance of anything happening, and thus no reason not to tell each other.

If you're seriously looking to cheat, or if you do have feelings for someone else, why the FUCK would you tell your significant other?

it's just my opinion. never said it's law.

I did minor in psychology, but still doesn't make me right.

people often tell their significant others things out of guilt. it's more about unburdening themselves than it is about being honest with their partner.

I way I see it your opinion and my opinion are two sides of the same coin.
you see it as it's so insignificant, why wouldn't you tell?
and I say why bother mentioning something insignificant?

[cookiepuss]

The way I see it, you have two choices:

1. Try all this Manby-Panby expressing your feelings bullshit.

2. Fuck her good and hard.

^ actually....
this is probably the best advice.(y)

[RobMoney$]

If a girl tells her boyfriend about an old friend who has been sending her love messages via text, and this old friend wants to be with her romantically, should the boyfriend be concerned? She continues to communicate with this old friend regardless of how he feels about her.



1. She's being unfaithful to the relationship PERIOD. It cracks me up when people act like flirting, going to a strip club, looking at porn on the internet, ect. isn't cheating. If you're being unfaithful with your emotions or your attention to someone or something other than your significant other or spouse, then that's cheating.
Some couples may tolerate different levels of unfaithfulness, like some are perfectly fine with their spouse going to the strip club, and that's great, but those type of situations only work when both people agree beforehand that they're fine with it.

If the boyfriend told the girl he's uncomfortable with the flirtation and the girl ignores his feelings and continues to do something she knows is hurting her boyfriend's feelings, than that's wrong.


2. It really doesn't matter how insignificant she may make it out to be, the point is it's significant to the boyfriend, and by the sounds of the story it's also significant to the other guy too. She sounds like she's being kinda careless with both guys feelings.



My advice is simple,
fuck her in the ass with a condom and when you're done pull the condom off, slap it on her stomach and tell her
"How's it feel to be used, bitch!"

[cookiepuss]

^ you had me right up until your "advice".

[cookiepuss]

also...I'm curious...from your point of view....if going to a strip club is unfaithful..then what about couples that go to strip clubs together? are they both being unfaithful to the relationship, but they both find it acceptable or are they just kinky?

[cookiepuss]

i've been told

*lie*

[RobMoney$]

also...I'm curious...from your point of view....if going to a strip club is unfaithful..then what about couples that go to strip clubs together? are they both being unfaithful to the relationship, but they both find it acceptable or are they just kinky?


It's not for me to judge.
I know you've posted before about you and your boyfriend going to strip clubs together. Like I said, if it's something you're both comfortable with then it's perfectly fine.

But if your boyfriend insisted on going to a strip club and it was something you told him made you uncomfortable, then he'd be choosing the strippers over you, right? That'd be wrong and it would become an issue you'd either have to accept, or decide that he wasn't the guy for you.

[RobMoney$]

^ you had me right up until your "advice".


:D In case you haven't heard already, I'm a sick motherfucker sometimes.

[cookiepuss]

It's not for me to judge.
I know you've posted before about you and your boyfriend going to strip clubs together. Like I said, if it's something you're both comfortable with then it's perfectly fine.

well because i have posted that before it probably seemed I was trying to bait you into an argument, but that actually wasn't the case. really just curious. Because when we've gone to a club, we've just gone and it never occured to me to think "oooohhh, what does this mean to our relationship, are we both fully present, etc. etc.?" Even if he went without me I don't know if I'd feel he was emotionally unfaithful. it would be acceptable to me.


But if your boyfriend insisted on going to a strip club and it was something you told him made you uncomfortable, then he'd be choosing the strippers over you, right? That'd be wrong and it would become an issue you'd either have to accept, or decide that he wasn't the guy for you.

yeah I completely agree with that.

[hitmonlee]

she;s clearly bat shit crazy. she's probably reading all these posts right now.

move on, change your name, change your email address, keep your pets close to you.

5. She's in a committed and honest relationship, and tells her significant other about significant things that happen in her life.

LOL!

[Kid Presentable]

I did minor in psychology, but still doesn't make me right.



Yeah I bought a pizza once, but the italian PM still won't take my calls lol

[russhie]

^

<3

[Lex Diamonds]

This happened to me one time, the guy was called Bruce.
Here's what happened:

We see PADDY walk down driveway to the backyard area where BRUCE and TWO of his BROTHERS are talking. BRUCE sees PADDY and walks towards him. BRUCE'S TWO BROTHERS are smirking.

BRUCE
What do you want?

They get closer.

BRUCE (contd)
(annoyed and menacing)
Whaddya want fucko? You want some?

With absolutely no warning, PADDY reaches out and grabs BRUCE's hair with one hand and pulls his gun out of his waistband with the other. In almost one motion, PADDY smashes the gun across BRUCE's face. Teeth fall from BRUCE's mouth. The TWO BROTHERS, still not seeing the gun, start toward PADDY, but PADDY continues to pound the gun into BRUCE's face like a dinner gong. BRUCE's head is still off the ground only because PADDY refuses to let go of his hair.

PADDY
I swear on my fuckin' mother, if you touch her again YOU'RE DEAD!

PADDY drops BRUCE to the ground. BRUCE'S BROTHERS realise PADDY has a gun.

BROTHER
Don't shoot!

They freeze and back off.

[AceFace]

maybe she's getting words from him that she really wants to hear from you and you're not catching on to it. girls need to be romanced. this guy is trying to do that. maybe you need to talk to her that way more.

[abcdefz]

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[cookiepuss]

Yeah I bought a pizza once, but the italian PM still won't take my calls lol

:rolleyes:

I guess I should have just been a dick and said since I minored in psych I know more than you. pfft.

*talk to the hand* LOL.

[NoFenders]

This happened to me one time, the guy was called Bruce.
Here's what happened:

We see PADDY walk down driveway to the backyard area where BRUCE and TWO of his BROTHERS are talking. BRUCE sees PADDY and walks towards him. BRUCE'S TWO BROTHERS are smirking.

BRUCE
What do you want?

They get closer.

BRUCE (contd)
(annoyed and menacing)
Whaddya want fucko? You want some?

With absolutely no warning, PADDY reaches out and grabs BRUCE's hair with one hand and pulls his gun out of his waistband with the other. In almost one motion, PADDY smashes the gun across BRUCE's face. Teeth fall from BRUCE's mouth. The TWO BROTHERS, still not seeing the gun, start toward PADDY, but PADDY continues to pound the gun into BRUCE's face like a dinner gong. BRUCE's head is still off the ground only because PADDY refuses to let go of his hair.

PADDY
I swear on my fuckin' mother, if you touch her again YOU'RE DEAD!

PADDY drops BRUCE to the ground. BRUCE'S BROTHERS realise PADDY has a gun.

BROTHER
Don't shoot!

They freeze and back off.

Did Paddy then give the gun to his girl and tell her to hide it Goodfella?? :cool:

[NoFenders]

If a girl tells her boyfriend about an old friend who has been sending her love messages via text, and this old friend wants to be with her romantically, should the boyfriend be concerned? She continues to communicate with this old friend regardless of how he feels about her.

Why would she continue a relationship that's not on key??? I mean, she knows the guy wants her in bed. She continues to talk to old boyfriend. Is she over him or what??? Looks as though she's not sure. If I were the guy, I'd split. Sounds like an emotional wreck in the making. Life's too short to deal with people like that.

:cool:

[SugarInTheRaw]

Why would she continue a relationship that's not on key??? I mean, she knows the guy wants her in bed. She continues to talk to old boyfriend. Is she over him or what??? Looks as though she's not sure. If I were the guy, I'd split. Sounds like an emotional wreck in the making. Life's too short to deal with people like that.

:cool:

The old friend is not her ex-boyfriend. The old friend is just someone she met and stayed in touch with after college and he has expressed how he feels about her.

[abcdefz]

Say you three should go out to dinner together, then.

[afronaut]

LOL!
Just because you may be whorish and deceitful doesn't mean all women are. LOL!

[cookiepuss]

Just because you may be whorish and deceitful doesn't mean all women are. LOL!

hey. being whorish and deceitful has always worked for me. don't knock it til you try it "bub". oh yeah, that's right, I just called you "bub". it's on bitch!:cool:


P.s. I know you weren't talking to me, but I felt I could respond anyway. hahahaa.

[afronaut]

No, I think I'll pass. Being open and honest has been working pretty damn well for me so far. If I ever want to die alone with a bunch of cats, though, I'll be sure to come to you for advice.

[cookiepuss]

my methods maybe unconventional but I've been in a great relationship for over 5 years. So, I don't think I'll die an old cat lady anytime soon. ;)

[abcdefz]

He's been cheating on you for the last six years.

Just sayin'.

[cookiepuss]

He's been cheating on you for the last six years.

Just sayin'.

with you?
that's ok. we can share ;)
can I watch?

[abcdefz]

No no no -- not me. Tobey Maguire.

I think he's shooting for a palimony thing, so maybe give it another year.

[NoFenders]

The old friend is not her ex-boyfriend. The old friend is just someone she met and stayed in touch with after college and he has expressed how he feels about her.

Oh so the old friend is somebody she wants to bang, but feels bad because she already has a boyfriend. Sounds a bit needy. If she's not having fun with the boyfriend, then she should go out and enjoy life without him. Don't make his life miserable by dragging him through the dirt because of her insecurity. Selfish people can really hurt more people than they know.

:cool:

[cookiepuss]

hhaaaa. you guys are really gonna let me have it now, but....

5 Secrets You Should Keep From Your Partner Posted Wed, May 16, 2007, 2:18 pm PDT

It starts out simply enough: A man and woman get together, they share some wine, they go back to her place, their relationship grows, they laugh and they fight, and they become-tada!-a couple. And then something happens: They're supposed to share everything with each other. Their fears. Their dreams. Their thoughts. Their bills. Their medicine cabinets. And that's when this simple little romance starts to get complicated. in most relationships, there's such a thing as too much sharing-and I believe that a little discretion at the right time in the right situation is not only a good thing, but also could actually improve relationships. As long as you're not breaking the relationship rules-like playing tonsil hockey while the goalie isn't watching-then a little mystery can be a good thing. Here, five secrets you should keep to yourself-because not saying something will actually speak volumes. (And just so you don't think that I'm pushing to abolish the honesty policy, you'll read about the things you should never keep from your partner next time.)

You Don't Turn Me on Right Now

Granted, there will be days when your partner walks into the room and everything sparkles-moments like these make us count our blessings. But there are going to be other moments when your woman looks less like Cindy Crawford and more like Broderick Crawford, and when your guy is less Hugh Grant than Lou Grant. But when the occasional fashion faux pas or haircut from Edward Scissorshands comes around, swallow your tongue. If you want him or her to wear certain styles, compliment what you like, and ignore what you don't. Eventually, they'll get the message-but without the hurt feelings.

I Flirt With Others at Work

The stats don't lie: About 40 percent of men and 35 percent of women have lusted after a co-worker-without ever making a move. Even if you have no intention of taking it anywhere, nobody wants to think of their significant others spending 8, 10, 12 hours a day around flirtatious and attractive co-workers, especially when they look, smell and behave at their very best. Want to share sexual secrets? Confess your attraction to Hollywood celebs, not the co-workers in the adjacent cube.

I Can't Stand Your Friends

Your partner's circle of friends probably come in three different categories: a perfect package, nice enough, and how the hell can the two of you be friends? In that last category, there are all kinds of crazies-maybe she's too controlling, or maybe he's a bad influence. Whatever the case, know your audience. You may not like the friends, but your partner has more history with them than with you. So while they may not rank high on your personal list, keep it to yourself. Boxing out a man's friends is a relationship deal breaker, according to 83 percent of men we surveyed. And 62 percent of women would end a relationship if a guy doesn't get along with her friends.

I Still Think About My Ex

While it's natural to think about your ex, the Internet has increasingly made exes a bigger threat than ever before. The phenomenon of searching online for one's ex, which the majority of Americans admit to, can really make your partner jealous and fearful-especially since the phenomenon of people reuniting with very old flames has recently exploded (again, because of the Internet). You put your exes in the past; do the same with any conversation about them.

I Can't Live Without You

Why? Number one, it's not true; you can live without them. And number two, the key to a successful long-term relationship is to ensure that you've got your own life. You can say I love you, I enjoy you, I desire you, I appreciate you. You don't say I can't live without you. A partner should never feel trapped. He or she should be making a choice every day to be with you. And you, with them.


-----

Seriously though. I do beleive that the basis of a relationship needs to be honesty, but I still think that there are some things better left unsaid. if that makes me a dishonest whore, well then so be it. My boyfriend loves me anyway.

[SugarInTheRaw]

if that makes me a dishonest whore, well then so be it.

No way! That was insightful.(y)

[hitmonlee]

Just because you may be whorish and deceitful doesn't mean all women are. LOL!

LOL

its not being deceitful, its called discretion. its not something the boyfriend needs to know, if the girl doesn't actually have any feelings for the other guy. by telling him, she is playing games.

its that simple.


I'm not sure why the girlfriend would bother to tell the boyfriend about the love messages from the old friend, unless she wanted one or all of the following things:

1. create jealousy/pump up her worth to her partner
2. She wants her partner to help her/give advice on how to handle the situation.
3. She thinks that the old friend may try to contact the boyfriend and stir up trouble. so she tells the boyfriend as a premptive strike.
4. she's a jerk. lol.

see cause otherwise, if it were not big deal, then she could just handle the matter privately and there would be no need to tell the boyfriend. right?


quoting because it needs to be read again. or if you prefer, QFT.

[befsquire]

frankly, your question isn't one that can really be answered, since your side is automatically tainted with your bias.

since it could mean so many things, just ask what what you want to know, instead of getting a bunch of opinions that may or may not be behind her motives. if you are the person who is getting these texts and told your boyfriend and you're trying to figure out what his reaction should have been, again, we aren't him and we aren't in the relationship, and there are too many factors that are unknown, so look to yourself and figure out what your motives were in telling your man about the texts.

note: i don't keep up with the board anymore, and have no idea whether you are the boyfriend or girlfriend in your "hypothetical"

[beastieangel01]

I am with bef on this one.

However, I will say that I've shared such information with someone I dated simply because I wasn't sure what to do about it. And I wanted his opinion and insight on the matter.

[ericlee]

it sounds like the ex bf wants a good ass whippin.

I'd let my girl go along with it but, I'd be tracking this punk down and cap his knees.

[cookiepuss]

never. mind.


I'm kooky today. work melted my brain.

[Kid Presentable]

I guess I should have just been a dick and said since I minored in psych I know more than you. pfft.



You wouldn't need to say that? :confused:

[cookiepuss]

You wouldn't need to say that? :confused:

well...I wouldnt say it, cause it's not true. I thought you were having a go at me.

doesn't matter.


we're all having a good time right?

[Lex Diamonds]

There are women like my best friends that would have gotten out of there the minute their boyfriend gave them a gun to hide. But I didn't. To tell the truth, it kinda turned me on.

[Lex Diamonds]

*Jewish wedding scene*