who said the "L" word first? [Archive] - Beastie Boys Message Board

Dorothy Wood

01-17-2008, 08:41 PM

hey you people in relationships, or people who were in them, hi.

I haven't said that word yet, neither has my darling dear. we've been dating almost 10 months. He signed a christmas card to me with a heart and then his name, he even colored the heart in with red. also, sometimes he say "mi amor" and stuff. or , "I like you alot".

I feel the feelings, I think we both feel the feelings, but we're scared to really say it. I'm purposely not saying it because I don't want to be the first one. :/ dumb. I know.

anyway, I thought it might be funny for people to tell the stories of when they first said it and what happened.

HAPPY VALENTINES DAYS!

*romantic music*

Rock

01-17-2008, 09:56 PM

I'm purposely not saying it because I don't want to be the first one.
He is probably thinking the same thing.

hitmonlee

01-17-2008, 10:10 PM

first time: him. on xmas day. he was wasted. this was after 3 months of dating. i loved him already.

second time: me. we were having a chat and i'm not even sure we were together at this point and he said something like "well its not as if you loved me" and i said "but i do love you"

and i still do :(

ericlee

01-17-2008, 10:13 PM

I said it first

And then I gave her a Dutch oven.

Planetary

01-17-2008, 10:45 PM

She did. On new years eve. I didn't know if i did at the time but i said it back to avoid upsetting her. I do now though.

tracky

01-17-2008, 10:57 PM

The other night I said "goodnight, my love" but that's about as close as I've come. Been dating about 3 months.

DandyFop

01-17-2008, 11:15 PM

I am going through the same thing, I hate it!

I wanted to on New Years Eve so bad but we were both so drunk and I don't know, I kinda was like, uhhh I want to say it and he went into this like "why do you think I do this and this for you" (ie, why would I do these things if I didn't love you) and yeah. I move in like a month so I think saying it might just make it harder when I go, I guess. Blah, it sucks :(

My last boyfriend, it was kinda great how that happened. I was upset and I almost left and he was like no don't and I told him about the moment when I knew I was in love with him and he said he loved me too

The first one he whispered it in my ear and I didn't hear him! LOL SEINFELD. And then a few seconds later he's like uhhh...did you hear me?

adam_f

01-18-2008, 12:13 AM

I thought youmeant "Lesbian" and was quite wrong considering lesbians are incapable of love.

yeahwho

01-18-2008, 12:40 AM

if i spot it, i'll say it, lice isn't something you wait to long to mention if you want to keep things civil

Bob

01-18-2008, 01:01 AM

I thought youmeant "Lesbian" and was quite wrong considering lesbians are incapable of love.

lol i thought the same thing

edit: lol

jabumbo

01-18-2008, 09:09 AM

i called the girl a lesbian before she admitted it

miss soul fire

01-18-2008, 09:22 AM

Be amazed. It took us 5 days. He said it first.:D
And we still mean it baaaaaad!
I wanted to say it, but I wanted him to say it first. That's right, we are cowards.:p

Kid Presentable

01-18-2008, 09:32 AM

Uh yeah I said it first. i wanted to say it so I did. If I had any piece of advice for you, it would be to let the person who feels like saying it just say it. This agonizing shit just ain't good business.

We'd been together about 2 months. A week later we decided to go to Europe together for a couple years.

roosta

01-18-2008, 09:44 AM

She did.

I dont see the big deal, its just words.

Funky Pepp

01-18-2008, 09:45 AM

I still don't understand why this scares so many people. When my husband and me got together (16 years ago when we were both 16 - just wanted to mention it :D) we both said it on the very first day - can't remember who said it frst though - me probably. Well, perhaps time's changed. But I think if you feel it, you have to say it. And if the other doesn't fee it, it's a waste of time anyway. I don't think you learn to love each other while being together for a couple of weeks or months. You either love each other or you don't! Oh, and to finish my bragging - tomorrow is our 12th wedding aniversary and we stoll love each other a lot :)

Planetary

01-18-2008, 11:56 AM

She did. On new years eve. I didn't know if i did at the time but i said it back to avoid upsetting her. I do now though.

This was new years eve 06/07 by the way.

TOY

01-18-2008, 01:41 PM

My first bf said it first while he was wasted and we were at some lake/bonfire-thing. Announced it to everybody. "I'M GONNA MARRY THIS GIRL SOMEDAY! BLARGH!!! *PUKES*"

My second bf, the man with SMS, said it first also (which I never saw coming). I think I laughed at him and said "Aw, that's cute" and went back to dating the first bf. :p

fucktopgirl

01-18-2008, 01:55 PM

TOY

01-18-2008, 02:02 PM

I think it is him, or it is me!!

I don't remember that precise moment but i do recall when i was pregnant, after only 3 month together , that he wanted the kid, more important then i love you. 9 years later, We are still together, well part time for now, still.

So, i think that sometime what is , maybe , more important then words are actions that you or your lover are doing. Or if you can have both, that even better:)

It's true when they say actions speak louder than words. Like, in my first relationship, (disregarding our later mishaps), the way he showed "love", non-sexual things, meant so much more vs. the other guy I had dated, who only said it after I had given him head or something.

MC Moot

01-18-2008, 02:09 PM

She did/I did...I think it was pretty much simultaneous and definetley post coital....;)

beastiegirrl101

01-18-2008, 04:50 PM

I've never said it first.

ok so like...how many dates constitutes the RDT? Ya know...relationship definition talk...and do people still have the talk?

adam_f

01-18-2008, 05:02 PM

Originally posted by beastiegirrl101
ok so like...how many dates constitutes the RDT? Ya know...relationship definition talk

No, I don't think anybody knew.

funk63

01-18-2008, 06:27 PM

i wrote it first, she said it first. well i drew a heart on a rock and gave it to her and it said my name heart 's her name. then she like told me she did later in the day.

funk63

01-18-2008, 06:28 PM

so ya since your a chick u should say it first.

Dorothy Wood

01-18-2008, 07:43 PM

I've never said it first.

ok so like...how many dates constitutes the RDT? Ya know...relationship definition talk...and do people still have the talk?

I don't know how many dates. I don't even remember when we talked about it. maybe 3 months in...but we were slow. and all he did was say as I was falling asleep, "am I your boyfriend?"

I think I said it first when I was with my last serious boyfriend...but I was fairly certain that he wanted to say it. I'm fairly certain that this one wants to say it. it's a stand off I think. it's also dumb because we've said it to each other in the past when we were just friends. or it's adorable. adorably dumb.

HEIRESS

01-18-2008, 11:30 PM

first serious boyfriend said it first. after way to short of a time period. though eh also talked about getting married and that "if you accidentally got pregnant id be totally stoked about keepign the kid"
things that freak you out when you are 19

I said it first to the second serious boyfriend. he didnt say it back til about a 2 months later. but atleast I knew he truly meant it by then. plus it was his first honest to goodness serious relationship (he was 23, i was 20) so I guess thats why.

and I still love the same him.

monkey

01-19-2008, 12:47 PM

my 1st bf said it first after 3 or so months. i wasnt sure, but i went with it.
my 2nd boyfriend said he was falling in love on our first date. shit, so was i. after a few weeks he told me he loved me. i said meeeee toooo!
i told my 3rd bf i loved him first, after like 6 months. and i do, i love him like my best friend.

QueenAdrock

01-19-2008, 01:09 PM

First boyfriend told me after 2 weeks, I kinda freaked but played it cool and told him I wasn't ready to say it. I said it 3 months after that, and he later told me he probably didn't love me when he said it 2 weeks in, he just got excited.

Second boyfriend, Brett and I were drunk, I was passing out I could have sworn I heard him say it (which it turns out he did). Later that week, he told me again but I also said I wasn't ready. That was 2 months of dating, but long distance dating, so it was harder for me to feel such a strong emotional attachment if I had only seen him twice before. At the end of our third trip (4.5 months in), I whispered it in his ear as he was boarding his plane to go back, and he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and said "I love you, too." :o

roosta

01-19-2008, 02:24 PM

Can someone explain to me the big swing about it?

QueenAdrock

01-19-2008, 04:46 PM

I dunno, it's different for some people. Once you say you love each other, then your whole relationship changes and all of the sudden becomes really serious as opposed to just having fun together and keeping things on a semi-casual basis. Sometimes that scares the hell out of people, commiting to that one person by saying those loaded words. And if the other person doesn't respond with it, maybe they don't feel the same, maybe they'll freak out and leave you because they weren't ready for that kind of step in the relationship. There's a lot of stuff to consider before saying it.

Kid Presentable

01-19-2008, 05:57 PM

These examples of 1st, 2nd and 3rd boyfriends tell me Dot Wood should just say it cause it doesn't mean it'll last anyways.

fucktopgirl

01-19-2008, 06:02 PM

Can someone explain to me the big swing about it?

there is nothing about it, people watch too much hollywood movies....

DandyFop

01-19-2008, 06:51 PM

It's a big deal to me. There aren't many chances in life for amazing, romantic moments, and I think that's the opportunity for one - but beyond that, it's just nice to know that your feelings are really returned. I think some people can start out and just casually say it to each other but I've never been in that situation.

Dorothy Wood

01-20-2008, 01:45 PM

GOD DAMN IT!

well, I went and ruined everything. sort of. I ruined my weekend at least. I said it friday night, I was drunk and had been thinking about saying it for awhile and it just kind of popped out when we were about to go to bed. he only said, "wow".

and then we just laid there and I could feel his heart beating fast and my heart was beating fast and as the seconds passed, I felt the tears welling up. after a little bit, I was like, "I'm gonna go home".

he told me not to go and that he can't say it when he's not absolutely sure. then shit hit the fan, I fucking flipped out and started sobbing (I was pretty drunk, mind you). then we had like a 2 hour talk about everything.

anyway, I just felt/feel so exposed, I couldn't stop crying. but, I suppose it's a good thing we got some emotions out, we've kind of just been skipping along in la la land without really discussing anything serious. so now he knows that I'm nuts, he didn't appear to mind too much.

regardless, he said I make him happy and I'm the coolest. so that's good. I'm still terrified.

Kid Presentable

01-20-2008, 04:40 PM

He sounds like a gameplaying cocksucker.Anybody who says "mi amor"(wanker), uses hearts and shit and then leaves you dangling when you give him that kind of compliment is a loser. Drop him. He loves you, he's just a dickhead.

roosta

01-20-2008, 04:45 PM

i dont get why if someone has it said to them, they dont just say it back to save hassle.... it doesnt enter you into a legal agreement or anything....its just words.

RobMoney$

01-20-2008, 05:06 PM

Randetica

01-20-2008, 09:07 PM

never been in a relationship but im one of those people who first are cold but once i said the love word i cant stop saying it and sploodge my love all over him

im annoying like that

i also get too easily feelings for someone, lately i would be able to fall in love with a trashcan if it gave me some love

QueenAdrock

01-20-2008, 09:13 PM

i dont get why if someone has it said to them, they dont just say it back to save hassle.... it doesnt enter you into a legal agreement or anything....its just words.

Well...some people don't like to lie, and honestly it's not that much of a hassle to say you're not ready to say it yet (for me it wasn't, at least). And the feeling of first saying "I love you" and truly meaning it and having it returned is probably the most awesome feeling in the entire world.

roosta

01-21-2008, 05:28 AM

I dont even know if you could define it as lying, "love" is an unquantifiable thing.

venusvenus123

01-21-2008, 05:55 AM

exactly (i mean about love being unquantifiable). even if he said "i love you" how would you know that it's the same kind of love you feel for him?

my husband isn't big on saying it. he says things like "you're the most important thing in the world to me" which i know i am.

i definitely said it first and way before he could say it to me. that's more about the different kind of families we come from than about the difference in our feelings towards one another.

if you dump him because some guy on here tells you to, that would make YOU the loser!! :eek:

Kid Presentable

01-21-2008, 06:30 AM

The guy dangles the carrot of requited love, and then says "wow"? Sounds like malarkey to me. He's not absolutely sure? If she hangs around his world (which he's making it;it's not theirs) then more fool Dot Wood.

Seriously, Dot. You're now waiting around for him to decide the state of play in the relationship. I don't know the guy, so maybe that's what you want. Just my opinion. If it works for Julia Roberts, it might work for the rest of us. :)

Lex Diamonds

01-21-2008, 06:43 AM

Kid Presentable

01-21-2008, 06:53 AM

I'm in love with Paddy's posting tonight.

Lex Diamonds

01-21-2008, 06:55 AM

I'm just tired and can't be arsed to think of any insults.

Kid Presentable

01-21-2008, 06:58 AM

They're all crap anyway. Keep on with this 'good cunt' routine. (y)

Lex Diamonds

01-21-2008, 07:00 AM

"It's not a gimmick bitch, it's an image I live it"

Kid Presentable

01-21-2008, 07:03 AM

Trust no-one, the lone shogun

Lex Diamonds

01-21-2008, 07:07 AM

We got butter...

Kid Presentable

01-21-2008, 07:15 AM

Fuck em in the building, touch em by the million

Planetary

01-21-2008, 07:24 AM

touch em by the million

what a paedo lol

Dorothy Wood

01-22-2008, 08:19 PM

oi paddy, you're just about 18 or so, right? you're lucky you have everything figured out so early in life.

thanks for all the input every body. I'm feeling a bit weird about revealing so much of this on the message board though. I was mostly just upset about things not going the way I thought they would. there are clearly many more things about my relationship that I haven't shared with the internet, and I don't think it's possible or appropriate for me to try to share them.

so I'm sticking with it for now. I'll just say he's been extra nice to me since it happened, and he's not a manipulative person. we'll see how it goes.

russhie

01-22-2008, 08:26 PM

I believe that when you truly love a person and they love you too (which often takes time no matter how good the relationship) you can feel it. Whether in the way they look at you, the way you kiss, the way you listen to each other when you're talking to them, it's definitely something you can feel. And once you get to that point, and you both know it, it's so tangible that actually saying the words seems kind of insignificant. It certainly shouldn't be a big deal like you're finding it to be. I definitely don't think you're in love with this man, and maybe you haven't been in love at all yet.

[/lame emotional bullshit]

That's one of the best things I've ever read on here, I think. I wish things were like that between my boyfriend and I.

My boyfriend probably loved me for a long time before he actually said it, we'd been together maybe a year/year and a half. I wasn't hanging out for him to say it though, we were just kids, and our relationship was mostly about surviving the pressures of being young adults/whatver.

I think that it doesn't necessarily occur to guys to say it? My boy's ice-cold emotionally (bless him) and mostly when it comes to these things he has strong feelings...they're just not voiced.

Oh. First time we were watching TV...he was hugging me and then while my head was turned he quietly told me that he loved me and had for awhile.

Dorothy Wood

01-22-2008, 08:34 PM

things were like that between my mother and her 3rd husband. until he turned out to be a dick. I'm pretty sure that's what it's like with her 4th right now too. even though they bicker an awful lot.

I guess I'm trying to say that life's a lot more complicated and that gooey feeling isn't always forever.

Lex Diamonds

01-23-2008, 08:11 AM

oi paddy, you're just about 18 or so, right? you're lucky you have everything figured out so early in life.
Yes, I'm only 19. I don't know if you're being sarcastic but I certainly don't have everything figured out. I'm just saying I know what it is to be in love, and being a very contemplative person anyway I have spent literally days thinking about the nature of it before and yes, I'm well aware that the initial feeling of wonder doesn't always last forever. While nobody has love completely figured out I think I'm able to comment on it with some degree of confidence.