grammer halp

[Dorothy Wood]

so, I wrote a review for my friend's bloggins and I'm having trouble with my last paragraph which turns out to be a long ass sentence.
Halp pls.



After one of my favorite lines, “diggin’ up the dead and expecting them to dance, dance, dance”; and a second time through the chorus,
spare percussion descends into guitars (and synth?) interweaving to evoke first a spacey Flaming Lips vibe then quickly slides into a sexy
smooth 21 Jumpstreet style theme that makes me want to slip on a jean jacket and step into the night with the (seemingly) hundreds of
layered voices that end the song in an anthemic march.

[Freebasser]

After one of my favorite lines (“diggin’ up the dead and expecting them to dance, dance, dance”) and a second time through the chorus,
spare percussion descends into guitars (and synth?) which interweave to evoke a spacey Flaming Lips vibe before quickly sliding into a sexy
smooth 21 Jumpstreet style theme that makes me want to slip on a jean jacket and step into the night with the (seemingly) hundreds of
layered voices which end the song in an anthemic march.

This is closer.

ish.

The end part needs further halp.

[Lex Diamonds]

After one of my favorite lines, “diggin’ up the dead and expecting them to dance, dance, dance”- and a second time throughout the chorus- spare percussion interweaves with guitars (and synth?), descending into something that, while at first evocative of a spacey Flaming Lips vibe, seamlessly slides into a smooth and sexy 21 Jumpstreet style theme, the fervent urgency of which makes me want to slip on a jean jacket and step into the night with the (seemingly) hundreds of layered voices that end the song in an anthemic march.
I ad-libbed a bit so you can switch up the descriptions but I think this would be grammatically correct.

[Dorothy Wood]

thanks...I'm not much of a "which" user though. maybe I should just change everything around. it's only a first draft afterall. I'd like to think of something more 80's than 21 Jumpstreet...because it's too 90's. crap.

quick, someone think of something sexy and 80's and saxophoney!

[Lex Diamonds]

Milli Vanilli is sexy and 80's.

[taquitos]

"grammar"

[Lex Diamonds]

"sense of humour"

[taquitos]

"you're a faggot"

[Lex Diamonds]

WOW GOOD INSULTING, DUDE (y)(y)(y)

[taquitos]

thanks

[Dorothy Wood]

I ad-libbed a bit so you can switch up the descriptions but I think this would be grammatically correct.

ha. uhh, I'll consider working fervent in there. and I'm thinking more dark and rainy alleyway sexy than milli vanilli sexy. although the video for "blame it on the rain" is pretty dark and rainy.


toquitas, I wrote "grammer halp" on porpuse. just fur fon.

[taquitos]

yah i kno

[Dorothy Wood]

I'VE BEEN DOUBLE-CROSSED!

[paul jones]

I'VE BEEN DOUBLE-CROSSED!

Kriss Kross'll make ya

[Lex Diamonds]

ha. uhh, I'll consider working fervent in there. and I'm thinking more dark and rainy alleyway sexy than milli vanilli sexy. although the video for "blame it on the rain" is pretty dark and rainy.


toquitas, I wrote "grammer halp" on porpuse. just fur fon.
Yeah, the Milli Vanilli thing was a joke, LOL.

[Dorothy Wood]

After one of my favorite lines (“diggin’ up the dead and expecting them to dance, dance, dance”) leads into the second chorus,
spare percussion and delicate piano tinkling give way to a horn-like wail that jerks you into outer space. The guitar
(and keyboard?) parts wrap around each other and slither into a sexy smooth riff that sounds like it belongs in a particularly
dramatic episode of 21 Jump Street. It makes me want to slip on a jean jacket and step into the night with the (seemingly)
hundreds of layered voices that enter and end the song with an anthemic march.


okay, that's the second draft.

[Dorothy Wood]

Yeah, the Milli Vanilli thing was a joke, LOL.

I know, I took your rewrite completely seriously tho.

[Echewta]

Remember: The Germans may have lost the war but you'll never see a paddlewheel steamer on the Rhine.