im pathetic

[alien autopsy]

okay, im opening myself for all kinds of slambadgery. but oh well, i think i need it.

have you ever been in a relationship that you know is not going well. you tell yourself that you love her. and the fact that you only see her a few times a week makes it easy to convince yourself that things are going good. but then you are together. she doesnt like your friends. you dont mind hers. she is getting jealous of your friends because you spend more time with them. she tells you this. you are arguing more. things are not as fun as they used to be.

but you've been together for so long, you are used to eachother, and you are getting used to the fighting because something inside of the both of you keeps you together. you are afraid to leave eachother. the sex changes. its no longer making love for hours. its fucking, hot hard fucking.

what is it that keeps us together? i ask myself over and over. and when i think about it, its because i fear the change. i fear putting her through the break-up, of causing someone i love to be depressed and angry, because i know that will happen. she wont want to see me and i will lose her friendship which i have had for 7 years now. and i no that i will not be able to hang out with certain friends of hers that i really like and enjoy hanging out with. its the change that i fear, i know i dont want to be with her. give me some sympathy, empathy, or just tell me im a fucking loser.

fact of the matter is i dont even want to talk about it with my closest friends, because im ashamed to admit that i am with someone i dont feel passionately about. what an ego mish mash. so i come on here, and cry my turmoil to you. thanks for reading.

signed,
anonymous.

[alien autopsy]

i guess im also hoping for some outside perspective from someone who doesnt know me. to see myself from your eyes.

[Yetra Flam]

you're not pathetic. that kind of thing happens to a lot of people.

[ericlee]

do you want to keep asking yourself this same question over and over and live in make believe happiness?

Have you talked to her and explained what's going on in your mind?

Yeah, change is rough but you gotta move on and do it sometimes.

You being unhappy=her being unhappy. Two unhappy people together.

[alien autopsy]

yeah. i am just asking myself the same question over and over: why are we together. and im not facing the answer which i know. i need to face up and be true to it. im being dishonest with myself, and with her.

[kll]

what are your ages?


as yetra said, a lot of people go through this. i would say most couples prolong breaking up because of being 'comfortable' or a fear of being alone.

[funk63]

hot hard fucking! hell yea. stay with taht bitch

[hitmonlee]

CUT THE CORD

[alien autopsy]

this kind of sex is only good for so long, then its fucked up.

i know.

[na§tee]

hummm. i felt the same way with my ex-boyfriend. we were together for nearly 6 years. i only saw him every second weekend or something like that, too, for the last 3 years of our relationship.

i've written about it here before, but it got to the point where the things that used to be cute just became incredibly annoying. i started being a little aloof and mean, which i never am. the thought of having sex with him made me feel used and depressed. there was that fear though because he was all i had ever known, and to have that comfort zone removed made me terrified. you have to find the courage to move on and know taking yourself out of this cloistered environment won't be the end of the world.

i am still very good friends with him. he comes to visit quite often. it didn't really change our social patterns that much (well, i guess if i only ever saw him twice a month it wasn't that big a shift anyhow). i missed talking to him every day on the phone, and i missed that boyfriend love and support, but we are so much more chillaxed and happy now because of it. the relationship was dying for so long, but neither of us acknowledged it purely because we were shit scared of being alone and hurting the other person. when we admitted it had come to an end, sure it hurt, but there was an intrinsic relief to it, too.

you'll be okay.

[alien autopsy]

yeah, thats pretty much the story na(really cool looking s that i cant figure out)tee. i know its not all that uncommon to get yourself into this situation...ive seen it with my friends before, which makes me feel even more lame for being there myself.
i hope that we can remain friends after the fact. it would really hurt to lose her in my life completely, thats one of the things that scares me most about breaking up with her i guess. anyways, thanks.

[hpdrifter]

You gotta be fair to her, dude. It'll hurt at first but in the long run she'll thank you for it.

[Lex Diamonds]

Maybe you need some time alone? You need to let it breathe.

[alien autopsy]

its fucked up though. we both feel the same way. we have had the break up talk before (twice now) an issue comes up, frustrations blow it out of proportion, we argue, we calm down and talk about it, about how we are so different, about how it doesnt make sense, and then right at that moment where things peaked, where someone was supposed to say "fuck it! we're done!" it just drops to silence. we are both afraid.

[alien autopsy]

we were best friends for years and years before we got together. then one night, we got drunk and fucked. then the next night we fucked again, and so on and so on. then we moved in together. we remained best friends, and still are. but this relationship we created is destroying our friendship. we are getting annoyed, fighting etc...

ugh. ive said enough.

[alien autopsy]

Maybe you need some time alone? You need to let it breathe.

i travelled a lot over the past few years. and it was always so refreshing for our relationship. we would miss eachother so much and be so excited to see eachother. and any issues that had been there prior dissappeared.
the last year shes gone to peru to visit family for a month and came back, ive gone out to california for a month and then came back....and it hasnt been at all like it was in the years before. we've missed eachother, but we've grown used to it i guess.

i know it needs to end. and like nastee mentioned, i think it will be a relief for us both to just get there. and i hope it breathes after that, and we can become good friends again like we always were.

[cookiepuss]

You gotta be fair to her, dude. It'll hurt at first but in the long run she'll thank you for it.

again, I gotta agree with my homegirl here.

if you're not in love with her, you aren't doing her or yourself any favors. you aren't doing anything but wasting her time and keeping her from finding a person who truly cherishes her. (and you're preventing yourself from being truly happy too.)

I'm reminded of a Barenaked Ladies song...
The bravest thing I've ever done
Was to run away and hide
But not this time, not this time
And the weakest thing I've ever done
Was to stay right by your side
Just like this time, and every time
I couldn't tell you I was happy when you were gone
So I lied and said that I missed you when we were apart
I couldn't tell you, so I had to lead you on
But I didn't mean to break your heart

And if I always seem distracted
Like my minds somewhere else
That's because it's true, yes it's true
it's this stupid pride that makes me feel
Like I have to follow through
Even half-assedly, loving you
Why must I always speak in terms of cowardice?
When I guess I should have just come out and told you right from the start
Why must I always tell you all I want is this?
I guess 'cause I didn't want to break your heart

And you said
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Curl up and die just because of you?
I'm not that weak, you know
What'd you think that I was gonna do,
Try to make you love me as much as I love you?
How could you be so low?
You arrogant man,
What do you think that I am?
My heart will be fine
Just stop wasting my time

And now I'm over you, I'll be OK,
and that I've got what I want,
and that's rid of you
Bye
And it's not 'cause I'll be missing you
That makes me fall apart
It's just that I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
No I didn't mean to break
Your heart

[MC Moot]

The 7 year mark is a critical time in a relationship...the 7 year itch is true to life in my experience and not just with regards to a wandering eye or heart but with alot of other interpersonal issues...it's when my marriage started to fail...I wish you well cause this may end up hurting like hell...

Is it getting better?
Or do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now?
You got someone to blame
You say

One love
One life
When it's one need
In the night
One love
We get to share it
Leaves you baby if you
Don't care for it

Did I disappoint you?
Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you never had love
And you want me to go without
Well it's

Too late
Tonight
To drag the past out into the light
We're one, but we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other
One

Have you come here for forgiveness?
Have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus?
To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too much?
More than a lot.
You gave me nothing,
Now it's all I got
We're one
But we're not the same
Well we
Hurt each other
Then we do it again
You say
Love is a temple
Love a higher law
Love is a temple
Love the higher law
You ask me to enter
But then you make me crawl
And I can't be holding on
To what you got
When all you got is hurt

One love
One blood
One life
You got to do what you should
One life
With each other
Sisters
Brothers
One life
But we're not the same
We get to
Carry each other
Carry each other

One

One

[alien autopsy]

Gsus. i'll be the first to admit im not a big fan of the barenaked ladies, but those lyrics hit home.

[hpdrifter]

again, I gotta agree with my homegirl here.

if you're not in love with her, you aren't doing her or yourself any favors. you aren't doing anything but wasting her time and keeping her from finding a person who truly cherishes her. (and you're preventing yourself from being truly happy too.)

I'm reminded of a Barenaked Ladies song...

Woah. Those lyrics are amazing. Who knew the One Week guys had that in them.

cp said it best with her post and the lyrics.

[cookiepuss]

yeah honestly, if you aren't familiar with BNL's entire song book, you're missing out. They have some great stuff from when they were a relatively unknown canadian band...but IMO they went down hill as soon as they got popular in the USA.

funny thing about that song and me is... in college, a guy I was dating for about a month or so first introduced me to BNL. Then he transfered to another school about an hour away, and I was under the delusion that he would still see me even though he moved. he told me he would call and give me all his new contact info. but after a week and a half of no word from him I began to realize that he had dumped me. I had just bought a BNL album with that song on it and when I played it..I was like "Oh. My. God. He was just too fucking pussy to tell me he didn't want a long distance relationship. He was just trying to save my feelings, what an ass!"

[Dorothy Wood]

I broke up with my boyfriend the other night. I didn't tell anyone besides my best friend though and I called in sick to work. and I cried all day long. then we got back together. I jumped the gun I guess. I was afraid of getting hurt. also, I'm kind of a dick and make rash decisions sometimes.

anyway, I say do it, don't be a puss. life's too short. you'll come back together as friends down the road even if it hurts for awhile. :)

[ericlee]

POOT!

[gbsuey]

if you're both truly unhappy you KNOW what you have to do.

just be glad you hadn't bought a place together-or worse had kids(i'm assuming you don't!) because that just brings in a new meaning to fucked-up-believe me i know!

i can understand you feeling bad but it takes bollocks to do the right thing-have a trial break but be honest about how you feel-if you find you do actually want to be together and she doesn't then that could be tough but it could be the best thing you ever did.

ultimately i'm no expert but you sound like you made your mind up and need some encouragement-it's not pathetic to want to do the right thing

[paul jones]

let's all have a sing song

and a one and a two and a three.....

[TAL]

let's all have a sing song

and a one and a two and a three.....
...and a four
go out and get yourself a whore

[paul jones]

no thanks TAL
I am too poor

[TAL]

Good luck anyway
I hope you get to score

[paul jones]

Me and TAL are the new Kriss Kross(y)

[ericlee]

Paul and TAL make you wanna

Hump! Hump!