i'm pathetic too; re: workplace trysts

[Yetra Flam]

It's not even a tryst. I wish it were a fuckin tryst.

So yeah, guy i work with, I mean, i'm pretty sure he's been hitting on me and flirting with me, and it's kinda steadily gotten more intense.
I kinda like him too, he's one of the coolest people i've met, so i've been flirting back and whatnot. And yeah, i feel like it's got at a point where there's this really strong tension between us, and something needs to happen. Today we hugged for no reason, and it was one of those super long hugs, and i think we almost made out at the end but didn't. And other things, like him talking about what he likes in women and describing me exactly. Oh and also, another girl at work sort of questioned me about something that i did, and he completely ripped into her and defended me wayy more than what was necessary. And many many other countless actions and things that he's said. Weird like that.
The thing is, what happens now? I mean, what do i do? I mean, it would be really awesome if he asked me out, but at the very least i'd like to hang out with him outside of work.
And also, how can i be 100% sure that he's actually into me, i mean, he hasn't asked me out yet and he's at an age where he shouldn't be scared to do that anymore. So how do i know if he's actually into me or he's just one of those guys that acts like he's hitting on women and has no intention of doing anything about it? Maybe he just thinks i'm cool. So how do i know?
Also, how do i let him know that i'm into it as well, without, you know, acting like a flirty idiot and making a fool out of myself. I'm no good at this shit. :(

[Lex Diamonds]

It's not pathetic. It's cool that you've found someone you like already, I'm glad for you.

All you need to do is be casual. If there's something there like you say then you will both feel it, there's no need to be too obvious and take the mystery out of it. How about you just ask him what he's doing at the weekend? Chances are he will say "nothing" or "I dunno yet" and ask you back, which could lead to some kind of "why you wanna know?" opportunity. Either way just casually ask what he's doing and based on his reaction you could ask him if he wants to get a drink or if he knows any cool bars or whatever.

I'm going on for too long, I sound like some shitty newspaper agony aunt. But yeah, my advice would be to stay calm and casual.

[Yetra Flam]

That's a good reply.

I mean, i would like to ask that, but i don't want to make it seem too needy like "please go out with me." I wanna seem cool :( Why can't he ask me?!
The thing is, if i ask and he doesn't want to, i have to work with him and it's going to be really embarrassing and shit for me. :(
It's weird, i feel kinda like the ball is in his court and he's in charge of how to take the situation.

[hitmonlee]

do you do friday drinks at your work?

otherwise, one day say to him, "i've had a really tough day, would you come and get a drink with me?"

then you take advantage of your inebriated state and the kissing just happens.

[Yetra Flam]

unfortunately, he works the overnight shifts, so there can be no after work drinking, since he finishes in the morning. he works weirdass hours that makes it seem it would be hard to find a time to hang out.
secondly, i dunno, with him it's not just like i want to make out with him or sleep with him. It's like i actually want to hang out, like date him.

[mikizee]

from what you have described he's pretty keen on ya. Don't know why he hasn't asked, but I have HEAPS of trouble asking girls out too. I can flirt OK but when it comes to the crunch I struggle.

So yeah keep it casual and confident, I can't really offer any more good advice than what's already been given.

[Yetra Flam]

Well i'm thinking of a few reasons why he wouldn't have asked yet:
He feels unsure if i'm keen, and not willing to face the possible embarrassment of having to see me at work if i reject him. (but i think that at his age he shouldn't be scared of asking girls out anymore. i dunno)
He doesn't want to have any sort of thing happening with someone that he works with, especially someone that he's in charge of
He's just not into me at all, and just flirting with me because :(

Maybe it's a huge workplace prank and he really thinks i'm stupid. :(

[mikizee]

I highly doubt its the last reason.

Just be cheeky about it and say 'so when are you taking me out for a drink? HUH??!!'

[Yetra Flam]

it's funny, because it's pretty likely that's how it's going to happen.
that's how it's been going down with us, like saying obvious shit like that but not doing anything about it. Like i loaned him 20 bucks one and he said he wanted to kiss me. or him saying "that's fuckin hot" when i do something. maybe he just means it in a friendly way. THIS IS TOO HARD. MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR ME

[mathcart]

I highly doubt its the last reason.

Just be cheeky about it and say 'so when are you taking me out for a drink? HUH??!!'

I think this is a really good idea for a lot of reasons.

its honest- it puts what you want to happen out on the table in a way that is not so intense or serious and will not be too embarrassing to either one of you. It clearly tells him what you want to happen so it clears the air of any ambiguity that he might think is there. Last (and definitely not least) its unbelievably hot, (frankly I'm a little turned on and I don't even know you). Plus if either of you turn out to not be into it for whatever reason, its automatically defused by having it be playful and jokey and the weirdness will go away pretty quickly and you can go back to just flirting when you see each other- which by the way, is not a bad thing to have to look forward to everyday. Just saying. Good luck
:)

[mathcart]

it's funny, because it's pretty likely that's how it's going to happen.
that's how it's been going down with us, like saying obvious shit like that but not doing anything about it. Like i loaned him 20 bucks one and he said he wanted to kiss me. or him saying "that's fuckin hot" when i do something. maybe he just means it in a friendly way. THIS IS TOO HARD. MAKE IT HAPPEN FOR ME

No man would EVER tell you something you were doing was "fucking hot" in a friendly way. Homeboys into you. There is no bout a doubt it
:)

[mikizee]

case closed

[Yetra Flam]

lol brooklynite HI!

[jennyb]

I say you go to work one day in nothin but a trench coat, sexy skivvies and stillettos. Flash him. Then see how it goes?! (y)

[hitmonlee]

i dunno, with him it's not just like i want to make out with him or sleep with him. It's like i actually want to hang out, like date him.

yeah, the dating comes after the making out and sleeping together.

[Yetra Flam]

well i don't know, in my experience, sleeping with a guy like that is the best way to make them lose all respect for you and then to treat you as nothing more than a booty call. i do not want that to happen in this case.

[TurdBerglar]

stop thinking and just go with it

[Yetra Flam]

GO WITH WHAT
AND HOW

[TurdBerglar]

don't think about it

[hitmonlee]

well i don't know, in my experience, sleeping with a
guy like that is the best way to make them lose all respect for you and then to
treat you as nothing more than a booty call. i do not want that to happen in this
case.

most guys and girls i know are the opposite. not sleeping with them on the first date is the best way to ensure you aren't going to get a second date, unless you have your period or something.

what's the point in going out with someone who has weird rules like "must only sleep with guy on third date"? they are only going to continue to play games for the rest of the relationship (and break up).

edit: my friends and i do not consider sex to be "sacred" or anything like that. its just sex. there's no sluts... you don't lose/gain respect by sleeping with lots of people.

[Yetra Flam]

don't think about it

so what, if it's meant to happen it will happen?

[TurdBerglar]

most guys and girls i know are the opposite. not sleeping with them on the first date is the best way to ensure you aren't going to get a second date, unless you have your period or something.

what's the point in going out with someone who has weird rules like "must only sleep with guy on third date"? they are only going to continue to play games for the rest of the relationship (and break up).

this woman is a genius

[mikizee]

most guys and girls i know are the opposite. not sleeping with them on the first date is the best way to ensure you aren't going to get a second date, unless you have your period or something.

what's the point in going out with someone who has weird rules like "must only sleep with guy on third date"? they are only going to continue to play games for the rest of the relationship (and break up).

edit: my friends and i do not consider sex to be "sacred" or anything like that. its just sex. there's no sluts... you don't lose/gain respect by sleeping with lots of people.

wanna go on a date? har har

[hitmonlee]

wanna go on a date? har har

do you put out? cos i won't respect you if you don't.

[mikizee]

do you put out? cos i won't respect you if you don't.

And how! (yes)

[AceFace]

i agree with turdie. what happens happens. don't try to rush it. enjoy the flirtation! you'll miss it once you're in the relationship.

[abcdefz]

Oh, for God's sake. :rolleyes:

[alien autopsy]

we all feel a little pathetic sometimes. i like that word, tryst:) i think you are in a good spot though, i like that whole "so when are you going to ask me out for a drink thing". i can relate because i'd be that guy all shy to ask you out, and if you said that to me, i think you would be the coolest girl on the block. but whatever it is, my advice would be to just not force it, let it happen naturally. no pickup lines, or anything too serious. just be you! thats what is causing him to flirt with you in the first place!

be calm and breathe:)

and dont get too impatient! it really sounds like you guys are off to a good start. good luck!

[beastieangel01]

I'm with the people who said be calm and casual about it. Definitely asking him what he's up to on the weekend, for example, is a good way to do it.

I really doubt he's flirting with you just to mess with you. You're a beautiful girl. Don't fret, and start asking questions about his free-time plans :)

[jennyb]

I still say flash him. In a calm, relaxed way and don't think about it. Go with it.

:p

[hpdrifter]

He doesn't want to have any sort of thing happening with someone that he works with, especially someone that he's in charge of


He's your superior? In that case, I'd say its probably this one.

[b i o n i c]

he wants you to keep it on the dl

[Yetra Flam]

he wants you to keep it on the dl

out of shame?


this sucks because i come home now all filled with self doubt and feeling shitty about myself

[jackrock]

Just invite him over to play Starcraft.




sorry.

[Yetra Flam]

Just invite him over to play Starcraft.




sorry.

you know it's funny that you would mention that, because he actually plays starcraft. WHAT A GENIUS PLAN

[b i o n i c]

nah, b/c he thinks he can avoid trouble that way - 'keeping work and life separate'

[Yetra Flam]

if he wanted to do that he should like want me to hang with him outside of work and stop hitting on me AT work, no?

[mathcart]

if he wanted to do that he should like want me to hang with him outside of work and stop hitting on me AT work, no?

Not necessarily (although maybe). I don't remember if you said for sure that he was single. It could be that he feels very safe flirting with you because theres no chance of it taking another step- either because hes in a relationship (although that may not mean shit) and because hes you boss. The fact that hes your boss (or something) complicates shit a little, you should be careful cause this could blow up in your face. I still think what I said before is spot on about how to proceed if your really into him (which you seem to be), but make sure to avoid the worst case scenario. Plus the buzz in this thread is that your hot, so his behavior could just be like a normal male reaction to how you are in the world. I dunno, feel like I can't give any definitive advice here.
:rolleyes:

[hitmonlee]

I'm with the people who said be calm and casual about it. Definitely asking him what he's up to on the weekend, for example, is a good way to do it.

I really doubt he's flirting with you just to mess with you. You're a beautiful girl. Don't fret, and start asking questions about his free-time plans :)

not only that, but you're foreign! you know how many extra hot points that is?

[Yetra Flam]

not in new york. unfortunately, here, being foreign doesn't mean shit. i don't think many people are impressed by it.

[mikizee]

less yakkin more crackin


Doooooo eeeeeeeet

[Yetra Flam]

i don't even know what that means

[mikizee]

It means ask him out. As long as you do it off the cuff, casual and cheeky like, there is no way he will say no. I'll put a hundred bucks on it

[alien autopsy]

well without knowing either of you...


people can be complicated. maybe he hasnt made a move because he's a wuss or afraid or likes you so much hes all flustered and doesnt know how to ask. maybe he's sitting at home thinking the same thing you are!

[hitmonlee]

not in new york. unfortunately, here, being foreign doesn't mean shit. i don't think many people are impressed by it.

they would be personally, but not as a collective (maybe?)
accents are pretty cool

[abcdefz]

This isn't hard. You say you can't go for drinks because of working different shifts, so why not just say you want to go out for
coffee sometime? You can't get much more casual than that.

[fucktopgirl]

Just be confident in you...life is too short to waste time !

[Yetra Flam]

bump

ok, NOW it's a tryst. my instincts were right :)

[hpdrifter]

Success! High five!

Good on you, girl.

[ericlee]

cool. I see a double date happening. Right?

You've been here for a while and we haven't meet up yet. What a shame.

[AceFace]

oh YAY! that makes me happy Yetra!

i hope you're getting it goooooood! (y)

[ms.peachy]

bump

ok, NOW it's a tryst. my instincts were right :)

Hey, that's really nice. I'm pleased for you.

Remember how months ago I said to try to hang in there with NYC until spring kicked in, and suddenly it will start to seem like a whole different place? Well now it's going to be like that x10, cuz yer gonna be all luvved up and such, or at least crushin'. Go with it (y)