I am profoundly sad

[Dorothy Wood]

I didn't eat for 3 days. I still can't really eat much without barfing. I've been crying in public. what's worse is I can't even smoke a billion cigarettes or get wasted with my girlfriends because I started getting really sick the night he decided we shouldn't be together anymore. even though two days before he wanted to work things out and we even talked about moving away together.

and now it's getting warmer and he has my bike in his storage. so I can't even fucking ride my pain away.

I don't know what kind of monster leads someone to believe they are worthwhile and loved, and then just walks away.

[alien autopsy]

break ups suck

[pshabi]

I don't know what kind of monster leads someone to believe they are worthwhile and loved, and then just walks away.


Going out on a limb, but perhaps you were a bit to "clingy."

[Videodrome]

:(

[Dorothy Wood]

Going out on a limb, but perhaps you were a bit to "clingy."

why, because I'm a girl?

I'm not clingy. He was the one who wanted to be together all the time and talk on the phone everyday.

[hpdrifter]

Sorry, hon. Relationships ending sucks. I don't know what to say, I don't think there are many words of comfort in a time like this. Try to take it one day at a time, one step in front of the other.

[pshabi]

why, because I'm a girl?

I'm not clingy. He was the one who wanted to be together all the time and talk on the phone everyday.

Not so much the girl part. Had more to do with this:

I didn't eat for 3 days. I still can't really eat much without barfing. I've been crying in public.

[fucktopgirl]

You will survive and kick ass again... don't let yourself drown in sorrow, that guy dont deserve this from you... one way that i find that can help with love pain is to get mad after the other. It help to get oneself out of this agony, it did work for me at time.

[DipDipDive]

Not so much the girl part. Had more to do with this:

I didn't eat for 3 days. I still can't really eat much without barfing. I've been crying in public.


I fail to see how your example indicates that she's clingy. Have you ever been dumped? I bet you haven't, which is why you don't know how painful and horrible it is. Normal people who had legitimate feelings for their former mates grieve after a breakup. Don't be so judgmental.

Sarks. Sowwies. :(

[Lex Diamonds]

You don't need him, you've been single before and you can be happy without some lying fanook in your life. The quicker you get back on your feet and show him what he's lost the sooner life will be good to you again. As hard as it is, self pity needs to be put aside so you can carry on with enjoying life. Carpe diem.

[Dorothy Wood]

ah, I see, you think I'm purposefully doing these things to gain sympathy or something and that indicates that I'd tend to be clingy?

wow, you're a douche.

actually my friend was like, "you're not going to be one of those bitches who's like, 'omg, I'm so sad, I can't even eat' (sorority girl accent) are you?" ha. blah, I just didn't feel hungry and when I try/tried to eat, I want/wanted to puke. like there was an actual physical reaction. who knows, maybe my body was like, "oop, now you're single again, you better lose some weight fatty!"

and the crying in public thing...well, at least I was wearing sunglasses. I'm pretty much a raw nerve right now and anything sets me off. and living in a city, I'm almost never not in public.

the thing that sucks is that I had left him a couple of days before because he wasn't a hundred percent sure he was into the relationship. but then we talked about it for a long time and agreed that it was worth it to work things out. he should've just let me leave him, goddamn son of a bitch.


tanks for sticking up, DDD :/

[Caribou]

I recognize so much of this. Breaking up sucks donkey balls.
It's really the worst feeling in the world. I even howled, I hope you don't, because it can be embarassing.
You just need some time to get over the whole being sick and crying thing, and then you should just go out with your friends and have a good time without him. And talk about what an utter cockface he is. It helps.
Oh, and chocolate. LOADS of chocolate.

*hugs*

[DandyFop]

Don't feel bad about doing sad breakup shit - thats what happens. You feel fucking horrible and you don't want to put on a show that you're not.

Nothing anybody can say will make it better. All I can say is that I hate people that do that kind of stuff - one of my best friends had a horrible situation where they were madly in love and then he just stopped talking to her and it turned out he was back with his exgf, plus he would show up with the ex at a bar where he knew my friend was and just all this awful shit. Ugh. I doubt any of that will happen to you but it's still shit town and nobody should have to go through that.

[HEIRESS]

hit the gym or I guess bike like a sunuva when you can. its the only way to replace those sex endorphins.
sorry about the shittyness dude :(

[alien autopsy]

ms. wood, theres plenty of fish in the sea.

its okay to feel like shit, dont feel ashamed or sadder for it.

you'll get over it, and a short time down the road you'll look back and wonder why you ever took it so hard. at least thats my experience with pain.

i hope you feel better.

[BBboy20]

You have caring family members, right?

[russhie]

I know what you mean about the eating thing. I was sick with worry and sadness, and ate an apple and a sandwich in 5 days.

My ex bought it up out of the blue as we were househunting - I thought we were solid, apparently he thought it was a 'convenient' time to be apart. He says he loves me the same, says he cares for me the same, says he's attracted to me the same but that it 'feels right' to be apart now. Utter, fucking shit. You'll feel sick, then sad, then very, very mad. I'm in my mad stage now. Even though he's been very good to me over the last couple of weeks (we still live together, makes things complicated) I want him to regret ever doing this to me. I want to make him pay. I honestly thought we'd made it, that we'd managed to make the transition from highschool kids to a proper yuppie relationship, but no. Apparently not.

Chin up.

[paul jones]

*buys cake from shop for SD*

(I can't bake cakes myself)

[alien autopsy]

do they make breakup cakes? she cant eat dude, what good is a cake. i guess its a nice gesture. fuck, i'll eat it

[hpdrifter]

Yeah, I remember when I broke up with my first love. I woke up the morning after and it took a second before I remembered what happened. And when I remembered this bizarre empty feeling took root in my stomach. I never felt anything like it before or since. It was just... emptiness. I couldn't eat either. I choked down half a bowl of cheerios and it made me feel ill.

Hang in there Sarky. Its like any other sort of pain, you just have to feel it until it stops and try to distract yourself in the meantime. Exercise is a great one.

Alien, did you break up with your girl yet?

[hpdrifter]

I know what you mean about the eating thing. I was sick with worry and sadness, and ate an apple and a sandwich in 5 days.

My ex bought it up out of the blue as we were househunting - I thought we were solid, apparently he thought it was a 'convenient' time to be apart. He says he loves me the same, says he cares for me the same, says he's attracted to me the same but that it 'feels right' to be apart now. Utter, fucking shit. You'll feel sick, then sad, then very, very mad. I'm in my mad stage now. Even though he's been very good to me over the last couple of weeks (we still live together, makes things complicated) I want him to regret ever doing this to me. I want to make him pay. I honestly thought we'd made it, that we'd managed to make the transition from highschool kids to a proper yuppie relationship, but no. Apparently not.

Chin up.

I had a friend recently who moved in with her boyfriend and he split with her two months later. Its brutal.

[b i o n i c]

a dude can't change his mind apparently.

[hpdrifter]

He can, and the people who get hurt by it can also feel sad about it.

[cookiepuss]

many many PEOPLE experience loss of appitite when they are experiencing something extremely stressful/emotional/depressing, etc. It happens to both men and women. and it doesn't mean you are a weak suck (or clingy). it means you are human.

[bigblu89]

I read threads like this and thank the good Lord above (whoever it may be) that there's a pretty good chance that I'll never be single again.



Sark, we've hard our differences in the past, most in a joking manner, but you do seems like one of those people that really deserve to finally find that "special someone".

Partially becasue you're good people, partially to save us all from threads like this popping up every 3-6 months. ;)

[AceFace]

i feel for you honey. you're worth so much. keep crying. you're gonna feel better eventually.

[abcdefz]

Try some broth or something, Sarky. Or Jello. I dunno, but you need to eat.

[ms.peachy]

I'm sorry you're hurting. This too shall pass. You're allowed to wallow for a bit, It's only if it goes on and on and on that it's a problem. You're still in early days, so ease up on yourself and cry all you like.

I remember reading one time, they did this sociology experiment in different cities where a young woman (an actress) sat on a bench in a very public place and cried very obviously. They were looking to see what the reactions of people would be - would anyone go try to help her, etc. In Paris, no one stopped to help her, and the team conducting the experiment would stop people a little further down the street and ask them about the girl, why they didn't stop. The majority of people replied something to the effect of "everyone gets their heart broken, it is part of the cruel beauty of life that you can only know true happiness once you have known its opposite." Which struck me as a) very French and b) very true.

[na§tee]

oh sarks, i'm so sorry : ( it will get easier, i promise. you have to eat something or it will just exacerbate your feelings of shittyness. i would buy you some pizza if i could. pizzaNbeerz. or a magners or two.

how very french indeed peachy for bystanders to be like mais non! c'est la.. circle of life, ma cherie! /drags on gauloises. teehee.

[kaiser soze]

Hang in there....you'll pull through

You have lots of friends, hang out with them and have a good time and forget about the dude, he's not worth your sadness

[alien autopsy]

Alien, did you break up with your girl yet?


yeah, i made her (i swear its not ms. wood) profooundly sad, and i too am profoundly sad. love hurts.

dont hit me

[russhie]

a dude can't change his mind apparently.

Oh, fuck off. Of course a dude can change his mind.

What is difficult to take is him is securing a lease in the morning only to decide that evening is a good time to break up. No warning, no discussion.

Change your mind all you like, but do it like that ^ and you deserve all the ill-feeling directed at you.

[Dorothy Wood]

a dude can't change his mind apparently.


actually, I'm interested in exploring this sort of reaction. why would you say that? does time and loyalty play into it? even just on a friendship level. do you go around not being friends with people because you just decided one day that it's not enough for you anymore, you're done?



and thanks everyone, I'm feeling a little better. it's really nice outside.

[b i o n i c]

no, you said you changed your mind a couple days before and he shoulda just let you leave him. why cant the dude change his mind too?

it sucks to be sad about it, i know how you feel

[hitmonlee]

I'm sorry you're hurting. This too shall pass. You're allowed to wallow for a bit, It's only if it goes on and on and on that it's a problem. You're still in early days, so ease up on yourself and cry all you like.

I remember reading one time, they did this sociology experiment in different cities where a young woman (an actress) sat on a bench in a very public place and cried very obviously. They were looking to see what the reactions of people would be - would anyone go try to help her, etc. In Paris, no one stopped to help her, and the team conducting the experiment would stop people a little further down the street and ask them about the girl, why they didn't stop. The majority of people replied something to the effect of "everyone gets their heart broken, it is part of the cruel beauty of life that you can only know true happiness once you have known its opposite." Which struck me as a) very French and b) very true.

when i cry in public i prefer to be left alone
i do the same thing to other girls i see cry in public, even though i want to run up to them and hug them.

[ET]

I don't know what kind of monster leads someone to believe they are worthwhile and loved, and then just walks away.

I've done that before. It didn't feel good at the time but I thought it was the only thing to do. I was pretty wrong. If that's any indication, I'm sure he feels pretty rotten about it now and will feel even worse every time he remembers that day.

[afronaut]

Hey, feel better. You're probably way cooler than him. He just wasn't ready for your jelly.

[Dorothy Wood]

I've done that before. It didn't feel good at the time but I thought it was the only thing to do. I was pretty wrong. If that's any indication, I'm sure he feels pretty rotten about it now and will feel even worse every time he remembers that day.

why did you do it? don't mean to pry, just curious.



today I do not feel so good. my tummy aches. I called him wednesday night, because I couldn't stand not to and I need my bike. we didn't talk though, he just told me that he had gotten my cold (slam!) and stayed home from work. we were both pretty silent and I said, "if you aren't ready to talk about it, nevermind", and he said, "I'm not ready to talk about it". so I said, "k, bye!" and hung up.

now it's the weekend and I'm still sick, and normally I would be happy to have the day off tomorrow, but I'm just dreading it because it would've been the kind of day we'd spend together doing stuff. luckily cordo asked me to hang out. I need to hang out with some boys though, I've been drenched in estrogen this past week.


and to bionic, I didn't change my mind, it was self-preservation. I had found out that his feelings for me were less than I had imagined or what he had portrayed to me throughout our relationship.

[b i o n i c]

it sounded to me like you wanted to be the one doing the dumping, but other than that, i understand not wanting to be with someone who doesnt love you. the best way for me to get over my own similar experience was coming see clearly that the ex didnt love me. that took a while. you're more decisive or something about that than me.

maybe the things you think you imagined were true. and maybe when he portrayed different types of love to you at different times, maybe he was telling the truth - maybe he did love all the things about you he said he did. but maybe there were other things left unspoken that boiled over. maybe your relationship reached a point where it either had to be taken to the next level or ended. even if you did the dumping, it wouldve still been hard to say goodbye to a part of your life that was once so good. so, eh.

it sucks to think that the person you love might have been thinking otherwise as you spill your heart all over them. i dunno, i might be completely wrong and maybe he's more of a dick than im imagining. im only relating from my own experience. self preservation: at least be happy you're not wasting your time with someone who's not going to go the distance, and that you're so so free to find the one who will

your fortune is: whether that means getting back together, talking it out and having closure or just meeting someone new really soon, you will be completely fine by the end of spring.

[b i o n i c]

ps i realized my ex really did love a lot of things about me that she said she did, just not all of me. thats what made me get over it.

[marsdaddy]

Sorry to hear about it. Feel your feelings -- better than keeping them bottled up. I'm not sure I can provide much valuable insight, but I'll try.

I went through something similar quite a few years ago. I remember waking up one morning knowing I HAD to break it off. I broke up with her that day. She said it was so out of the blue, but it was so expected, familiar, and right for me. I learned a lot from that experience, especially about what being honest truly means. I still learn about honesty all the time.

Some possible explanations -- none of which warrant his behavio(u)r.

He might really love you, and think you could be his soul mate, but isn't ready for that yet.

He may have confused kizmet for love.

He might be afraid of truly letting anyone in.

He might have been holding on to his feelings for a while, afraid to hurt you. He explored a way out, then retreated, then ultimately realized he couldn't avoid hurting you.

Give a hoot, don't pollute!

[monkey]

:( it's ok to be profoundly sad. i had a conversation with a lady of advanced age (she's in her 60's) and she said to me the nicest thing ive ever heard about a breakup:

when you love someone and the someone goes away for some reason, it feels like death. even if you do see them, even if they're still somewhat in your life, it feels like you had a limp amputated or part of your heart dies. it sounds cheesy, but you have to allow yourself to grieve for this part of you that feels dead. if that means crying on the street, by all means, cry. you have to grieve the death of something that meant a lot to you. you WILL get over it, and you know that already. but you cant just brush off the feeling now, you have to feel it and deal with it, and then, finally, you can move on.

the stuff you're writing, about how you feel about stupid shit like needing something to do on the weekend... i know that feeling. the thoughts that go through your head at this time are probably stupid as well, but FUCK, they're all youve got. and having other people around here telling you to buck up and feel better doesnt help all that much. to me, what felt better, was to talk about it until i got sick of listening to myself talk about it. i thank those people that allowed me to wallow in it for a second, the people that would still ask me to come hang out even though they knew that i could zone out and start making myself sad. but they tried to keep me entertained, and they allowed me to grieve for the loss of my love. and eventually, i started thinking about him less.

the best morning you're gonna have is gonna be the morning when you wake up and you dont think about him. of course, you'll think about it later, but you'll get really happy when you realize that it wasnt your first thought. and you'll realize that you are indeed moving on.

[Dorothy Wood]

thanks again everyone, all of this stuff is helpful. if only because it reinforces to me that this is something that most humans have to go through at some point in their lives and I'm not alone in being lonely.

oof, that said, I just really want him back. I don't like my new life and I'm going through serious withdrawal. he was my favorite person.

:(

[russhie]

^ same.


:(

[hpdrifter]

yeah, i made her (i swear its not ms. wood) profooundly sad, and i too am profoundly sad. love hurts.

dont hit me

Well, that's very brave. I hope soon she'll see that you did her a great kindness. And I hope you also find some peace with your decision.

I feel for all of you going through this. Its a horrible thing.

[alien autopsy]

thanks hp:)

i really had no idea internet folk could be so kind, BBMB suprised me. its nice to be able to talk about this shit here on the net. sometimes you feel like there's no one to talk to. sometimes there are people to talk to, but you dont want to talk to them.
here if someone judges you, you can just shake it off. its the fucking internet for chrissake! but when people come out and be nice, its really supportive and helpful, really makes it easier. thanks for being good people.

group hug

[alien autopsy]

*waiting to be dissed