when you see yourself as you really are

[hpdrifter]

I think when we look in the mirror we don't see ourselves exactly as we are. Over time your mind starts to fill in the blanks and alters things a little so that you see what you want to see.

This weekend I had a crapload of pictures taken of me and they look very little like what I see when I look in the mirror. But I think they are probably more accurate because the other people in the pictures look exactly like I see them in person.

I have fat under my chin. My arms are fat. Long story short, I've gained much more weight than I realized and I am not as attractive as I thought I was, in fact, not very attractive at all. Today is not a good day.

[bigblu89]

We all make those realizations eventually.

Sadly, I was in 6th grade when I did.

[abcdefz]

I dunno. I think this sort of thing is where you tend to concentrate on flaws more than seeing yourself "as you really are." I think most people
are more forgiving in how they look at others, or they're looking at the whole package rather than looking for flaws.

Like, this weekend, I got hit on by a woman who is clearly, clearly out of my league. Or, that's what I think. I was pretty befuddled, because
I started thinking of all the things wrong with me rather than just smiling and accepting that this lady was attracted to me. Clearly, she was
seeing something else, but I couldn't accept that because I was looking at what all was right with her and even more preoccupied with what's
wrong with me.

I'm not sure I've seen myself "as I really am" since I was a child, frankly.

[na§tee]

yes. i know what you mean. i look remarkably different in candid shots vs the image i have of myself in real life. not that i think i look really fucking shit hot irl, not at all - i just didn't think i looked that bad. at least if i have control of the pictures i have an idea of when i look better. i rarely get my picture taken by other people so i reduce this TRAUMA significantly. had a picture from an old film party about three years ago forwarded recently, and, dear lord - i had no idea i was carrying that much weight. i've lost about 2+ stone now. that's about 30 pounds.

anyhiz, yeah, it's upsetting. but i'm sure you look beautiful, hp, don't worry.

i get the same thing with my voice, too. hearing it back i'm like "who is that annoying-sounding lethargic strange scottish-english hybrid? oh yes, it's me".

[hpdrifter]

Yeah, I guess you're right, I do concentrate on my flaws. But I think there's a bigger part of my brain that thinks I "fix" them with the way I dress, my hair, and makeup. The reality is I don't look that much better/different when I'm all fixed up than I do when I wake up in the morning.

Maybe its a good thing, I'm obviously way too vain. Maybe its time for me to stop worrying about it. I look the way I look and that's it.

[monkey]

i absolutely hate looking at pictures of myself, even though i pretend i dont mind that theyre being taken. my friend used to be a model and she's gorgeous and all she does is take pictures all the freaking time. ive developed a funny face complex to compensate for her inate photogenicness and my lack thereof. that said, im often told i have a twisted view of myself. i think im a lot bigger than i really am, at times, i think i look in ways i dont, i have trouble adjusting the image in the mirror and the image from photos, as well as the image in my head and what other people say i look like. theyre all different!
in the mirror, i think i look thinner than i am. im my head, im quite blimpier. in pictures, i look chubby. people tell me im small.
who the fuck knows. for sure, i know this: my exbf thinks im cute, but not beautiful, and for the most part, i think that's a fair representation. also, he thinks i'd be hot if i lost 10 more lbs cause i'd have a better body and regardless of how ugly in the face you are, the body is more important. oh well.

[hpdrifter]

Yeah definitely the voice thing. Ugh, what a generic white girl twang I carry. Its like Mary-Kate Olsen and Kirsten Dunst had a miracle baby that never grew past 13.

Oh well, I'm sure I'll get over it. I just want to indulge a little disappointment and then I'll move on.

[na§tee]

for sure, i know this: my exbf thinks im cute, but not beautiful
also, he thinks i'd be hot if i lost 10 more lbs cause i'd have a better body and regardless of how ugly in the face you are, the body is more important. oh well.
woah woah. no no no no no! hey p, i know you were so sad when this relationship stopped but c'mon - you don't need someone who tells you shit like that in your life.

i want the person i am with to think i am beautiful not 'meh.. not too offensive: safe', and not dream up ways to 'improve' me. fuck that shit. /eats noodles.

[NoFenders]

When I get a scratch on my car, it sticks out like a sore thumb to me. People will say "nice car" and I'll look right at the scratch and think "Ugh!! don't look at it now!". Or when you paint a room, and have to get all close to the corners and not get paint on the white ceiling. It takes forever, and you never get it exactly right. There's always a few spots where ya went over just a little. Nobody ever notices but you.

A very attractive part of a human that can never look bad, is a good attitude about yourself. It goes much further than a little fat taken off a certain body part.

:cool:

[hpdrifter]

woah woah. no no no no no! hey p, i know you were so sad when this relationship stopped but c'mon - you don't need someone who tells you shit like that in your life.

i want the person i am with to think i am beautiful not 'meh.. not too offensive: safe', and not dream up ways to 'improve' me. fuck that shit. /eats noodles.

Ditto, sounds like a right asshole you're well rid of.

[monkey]

well i aint losing 10 lbs. and i agree in that for the future, i do want a mate who think im beautiful, not just acceptable. but i also accepted my ex's comments for what they're worth: he gave me what he considered to be true. i get very annoyed by people who just say shit to make you feel better as opposed to the truth. i know this sounds crazy hokey but i once saw myself through the eyes of someone who thought i was beautiful. it was the best feeling in the world. and at the time, i was much.. uglier. haha. i had an ugly haircut, i was quite chubby, i just didnt like what i saw in the mirror. but when he looked at me, it was like he was looking at light, and i bathed in that gaze. i used to look at him in the same way.

[cookiepuss]

uh...yeah I've noticed a little pocket od fat under my chin too. and for the first time I actually considered what it might be like to have it lipo-ed.:eek:

I know I think of myself as much thinner than I actually am. this was quite apparent this weekend when I was hanging out with my friend and her belly dancer friends. the reality of how much fatter I am than them was noticable. but they did teach me some belly dancing moves and If I do them at home like a work out it should help tone me up.

but really I need to loose close to 20 pounds.:( it's not an exageration. I'm quite short and far to fat for my frame.

[hpdrifter]

Btw, cp, I realize the hypocrisy of this thread related to emails we exchanged last week.

Sorry. :o

[ms.peachy]

I've learned that I can't pay too much attention to what I look like in photos, as I always look worse in them than I feel I do IRL. I'm just not photogenic. I mean, I know I'm not the most gorgeous creature walking the earth, but 5 do think that face to face, in motion, I look OK. In still pictures though, I almost always look as though I have been sculpted out of custard by a kindergartener. It used to bother me, but I jsut can't give it much thought anymore.

I have this friend Vicki who is a lovely person, but not especially eye-catching. I mean she isn't unattractive, but she's not the sort of girl you'd look at and think "god, she is stunning." And yet, the camera loves her. LOVES HER. In photos, she is suddenly all cheekbones and long graceful neck. I don't know why these things happen, but they do.

[cookiepuss]

Btw, cp, I realize the hypocrisy of this thread related to emails we exchanged last week.

Sorry. :o

;) it's all good.

[TurdBerglar]

speaking of voices


i'm just getting over a small throat infection and now sound like fucking Lemmy

[AceFace]

i feel ya. every pic i see of myself lately, i can see bags under my eyes. no one else can see it, but i can. they're REALLY bad, too.

i came to the realization a few years ago that i'm not a skinny girl. i'm a big girl. i hope that i'm a hot big girl b/c i don't want to lose tits or ass and therefore i'm not losing much more weight than i have. i can tone up, maybe lose a little belly, but that's it. i don't want to be a little girl.

[hpdrifter]

I've learned that I can't pay too much attention to what I look like in photos, as I always look worse in them than I feel I do IRL. I'm just not photogenic. I mean, I know I'm not the most gorgeous creature walking the earth, but 5 do think that face to face, in motion, I look OK. In still pictures though, I almost always look as though I have been sculpted out of custard by a kindergartener. It used to bother me, but I jsut can't give it much thought anymore.

I have this friend Vicki who is a lovely person, but not especially eye-catching. I mean she isn't unattractive, but she's not the sort of girl you'd look at and think "god, she is stunning." And yet, the camera loves her. LOVES HER. In photos, she is suddenly all cheekbones and long graceful neck. I don't know why these things happen, but they do.

Yeah, I think its the same for me. I am just not photogenic and I hope in person I look better than I typically do in photos. And it is definitely time for me to let go of worrying about it. As nofenders said, confidence goes a long way.

I have a friend who absolutely has one of the sweetest, prettiest faces I've ever seen and she doesn't take good pictures either. I've seen maybe one or two that do her justice.

[na§tee]

now i want to call up bbmb-ers and blast them with my voice but i am house-sitting and they don't have international calling dealz. maaaan.

[jabumbo]

call me nastee! i love that annoying voice of yours!


i dont know about looking in the mirror, but my legs feel like they are bricks lately. probably because i dont exercise them any, and my arms have gotten all the attention of late.

[funk63]

emotion, facial expression, and attitude are really what determine how people see you. your body is the physical incarnation of your mental state.

[abcdefz]

Tell that to Stephen Hawking.

[Randetica]

yes. i know what you mean. i look remarkably different in candid shots vs the image i have of myself in real life. not that i think i look really fucking shit hot irl, not at all - i just didn't think i looked that bad. at least if i have control of the pictures i have an idea of when i look better. i rarely get my picture taken by other people so i reduce this TRAUMA significantly. had a picture from an old film party about three years ago forwarded recently, and, dear lord - i had no idea i was carrying that much weight. i've lost about 2+ stone now. that's about 30 pounds.

anyhiz, yeah, it's upsetting. but i'm sure you look beautiful, hp, don't worry.

i get the same thing with my voice, too. hearing it back i'm like "who is that annoying-sounding lethargic strange scottish-english hybrid? oh yes, it's me".

yeah totally

i hate taking pictures cause ill always get depressions afterwards and when i was about 200 pounds heavy i got lots of 'fat fuck' comments and i was like no way it's that bad! i knew my body wasnt perfect and my clothes got tighter and tighter for some magical reasons but i didnt "see" my fat
now i lost so much weight and everyone tells me that im slim and that they want to have a body like mine and i think they are crazy cause now i feel fatter than i did back then cause now im able to check out my naked body in the mirror and see all the unflattering parts of my body and think they are all lying to me!

you never really absolutely know how you look like cause it seems like every mirror makes you look different, mainly because of the different lightening i guess and pictures are lying bastards aswell

[kll]

Tell that to Stephen Hawking.

I get superstitious about that - like, when I start complaining about my legs or something - that I'll get into some horrible accident and then wish I had legs - any legs.

[ms.peachy]

Tell that to Stephen Hawking.

I would say that he is the exception that proves the rule, really.


As for mirrors - remember that when you look in a mirror, you are actually seeing the reverse of what people say when they look at you, which is part of why when we see ourselves in a photo or on video, we perceive ourselves as looking strange.

[funk63]

I would say that he is the exception that proves the rule, really.


As for mirrors - remember that when you look in a mirror, you are actually seeing the reverse of what people say when they look at you, which is part of why when we see ourselves in a photo or on video, we perceive ourselves as looking strange.

HOLY FUCK YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND.

[ms.peachy]

HOLY FUCK YOU JUST BLEW MY MIND.

LOL have you ever looked at yourself in one of those True Mirror things and tried to do something simple like comb your hair? Talk about freaky.

[TOY]

Monkey- that bf was an asshole. I don't like that. At all. Not to sniff ass or anything, but I wouldn't consider you "safe" or "acceptable". You're probably the type of girl I'd see walking down the street whom I'd hate simply because you are attractive. And then I'd cry myself to sleep.


I have my good and bad days. Bad days usually outweigh the good. My sister and I were talking about this sort of thing Saturday. Sometimes you look in the mirror and think "Shit, I am kinda hot". While others, you're all "Eugh... I wouldn't want to wake up to THAT in the morning."

Yeah. I find mornings to be the worst, 'cause my eyes are always so puffy along with my face in general versus evening time when I've been awake for quite a few hours. My face slims down or something. It's weird.

About two years ago I was all about taking pictures of myself- 'cause I really DID feel this high about me. But idk. Recently, it's GTFcameraOmyface!!! The whole turning 21-thing fucked me up.

[Yetra Flam]

yeah, in photos it looks like i have uneven eyebrows, a big chin and a deceivingly large rack.
it's kinda ok though, because my best features are the ones that can't be seen in a mirror.

[mikizee]

Yeah, I don't like what I see in the mirror. I'm the heaviest I've ever been and need to lose about 9 KG. All my clothes are getting tighter.

Gotta hit that gym god damn it

[ScarySquirrel]

For me, lately, it's been actually the opposite from the rest of y'all. I notice how much better I'm looking... I can see more definition in my face and stuff. I can tell I'm looking older too, but I think that's fine.

It feels nice to me to actually be able to notice the small differences in myself that I know other people might not be catching. Or, hey, maybe they do notice the differences but just don't want to say anything. The point is, I can see the changes/differences and I like what I see... even though I may not always feel like my work is making a difference.

[funk63]

im an incredibly handsome boy so i cant relate to your alls quabbles. see for yourself in my latest addition to the family album.

[Dorothy Wood]

recently I had a lot of pictures taken of me and I knew that I gained weight, but I was in denial about how fat I actually look. I even tried to take pictures of myself in my bathing suit because I thought I looked sort of cute, but the pictures all came out with me looking 30 pounds heavier than what I thought I saw in the mirror. I will say that photos are tough to judge though, because I also had pictures taken of me wearing a cute dress and I looked fine, darling even.

I think that in real life, you're always moving around and people aren't looking at your whole body at once or noticing that one moment when you look terrible that might be captured by a camera.

sometimes when I see photos of me on stage when I'm with my singing group, I get upset...but I have to remember that I'd look better if I remembered to stand up straight, and it'd be impossible to look skinny or small standing next to the 5' tall 100 pound girls that stand next to me. seriously, tiny ladies, around me at all times. I'm surprised I don't have an eating disorder because of it.

[paul jones]

I look like Planetary when I go to TK MAXX

[camo]

I never have pictures taken of me for this very reason. I really hate the way I look. It's weird and people tell me otherwise but it's always been like this.

[hpdrifter]

You guys are the best. I was worried I'd get flamed for "fishing for compliments" or something but that really wasn't the intent of this thread. Thanks for submitting your own thoughts and experiences on the matter.

[mikizee]

Totally, I'm disgusted when I look in the mirror.

[Randetica]

I never have pictures taken of me for this very reason. I really hate the way I look. It's weird and people tell me otherwise but it's always been like this.

but your face is made out of baby cookies!

[camo]

that have been dipped in baby vomit

[hpdrifter]

Your new avatar is heee-larious.

[Caribou]

I always hate seeing myself in pictures. Specially when they were taken unexpectedly. The double chin, the huge flabby belly, the dorky specs, the pale skin, the wonky teeth, ugh. No wonder some people think I'm English. ;)
Pictures I do post of myself are carefully taken from the correct angles, because I too have been on myspace and know about that stuff.

It can totally get me down on some days. It depends on the people around me. Usually my friends make me feel good about myself and when I go out with them I have a great time, because I stop caring what I look like.
But then I get home and start thinking about how much attention they got of others and how much attention I got and come to the conclusion that blokes don't want to talk to me at all and I sulk and eat chocolate. :(

[jabumbo]

You guys are the best. I was worried I'd get flamed for "fishing for compliments" or something but that really wasn't the intent of this thread. Thanks for submitting your own thoughts and experiences on the matter.


you know, trout season did just start last weekend.....

[russhie]

well i aint losing 10 lbs. and i agree in that for the future, i do want a mate who think im beautiful, not just acceptable. but i also accepted my ex's comments for what they're worth: he gave me what he considered to be true. i get very annoyed by people who just say shit to make you feel better as opposed to the truth.

My ex used to be the same, I'm 'cute' or 'pretty' but other girls are 'hot' or,more devastatingly, 'stunning'. I'd love to be called that, just once!

[gbsuey]

i think i may apply for the tv prog "how to look good naked" and laugh and point at the impossible challenge set before mr Gok-also when i hear my voice i know i have been possessed by that freaky kid progidy who became a transsexual-it's not me -really.
and i've just become addicted to wine gums so in two weeks they'll be taking the side of my house away so i can go get my mouth sewn up

[Kid Presentable]

Seeing yourself as you really are usually involves seeing somebody pretty awesome.

You never know just how you look, through other people's eyes lol omg