So I think I'll be moving in with my pal in Long Island

[ericlee]

Poor guy has had a shit ton of things happen to him.

Him and his gf split up a few months ago, he recently got a dui (he fully admits his stupidity for it) and he just lost his job a few days ago because of mandatory budget cut backs.

Me, both my inlaws are stuffed into my apartment with me. Her Mom is gone throughout the week and comes and stays on the weekend but her pops is here full time. For 6 months. I'm feeling irritated and instead of being miserable, I should just get away till they're gone.

He could use some support. It may be fun too, he plays bass and stuff. We are from the same hometown in Ohio so, we got some catching up to do.

[weez]

oh shit, watch out long island. what's the wifey gonna think of this?

[ericlee]

oh shit, watch out long island. what's the wifey gonna think of this?


I don't think she's too happy being that it's her parents that are the reason I feel crowded. Six months is like as long as a jail term. They've only been here one month and I think I have to take off for a bit. It's in good terms and I hope she can understand it. If not, there's not much else I can do.

[ericlee]

your wife is top notch is she is cool with this.

It's basically seperation. I'm a little fed up with her drama. My friend moving into his apartment opened a window for me to get away for a bit.

She just likes to start the stupidest arguments. It's just so hard trying to talk to her because she will never understand that she's wrong in alot of ways, even if people besides me tell her, she just gets angry. She acts like a kid.

I think me getting away is good for time to think. Also, I'm not happy about her lack of informing me of her parents coming over for a half year. We were supposed to have the house already which would of had plenty of room for them but it fell through. She could have waited till we bought a house instead of cramping me.

[mikizee]

Yeah man I think from the little info I do know that this will be good for you.

Have time to get to know yourself again.

Best of luck.

[ericlee]

I think I'll just stay over when I'm feeling too cramped or when we argue.

I just feel like my space is invaded, I can't even chill in my living room when I get off work cause her pops is crashed on the couch.

He means good, cooks for me before I go to work and stuff but the thing is, I didn't ask for this. I've been on my own since 16 and this is something completely new to me. I've got a feeling that eventually they'll end up living here.

I can't blame them, China is a shitty place to live in, especially about now and I wish I could get used to them being here but I can't.

[gbsuey]

you've done well to last a month-i am lucky to have great inlaws (not official tho coz we're not married-but what does that matter)but i would hate to have to all live in the same space-and it sounds like you short on that even before they came!

[ericlee]

you've done well to last a month-i am lucky to have great inlaws (not official tho coz we're not married-but what does that matter)but i would hate to have to all live in the same space-and it sounds like you short on that even before they came!

It's probably acceptable in their culture.

All I know is I love my Mom to death but we'd be at each other's throats after a month.

Her Mom was here for six months prior to this, she went back to china for a month and now they're both here.

The only spot that I have for an option for my privacy is either my roof or the hallway leading to the roof.

Also I don't know what's going on between us. We're good for a while and she'll think of some reason to start an argument. Stuff that can be talked about as adults but there's no way because in her mind, she's always right.

[Dorothy Wood]

geez, just thinking about that situation is making me claustrophobic. I can't spend more than 3 days with my mother before I want to kill her. I love her...but jesus, every 10 minutes, "DOROTHY?! DOROTHY?! COME HERE! LOOK AT THIS!" and it'll be something really dumb. Or she'll keep coming into my room asking me questions. It's like she needs constant human interaction. and I need like, minimal human interaction. heh.


I think you should move out for a bit, sounds like it's almost necessary.

[RobMoney$]

To be honest, I think it's either going to be the best thing for your relationship, or it'll be the beginning of the end.
The distance will either make you grow fonder of one another, or you'll realize you're happier being apart.
I think one way or the other, a change needs to happen though.
You can't waste your time being miserable.

What was your wife's reaction to this idea?

[ericlee]

To be honest, I think it's either going to be the best thing for your relationship, or it'll be the beginning of the end.
The distance will either make you grow fonder of one another, or you'll realize you're happier being apart.
I think one way or the other, a change needs to happen though.
You can't waste your time being miserable.

What was your wife's reaction to this idea?

who knows what will happen. This last argument is over the fact that we found out my daughter has a learning disibality and possible dyslexia.

My wife blames me 100% for her being like that for drinking before she was born. I was curious to find what could cause it and didn't find much saying it's due to the father drinking. It mentioned mainly that ld could be caused from the mother, who knows, it's still not 100% determined what causes it. It also mentions the fact that there's no need trying to find what causes it and to just work hard on taking care of it.

I tried to tell my wife to do some research on lds and she refuses and wants to keep the blame on me and tell me that it's god's way of punishing me and that I'm not qualified to have her baby.

So yeah, instead of giving me moral support, I've got to feel guilty.

[RobMoney$]

who knows what will happen. This last argument is over the fact that we found out my daughter has a learning disibality and possible dyslexia.

My wife blames me 100% for her being like that for drinking before she was born. I was curious to find what could cause it and didn't find much saying it's due to the father drinking. It mentioned mainly that ld could be caused from the mother, who knows, it's still not 100% determined what causes it. It also mentions the fact that there's no need trying to find what causes it and to just work hard on taking care of it.

I tried to tell my wife to do some research on lds and she refuses and wants to keep the blame on me and tell me that it's god's way of punishing me and that I'm not qualified to have her baby.

So yeah, instead of giving me moral support, I've got to feel guilty.


Although we never had her diagnosed as such, I suspected my daughter had dyslexia when she was in elementary school. She would print her "R's" backwards sometimes and had a lot of trouble with reading comprehension. I blamed my wife for it because I didn't feel she spent any time at all with her to help teach her to read and write. My daughter was getting average grades.

My daughter is now getting ready to go into HS next year and reading is one of her favorite things to do. She maintains a 3.8 gpa and has probably read more books in her 14 years than I have my entire life and I spent a few years in college. She no longer displays any of the spelling mistakes she use to make as a kid. Like I said, I'm not really sure if she was dyslexic, but whatever her problem was she has definetly grown out of it and is excelling.

[ericlee]

Although we never had her diagnosed as such, I suspected my daughter had dyslexia when she was in elementary school. She would print her "R's" backwards sometimes and had a lot of trouble with reading comprehension. I blamed my wife for it because I didn't feel she spent any time at all with her to help teach her to read and write. My daughter was getting average grades.

My daughter is now getting ready to go into HS next year and reading is one of her favorite things to do. She maintains a 3.8 gpa and has probably read more books in her 14 years than I have my entire life and I spent a few years in college. She no longer displays any of the spelling mistakes she use to make as a kid. Like I said, I'm not really sure if she was dyslexic, but whatever her problem was she has definetly grown out of it and is excelling.

Yeah, i think it's due to there's nobody helping her. My ex doesn't read with her, her sisters don't try to help her out.

I just think this is a stupid argument, it's lasted since last Tuesday.

[monkey]

two things:

1) where in LI? don't venture too far in, you may never come out alive. hehe.

2) learning disabilities aren't "caused" by things like the father having drunk sperm. they tend to be hereditary in a way, it's likely that in either of your families, there's a history of some sort of LD. also, it's not a branding of stupid or anything to that extent. it just means that the child needs people around her who will put in the extra effort to help her understand. in time, she'll learn to put that effort herself to push herself forward. one of my closest friends is dyslexic and has ADD, and she just got a full ride to law school. i hope the best for your daughter :)

[mikizee]

who knows what will happen. This last argument is over the fact that we found out my daughter has a learning disibality and possible dyslexia.

My wife blames me 100% for her being like that for drinking before she was born. I was curious to find what could cause it and didn't find much saying it's due to the father drinking. It mentioned mainly that ld could be caused from the mother, who knows, it's still not 100% determined what causes it. It also mentions the fact that there's no need trying to find what causes it and to just work hard on taking care of it.

I tried to tell my wife to do some research on lds and she refuses and wants to keep the blame on me and tell me that it's god's way of punishing me and that I'm not qualified to have her baby.

So yeah, instead of giving me moral support, I've got to feel guilty.

That has made me angry.

Thats just... bullshit.

[Bob]

Yeah, i think it's due to there's nobody helping her. My ex doesn't read with her, her sisters don't try to help her out.

I just think this is a stupid argument, it's lasted since last Tuesday.

whoa, your wife is blaming you for your daughter's learning disability, and it isn't even a daughter you had with her? that's cold, man, i'm sorry :(

[RobMoney$]

Throwing your daughter's learning disability in the middle of her disapproval with your drinking beer is not cool.
And you shouldn't be put in a position of having to defend yourself from such accusations. She's way out of line, but I'm sure you already know that.

I'm really trying to keep my comments positive here Eric, I don't know her and I'm trying not to judge.
I've been in your shoes before and I feel for you man.

[Waus]

This all sounds like a real struggle eric.

My mom is language tutoring a Chinese lady, and I guess over there it's almost expected that the parents live with you after you're married - so the culture shock thing has to be a big part of it. I'm not trying to excuse your in-laws staying there at all, just...I guess that's a part of kind of having a multicultural marriage.

Stay strong!

[Documad]

Yeah, i think it's due to there's nobody helping her. My ex doesn't read with her, her sisters don't try to help her out.
If there's nobody helping her what is your responsibility? Forgive the hostility but I can just imagine my deadbeat ex-brother-in-law thinking that I should take some sort of responsibility for my niece, so the comment about the ex and sisters pushed my buttons.

I don't know what sort of learning disability this is, but like Rob, I know a kid who had a pretty severe learning disability and once it was diagnosed his parents got him tutors and helped him plan a class load that worked for him till he could catch up. He turned out great.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. I hope that you and your ex are able to both go to the meetings with professionals so that you can ask questions and figure out how to help her.

[ericlee]

If there's nobody helping her what is your responsibility? Forgive the hostility but I can just imagine my deadbeat ex-brother-in-law thinking that I should take some sort of responsibility for my niece, so the comment about the ex and sisters pushed my buttons.

I don't know what sort of learning disability this is, but like Rob, I know a kid who had a pretty severe learning disability and once it was diagnosed his parents got him tutors and helped him plan a class load that worked for him till he could catch up. He turned out great.

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck. I hope that you and your ex are able to both go to the meetings with professionals so that you can ask questions and figure out how to help her.

My responsibility is to work and be able to afford a house in which she can live with me and in the meantime, work to pay child support, rent, bills, etc.

My daughter doesn't live with me, take that in mind. As I've said, she's better off with my ex right now than being raised up here in Queens by some people that I don't know.

[ericlee]

I think it was a good thing to go to my pal's place. I got home after two days of being there and she was very apologetic and missed me.

We pretty much have a stupid argument once a month so, it looks like I'll be going to my pal's place during argument time.

And Pauli, it's off of Merrick. It's a nice little area.

[hpdrifter]

I don't know, man. Sounds like your wife has some insecurity and anger that she irrationally takes out on you every so often. That's not cool and its not going to change. She's got to get herself together or she's going to poison your relationship.

I am wondering if making this work is going to be possible, sounds like way more trouble than its worth.

[ericlee]

I don't know, man. Sounds like your wife has some insecurity and anger that she irrationally takes out on you every so often. That's not cool and its not going to change. She's got to get herself together or she's going to poison your relationship.

I am wondering if making this work is going to be possible, sounds like way more trouble than its worth.

She's already been diagnosed as being bi polar so half the things she'll say, I pretty much take it with a grain of salt.

She's an example of why I can't stand people that live a sheltered life. Something happens and they freak out.

I can handle bullshit, it's probably my problem. Perhaps I should have left a long time ago.

Honestly, we have better days together that outnumber the bad days. Now that I have an open window, I'll be gone for a few days if I even sense an argument and let her think about what she says.

[Waus]

Honestly man, it sounds like you deal with a lot of drama. I respect you for sticking by your wife even when it gets hard. (y)

[ericlee]

Honestly man, it sounds like you deal with a lot of drama. I respect you for sticking by your wife even when it gets hard. (y)

thanks. It's just a matter of staying strong, admitting when I'm wrong and knowing that she'll accept the times when she's wrong. It may take a couple days because of her being bullheaded but oh well. I still love her and she does me. It may not seem like it at times but she's got problems and I can understand it

I've also lived a lifetime of drama between my parents so, all it did was make me stronger.

[Documad]

I only know what I read here in your threads where you complain about your wife, but it sounds like you will enjoy having the apartment to hold over your wife's head. It sounds like a shitty way for both of you to live while you avoid making a tough choice that's probably inevitable.

I was raised by parents who got off on fighting with each other. Everyone was sympathetic to my dad (including me). As I grew up, I realized that it takes two to continue that sort of relationship and he was no hero.

I think that you could benefit from professional help, without your wife being involved. You might decide not to change a thing but it would help you clarify what your choices are.

[ericlee]

I only know what I read here in your threads where you complain about your wife, but it sounds like you will enjoy having the apartment to hold over your wife's head. It sounds like a shitty way for both of you to live while you avoid making a tough choice that's probably inevitable.

I was raised by parents who got off on fighting with each other. Everyone was sympathetic to my dad (including me). As I grew up, I realized that it takes two to continue that sort of relationship and he was no hero.

I think that you could benefit from professional help, without your wife being involved. You might decide not to change a thing but it would help you clarify what your choices are.

I hate to argue. I don't start the arguments. If there's an argument between us, I'll try to talk to her first. If it gets heated, I walk away.

This last one, I was looking upset, she asked me what's wrong, I told her and it went from there.

When I said the argument has lasted since Tuesday, it doesn't mean we were constantly at it in front of her parents, it means that she was holding a grudge, not talking to me and giving me the cold shoulder.

Do I need professional help? No. I know where I stand. I'm a calm and collect guy who likes to live a drama free life. If a problem comes up, yeah, I'll vent on here causing no harm.

She was going to counseling for a while and stopped. It did help, her tantrums have stopped. Just on some occasions and not many, she'll say some things that don't need to be said.

What's the deal with you trying to pin me as being a bad guy?

[Documad]

I don't think you're a bad guy at all. I don't know you. I only see the threads where you are saying awful things about your wife. Maybe I've missed the threads where you say nice things about her. I remember the other threads and I feel really sorry for your wife. I hope that she gets help for her mental illness. But you're the one who posts here, so I'm suggesting that you spend a little bit of money and time talking to a professional. It might not do a thing except make you even more sure that you want to stay with your wife, but having someone neutral to discuss this with could help you decide whether at some level you enjoy the drama or whether it's unhealthy for you and you should leave your wife. I have a good friend who saw a professional for a couple of months to just discuss and examine his long-term relationship and it gave him the courage to leave. He's much happier now and kicking himself for wasting 12 years before he did it. Your friends (like everyone who posts here) are going to say supportive things about how great you are. They're not going to press you about why you think you don't deserve a more stable home life.

I do think it is manipulative to tell your wife that you're going to leave the house for several days every time she gives you shit. It's difficult for me to imagine why a woman would put up with that, but then I have always had a healthy personal income of my own and that gives me more choices than some women.

[ericlee]

Spending money for some counseling isn't an option right now because we're looking to buy a house. My credit is crappy so I may just go ahead and pay in full or put half down.

I don't see any reason to write a thread for every good day we have because as I've said, our good days outnumber the bad. I think I've only written three or four bad threads and these were due to some strange occurances and I just wanted to get some p.o.v. from others because I wasn't really sure if I'm right, wrong or whatever.

And I'm not using my friend's apartment to place above her head. I just don't see the point in me sticking around if there's no cure for the argument at the time.

What's wrong with that? She has her parents to keep her company and vent off to, I stay out of site and out of mind and have support from my friend as well. He could use some support too.

[Documad]

I think I've only written three or four bad threads and these were due to some strange occurances and I just wanted to get some p.o.v. from others because I wasn't really sure if I'm right, wrong or whatever.
It seems pretty clear to me that you only want to be told that you're right. There are loads of people here who will cooperate. It's not my nature to tell people only what they want to hear, so I'll butt out of your threads.

[ericlee]

It seems pretty clear to me that you only want to be told that you're right. There are loads of people here who will cooperate. It's not my nature to tell people only what they want to hear, so I'll butt out of your threads.

it seems very clear to me that you have the wrong perspective of me as well. If you honestly think people telling me that I'm right against the women I've married and love makes me feel good then you're nuts.

So yeah, you can butt out of my threads then.

[mikizee]

Watch out for them iced teas, they're deadly.

[RobMoney$]

It seems pretty clear to me that you only want to be told that you're right. There are loads of people here who will cooperate. It's not my nature to tell people only what they want to hear, so I'll butt out of your threads.


Being accused of causing your daughters learning disability because you drink beer is pretty awful. Maybe if his wife had given him some support on the issue he wouldn't need to come here looking for it.
He's got his daughters mother, his wife, and now his in-laws teaming up to give him shit. It can wear a person down real quick when you have everyone telling you negative shit.
It's like with children. If you continually tell a child they're bad all the time guess what, they're going to grow up thinking they're a bad person. If you hit a kid everytime they do something wrong guess what, they're going to learn to hit others in anger. It's the same thing with Eric, when you have everyone telling you negative bullshit, you start to question if they're right. You need someone to reinforce your sanity and tell you you're not crazy, they're the ones that are wrong.

I think Eric needs to start being a little more selfish and stop trying to make everyone else in life happy by tolerating people putting him down. Start doing things that are going to make him happy for a change. If his wife wants to be apart of that, great. If she's just going to be a negative influence than that's not a relationship I would call loving and he should probably move on. Start focusing on improving yourself first so you can then start working to help your daughter.

[ToucanSpam]

Gah, I'm sorry to hear this. I wish I could offer words of encouragement or some good advice but frankly I'm not experienced enough to be able to comment on this situation. I guess all I can do is say that I sympathize with your situation and I hope everything gets better for you Eric. I believe you are a genuinely great person and I hope things can work out the way you want.

[b i o n i c]

i dont know your wife but

1) DO NOT BUY THAT HOUSE

2) HIDE YOUR MONEY

both will disappear if you're not careful. im serious.

[abcdefz]

Wow, eric. Things don't sound too good. I hope it all works out.

[ericlee]

things are ok. She tells me she's stressed at work and blows off steam on me.

I told her that I'm not her job and she can talk to me rather than thinking of some cruel things to say to me.

Don't get the wrong idea of her, she's a great person. She works hard and everything.

I have told her that I can probably only handle two more times of some cruel comments and then I'm gone.

This will either let her think clearly before she speaks or go back to counseling because honestly, my feelings for her are growing narrower.

And bionic- we're not getting the house now. We've decided to just rent a bigger apartment.