oh hell, I need advice

[beastieangel01]

So there is kind of sort of this guy who I think is really cool, funny, and cute to boot. Basically put I like this guy, a lot. A lot a lot.

We've opened up and have gotten closer to each other since we've met. However, things kind of happened seemingly out of no where and I'm not really sure what's going on, or in other words, if it's going anywhere and/or if he has any interest in that.

I can see it going somewhere more serious eventually. I don't want a boyfriend tomorrow, but I'd like to think that what we are doing is taking steps towards such a path. And I want to tell him as much and ask him how he feels about it.

Maybe I just answered it myself in the way that I described it here but I'm nervous as all hell. I'm usually too chicken shit to be pro-active about a guy so I'm trying to force myself to do it because I REALLY really like this one.

Help.

Advice.

Somethin.

[Yetra Flam]

oh shit i'm in a kinda similar situation actually. been seeing this guy that i really like but i don't know where i'm at with him. we haven't hung out at all for a while, and i'm not sure if he has any interest, but there are times here he certainly acts like it. fucks with my head kinda.
i'm too scared to say anything because i'm a big pussy clot.

sorry for hijacking your thread, but i just read your post and i feel very similar feelings.

[beastieangel01]

no worries. that's basically the situation I'm in.

I am really nervous to even bring it up (think Stan and Wendy a la I get so nervous I want to fucking puke, but I have anxiety issues in general)... but I think it is worse to not know where things stand though. I like him too much.

[yellow]

I totally can relate and understand what u two girls r experiencing/going thru. My advice is to listen to your heart, keep your emotions balanced and be honest with yourself and him about how you feel and what your intentions are wih him/ the relationship. When you do talk to him about your feelings and the future of the relationship; keep things lite and open minded. When guys really like the person they are dating, they usually like to take things slow and let the relationship unfold naturally. Keep in mind he is probably scared of getting hurt just like you.
ok my q?
How do I know if a guy likes me and is being shy or just not into to me?

[na§tee]

I'm usually too chicken shit to be pro-active about a guy so I'm trying to force myself to do it because I REALLY really like this one.
but I think it is worse to not know where things stand though. I like him too much.
indeed.

life is truly truly too short to just stay in the same position humming and haaing with anxiety. if you see an opportunity and you like this person, you have to grab it. none of this "oh, but if i say something, oh oh it might ruin our friendship" bullshit. that pisses me off when people say that. if he's a cool, reasonable guy, which it sounds like, it won't. the worst you will get out of admitting your feelings is a "nah, let's just stay buds" but the best.. is that he will become something more. and that's worth the quite, in real terms, small effort of doing something to make it go forward, right? be proactive. assertive, goddammit! you're a strong wimmin c, i don't want to hear any of this huffing and puffing over NERVES again! ;) you can do it. /rubs shoulders. if it takes a bit of dutch courage when you go out for a few (i stress a few - not a lot, don't want you going on blurry eyed and saying oh man i llluuurrrveeee you *hic*, do we?) drinks, so be it. it's fun! men are (supposed to be) fun! go for it! /punches air.

i'm not a very good motivational speaker.

stop pussyfootin' around, ladies and gents. if you are lucky enough to have an inkling of what you want, and have found a person you are interested in, and in all likelihood is interested in you, go for it. or you'll be singing passin' me by by the pharcyde FOREVAH, man.

[adam_f]

You're super hot. He should be nervous.

[beastieangel01]

I'm told I'm blind when a guy is in to me, so unfortunately I'm no help there either. He has to spell it out otherwise I'm like "huh?"

okay so, I say something today :|

let's hope I don't vomit and I'd very much like to not get rejected. Adam, I appreciate you saying so but that still doesn't make me any less nervous :( haha.

Look for a very happy or very depressed post here by Monday :p

[Yetra Flam]

i went through all this before if any of you remember.i made a thread and i was like 'help me plz' and then everything was cool and my instincts were right, but now it's like we're back to that same stage right now. it's retarded.

[Miho]

It's hard to motivate myself looking for a woman when I recently asked a woman out, and she said she sees me as a friend. Granted, she was 3 years older than me; maybe that had something to do with it. Or that we work together. Or that she's my manager. Heh.

All of this is so confusing and stressful.

[monkey]

after a while of flirtation and whatnot, i would attempt to be the one with the balls. but only if i deduce that he really likes me. which honestly, ive only done once successfully. so... i dont know. grab your balls and do it. (y)

well, since everyone's asking for advice...

i done got myself in a bad situation.

i agreed to be in an open relationship, despite my penchant for jealousy. and i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to handle it at all. my issue is that i'm not at all interested in having more than 1 partner, and the one i got (the exbf who looooves me but wants to experience more) is really the only one i actually want at the moment. but, as mentioned, exbf wants multiple pussii.
we spend a terrible amount of time together, we're GOOD together. but he wants to have it all and i dont wanna lose it all. and i'm not so sure i'm doing the right thing here.

if anyone could help me shed a light on that?

[russhie]

Girls just seem too preoccupied with boys - maybe it's because I live with two girls now, instead of my ex, but so much thought seems to go into what to say/do/act around them.

It's pretty useless. He either likes you or he doesn't, you can't change that, so the sooner it gets clarified the sooner you can move forward. I don't know why it's so hard to say "I like you". What person doesn't like hearing that, even if it's from someone they're not particularly interested in?

[russhie]

after a while of flirtation and whatnot, i would attempt to be the one with the balls. but only if i deduce that he really likes me. which honestly, ive only done once successfully. so... i dont know. grab your balls and do it. (y)

well, since everyone's asking for advice...

i done got myself in a bad situation.

i agreed to be in an open relationship, despite my penchant for jealousy. and i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to handle it at all. my issue is that i'm not at all interested in having more than 1 partner, and the one i got (the exbf who looooves me but wants to experience more) is really the only one i actually want at the moment. but, as mentioned, exbf wants multiple pussii.
we spend a terrible amount of time together, we're GOOD together. but he wants to have it all and i dont wanna lose it all. and i'm not so sure i'm doing the right thing here.

if anyone could help me shed a light on that?

Why bother being in an open relationship if you're not interested in seeing other people? Seriously, I don't know why girls do this to themselves sometimes - it's almost like you recognise the fact that you're going to get hurt in the long run, but go along with it anyway to fulfil someone else's wants and 'needs'.

If jealousy is an issue and you're keen on just him, it's only going to lead to trouble. I'd walk.

[Dorothy Wood]

I dunno, you just gotta suck it up and put it out there. I had kind of written off the dude I went on a blind date with like 3 weeks ago, but he did a myspace survey that was absolutely hilarious, so I was like, "hmm, he's pretty funny, we should probs be best friends".

and then we were writing back and forth for a bit this week. and I invited him to a show last night, but he was going to this party. he didn't invite me to the party, but I texted him saying I was bored (hoping he'd invite me). and then he did. so I called him and said, "hey man, sorry I tricked you into inviting me to that party, I don't even know you, it's not your job to entertain me". and then I probably shouted and mumbled some because I was drunk. and he was like, "no no, come by". so I dragged some ladies with me. then they left me. and then me and the kid went to a bar and talked about how cool we are. and then we left and he put his arm around me and kissed me! that never happens!

long story short, we went back to his place, popped in Uncle Buck...and well, I think you can guess the rest. ;)

the only problem now is, I am still in love with my ex. still have a major crush on another kid, and this guy's probably gonna move to california for a job. ach.


and pauli! I don't think your situation is a good idea, but I guess you gotta do what you gotta do.

[RobMoney$]

i agreed to be in an open relationship, despite my penchant for jealousy. and i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to handle it at all. my issue is that i'm not at all interested in having more than 1 partner, and the one i got (the exbf who looooves me but wants to experience more) is really the only one i actually want at the moment. but, as mentioned, exbf wants multiple pussii.
we spend a terrible amount of time together, we're GOOD together. but he wants to have it all and i dont wanna lose it all. and i'm not so sure i'm doing the right thing here.

if anyone could help me shed a light on that?


You're really so much better than that.

That goes for BA01 & Dorothy too.

[adam_f]

Originally posted by RobMoney$
You're really so much better than that.

I'd add to that but Rob pretty much nailed it. It's true.

[marsdaddy]

I'd add to that but Rob pretty much nailed it. It's true.Agreed.

All of us are valuable, special, and worthy of worship. If we're not getting that from our relationships, it's time to bounce.

[Yetra Flam]

i agreed to be in an open relationship, despite my penchant for jealousy. and i'm not sure i'm gonna be able to handle it at all. my issue is that i'm not at all interested in having more than 1 partner, and the one i got (the exbf who looooves me but wants to experience more) is really the only one i actually want at the moment. but, as mentioned, exbf wants multiple pussii.
we spend a terrible amount of time together, we're GOOD together. but he wants to have it all and i dont wanna lose it all. and i'm not so sure i'm doing the right thing here.

if anyone could help me shed a light on that?

firstly, this is bullshit, and it upsets me that this guy would do this to you. but you know what, if i was in your position and with a guy that i felt that way about, it is not entirely unlikely that i would do the same thing. that upsets me too.

secondly, ba01, shit will happen when you least expect it. trust me on this.

lol look at me being all full of wisdom and whatnot :(

[cookiepuss]

I'm in no position to give anyone advice as I'm making a right good fuck up of my own love life.(y)

but I'll give you the one thing I've learned from my pain...

I now truly beleive:
it is BETTER to follow your heart and risk getting hurt than it is to regret the things that could have been.

[monkey]

You're really so much better than that.
.

better than what though? better than wanting a little love and care? i hate to say this, but i feel like ive have been hurt so badly, i cant really imagine being able to open up to anyone else ever. it's like... i really feel like this is my only last chance. here's a guy who thinks im a good person and he wants to keep me in life despite his wanting a million other things.

but really, in this case, im just a big pile of i dont know. i dont know anything.

[AceFace]

you gotta remember! he doesn't think like you! not at all! you think he loves you so much he wants you despite all his other "needs".

that's NOT how he's thinking about it, even if he says it that way. he's essentially getting TLC from you and head from others. that's not love. not even close. he's not thinking of you. and a part of love is thinking about you. he's satisfying himself. that's obvious. and you're NOT satisfied, am i correct?

[RobMoney$]

better than what though? better than wanting a little love and care? i hate to say this, but i feel like ive have been hurt so badly, i cant really imagine being able to open up to anyone else ever. it's like... i really feel like this is my only last chance. here's a guy who thinks im a good person and he wants to keep me in life despite his wanting a million other things.

but really, in this case, im just a big pile of i dont know. i dont know anything.


So you're saying essentially that he's fitting you into his busy schedule?
How magnanimous of him.

Maybe I shouldn't offer an opinion off so little information.


I'll just say that you deserve someone who wants to be with you equally as much as you want to be with them. This is not that guy.

[skra75]

llol it's been so long since I posted on here. Hi Everybody!
Re/ ba01 issue,
ba01 you should just go with it. if you are feeling it, and he's feeling it it will work out. just don't rush it if you're feeling serious about this guy like you want to be committed. but by all means you should hit it if you get the chance. you'll never know if you will get that chance again, it's worth it to give it a chance than to have that moment pass you up.


*goes back into hermitude*

[Documad]

You're really so much better than that.


Amen to that.

[beastieangel01]

I hit it several times already, haha.

I actually didn't end up talking to him about where we stand, which I would yell at myself for, but there is a lot of other things going on with each of us since I was wrestling with it. Personal stresses and issues individually and it just didn't feel like the time for it. But so many things that were said and occurred... I feel like things are naturally headed towards getting serious anyway.

And we might go see Stevie Wonder together :o and we are goofy, play lego star wars (lego indiana jones will be bought soon too, woo!), he rules in bed and we sing a lot in the car and I'm almost positive he likes me just as much as I like him. :o

Ugh I hate liking someone this much though. I'm not supposed to like anyone. Hmph! *folds arms*

[Yetra Flam]

someone please tell me that i will get more confident and relaxed about such situations as i get older. it gets better than this, right?

[cookiepuss]

someone please tell me that i will get more confident and relaxed about such situations as i get older. it gets better than this, right?

errrr...I don't know...yes and no. When you're older you'll know yourself better and what works for you in a relationship and what doesn't. You needs will become more clear and you'll be less willing to sacrifice your needs for romance... But meeting someone, trying to make a connection and falling in love is still doesn't really get any easier.

that's a 30 something persective
ask me again when I'm 60

[Yetra Flam]

also another thing i've been told about new york especially; if you're a female you have to put up with this shit from guys otherwise you will be alone. there is too much competition out there and they can easily find something better if you ask for too much. this is the general experience of women in new york dating and there's nothing i can do about it.

[cookiepuss]

:rolleyes: oh man, that sounds like it's coming from women who've given up. that's terrible.

too much competition? BAHHHHHH. while it's true that most men like convenience, most also tend not to value things that come to them too easily. Set out to get what YOU want. if a guy can't handle it he's a looser. you don't want him.

[Lyman Zerga]

he's a looser. you don't want him.

gross!

[Yetra Flam]

:rolleyes: oh man, that sounds like it's coming from women who've given up. that's terrible.

too much competition? BAHHHHHH. while it's true that most men like convenience, most also tend not to value things that come to them too easily. Set out to get what YOU want. if a guy can't handle it he's a looser. you don't want him.


i wanted to say "but but, i'm DIFFERENT to every other girl, and i'm... BETTER" but i don't know if i am.
all i know is that i refuse to accept this "sex and the city" reality. de-fucking-pressing.

[cookiepuss]

i wanted to say "but but, i'm DIFFERENT to every other girl, and i'm... BETTER" but i don't know if i am.
all i know is that i refuse to accept this "sex and the city" reality. de-fucking-pressing.

don't ever think that you are NOT unique. you are. And a man better recognize that and make you feel like a million bucks, cause if he doesn't he's not worth having in your life.

I think maybe that's part of what changes as you get older...You start to wise up to this simple fact:
it really IS better to be single than it is to be in a bad relationship where you aren't getting what you want.

now...if I only followed my own advice. haa haa. I'm working on it though. walking the walk while I'm talkin the talk.