oh hi, I'm not ready

[Dorothy Wood]

okay. I'm not ready to be in a relationship yet, but this new guy really likes me I think. we did sex. and now I kind of feel bad about it because I wasn't too into it even though he's pretty good at stuff. meh, it was fine, and he's nice and funny and arty...but...I just, I can't lay around in bed with a man joking around yet. it's too weird. so I left this morning even though we both have the day off and totally could have hung out and did something. but I just want to be alone.

I kind of hope that he moves away, because I don't want to have to be the jerk who's all "I'm not over my ex, sorry".

so I don't know what to do now. should I say something? should I just see what happens? pull away without explanation like many a jerk has done to me in the past?


:(

I want to go to arby's. :(

[abcdefz]

Do you have to make up your mind today?

[Dorothy Wood]

I guess not. I'm just buzzing with anxiety. getting to know someone is utterly exhausting. I don't really like telling or hearing stories that much during the "getting to know you" period. also, this kid is a name dropper, which is fine...but like, I'm definitely not as in the know about current bands or whatever. and he's friends with some pretty famous people. so I'm like, "awesome", but also, "who cares".

ha

[yeahwho]

Hey he's probably thinking the same thing as you, except his reason's for being "not ready" is you don't know enough famous people.

nobody likes the "ramp up" phase of a relationship, chances are the feelings are mutual.

[abcdefz]

nobody likes the "ramp up" phase of a relationship, chances are the feelings are mutual.



I dunno -- sometimes that's as good as it gets. :D


But anyway. He might be sensing your anxiety/ambivalence and he's trying to overcompensate. Maybe.

[adam_f]

Visit his penis one more time before you do anything too rash.

[yeahwho]

The "ramp up" is such a mind fuck. It's uncomfortable, one time I came out from work and this girl had put balloons all over my car because she was head over heels in love with me.

It sort of creeped me out, we'd only knew each other for a week and that was too quick of a "ramp up"... I'm sort of like Jerry Seinfeld during the "ramp up" phase I already have the "exit strategy" going full tilt.

scratch all relationship advice from me unless your really like to fool around... that is about as good as it gets for me.

[cookiepuss]

Do you have to make up your mind today?

(y)

wait.
take your space
see how you feel.
things tend to get more clear when you take time for yourself and take no action at all.

[yeahwho]

plus, balloons? it really was freaky in a circus clown sort of way, I can go on record as saying balloons may work in this case for Dorothy as a great exit strategy, put them on his car or bus stop proclaiming your love for him.

That should give you some "me time" for awhile.

[adam_f]

I like my advice.

[yeahwho]

I like my advice.

It's good advice, maybe the best of all worlds is to see if the penis will go to Arby's with you.

[kll]

i think i've only liked the "getting to know you" stage once.

and i'm still with him.

all others sucked ass and it was torture.


i'm sure the namedropping killed the deal and basically you know you're not into this guy. at least the first rebound guy is overwith... time to move on to the next conquest...

[adam_f]

Originally posted by yeahwho
It's good advice, maybe the best of all worlds is to see if the penis will go to Arby's with you.

You just re-invented the wheel, my friend.

[NoFenders]

Hey he's probably thinking the same thing as you, except his reason's for being "not ready" is you don't know enough famous people.

nobody likes the "ramp up" phase of a relationship, chances are the feelings are mutual.

Son of a bitch!!! I agree with yeahwho. I should go get drunk now. ;)


:cool:

[Dorothy Wood]

cort says I better tell him the truth. she was also disappointed in me for sleeping with him. oh well.


uff, I just went around downtown all day hanging out shopping and taking pictures of stuff by myself. it was pretty nice. I ALSO WENT TO ARBYS! YAY! I got a turkey reuben and curly fries. everything was super fresh and delicious, and they were playing radiohead in there. it ruled pretty hard.

anyhoo, I think I'm gonna lay low for a bit. maybe say something about stuff moving too fast...yadda yadda.

[paul jones]

I haven't been to an Arby's yet.no...hang on I might have once.Is that where they do good coffee and shit?

[Dorothy Wood]

I don't think they're known for their coffee...I don't think that many of them are even open for breakfast. they are known for beef sandwiches, but I usually get the "market fresh" sandwiches.


and I like what you said kll. I can't force myself to be into someone just because the situation looks good on paper. we have really good conversations and all...but I guess I just don't have the energy.

I feel like a dude. my body responds to stimulus, but my emotions don't. :/

[mate_spawn_die]

here's your answer (www.orbitcast.com/archives/magic-8-ball.jpg)

[funk63]

^lol thats always the answer




I feel like a dude. my body responds to stimulus, but my emotions don't. :/

that was sexist, i think.

[Dorothy Wood]

fair enough. :cool:

[skra75]

stop being a fag, just don't call him anymore he sounds like an herb

[AceFace]

I kind of hope that he moves away, because I don't want to have to be the jerk who's all "I'm not over my ex, sorry".



girl, this is bothersome to me. you hope he moves so you don't have to confront a situation? what do you do when you have something important to talk about when you're IN a relationship?

i don't see any problem with saying "i thought i was over it but i'm just not. you're awesome and maybe this will work when i get over my own issues." that's not jerky. that's be honest, sincere and quite frankly... that's being more of an adult about the situation.

[kll]

celebrate the fact that you are picky enough to not settle. celebrate the fact that you can react like a guy and not be the stupid "typical" girl. you had sex with him, it was good, he's not the one, right on.

my biggest problem during college when all my friends were hooking up right and left with little to no discretion was that i'd find one thing wrong with the guy and i'd be done. he'd wear the wrong shoes, use the wrong word, have a mole in the wrong place, namedrop,listen to the wrong band and i'd be grossed out. no chance whatsoever of giving him the time of day.

i look back at that and am grateful.

[Dorothy Wood]

girl, this is bothersome to me. you hope he moves so you don't have to confront a situation? what do you do when you have something important to talk about when you're IN a relationship?

i don't see any problem with saying "i thought i was over it but i'm just not. you're awesome and maybe this will work when i get over my own issues." that's not jerky. that's be honest, sincere and quite frankly... that's being more of an adult about the situation.


I'm pretty blunt usually, but I will admit I avoid confrontation on things I'm unsure about. fortunately I haven't ever had very much to confront people about. I'm pretty choosey when it comes to relationships and I've never been in one that had a lot of problems. however, in my last relationship, we definitely should have had some more serious talks. but you know what? I had to deal with a lot of serious adult issues from early childhood up through high school and I'm pretty fucking sick of being serious. so like, last year when my mom got married for the 4th time and I told him about it casually, and didn't go to the wedding because it was too short notice, he thought I was a weirdo. he was like, "that's pretty heavy, are you okay, how do you feel about the guy?" and I was basically just like "meh, doesn't matter, he seems nice enough". apparently the appropriate response was supposed to be me flipping out or something. meh.

I said the moving away thing, because it's very possible that he'll move across the country for a job. it would just be easier because it would be less like a rejection.


lol skra. he's not that bad.

and thanks again, kll. I think at this point, I need to listen to my instincts move on and be alone for awhile longer, and keep my eyes open for someone who impressed me without trying, and someone who's impressed with me when I'm not trying. not sure that person exists...or at least the only person I've ever known who's like for me that has been in a relationship for 5 years. OH LIFE! SO CRAZY RIGHT?!