Gok Wan for Prime Minister

[Freebasser]

That is all.

[Guy Incognito]

That is a really random thing to say. That is all

[Freebasser]

Not as random as saying "Delia Smith for Shadow Home Secretary".

[Guy Incognito]

not as random as Kofi Annan to be new presenter of "Ready Steady Cook"

[Freebasser]

Nor anywhere near on a par with "Dave Benson-Phillips to star in remake of Trainspotting" on the randomometer.

[Guy Incognito]

Terry Nutkins spinning drum n bass at Fabric

[Freebasser]

Harrison Ford running the London Marathon for breast cancer awareness.

[TAL]

Hey you incognito man!

I'm gonna make a few sandwiches and then listen to your house mix while I eat.

[Guy Incognito]

Hey you incognito man!

I'm gonna make a few sandwiches and then listen to your house mix while I eat.

Ok nice one cheers- you will need a lot of sandwiches or one massive sandwich -its 80 mins long. enjoy (both your butties and the mix)

[Guy Incognito]

telly savalas and anne diamond doing it in the front window at primark

[ms.peachy]

telly savalas and anne diamond doing it in the front window at primark

(y)noice

[Guy Incognito]

(y)noice

cheers but i hope that last post i made hasnt put TAL off his butties





Iggle Piggle and Dr Dre running a mobile hairdressers

[Freebasser]

Abe Vigoda rescuing seventeen kittens from a burning warehouse.

[Guy Incognito]

bernard cribbins as captain of next space shuttle mission

[Freebasser]

Kenan and Kel trying on miniskirts in a musty old outlet mall in Wisconsin.

[Guy Incognito]

Kenan and Kel trying on miniskirts in a musty old outlet mall in Wisconsin.

fuck me thats a good un.


Bobby davro sculpting lifesize model of jeffrey dahlmer made entirely out of mickey dolenz's eyebrows

[na§tee]

padster and kerry katona panic-buying £5 bumper BBQ packs in iceland.

[Freebasser]

Oh, so we're bringing board members into this now are we? Very well...

Turdburgler hiding dozens of boxes of Milk Tray autographed by Joan Rivers in his grandfather's gun cabinet.

[Bob]

TAL enjoying his butties

[Guy Incognito]

abcedfz's toaster paragliding in the seychelles wearing a majorette uniform

[Freebasser]

Bob grooming underage Japanese schoolgirls online for sex while filing his toenails and whistling the themetune to The Prisoner.

[Guy Incognito]

Bob grooming underage Japanese schoolgirls online for sex while filing his toenails and whistling the themetune to The Prisoner.

i am going to bed before this gets silly:rolleyes:

[TAL]

Out of sandwiches but Wink in the speakers, so it's all good.

[ericlee]

general tso whoops col. Sander's ass and taking over KFC.

[paul jones]

Maggie Thatcher for sucking my cock

[Guy Incognito]

Out of sandwiches but Wink in the speakers, so it's all good.

(y)

[camo]

Michael Barrymore stroking orphans whilst off queuing up for tickets to the beatles reunion tour

[na§tee]

mr. motivator licking space raiders in terminal 5.

[roosta]

I keep seeing Gok Wan's face all over the place - he's doing some promo for one of the big clothes shops, Top Shop or one of them, so everytime I walk through the shopping centre I see him peering at me from behind the glass and his face is very punchable, so it makes me want to punch the glass, but then i'd get in trouble. So, I have to stare down at my feet and get past it on my way to the Bagel Bar or wherever it is I am going to.

Oh, and er, Freebasser jumping about in a giant bowl of cornflakes.

[na§tee]

it's dorothy perkins. he does promos for them. i stalked him a little in glasgow recently. when i say stalk, i mean he happened to be in the general direction i was wandering in in our main shopping centre for a good while. he went into la senza lingerie and stood in the middle of the changing area proclaiming all the women were BEAUTIFUL, DARLINGS, BEAUTIFUL! he was very small. he used to be a gigantic fatty. i want to see photos of this.

i don't actually think he is so bad. i'd prefer him over tranny and suzannah any day.

keith chegwin arranging pork pies by their % meat content in the reduced section at tesco.

[roosta]

it's dorothy perkins. he does promos for them. i stalked him a little in glasgow recently. when i say stalk, i mean he happened to be in the general direction i was wandering in in our main shopping centre for a good while. he went into la senza lingerie and stood in the middle of the changing area proclaiming all the women were BEAUTIFUL, DARLINGS, BEAUTIFUL! he was very small. he used to be a gigantic fatty. i want to see photos of this.

i don't actually think he is so bad. i'd prefer him over tranny and suzannah any day.

keith chegwin arranging pork pies by their % meat content in the reduced section at tesco.

I don't really know much about him, I just know he has a shit-eating grin and in the windows of the shops he's doing some pseudo-Gladitors pose...argh! When my girlfriend watches him on the telly I stick on the ear-goggles and retreat into the internet. Well, when she watches most things on telly I do that.

Andy Murray weeping into a Choc-Ice

[na§tee]

mehehehe - you mean this pose? (http://www.dorothyperkins.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=20552&storeId=12552&categoryId=119533&parent_category_rn=119532&langId=-1&top=Y) god, that grin is shit-eating. i could swear he is almost biting the tip of his tongue there. shudder.

anthea turner getting her bikini line plucked by jim bowen. you can't beat a bit o' bully!

[roosta]

mehehehe - you mean this pose? (http://www.dorothyperkins.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/CategoryDisplay?catalogId=20552&storeId=12552&categoryId=119533&parent_category_rn=119532&langId=-1&top=Y) god, that grin is shit-eating. i could swear he is almost biting the tip of his tongue there. shudder.

anthea turner getting her bikini line plucked by jim bowen. you can't beat a bit o' bully!

That's the one!

Boris Johnson & Sir Ian Blair announce major new cake initiative.

[camo]

Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen starting a mosh pit at an anthrax gig

[Guy Incognito]

Chas & Dave cutting up MDF for the treehouse they are building in Nigel MAnsell's moustache and when they have finished Alicia silverstone is coming round and cooking them a blancmange vindaloo

[Yorkshire~Rose]

Best thread in ages (y)

[Guy Incognito]

Geoffrey Boycott and Linda Barker in an MC battle on the roof of a sky blue mini cooper being driven by Tinky Winky who is addressing the entire population of Nicaragua via his hands free kit telling them that all soup has been banned in their country.

[TAL]

The talking at the end ruined my chair dancing!

[Guy Incognito]

The talking at the end ruined my chair dancing!

:D I had a bit left on the cd so i just threw on that daft track at the end for a laugh, hope you enjoyed it. Im gonna put another one up soon which will have a bit more recent stuff on. I have a load of stuff from the last 5 years and i think i will just randomly put some up soon.


Norman Cook and Steffi Graff paintballing thru a herd of wilderbeest on an aircraft carrier

[gbsuey]

mary whitehouse and marilyn manson riding mini scooters through gill scott heron's radicchio patch wearing sequined chaps and kojak masks singing i'm every woman. on a monday

[Guy Incognito]

mary whitehouse and marilyn manson riding mini scooters through gill scott heron's radicchio patch wearing sequined chaps and kojak masks singing i'm every woman. on a monday

nice(y)

Heston Blummenthal remixing "Two little Boys" by Rolf HArris in a recording studio in The little house on the prarie with General Levy and Dame Vera Lynn on vocals and featuring Nicholas witchell playing a cucumber whilst knocking one off to a dvd of sea lions playing basketball.

[gbsuey]

vanessa feltz forgetfully eating cake......:eek:

[camo]

Ann Widdecombe winning page three idol 2009.


*shudders*

[gbsuey]

david dickenson and dale winton varnishing each other with super-strength mahogany

oh and i believe she/\ has the tits for it, if a little down-facing!

[camo]

david dickenson and dale winton varnishing each other with super-strength mahogany

but that sounds quite believable :D

[na§tee]

goddammit. i was going to do a david dickinson one. i wrote it on a napkin (serious).

[camo]

scan that shit in instead!

[na§tee]

timmy mallett practising morris dancing outside number 10.

[camo]

timmy mallett practising morris dancing outside number 10.

I think he's pitched that idea to Channel 5 to kickstart his career already!

[na§tee]

what?! the man doesn't need a career kick-start! he is established already.

i sent a letter into wacaday, once. infact, it was a drawing. i also sent a picture to hart beat.

timmy mallett, i think, is solely responsible for my liberal usage of the word "BLEURRGGHHH!"

[roosta]

i think he tried running for the Tories a few years ago.

Even though I don't live in his constituency, or even country, or support the Tories, i'd definitely vote for him. Imagine him getting up in the Parliament and hitting Gordon Brown with his hammer...

[camo]

Yeah not kick start, you know...whats the right word or phrase?

[gbsuey]

kill,end,destroy?

terry and june go dogging

[Guy Incognito]

goddammit. i was going to do a david dickinson one. i wrote it on a napkin (serious).

i have been thinking about stuff all day at work and jotting various things on my pad at my desk and everyone who has been to see me has been giving me very strange looks when they see things like:

Mr claypole giving tarka the otter a good talking to after she went offroading in the mystery machine with norma major, lemmy and paris hilton after picking them up at Hilton Park Services.

[roosta]

James Van Der Beek James Van Der Beeking a James Van Der Beek.

[Guy Incognito]

carlos querioz becoming a sister at holby city

[Freebasser]

Paul Daniels and the ghost of Linda McCartney stealing half time oranges from a Sunday League football match whilst wearing Hammer Pants, riding around on petrol-powered scooters and quoting Shakespeare.

[Guy Incognito]

michael eavis eating tiramasu with the swedish chef from the muppets whilst both having their facial hair trimmed with fake false teeth by armand van helden.

[gbsuey]

anthea turner saying fuck the housework and doing the ping-pong trick whilst giving keith chegwin a chinese burn and speaking in tongues down a flowerpot filled with sweetcorn and balanced on a copy of the bible

[Freebasser]

Cat Deeley watching an old tape recording of Sir Ian McKellen getting a tattoo of Penn and Teller on his buttocks courtesy of Ant and Dec during the filming of an edition of the Big Breakfast from 1995 (which is interrupted halfway through where it was taped over by footage of Les Dawson skydiving from a B-52 bomber into a cornfield in Surrey while shouting the word "knickers" and wearing a top hat with a picture of Top Cat on it, before ending abrubtly when he shatters both kneecaps on impact) while overdosing on a years supply of Chunky Monkey won through a wordsearch in the May edition of Take-a-Break magazine where the missing word was emphysema and the picture clue was a sepia photograph of Planetary having sexual intercourse with a waffle iron.

[roosta]

Gok Wan for Prime Minister

[Freebasser]

That is a really random thing to say. That is all.

[Planetary]

Me going :confused:

[Guy Incognito]

Bollocks, i go to play badminton (except i didnt cos the twats double booked us btw) and come back home to find freebasser has gone batshit on the thing and its all over.

[Freebasser]

Guy Incognito going to play badminton (except he didn't because the organisers made a double booking) and coming back home to find that Freebasser has gone batshit on the Gok Wan thread and it's all over.

[Guy Incognito]

Freebasser repeating the above post cleaning the language up for the kids and restructuring the sentence and hitting "submit post" and weraing a smug look on his face and then thinking "if guy incognito posts some twatty response to this post, i'll make a remark about by messing my gruds"

[Freebasser]

Freebasser repeating the above post and then hitting "submit post" and soiling his pants.

[roosta]

Kate Bush and Donald Sutherland controlling the weather on a hilltop with a cloudbusting machine.

[Freebasser]

Gordon Brown and Reese Witherspoon holding hands and skipping through a forest glade on a sunny day whilst Lily Allen throws twixes at nearby pixies.

[camo]

cristiano ronaldo signing for city

[Guy Incognito]

oh christ, not again.


Erm...


Gok wan nipping round freebassers gaff and asking him if he will head a government initiative to increase the popularity of mayonnaise

[Freebasser]

Shirley Bassey and the ghost of Enid Blyton making fart noises with their armpits during the encore at a Bon Jovi gig.

[na§tee]

richard and judy snorting wasabi on the elephant & castle line.

[Freebasser]

Bill Cosby eating a dozen packets of Quavers and driving down Sunset Boulevard in the A-team van.

[Guy Incognito]

a delegation from manchester city bidding 100 million pounds for kaka and ac milan accepti.. hang on.

[gbsuey]

Kate Winslet not at all regretting those noises she made upon receiving her award

[Freebasser]

Ben Fogle and a foreign exchange student who was harrassed into dressing as Animal from The Muppets judging a wet t-shirt competition on the sands under the old Brighton Pier whilst the crowd shave their eyebrows in unison to the sax solo from Right Said Fred's 'Deeply Dippy'.

[Guy Incognito]

Barry Grant and Dustin Gee getting jobs as class collectors at the Dog and partridge and having to pick up all the bits in the bottom of packets of pork scratchings thrown on the pub floor by a troop of innuits out on a stag night

[Freebasser]

Justin Lee Collins and Mark Thatcher browsing through a children's swimwear catalogue while queuing for curried jacket potatoes from a mobile burger van in Walsall town centre.

[Guy Incognito]

jurgen klinsmann going round esther rantzen's sisters and asking for a cup of sugar so he can make a camomile tea for mr tumble, only for him to say to jurgen "i dont fuckin like camomile tea but i like being involved in this fucking thread even less".

[Freebasser]

Zig and Zag buying porno mags in Baghdad.

[Guy Incognito]

Zig and Zag buying porno mags in Baghdad.

adam horovitz reading a thread on his own websites message board that has suddenly become a weak ass excuse for comedy and doesnt need resurrecting every so often especially if freeb is coming back with that bag of crap(n)

[paul jones]

Hairy Bikers having food sex with Holly Willoughby

[Guy Incognito]

mr and mrs meh doing meh with captain meh

[Freebasser]

adam horovitz reading a thread on his own websites message board that has suddenly become a weak ass excuse for comedy and doesnt need resurrecting every so often especially if freeb is coming back with that bag of crap(n)

Ouch.

[Guy Incognito]

Ouch.

it wasnt supposed to come out as "fuck off" as it did, it was supposed to reignite the inspiration that originally had me enjoying being part of this thread but i guess a week into no nicotine you bore the brunt of that, unless you were being sarky and couldnt give a shiny shite what i think

[roosta]

shut up

this is a very great thread.

[Guy Incognito]

shut up

this is a very great thread.

oi - i am aware of the comedy value of this thread, i like to think that i had some small part to play in that, obviously its freebassers baby but the last few posts have been a bit weak. all right. no need for the ferme la bouches.

[Guy Incognito]

arsene wenger streaking thru toys r us then suing guy incognito for possible defamation of character but losing because this is a random thread about putting people in situations they would never end up in

[roosta]

oi - i am aware of the comedy value of this thread, i like to think that i had some small part to play in that, obviously its freebassers baby but the last few posts have been a bit weak. all right. no need for the ferme la bouches.

guy incognito using phrases on messageboards that i don't understand

:(

[paul jones]

David Letterman having sex with his female colleagues

[Guy Incognito]

oi - i am aware of the comedy value of this thread, i like to think that i had some small part to play in that, obviously its freebassers baby but the last few posts have been a bit weak. all right. no need for the ferme la bouches.

guy incognito using phrases on messageboards that i don't understand

:(

ok well lets break it down into bitesize chunks

oi - a slightly aggressive beckoning to get someone's attention or the name of a briefly popular uk right wing punk music movement in the late 1970's/early 1980's

comedy value - a phrase to suggest how funny something is

small part - this can be used to describe that isnt very large i.e camo's penis

freebasser's baby - lets gloss over that one

a bit weak - to suggest that something isnt very strong or lacks substance and can be used in this example: Despite the fact that the midfield and foward line of arsenal is formidable and Vermalaen is a very rounded footballer, their defence is a bit weak

ferme la bouche - the literal translation of this french phrase is close the mouth but its actually used to be a bit more forceful than that, maybe the closest english equivalent is shut yer gob

I hope that clears that up.

this thread needs to get back on track now after this hilarious diversion.

[paul jones]

oi - a slightly aggressive beckoning to get someone's attention or the name of a briefly popular uk right wing punk music movement in the late 1970's/early 1980's

.

I have an Oi album.It's got 'Have a Cigar' by The Postmen on it which I love.It's not a Pink Floyd cover song though.

[Guy Incognito]

I have an Oi album.It's got 'Have a Cigar' by The Postmen on it which I love.It's not a Pink Floyd cover song though.

i am not sure if it was right wing or not that stuff - i was only a nipper at the time, i seem to temember reading once that garry bushell was involved with it all and he's a cunt.

right then.

gary bushell playing mini golf and having quite a successfull round till the sultan of brunei lands on the course in jimbo from jimbo and the jet set

[paul jones]

i am not sure if it was right wing or not that stuff - i was only a nipper at the time, i seem to temember reading once that garry bushell was involved with it all and he's a cunt.

right then.

gary bushell playing mini golf and having quite a successfull round till the sultan of brunei lands on the course in jimbo from jimbo and the jet set

yeah Bushell was involved but at least he doesn't sing or play any instruments anywhere on the album.He is probably the biggest cunt in the world of showbiz though.

[Guy Incognito]

yeah Bushell was involved but at least he doesn't sing or play any instruments anywhere on the album.He is probably the biggest cunt in the world of showbiz though.

i was in london about 15 years ago waiting for a taxi and bushell got out of one and paid the driver and gave him a card with a suspicious looking union jack logo. i think he was a journo who popularised the scene. cunt.

[roosta]

ferme la bouche - the literal translation of this french phrase is close the mouth but its actually used to be a bit more forceful than that, maybe the closest english equivalent is shut yer gob


this was the only bit i didn't understand.

[Guy Incognito]

this was the only bit i didn't understand.

yeah i thought so, i just thought of a coupla things to say, cheeky dig at yer football team etc. been off work today so it killed a bit of time.

[roosta]

yeah i thought so, i just thought of a coupla things to say, cheeky dig at yer football team etc. been off work today so it killed a bit of time.

oh, i skipped down to that bit. i'll revisit and consider my retort.

[Guy Incognito]

Louis walsh actually revealing that he is going to leave showbiz with his charges Boyzone to run a bakers called Father and Bun and there speciality is a scone with some mixed fruit in called "Love me for a raisin".

[Freebasser]

Couldn't help but think of this thread when I saw this (http://jimllpaintit.tumblr.com/)...

[Guy Incognito]

Five years ago. Wow. Good Times.

I just checked it to see if anyone had namechecked anybody involved in recent scandals. I spotted a barrymore but that was it.

Oh and i like the link. I liked the fact they insisted on using the delorean from the second film