Can Girls Get Stuck in the Friend Zone?

[insertnamehere]

I thought this was strictly a guy problem, but I realized today... I think it happens to me. I get stuck in the friend zone.

This is a new concept to me, girls that are "friend zone" material. What gets a girl stuck in the friend zone? Is it not strictly lack of physical attraction?

Discuss.

[TurdBerglar]

he probably respects you

hahaha

[Yetra Flam]

yeah it's lack of physical attraction

[TurdBerglar]

nah

he probably just respects her so he's friends with her. there's more respect involved in a freindship than there is in a girlfriend boyfriend relationship... for young guys anyways.

[insertnamehere]

A lot of people must really respect the hell out of me then

[TurdBerglar]

all it takes for a dude to respect a girl is for the girl to not be a pain in the ass

[insertnamehere]

So, if I want a guy to date me, I should be a pain in the ass?

[insertnamehere]

yeah it's lack of physical attraction

And in regards to this... what is it then if they guy talks to you everyday, calls you randomly to chat for long periods of time, AND has sex with you, but shows no signs of having any relationshippy feelings for you?

That's one guy in particular, but more generally, I make friends with lots of guys and none of them ever seem to "like me like that."

[TurdBerglar]

So, if I want a guy to date me, I should be a pain in the ass?


yeah


be a self absorbed disgusting loudmouth. you'll get more (cock)attention... sadly

[insertnamehere]

Turd, you say young guys. When does this wear off?

[TurdBerglar]

65

[Yetra Flam]

And in regards to this... what is it then if they guy talks to you everyday, calls you randomly to chat for long periods of time, AND has sex with you, but shows no signs of having any relationshippy feelings for you?

That's one guy in particular, but more generally, I make friends with lots of guys and none of them ever seem to "like me like that."


he wants to have you as a friend and use you for sex as well. if he has no relationship feelings for you, i guess he's just not into you.

[insertnamehere]

65
so then i need to go after someone like chewie?

he wants to have you as a friend and use you for sex as well. if he has no relationship feelings for you, i guess he's just not into you.
i see. i thought excellent friendship chemistry + sex = good datability potential

and apparently i have skills that, as a friend of mine put it, "makes me a keeper"

hmmmm

[insertnamehere]

I think its worth mentioning that I don't really want to date this guy, I'm just wondering why no guys ever want to date me.

[TurdBerglar]

guys want girlfriends they can show off. you need some bling

[Yetra Flam]

i feel you, i go through the same thing all the time.

[insertnamehere]

guys want girlfriends they can show off. you need some bling

So possibly lack of hotness?

Ugly chicks get boyfriends too. Ugly chicks waaay less cool than me. I'm fuckin cool as shit, in case you didn't know.

[TurdBerglar]

those ugly girls propbably cook or something

or do the laundry

[insertnamehere]

I cook. I give you a list of my girlfriend qualifications

1. Laid back
2. Awesome
3. Can cook (and enjoys it (and is good at it))
4. Is cool with video games (and understands why you REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS ONE PART)
5. Funny
6. Wants to have sex everyday
7. Can overcome gag reflex
8. And do it with a smile on her face
9. Not a bitch
10. Can drink like a man
11. Wants to go see good movies with you
12. Makes really good sandwiches. Really good. And fast. Basically a sandwich making expert

[TurdBerglar]

maybe you're too much of a dude


besides the whole gag reflex thing...

[insertnamehere]

Being too much of a dude is bad?

[Yetra Flam]

stop overthinking it

[TurdBerglar]

Being too much of a dude is bad?


there's a point


and yeah just chill the fuck out

[insertnamehere]

I'm chill... I'm not freaking out or anything. Just curious. I've gotten a lot of useful information out of this thread. I had no idea being too much of a guy was a bad thing. I thought that would sort of be desirable. Guys are always complaining about women doing girly woman things.

Hmmmm

Anyway, like I said, it's not even this guy in particular, I don't want to date him, it just made me realize that I always end up in this kind of situation, although before I'd have thought that it was because I was too ugly or something, but the fact that the dude will sleep with me makes me think that's not so much the issue.

Thank you for your input.

[TurdBerglar]

being chilled out like a guy is good. it's always good. but then there's a point when you become nothing different than an actual guy. that's not so good.

[insertnamehere]

Yeah I'm definitely not that manly. Just kind of manly. In a good way.

[sjp]

I cook. I give you a list of my girlfriend qualifications

1. Laid back
2. Awesome
3. Can cook (and enjoys it (and is good at it))
4. Is cool with video games (and understands why you REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS ONE PART)
5. Funny
6. Wants to have sex everyday
7. Can overcome gag reflex
8. And do it with a smile on her face
9. Not a bitch
10. Can drink like a man
11. Wants to go see good movies with you
12. Makes really good sandwiches. Really good. And fast. Basically a sandwich making expert

Thats kinda hot actually.

[insertnamehere]

alright, you can all queue up over there

[Loppfessor]

And in regards to this... what is it then if they guy talks to you everyday, calls you randomly to chat for long periods of time, AND has sex with you, but shows no signs of having any relationshippy feelings for you?



That's called "Why buy the cow if I'm getting all the milk for free" all the good stuff of a relationship with none of the bullshit...he's a smart dude

[insertnamehere]

Hmmm... I guess that's a good way to look at it. Actually a really good way of looking at it. So it's not that there's anything wrong with me per se. This isn't such a bad deal after all.

Also, he has to at least think I'm partially amazing because he's driving 2 hours to get here and staying with me for two days.

I'm a bit concerned though cause while we were talking tonight his ex was IMing him and was being all emotional and "really needing someone to be with her right now" and he took off for that, which is nice and all, but he better not get all "baaaw I still love her" and decide to not come/not make secks with me. :mad:

[insertnamehere]

That's called "Why buy the cow if I'm getting all the milk for free" all the good stuff of a relationship with none of the bullshit...he's a smart dude

This made me have to look for a piece of paper where my friends wrote down something I said one night whilst drinking:

Why have sex with a cow when you can get the milk for free?

I'm so glad they write these things down.

[russhie]

Yeah, the being too much like a dude thing is an issue, I think. Much as guys complain about girly things I think they appreciate some, uh, girly-ness to their girlfriends.

I don't know anything about this friend-zone-for-girls stuff though, I have trouble keeping boys as friends - they always fuck it up trying for more.

[thegoodmrbrodie!]

maybe you are friends with weirdos. this bloke you are mostly talking about seems like a weirdo. i dont think that the whole "too much of a bloke" thing holds too much water. yr previous list thing seems pretty good. maybe these guys are incompetent at starting relationships. lots of them are. i am.

here is my lists of things that stops me dating my female friends:

she is mentally unstable, she is my friends girlfriend, she is my friends ex-girlfriend, she is a lesbian, she lives really far away, and there is one i am working on. i am technically working on the lesbian too, but that is another story, for another time.

[faz]

I cook. I give you a list of my girlfriend qualifications

1. Laid back
2. Awesome
3. Can cook (and enjoys it (and is good at it))
4. Is cool with video games (and understands why you REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS ONE PART)
5. Funny
6. Wants to have sex everyday
7. Can overcome gag reflex
8. And do it with a smile on her face
9. Not a bitch
10. Can drink like a man
11. Wants to go see good movies with you
12. Makes really good sandwiches. Really good. And fast. Basically a sandwich making expert

A/S/L?

[Jitters]

I cook. I give you a list of my girlfriend qualifications

1. Laid back
2. Awesome
3. Can cook (and enjoys it (and is good at it))
4. Is cool with video games (and understands why you REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS ONE PART)
5. Funny
6. Wants to have sex everyday
7. Can overcome gag reflex
8. And do it with a smile on her face
9. Not a bitch
10. Can drink like a man
11. Wants to go see good movies with you
12. Makes really good sandwiches. Really good. And fast. Basically a sandwich making expert


Wow. This is an impressive resume, but maybe you're a little overqualified for this job ;)

Most guys don't really want a relationship or anything. Most of us are all about the mindless sex so if you're wanting anything other than that then you'll just have to wait.

[Lyman Zerga]

this thread just brought me my gag reflex back :(

i would marry you though

[Loppfessor]

Dude I meant it was a good deal for him...not YOU!...He's playin you for a fool

[bigblu89]

That's called "Why buy the cow if I'm getting all the milk for free" all the good stuff of a relationship with none of the bullshit...he's a smart dude

I was thinking the exact same thing.

You're fucking him, and he doesn't have to buy you nice stuff and buy you dinner. Why would he want to make you his g/f? You're giving him all the
benefits of having a g/f without him (1) Having to stay faithful to one woman, (2) the freedom to not have to explain why he'd rather hang with the
guys,or by himself instead of you for a night, and (3) just the overall hassles that come with a relationship.

[insertnamehere]

I feel that the arrangement is mutually beneficial. I'm having a good time, so whateves. As previously states, I don't really want to date him. Under different circumstances I totally would, but there are a few things that make that an impossibility, and I'm cool with that. It's just, yeah I realized guys only ever want to be friends with me and I'm not sure what the problem is.

[insertnamehere]

I was thinking the exact same thing.

You're fucking him, and he doesn't have to buy you nice stuff and buy you dinner. Why would he want to make you his g/f? You're giving him all the
benefits of having a g/f without him (1) Having to stay faithful to one woman, (2) the freedom to not have to explain why he'd rather hang with the
guys,or by himself instead of you for a night, and (3) just the overall hassles that come with a relationship.

Furthermore, I believe in going halfsies on things, or like, take turns paying for stuff, and I'm understanding of the fact that sometimes you need alone time/time with people that aren't me.

Yeah. I'm pretty easy to deal with. Although I have thought numerous times this summer that there's a shit load of movies I want to go see but I'm poor and it would be nice if I had someone to take me to them, haha.

[Loppfessor]

^If that is the kind of friend you are...then hell I wanna be your friend too!

[insertnamehere]

Not all of my friends get sex (read: this is the first time this has happened)... all the other stuff stands though.

Sweet everyone wants to be my friend now :cool:

[Loppfessor]

alright alright...anyway my theory based on the little bit I've read is that maybe you're being a lil too cool...lemme splain. I've had a lot of homegirls that were very attractive and fun yada yada but they became like one of the boys...hangin out with us boozin, watchin sports, etc. So then it got to the point where it was like "She is cool and all but she's pretty much one of the fellas now" you don't stop seeing them as sexually attractive but you feel like you'd hit it but could never date her

[Caribou]

^ Woah, I have the exact same problem. I have tons of male friends and have all the great qualities you listed (including going to cool gigs with them and buying them beer!) yet nothing ever happens!
There's one guy I've had a massive crush on for over a year, we've gone out together, got very drunk on numerous occasions, even shared a single bed twice and still nothing. I don't really know what to do about it, but I'm just biding my time untill I'm brave enough to tell him. It's also weird, because he's hot as hell but never had a gf before. Hmm...
I'm going to the Dour festival with him on the 17th, so who knows what'll happen.

edit:
Lopp might have a point. I am definitely 'One of the guys', but it's all I can be. When I become friends with dudes I do so by liking the same stuff they do, going to concerts all the time, rocking out, drinking, dancing, shouting, watching films with gore, more shouting...
I do try to look more girlie nowadays, but I can't change my interests. Oh, and I suck at flirting.
What to do?! *dramapose*

[Junker]

Only if the guy is gay.

[Dorothy Wood]

there really isn't an answer for any of this. I'm usually "just one of the guys" and the only way I've ever dated anyone was my own doing. my first real boyfriend in college I got sort of by luck by joining a halloween planning committee he was chairman of for our dorm. Then I kind of made sure I talked to him, and somehow we started IMing (IMing was fairly new and very exciting back then, especially on the fast connection). I ended up giving him romantic advice about some chick, and when that didn't work out, he was like, "shit, why don't we go out?" but I think that was just good timing.

I never dated anybody else in college after we broke up, but ended up making out with a bunch of dudes for various reasons...never resulting in anything concrete. I suppose I had a brief long distance relationship with someone I met online and became friends with, then he visited me and decided we liked each other and decided to kind of have an open relationship or whatever. clearly it didn't work, we're actually still friends though. his fiance doesn't like me. :/

erm, then I dated someone who liked the fact that I was "one of the guys", he was part of an extended friend group. he pursued me, but it took about 3 months before anything happened because I liked someone else.

and after that ended, I started dressing more girly, my hair grew out and then men started finding me more attractive physically and that got me dates, but nothing panned out until my last boyfriend who was one of my friends. I had never had a crush on him though, because cort had called dibs. I noticed that he seemed to be flirting with me sometimes, so I situated things so we would "accidentally" make out. and after that he started calling me and wanting to date...which was very surprising to me. it turns out that when he first saw me 6+ years ago, he said to his buddies, "I'm gonna fuck that girl". (he's kind of an ass). he was just too chicken shit to do anything about it.

but that didn't work out and to tell you the truth, at this point I kind of wish I never dated any of my friends and was just hooking up with people like I used to, because my heart is like, destroyed. :(




so yeah, I guess you kind of just have to be honest and go for stuff and/or manipulate situations to your favor. maybe the kinds of guys you like just aren't looking for relationships. people that are more independent and fun are usually not always thinking about finding someone to date.

[Echewta]

try this (http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=59558&title=phone-zone-follies)

[paul jones]

or this
http://youtube.com/watch?v=f0UOZ9NHDsY

[Junker]

Female friends of straight guys are usually not that attractive.Then if you girl are stuck in the friend zone you're probably ugly. Sorry! :(

[Yorkshire~Rose]

Female friends of straight guys are usually not that attractive.Then if you girl are stuck in the friend zone you're probably ugly. Sorry! :(

LOL! Ouch!

Hang on. I have quite a few male, straight friends :(

[Junker]

LOL! Ouch!

Hang on. I have quite a few male, straight friends :(

And they never tried anything?



EDIT: PS: I wasn't talking to you specifically. I should have said "...if you GIRLS..."

[Loppfessor]

but I think that was just good timing.



You just hit the nail on the head sister...love more than anything else is about timing.

[AceFace]

^ smart man.

and hey! girls with shorter hair can be attractive too!

i've always been that half one of the guys, half girly girl. it's worked out pretty well for me. i can drink with the guys, but i am girly enough to wear a dress out when i go and fix my hair nice. i will say i'm a little high maintenance which guys "complain" about, but ultimately prefer. of course i speak in generalizations here.

my husband complains that i buy too much make up and shoes and dresses, yet when i wear a nice combination of all three, i get many more compliments than if i just dressed like one of the guys.

i don't know what i'm getting at here other than a good balance of the two is what's gonna help you get out of the friendzone.

[Dorothy Wood]

and hey! girls with shorter hair can be attractive too!




I know, my hair is just too thick to have such a severe cut, I looked like a cartoon character. my hair was blue black, cut into a bob and I had very short bangs. people thought I was cute, but not hot. well, a couple of punk boys thought I was hot.

[Lyman Zerga]

i dont have male friends nor boyfriends nor sex

figure that one out

[beastieangel01]

how old are you again?

I was always one of the guys. No one ever saw me as more than just a friend. I got rejected more times than I can count on my fingers and toes.

Things can change with age.

But let me add that IF the sex thing is something you do because you want to be more than friends with the guy KNOWING that he doesn't want more, stop. Stop now. You are giving him all of yourself while wanting something that he does not.

Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

[Dorothy Wood]

I feel I have to add that my last boyfriend told me I was "the coolest girlfriend" he ever had, and hilarious. somehow that wasn't enough though, he was in love with girls before who had different interests and/or didn't think he was that cool.

so yeah, no answers. men are the worst.

even the ex of mine that's engaged is marrying a girl who's the total opposite of me: blonde, a marathon runner, going to school to be a doctor, wears makeup, preppy. but he still always wants to be bros with me.


I dunno, I'm starting to get a little down thinking about all of this. :(

[Yetra Flam]

Female friends of straight guys are usually not that attractive.Then if you girl are stuck in the friend zone you're probably ugly. Sorry! :(

LOL

[Echewta]

I have girls that are friends that I don't want to be any more than that and are attractive. I don't see the problem.

I don't understand those that think that guys can't be friends with girls without wanting to play Dig Dug with them. Geez.

[taquitos]

^ i played a couple of games of dig dug at the barcade last night, but it's not two player :(

[Caribou]

Female friends of straight guys are usually not that attractive.Then if you girl are stuck in the friend zone you're probably ugly. Sorry! :(

Way to destroy my self-esteem, dude. :mad:

I'm gonna go cry over a tub of chocolate icecream now.

[insertnamehere]

how old are you again?

I was always one of the guys. No one ever saw me as more than just a friend. I got rejected more times than I can count on my fingers and toes.

Things can change with age.

But let me add that IF the sex thing is something you do because you want to be more than friends with the guy KNOWING that he doesn't want more, stop. Stop now. You are giving him all of yourself while wanting something that he does not.

Respect yourself enough to know that you deserve better.

i'm 21... 22 in about a month (not that that really makes a difference)

and yeah, im not doing it with any kind of expectations of being anything more than friends. although we've moved up to cuddling, haha. up to cuddling. from sex. backwards much?

[Junker]

Way to destroy my self-esteem, dude. :mad:

I'm gonna go cry over a tub of chocolate icecream now.

Im quite sure you are not ugly. (y)

[spacemac9000]

I cook. I give you a list of my girlfriend qualifications

1. Laid back
2. Awesome
3. Can cook (and enjoys it (and is good at it))
4. Is cool with video games (and understands why you REALLY NEED TO FINISH THIS ONE PART)
5. Funny
6. Wants to have sex everyday
7. Can overcome gag reflex
8. And do it with a smile on her face
9. Not a bitch
10. Can drink like a man
11. Wants to go see good movies with you
12. Makes really good sandwiches. Really good. And fast. Basically a sandwich making expert

sounds like the perfect woman to me ! :eek: