Friends/exes GAH

[russhie]

So, is it possible to remain friends with an ex? How the hell is it possible?

I think I'm struggling to stay friends with mine, though I'd dearly love to.

[russhie]

Yeah, I do still love him (which makes it harder when I see him, because I get annoyed that he doesn't instantly try to jump my bones, is that weird?) but I'm ok with him seeing other people, I guess. I've been with other guys - he's the one who broke up with me/wants to keep the friendship intact, so it's confusing.

I have thought about abandoning the friendship altogether, so I can get over him - but then I realised that the main motivation to tell him to shove it was so I could hurt him, and he'd know what it was like, blah blah.

The dumb stuff is that we broke up for no particular reason - just some time apart (we were kids when we got together) and so we still loved each other and shit, and for the most part he was an ok boyfriend...but if I'm honest I can say that I'm not entirely sure why I still love him, as he caused me quite a bit of pain over the time we were together, and the rational part of me says I can find someone who suits me better emotionally?

I think I'm just pissed off because he got a pretty sweet deal being with me, and yet he seems to have packed up his feelings into a box and turf it into the far reaches of his mind to be dusted off at a later date (maybe).

We can still laugh and talk shit just like we used to, and it's not awkward or sad, which is the only reason I bother keeping him around.

I've written too much, hah.

[russhie]

Not insensitive at all, yeah, I do want him to admit he was wrong - some regret would be nice, haha. I'm happy to admit that. It doesn't helpt that the general consensus among our mutual friends, my friends, and his own friends is that he fucked up royally - I've had to tell his mates that it isn't about sides, and who was right etc. I also told them the breakup was mutual because I didn't/don't want anyone thinking I'm playing the victim card here. I think they should be more loyal to him, if anything, and yet they still say to me (not to him) that he has lost something great in losing me.

Oh, and the seeing other guys thing - I'm not seeing anyone properly, nor do I have any desire to...it's pretty much just having a few boys around to take me to dinner and bone me when I wish. I don't want to get involved properly with anyone till I've had some fun and sorted all my own shit out.

[RobMoney$]

and yet they still say to me (not to him) that he has lost something great in losing me.


They're only telling you that because they want to touch that ass.

[russhie]

^ Haha, what, you don't think I can spot that shit a mile away? It's happened so frequently, at least give me credit for being able to recognise those sorts of intentions. The people I'm referring to are not those kinda boys.

Edit: that was directed at RobMoney.

Crafty - pretty much, I think (misguided as it seems) that we have what it takes to see the relationship through to the end. Much as I'm pissed off at him for breaking up with/hurting me, there is still something there (much as I try to ignore it). But I also recognise that he may never think the same way, and that my future is just as likely to not have him in it. In which case I'm pretty confident I can find someone else that suits me just as well - but in different ways.

[RobMoney$]

Every heterosexual male is that kind of boy. trust me.

[russhie]

has he changed much since you met? i'm guessing he has since you two met when you were quite young. you're still young yourself, you might change soon enough. he's hurt you in the past and said yourself that you might find someone who's more emotionally suited, and you will.

how long has it been since your breakup?

A little over six months, so I guess it's still early-ish days after being together for so long. I can't really gauge how much either of us has changed - we met at 15/16, and spent our entire adult lives with one another (until we broke up, obviously) so alot of stuff goes on during that time of your life anyway. Aside from that, I'd say that we're essentially the same people, in that the stuff that attracted us to one another and kept us together is still intact.

[russhie]

Yeah, I'd be lying if I said I'd never wondered what it'd be like to be with other people, and so far it's been pretty entertaining - this is why I don't mind being single, I guess. It's alot more interesting than being in a relationship at this point in my life.

As for 'waiting'....until I fall out of love with him, I suppose - if I do stop loving him, I'll probably never quite feel the same way about him, and it would feel pretty pointless getting back together. Though at the rate I'm going, it'll probably be a good 1-2 years before I get over him, so that window will be open for awhile, haha.

[DandyFop]

You'll never be just friends...but you know that. If you want to get over him, friendship will have to wait a while...at least a year I would say. Sounds like you are keeping him around just because you are used to it and you harbor those hopes that he'll come around and realize what a dumbass he's been.

Dudes suck.

[Dorothy Wood]

I realize I can't do the friends thing. not yet. maybe not ever. can't tell yet though, I'm still friends with a couple of my exes. but I didn't love them as much, so meh.

I say stay away for awhile. but I don't know, there aren't many answers in situations like this.

[roosta]

me and my ex are good friends, and she's now close friends with my girlfriend.

its grand. was weird for a wee bit.

i have no advice to impart though. (y)

[na§tee]

i broke up with my boyfriend of six years last year.

i couldn't have wished for a more reasonable, adult, considerate and kind ex boyfriend. he could have spat the dummy, called me countless names, wished a WORLD OF PAIN on me, but he didn't. sure he was broken hearted, but he knew i wasn't doing anything to specifically hurt him. it was just the end of the road for us. he knew this. i just articulated it.

we lived apart for the last three years of it though.. only saw each other once every two weeks, so i think that helped. we didn't have to adjust to a complete halt of daily interaction.

i guess it depends on the individual and who did the breaking up. i know plenty of people who just have to draw a line under their previous relationships and stop all contact. my flatmate has changed his phone number a few times just become uncontactable by ex-boyfriends before. drama queen! : p

i think if i knew my ex wanted to get back with me that would be an entirely different kettle of fish. i know categorically he doesn't. he's trying to get into the dating scene again so i spend half my time reassuring him he's not past it at 26 :rolleyes:

[hpdrifter]

I've been close friends with both of my exes (serious, long term relationships) after the breakup but in both cases I was the breaker upper and I think that helped. I don't think you can overestimate the role of ego in situations like this. And in the first case (which was extremely hard) I took some time off after. Like 4 months of no contact. Then I fell madly in love with someone else and I really didn't care anymore and we became great friends.

[Freebasser]

I execute all my friends.

Wait... what?

[ET]

There's one thing I have trouble understanding. How can you be friends with someone you really care about but doesn't want to be so involved with you anymore? Especially if you have a fairly involved past and whatnot? I can see how if the relationship is fairly uninvolved or short term. But something years old? My definition of dumping someone means you're throwing the baby out with the bath water. And the tub too.

[russhie]

^ are you asking why I'd still want to remain friends with him after he dumped me? If so, then that's fairly easy to explain - we'd lived together for quite some time, and are used to daily contact. Shit, even when we were kids we went to the same highschool and saw each other daily. To have him in my life, even in a friendly capacity, allowed me (especially during the bewildering first few months) to retain a small bit of normalcy in my life. If I could talk to him, and touch base, then I would feel calmer and more capable of coping with my new life.

If you're wondering why he hasn't just thrown me out along with the bathwater and proceeded to scone me with the tub, it's because he cares about me. He says he values my friendship, and I believe him.

[monkey]

im attempting a friendship with my ex. the one who wanted an open relationship... well, i decided i cant hack that. so we broke up. but he's terribly important to me and im willing to try the friendship thing.

it's difficult for me, for similar reasons that the open relationship was difficult. im a possessive person. and i love this guy very much, but i know that ultimately we are not meant to be together. we really are like best friends who got carried away. he's changed my life and im eternally grateful, but i cant lie to myself and pretend that he's the one i want forever, he's not. still, it's so hard to let him go.

the friendship with the ex has never before worked for me. i feel like people need time apart to truly get over each other, and even that time apart never really does the job. still, if you care for someone enough to put aside a lot of those feelings of jealousy and whatnot, perhaps two people really can be friends.

[cookiepuss]

I think it's pretty unusual for people to break up and just be friends right away. that almost never happens unless it's really a mutual thing where both parties recognize the need to move on.

for most people, friendship is possible after they've had some space..emotional and physical.

for some, friendship is never possible with an ex...espcially if one or both parties is holding on to unresolved issues...

[ET]

If you're wondering why he hasn't just thrown me out along with the bathwater and proceeded to scone me with the tub, it's because he cares about me. He says he values my friendship, and I believe him.

It was kind of a rhetorical question but you answered it pretty well. It's rare to have someone around like that. I find that once you love somebody, you never really stop loving them. You just put that love in a different place.

:o/EMO:o

[skra75]

So, is it possible to remain friends with an ex?

No, it's not possible.

[cosmo105]

No, it's not possible.
(!)

[mikizee]

I think its possible. I'm great friends with my ex. Best friends even.