sharing, um, desires with your partner

[beastieangel01]

So there is someone I'm kinda seeing and so far he's wonderful. Only one problem: in the bedroom I go way beyond 'vanilla' and I am not sure that he does or has.

I don't want to scare him off. Honestly, some things I desire are things that some find scary, although I don't think they are by any means. Hence I'm trying to find some input on how to go about this from others that may tend to stick to vanilla (or those who have managed to entice their partner to the dark side, haha).

I have dropped major hints, and have flat out said what kind of role I like to play. It seems like he really does have tendencies towards the role I want him to play but just hasn't really followed through or had the chance to act on them before maybe. Other times things have happened for various reasons and he would say "sorry" and I would say "it's okay, I like/love it" and then he just kind of give a small laugh and move on.

This is driving me a little nuts.
And I figure this post might make some uncomfortable but it's okay. BBMB is a safe zone :p

[Drederick Tatum]

the board would love to help, but we're gonna need a more comprehensive list of the things you want done so we can give some constructive feedback.

[beastieangel01]

perv.

[Drederick Tatum]

says the girl with bonerbonerbonerbonerdickbonerboner in her sig.

[ToucanSpam]

This is sort of a difficult position you are in. You can't be pushy with your desires but at the same time you don't want to be living with vanilla...or whatever you want to call plain boring sex.


The best thing to do is probably what you were thinking about doing before: slowly introduce the topic and gradually introduce whatever things you want to do/say/whatever. Some people just need time to learn the ways of the 'dark side', as you call it.


Short version, just go with what you were probably planning on doing before, there isn't really a better alternative.

[Bjork]

have you tried to re-route the destination yourself with your hand?

[beastieangel01]

says the girl with bonerbonerbonerbonerdickbonerboner in her sig.

I wasn't the one that said it originally. Bite me!

[beastieangel01]

Some people just need time to learn the ways of the 'dark side', as you call it.

Time = is going to kill me. Maybe. Probably.

have you tried to re-route the destination yourself with your hand?

it's a little more complicated than just that.

[Waus]

I can't really speak from experience - but I've been talking a lot with my fiance about what we're both interested in trying. We're reading a book together about nuances in sexuality and how they connect with your relationship. Creation and expression of desires is a part of the book.

I know that sounds kinda "silly virgin" chatty - but it seems to me that building intimacy and communication is essential to getting what you want. There's no easy "sneak him a note and he'll get it and do it" answer I don't think. Well, not for long term satisfaction anyways.

[Bjork]

it's a little more complicated than just that.

elaborate on this ....

[beastieangel01]

I think that's a good thing, Waus.

My thing is I haven't only hinted. Like I said, I have flat out said what role I like to play. He knows what it entails, both through him being aware of it and because I've highlighted verbally the parts of it that are my favorite.

I just get the very strong impression that he feels uncomfortable with it but is at the very least curious.

I gotta say, I think TS is right. It's just a matter of time, really, and I probably need to keep reassuring him that I love it and want it.

I guess the REAL problem is that despite him being great overall, I have little patience so if he doesn't get with the program soon I will end up jetting.

I'm kind of an asshole. :(

[Freebasser]

It's ok. I like dressing up as a robot and fistfucking myself too.

[beastieangel01]

I may not be in to vanilla all that much, but I am not so far out in left field that I'd go for fistfucking, freebie.

To each their own or whatever so have fun with that. The robot part sounds kind of cool, though.

[Freebasser]

Hey, if that doesn't do it for ya, then how about driving over my chest with a tractor while a Lithuanian prostitute gives me a hand-job?

[Audio.]

it takes time till someone feels comfortable to present themselves. so, I guess waiting would be reasonable. I wouldn't like the peer pressure anyways.

[b i o n i c]

be careful though... you may start talking rough game and end up having him beat you at your own game. be clear as to what you want. people are weird. even if you're clear you will still meet losers who thought they could hang but can't. they. just. can't.

[beastieangel01]

perhaps I should write a one-page summary outlining what's okay, what I might be willing to try once (to see if I would like it in the future) and what's not okay at all. Safe word would be included in the summary.

Haha.

:mad:

[Bjork]

aside from the fact he has not dipped your chocolate ....

is he good in bed?
is he experimental?

you can usually tell right away if a guy is just a poker or someone who is more sensual and willing to explore ....

[b i o n i c]

a lot of times women (maybe men too, i dunno) will talk all sexy and shit, lotsa big talk and when it comes down to it it'll be some boring sex in the missionary position in the dark in complete silence. be clear. if the person has a hard time talking about sex, they're likely to have a hard time doing sex.

it doesnt have to be a sterile checklist on a clipboard type interrogation, you can talk it out and still have the whole thing still be hot and shit

[Audio.]

drug 'em.

[Freebasser]

Alright, alright, I'll settle for a homeless guy ramming a broomhandle up my arse while he yodels the theme from The Dambusters and tickles my nutsack with a feather duster.

[NoFenders]

I'd say if the guy has already been told, he's probably not into it. He might do it just to give ya what ya want, but he'll probably be uncomfortable doing so. So he may jet before you do. Just have fun and don't look too far into it.

:cool:

[beastieangel01]

He's good, yes. Experimental, not really so far.

And b, I am not all talk. I can promise you that. I'm pretty damned serious about what I want and like.

[beastieangel01]

I'd say if the guy has already been told, he's probably not into it. He might do it just to give ya what ya want, but he'll probably be uncomfortable doing so. So he may jet before you do. Just have fun and don't look too far into it.

:cool:

this makes me want to cry.
Because otherwise, he's a great guy.

[Bjork]

maybe he's not experienced in dipping chocolate, and worried about disappointing you, hurting you ....

When I was younger, I remember telling my ex ... certain things I wanted to try that I had not experienced yet and was curious about.

He didnt do it right away, although I saw a karma sutra book in his closet after I expressed my desires, and later .... he started experimenting ....

So, if he really wants to make you happy and fulfill your desires .... he might just be moving at his own pace. Be patient if you really like him. He might come around.

[cookiepuss]

I would just be direct and ask for what you want. I think that's pretty important if you are building a relationship.

but here's a way to do it that could be fun & interactive for both of you and maybe not as awkward as trying to ask for it in the heat of the moment.

Get a journal
and in it you write out a fantasy you have. You give him the journal and you ask him to read yours then write one of his fantasies in it. and so on and so forth, you keep exchanging it. it's your sexy little journal together, where you can safely express your desires. that should give you and him inspiration in the bedroom that is more than just a shot in the dark (so to speak) of what each other likes.

unfortunately though, if he's turned off by your inner freak, then he probably isn't the best partner for you. :(

[b i o n i c]

i didnt say you were all talk, crystal. i was just saying how you have to be clear, i think. other than just "oh yeah, im wild in the sack!" not that you're saying that either. just be clear.

do people really think of chocolate and sex as experimental?

[Bob]

ok you won't tell us what the fetish is but if we guess it right, will you tell us?

i'm guessing pirate fantasy

[beastieangel01]

do people really think of chocolate covered strawberries as experimental?

god, I fucking hope not.
If so I'm going to die single and frustrated.

[b i o n i c]

sounds dom/sub, teacher/student, authority/non-authority related

[b i o n i c]

god, I fucking hope not.
If so I'm going to die single and frustrated.

"honey, i wanna get wild! ...hold my pony tail! hold it tight!! no wait, get some whipped cream and put it on my butt, no, no wait... no wait, let's buy some of thise fuzzy handcuffs!! no one would ever think we're so deviant!"

[beastieangel01]

sounds dom/sub, teacher/student, authority/non-authority related

yes. And I'm hoping he does come around and I'm hoping that unlike my usual self, I'm less of an asshole and am a little more patient.

The only other thing is: part of the fun is when someone REALLY enjoys their role. I'd love for him to really enjoy it too and it not be just a "well okay I don't get in to this but I will do it because she likes it."

:(

I wish I were normal.

[beastieangel01]

"honey, i wanna get wild! ...hold my pony tail! hold it tight!! no wait, get some whipped cream and put it on my butt, no, no wait... no wait, let's buy some of thise fuzzy handcuffs!! no one would ever think we're so deviant!"

hahahaHAHAHAHA :D

:( *cries*

[cookiepuss]

I wish I were normal.


either you are normal or I'm also a deviant. :o

[Bjork]

Brownie packers UNITE!

[cookiepuss]

damn it bjork! all you can think about is the anal.:rolleyes:

[Bjork]

she hasn't elaborated on other desires .... all I have read is chocolate dipping ... which personally I don't think is taboo.

Now talk about ear wax packing and booger packing and you might get my attention.

[cookiepuss]

Now talk about ear wax packing and booger packing and you might get my attention.

you gotta have a tiny dick for that don't you?

[ToucanSpam]

You see, to them, you're just a freak...

:D

[cookiepuss]

My head under her leg under my arm under her toe.
She says, 'I like it when you scream, baby let yourself go.'
I hit it and split it, lick it and quit it.
After the ride, put my clothes on and walk outside,
And before anybody gets a chance to speak,
I say, 'Yo, don't say nuttin', I guess I'm just a freak!'

:cool:

[Drederick Tatum]

I'm pretty sure most dudes would jump at the chance if a girl suggested an 'alternative route.'

[cookiepuss]

I'm pretty sure most dudes would jump at the chance if a girl suggested an 'alternative route.'

translation: I would like it! Pick me! Pick Me!;)

[Randetica]

im feeling like a freak cause my asshole never got horny yet

[NoFenders]

this makes me want to cry.
Because otherwise, he's a great guy.

Didn't want to make you feel that way.

He may be a real nice guy. So nice, that he doesn't want to think for a second that he'd cause you any pain. By him saying sorry and such, I'd take it as he feels he's hurting you. Or he's had another relationship where the girl would flip out (in a bad way) if he ever went near that idea. I'd re-assure him that things were cool with that scene, and even help him at going about it. Just tell him what you want, while you're doing it. Don't bring it up at lunch. See where it goes from there. If still nowhere, then my previous post should be spot on.But there's still hope!

:cool:

[Freebasser]

Somebody suspend Bob from the rafters and spank him while I beat myself off to it.

[ToucanSpam]

Somebody suspend Bob from the rafters and spank him while I beat myself off to it.

Only if I am allowed to film it and sell for profit.

[Freebasser]

Go ahead.

Coats go in the spare room. All other clothes too.

[Bob]

is this your fetish BA? because that was my next guess actually

[ToucanSpam]

Go ahead.

Coats go in the spare room. All other clothes too.

Ball gags, y/n?

[kaiser soze]

Show him some pictures from goatse

=O=

[Jitters]

These two if he likes video (http://www.myextralife.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/08/bioshock-shocker.jpg) games (http://lh6.ggpht.com/MDM5280/R5KDIPkDyrI/AAAAAAAAAC4/QcGKA2l2xsE/Link.JPG?imgmax=512) (y)

[cookiepuss]

"honey, i wanna get wild! ...hold my pony tail! hold it tight!! no wait, get some whipped cream and put it on my butt, no, no wait... no wait, let's buy some of thise fuzzy handcuffs!! no one would ever think we're so deviant!"

wild? sounds more like MILD to me.:rolleyes::D

[Myu-to]

This thread is rather disappointing and boring, well except for Freebie.;)

[beastieangel01]

He may be a real nice guy. So nice, that he doesn't want to think for a second that he'd cause you any pain. By him saying sorry and such, I'd take it as he feels he's hurting you. Or he's had another relationship where the girl would flip out (in a bad way) if he ever went near that idea. I'd re-assure him that things were cool with that scene

That's the thing he'll say "sorry" and I keep telling him it is fine, good, please keep doing so, etc. He needs to let go the thought that he is hurting me or degrading me when it's something I actually want. The fact that I like someone enough and would put that kind of trust in someone to do those things is in fact no where near the realm of degrading. if anything it's a major compliment and it feels far more intimate to me.

and even help him at going about it. Just tell him what you want, while you're doing it.

Only downside here is that if I tell him during it completely defeats the purpose.

By the way, the anal thing is not taboo and that is not what I am talking about. I figure people can connect the dots at this point though as far as what realm I'm touching on so I'm going to leave the details out.

[beastieangel01]

This thread is rather disappointing and boring, well except for Freebie.;)

I write and send all the actual, detailed stories to Hustler, yo.

[Freebasser]

And I provide the pictures ;)

[robertdowneyjr]

Maybe he's never slept with a whore before

[Echewta]

I make chocolates. Not sure how that helps but just saying...

[NoFenders]

The fact that I like someone enough and would put that kind of trust in someone to do those things is in fact no where near the realm of degrading. if anything it's a major compliment and it feels far more intimate to me.



He has to be open to that connection. It is a major compliment in the right scenario. But he has to be open to it. If he thinks of it as dirty and just a thing people do when they fuck, then he might be more intimate than you believe him to be. I guess it all depends on how long the two of you have known each other and been intimate with each other. If it's been a while, then maybe he just doesn't want to think of you in that light. You may be his perfect angel. You haven't been pretending to be something you're not have you?? I mean, would it come as a total shock for him to think you'd seriously like it?

:cool:

[Bob]

i figured it out, i figured out what the fetish is! you're a senator, trying to push through a piece of reasonably popular legislation, but oh no! he's a member of a minority opposition party, and he's filibustering you! you get bored, you look at the clock, you start to read the paper and as you're doing so he gets concerned and says "i'm sorry i'm boring you aren't i?" but you're like "no goddamnit, keep going, i was almost there!"

freak

[BBboy20]

...you could just try the more exhausting yet exotic thrusting positions.

[Lex Diamonds]

So surriously Crystal, what are you into? I'm up for pretty much anything, except ass play.

[King PSYZ]

Bob you always make me laugh so hard I cry, good show ol chap.

[Bob]

Bob you always make me laugh so hard I cry, good show ol chap.

i bet that's crystal's fetish. he tells jokes and she starts crying and he says "oh my god are you ok?" and she goes "goddamnit you ruined it, stop asking if i'm ok that's not how fetishes work"

[King PSYZ]

how do I quit you Bob!

[Bjork]

I am glad I am not the only one who noticed the lack of dots, in this connect the dots puzzle.

[Lex Diamonds]

So Skye I'm getting the feeling you love it in the ass? I guess I always kinda had you down as a dirty slag. Good on you. (y)

[Bjork]

where exactly did I state I like anal sex?

I don't discuss my personal exotic pleasures on a message board, so I can receive feedback from virgin-lack of sex having-mutants.

so, you basically just called BA01 and Cookiepuss dirty slags, since they are the only ones who came forth.

[Lex Diamonds]

Methinks the lady doth protest too much. Does it hurt? I've heard chicks say it "hurts good", whatever that means. You crazy bitches. :rolleyes:

[kaiser soze]

Best thing about anal is that nobody gets pregnant

It's god's birth control

All praise God and Ass :)

[Bob]

up the bum = no babies

[Bjork]

up the bum = no babies

like you'd know.

[Bob]

like you'd know.

i read it on a t-shirt once

well a picture of a t-shirt :(

[ToucanSpam]

Bahhhh

Why does ass play have such a bad reputation?

[Bjork]

I think I got it!

She likes to be urinated on! maybe a little poo poo too!

[Bob]

no no, i think she has an ape fantasy (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/07/15/sources-recall-mccains-jo_n_112955.html)

[ToucanSpam]

Symphorophilia: sexual arousal from disasters, perhaps.

[King PSYZ]

up the bum = no babies

keepin it old school

[Bjork]

Erotic asphyxiation!

Maybe she likes to be chocked.

[jackrock]

It's obvious. She's into zombies.

[adam_f]

RAPE FTW!

[Bob]

there are no winners in rape

[jackrock]

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

[adam_f]

Originally posted by Bob
there are no winners in rape

Rape isn't a competition.

[Bob]

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

lol

[Bjork]

it can't be rape, if it's consensual.

[funk63]

9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape.

Really? I thought it would be less.

[kaiser soze]

Really? I thought it would be less.

If you hate sloppy seconds :mad:

[adam_f]

There's way too much innuendo here and not enough blowjob speak.

[ToucanSpam]

Speaking of blow jobs, I met a girl a couple years ago who absolutely refused to go down on anyone, refused the thought of someone going down on her, but she went batshit for sex. What's the deal with that? She was sort of arrogant, maybe she thought it was below her.

[adam_f]

Originally posted by ToucanSpam
maybe she thought it was below her.

Haha I read into that too much but I laughed.

[cookiepuss]

where exactly did I state I like anal sex?

so, you basically just called BA01 and Cookiepuss dirty slags, since they are the only ones who came forth.

now just a sec...I didn't say anything about anal sex in here either! damn it. I like to be tied to a desk and have paper clips thrown at me while a midget who looks like William Shatner licks my toes.

[na§tee]

...you could just try the more exhausting yet exotic thrusting positions.
hahaha.. totally loled at that.

i think it's some sort of dom/sub scenario and if you're trying to make this guy feel comfortable with the dom role and he hasn't done anything like that before, it might take a few baby steps, but if you make it really clear you find it super hot, who can argue with that?

[Lex Diamonds]

Bahhhh

Why does ass play have such a bad reputation?.

[adam_f]

Originally posted by beastieangel01
By the way, the anal thing is not taboo and that is not what I am talking about. I figure people can connect the dots at this point though as far as what realm I'm touching on so I'm going to leave the details out.

You figured wrong.

[ms.peachy]

i think it's some sort of dom/sub scenario and if you're trying to make this guy feel comfortable with the dom role and he hasn't done anything like that before, it might take a few baby steps, but if you make it really clear you find it super hot, who can argue with that?

Well, the thing is though, some guys are never really going to be happy or comfortable in that role. Some men are not particularly turned on by the notion of a submissive partner. She's said that she wants him to enjoy it, and not just do it to make her happy, and that might not ever happen. And if that's the case, then this might not be the guy for her, even if he seems perfect in every other way.

[na§tee]

well of course i wasn't suggesting 'you think it's hot > ergo of course he'll be comfortable! who doesn't want to turn you on, man?!' i just meant i'm sure he wouldn't be averse to baby steps at first. that's what i was getting at. crystal has said he has shown a little indication for a preference already and if that's the case, i think he'd be down with a little push in that same direction. if he's not up for it, no biggie, move on.

[Planetary]

tell him to man up and stop being such a god damn PUSSY =@

[ms.peachy]

if he's not up for it, no biggie, move on.

I dunno, I would say if he's not up for it and it's a relationship-ender, then that is in fact a "biggie".

[na§tee]

arrgghh.

nevermind. can't be arsed explaining.

i'm going to the pub.

[Planetary]

:@

[ms.peachy]

arrgghh.

nevermind. can't be arsed explaining.

i'm going to the pub.
Liquid lunch today?:p

[Planetary]

:p:p:p:p:p

[russhie]

I couldn't be arsed reading this thread and trying to uncover the deviant behaviour you're referring to, but yeah. My two cents.

I think most girls enjoy being slapped around a bit in the bedroom, it's not really that deviant or whatever. Most girls I know like being held/thrown/smacked to the point minor bruising, or whatever. Of the boys I've encountered all but one of them didn't go far enough without some prompting, and they back off pretty fast once you get going. It's not so bad. I'd rather that than some careless idiot who goes too far, and bangs you up pretty bad. That's no fun.

Anyway, boys don't really want to hurt you. They're afraid and even though you're asking for more it's not usually enough to convince them to do something they know could potentially be physically/emotionally hurty. Or something.

[mikizee]

I've almost always been willing to experiment and do whatever my partner has brought up. I'm fairly open minded.

Although I have drawn the line and said no once.

[Lex Diamonds]

Ass play?

[mikizee]

Nothing wrong with ass play, my friend.

[na§tee]

Liquid lunch today?:p
haha. just one corona sorted me out. sorry. i am a bit exasperated lately.

/pinches peachy's nipples. ooo-er!

[Lex Diamonds]

Nothing wrong with ass play, my friend.
No problem if I'm the one doing the playing but my back door is exit only. I can't imagine how you would enjoy that shit.

[mikizee]

Well yeah, I assumed you were talking about female ass play.

Just noticed you hit the big 10K post mark.

I'lll have some noodles to celebrate.

[rirv]

As long as she's not into gaping...

[ms.peachy]

No problem if I'm the one doing the playing but my back door is exit only. I can't imagine how you would enjoy that shit.

You'd be amazed how many happily hetero men do. It's all about nerve endings, my friend. Your nervous system is remarkably non-discriminating in what it finds more-ish. It's only your brain that gets in the way and says 'how dare you take pleasure in this!'

[beastieangel01]

Well, the thing is though, some guys are never really going to be happy or comfortable in that role. Some men are not particularly turned on by the notion of a submissive partner. She's said that she wants him to enjoy it, and not just do it to make her happy, and that might not ever happen. And if that's the case, then this might not be the guy for her, even if he seems perfect in every other way.

ms.peachy is spot on and a smart woman.

also all the speculation I find hilarious, so I'm going to just let people continue with it for amusement purposes and still not give details of the various acts and such I am speaking of. However, I keep sanitary so poo and pee is just vomit-inducing. No.

But if you all think ass play is some kind of "OMG THIS IS CRAZY WILD" taboo thing and think THAT is what I am talking about... wow. You guys need to get out of that cave you are living in. ;)

[venusvenus123]

it's dogging, isn't it.

[Bob]

you like to suspend yourself from ropes on the ceiling and pretend that you're a fighter jet and your boyfriend is one of those mid-air refueling tanker planes. he's suspended from the ceiling on a moving track of some sort and you guide him in slowly until he...uh...refuels you

[King PSYZ]

*dies*

[rirv]

I think it is gaping.:(

[b-grrrlie]

If you're into bondage and gagging you gotta be really careful.
Once my workmates sister and her boyfriend came home drunk and really horny and next morning he found her
all tied up hands and feet, gagged and dead over the toilet seat...

[Jitters]

gagged and dead over the toilet seat...

:eek:

[Waus]

If you're into bondage and gagging you gotta be really careful.
Once my workmates sister and her boyfriend came home drunk and really horny and next morning he found her
all tied up hands and feet, gagged and dead over the toilet seat...

The mood in this thread was just ruined. :(

[Bob]

The mood in this thread was just ruined. :(

maybe for you

[ToucanSpam]

Seriously, let's talk about ass play.

[robertdowneyjr]

Why all the secrectz?

It aint like this board is all PG13 and shitz.

weze all seen your nekkid "art" photos, nothing you say would shock us now hun.

[beastieangel01]

haha Bob!

Oh no, Robert, you got me. I'm not sharing because I'm saving that kind of material and content for my BDSM informational sex blog I'll be writing in the near future.

[Randetica]

You'd be amazed how many happily hetero men do. It's all about nerve endings, my friend. Your nervous system is remarkably non-discriminating in what it finds more-ish. It's only your brain that gets in the way and says 'how dare you take pleasure in this!'

im more like the opposite

i probably wouldnt enjoy it but i would give it a try

i think i need more prostate to feel shit

[Documad]

Well, the thing is though, some guys are never really going to be happy or comfortable in that role. Some men are not particularly turned on by the notion of a submissive partner. She's said that she wants him to enjoy it, and not just do it to make her happy, and that might not ever happen. And if that's the case, then this might not be the guy for her, even if he seems perfect in every other way.
Exactly.

By the way, I feel bad for this guy, and it seems like he might be better off if this ends sooner rather than later. If he's just reluctant at first but then gets into it, then good for the both of them. But if I'm reading this correctly, he isn't into it. It sounds like he might get dumped because he doesn't get sexually excited by physically hurting a woman he cares about. He sounds like the kind of guy you would kind of want your hypothetical son to grow up to be, yes?

It might be easier to find a guy who's into what you're into right up front, rather than trying to get other guys to enjoy something they're not into. I don't know. It's so fucking hard to figure out what people are into because you sure can't tell by looking at them.

[adam_f]

I'll choke a bitch if it means vagina.

[beastieangel01]

I'll choke a bitch if it means vagina.

adam_f,
have I told you lately,
that I love you?

Actually, I did. So wtf.

[Randetica]

didnt you have a similar problem with one of your exes before? but i think he was an ass too

[Freebasser]

Yeah, but he liked it in the ass, so it sorta balanced itself out.

[RobMoney$]

Everyone's seen the pics of Crystal in her costumes.
She's pretty open about it.
WTF did you guys think she was up to?

[adam_f]

Originally posted by beastieangel01
adam_f,
have I told you lately,
that I love you?

Actually, I did. So wtf.

I was saying I love you back. God.

[ms.peachy]

Everyone's seen the pics of Crystal in her costumes.


I haven't.

Anyway, the thing is, if this is an important part of her overall lifestyle - and it sounds like it is - then, you know, a partner who doesn't share this interest is not, in the long run, going to be an ideal match and in the end both are likely to end up feeling angry, put-upon and frustrated. So it is better then to end things before there is any more emotional involvement. Sex is important, and although there is always some room for compromise, there are also sometimes some things that are dealbreakers. It doesn't make either party a bad person, just people with different priorities in life.

[beastieangel01]

he doesn't get sexually excited by physically hurting a woman he cares about.

I think this sounds a lot worse than you intended. At least, I hope so. I think he has tendencies and might just need an introduction to it which I am trying to ease him in to and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I'm not ridiculously in to the 'scene' or anything. But I do love a lot of the elements of it, so I pick and choose the elements I want.

But I am going to expand on it only because I think sometimes people will feel ashamed for being interested in such things due to the negative comments people tend to make about it.

It's not JUST about hurting someone. Yes there is pain but pain is not solely the point.

It is just one of many ways that two people show how much they care about each other. Sure, to some it may be it's a twisted way of showing it, but as the saying goes "to each their own."

It's very much psychologically involved. For many of those that enjoy it, it gets them off because of the level of intimacy psychologically speaking. From a sub perspective it is showing surrender and trust.

Then the dominant? The dominant is proven trustworthy through acceptance both their limitations as well as their sub. They show compassion and need to be responsible to the needs of the sub both physically and mentally, otherwise they are just a cruel sadist. They need to be intelligent in the sense that they have to know the proper way to use toys, tools and the like. They need the patience to teach if necessary.

I'll take this from something someone else wrote:
A dominant serves their submissive by and through their dominance. By intelligently applying their dominant nature, and meeting the physical and emotional needs of the submissive, the dominant mutually serves the submissive. A successful dominant remembers that without a submissive, there is no such thing as a dominant. And that to receive the submission of a person is a gift.

Anyway I'll stop there. I just had to say something because I would hate for someone to read over this and think it's some kind of terrible, shameful thing. If you aren't in to it, no problem, don't do it. If you are, be smart about it. That's all.

Looks like I wasn't joking about writing a blog about it after all. Haha!

[RobMoney$]

I haven't.


She's posted some in the Family Album.

[Freebasser]

So we're talking about chaining people up and beating them? I'm afraid that my fellow Brits and I will have to stop contributing to this thread forthwith, in order to comply with UK law.

[Randetica]

now thats just softcake sex to me

[Bob]

it sounds like the doms get the short end of the stick there, it sounds like a lot of work. i think i'll just stick to good old not getting laid

[Bjork]

*covers bob's eyes, and escorts him out of thread"

[ms.peachy]

She's posted some in the Family Album.

I don't do the pics forum. I don't want anything to ruin the images I have of all of you in my head.

[ms.peachy]

the dominant is proven trustworthy through acceptance both their limitations as well as their sub.
T'salright babe, anyone who knows a bit about it knows it's all about 'topping from the bottom' ;)

[beastieangel01]

T'salright babe, anyone who knows a bit about it knows it's all about 'topping from the bottom' ;)

:D

[Randetica]

I don't do the pics forum. I don't want anything to ruin the images I have of all of you in my head.

beastieangel shows up in her avatar and her ass is unbelievable bangable


sorry for the spoilers

[NoFenders]

So we're talking about chaining people up and beating them? I'm afraid that my fellow Brits and I will have to stop contributing to this thread forthwith, in order to comply with UK law.


Max Mosely sure has a lot of fun with it.

:cool:

[Bjork]

I think this sounds a lot worse than you intended. At least, I hope so. I think he has tendencies and might just need an introduction to it which I am trying to ease him in to and if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out. I'm not ridiculously in to the 'scene' or anything. But I do love a lot of the elements of it, so I pick and choose the elements I want.

But I am going to expand on it only because I think sometimes people will feel ashamed for being interested in such things due to the negative comments people tend to make about it.

It's not JUST about hurting someone. Yes there is pain but pain is not solely the point.

It is just one of many ways that two people show how much they care about each other. Sure, to some it may be it's a twisted way of showing it, but as the saying goes "to each their own."

It's very much psychologically involved. For many of those that enjoy it, it gets them off because of the level of intimacy psychologically speaking. From a sub perspective it is showing surrender and trust.

Then the dominant? The dominant is proven trustworthy through acceptance both their limitations as well as their sub. They show compassion and need to be responsible to the needs of the sub both physically and mentally, otherwise they are just a cruel sadist. They need to be intelligent in the sense that they have to know the proper way to use toys, tools and the like. They need the patience to teach if necessary.

I'll take this from something someone else wrote:


Anyway I'll stop there. I just had to say something because I would hate for someone to read over this and think it's some kind of terrible, shameful thing. If you aren't in to it, no problem, don't do it. If you are, be smart about it. That's all.

Looks like I wasn't joking about writing a blog about it after all. Haha!

With this being said.

I am going to assume your are SUB and you would like him to be the DOM.

I would assume if he hasn't even attempted to venture to your back door, he will probably never play the role you are wanting of him in the bedroom.

It seems pretty straight forward.

[Bob]

With this being said.

I am going to assume your are SUB and you would like him to be the DOM.

I would assume if he hasn't even attempted to venture to your back door, he will probably never play the role you are wanting of him in the bedroom.

It seems pretty straight forward.

it does?

[Bjork]

it does?

no, its doesn't make any sense actually.

all I am saying .... if he hasn't slammed her chocolate yet....

I doubt he will ever go further into more extensive sexual conduct.
Whatever it may be.

That's all I am saying.

[beastieangel01]

it's pretty early on still, so the door isn't closed on the matter, yet. The point was to hopefully find a way to talk about it without scaring him away completely because he IS really wonderful in every other way thus far. Like peachy said though, everyone has different priorities. While the bedroom may not be my ONLY priority, it IS high up on my list of what needs to be satiated if I am to be in a successful relationship with someone.

And actually via PMs and some more serious responses, I now have a few ideas I may try to help ease him in to it if it turns out he is interested in trying it out. With any luck, he'll love it.

If not, well, that would suck but c'est la vie. We just aren't compatible then. There are plenty of other fish in the sea, etc. I'll just be kind of bummed about it for a little while.

[Echewta]

Sorry, can we call it something else besides chocolate? Give me a break.

[Bjork]

Sorry, can we call it something else besides chocolate? Give me a break.

Sorry Godiva ....
I have never experienced a dilemma in the bedroom.
I am rusty on subjects like this.

or maybe I am trying to entice you!

[Echewta]

Well, Godiva is crap so now i'm confussed.

[Documad]

I think this sounds a lot worse than you intended. At least, I hope so.
I don't know what I intended. You weren't straightforward re what you're talking about. I don't blame you. I wouldn't post details on a public forum. I only spent a limited amount of time trying to make sense of the thread. Some people think you're just talking about anal, others think you're talking about heavy stuff. Bgrrlie has us imagining people dying on toilets. :D

I think you're smart to articulate what you want (whatever it is). I think you owe it to yourself and him to end it if you know it's not going to work. That's my very limited input based upon very limited info. :rolleyes:

I can't stand Godiva.

[Bjork]

Her original post is what confused everyone ... including myself, because all it really states is going beyond "vanilla".

There are so many other sexual acts outside of more pain inducing elements she is now referring to.

[rirv]

Echewta is into docking.

[Echewta]

I'm also in to interlocking.

[Dorothy Wood]

I think it's kind of a shame and worries me when people's sexual fetish needs are so great that they would cause one to end a relationship with an otherwise decent person.

but, I guess I'm saying that as a person whose deviances are adequately satisfied by porn every now and again. not to say a little pain isn't fun sometimes, I just don't want/need it enough to construct my life around it.

I don't mean to sound too judgemental. I just get worried, about the violence...as a friend several of women who have been victimized by men, it's just scary to me. :/

good luck.

[Planetary]

it's pretty early on still, so the door isn't closed on the matter, yet.

The back door? ;););););)

[venusvenus123]

i don't get the godiva hate. :confused:

[King PSYZ]

I'm also in to interlocking.

electroshocking?

[b i o n i c]

I think it's kind of a shame and worries me when people's sexual fetish needs are so great that they would cause one to end a relationship with an otherwise decent person.

but, I guess I'm saying that as a person whose deviances are adequately satisfied by porn every now and again. not to say a little pain isn't fun sometimes, I just don't want/need it enough to construct my life around it.

I don't mean to sound too judgemental. I just get worried, about the violence...as a friend several of women who have been victimized by men, it's just scary to me. :/

good luck.


what does a sexual fetish have to do with vicimization? confused

[Dorothy Wood]

what does a sexual fetish have to do with vicimization? confused

ugh. I don't want to have to explain. I'm talking about people who were raped and/or molested by men, or sexualized at a young age. I don't know, it's just...brings about an upset feeling in my tummy when thinking about women being dominated. I understand it, the thing that ms. peachy said, "topping from the bottom". I'm not saying ba01 wants to be victimized. I suppose I just get concerned when people let their sexual urges take over their life. and this has to do with my former step-father who molested my best friend...thereby ruining his life, her life, our friendship, my family's life, and then his family's life when he ultimately killed himself because of it. it set off a chain of events that can never be repaired. I'm not saying ba01's interests are on par with that, by any means.

I guess I just get a little uneasy. but perhaps I just don't understand because I don't have a submissive bone in my body.

[cookiepuss]

u I suppose I just get concerned when people let their sexual urges take over their life.


well it's one thing when you're talking about a sexual addiction or deviance that involves children...but it's far different thing to be with a partner who doesn't share your sexual style.

if she can't be herself in the bedroom with him then in the long run it's not going to be a satisfiing relationship... Beleive me I spent 6 years with a man who had a much lower sex drive than me, was not into the same stuff I was and always expected me to take control, when what i really wanted was for him to take control or at least have it be more equal. I loved that man with all my heart and we tried to make it work...but you just can't change who a person is at their core.

BA01 is YOUNG woman. Why should she settle for something that doesn't rock her socks? Sex is important to a lot of people...not just in terms of gratification but also in terms of their self esteem. Shit when you are 50 you can settle for mediocre sex if want, but it's kinda unrealistic to ask a 20 something woman to lock up her sexual identity for her partner. There's a good chance the a better match for her still exists out there.


also there are all different levels of Dom/submissive play. you may be imaging something far more violent than what is actually going to go on.

[Echewta]

Godiva in America is different from Godiva in Europe.

[beastieangel01]

also there are all different levels of Dom/submissive play. you may be imaging something far more violent than what is actually going to go on.

agreed. When you said "violence," that's not really what I'm getting at. Which is not to say that people NEVER do that, they do. But it's not what I'm looking for. I think it's hard to understand if you've never been directly involved or witnessed it. Also, on that note, if you look for it in porn it's a terrible example. I have seen maybe one or two porns that really depict what I am looking for accurately and even then not really because those two people are just porn employed and not two people in some kind of a relationship.

anyhow, I can go on and on but honestly, do not worry. I actually really appreciate that you'd even be concerned, D.

This side-conversation about chocolate and Godiva is kind of killing me by the way, with laughter :D haha. ESPECIALLY because one of my favorites from there is the raspberry filled chocolate starfish... which is, frankly, a terrible TERRIBLE visual right now considering the context of chocolate in this thread and I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.

[ms.peachy]

It's amazing how this thread has managed to simultaneously be both one of the most mature and most immature conversations about sex this board has ever had. Kudos, everyone.

[Echewta]

ESPECIALLY because one of my favorites from there is the raspberry filled chocolate starfish...

Oh dear :(

[RobMoney$]

Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?

[Randetica]

wtfucks godiva?

[Bjork]

wtfucks godiva?

overpriced chocolate, they sell at fancy stores here.

It is beneath Echewta's chocolate culinary making skills, which is why I teased him about it.

It could have been worse though, I could have called him Hershey.

[Randetica]

overpriced chocolate, they sell at fancy stores here.

It is beneath Echewta's chocolate culinary making skills, which is why I teased him about it.

It could have been worse though, I could have called him Hershey.

ew fuckin nasty (n)

[Dorothy Wood]

well it's one thing when you're talking about a sexual addiction or deviance that involves children...but it's far different thing to be with a partner who doesn't share your sexual style.

if she can't be herself in the bedroom with him then in the long run it's not going to be a satisfiing relationship... Beleive me I spent 6 years with a man who had a much lower sex drive than me, was not into the same stuff I was and always expected me to take control, when what i really wanted was for him to take control or at least have it be more equal. I loved that man with all my heart and we tried to make it work...but you just can't change who a person is at their core.

BA01 is YOUNG woman. Why should she settle for something that doesn't rock her socks? Sex is important to a lot of people...not just in terms of gratification but also in terms of their self esteem. Shit when you are 50 you can settle for mediocre sex if want, but it's kinda unrealistic to ask a 20 something woman to lock up her sexual identity for her partner. There's a good chance the a better match for her still exists out there.


also there are all different levels of Dom/submissive play. you may be imaging something far more violent than what is actually going to go on.



no no, I'm not exactly even talking about the violence so much as having a gut reaction against someone making life and relationship choices based on fetish. but like I said, it comes from my own personal trauma and witnessing people's lives being ruined...basically just so they could get off. I know there's more to it than that, there are psychological issues relating more to narcissism than to the act.

if ba01 considers the dom/sub thing part of her personality and would like to live that lifestyle, then I agree that she should move on if the dude she's dating isn't into it.

one of my best friends is a therapist, and because of my past, I'm a little touchy. I just worry about what's behind it is all.

but like I said...I could just be reacting negatively because I don't like to be dominated by anybody at any time. in bed or out of bed. meh, I guess that's not true. one time my ex and I were doing it in a tent and we had to be quiet and he kept covering my mouth with his hand. that was kinda hot. dunno if that counts. sometimes there was a little spanking...but that's like mainstream now, isn't it?


whatever, go back to the funny stuff! I'm a prude!

[Bob]

crystal's fetish is being fucked in a tent (while indoors)

[funk63]

yes, yes, dont ask twice I will throttle you

[King PSYZ]

crystal's fetish is being fucked in a tent (while indoors)

are fishing waders involved?

[Bob]

edit: actually wait, i'm not gonna post that one

congratulations if you saw it

[ToucanSpam]

Oh boooo


You can't do that Bob. You can't.

[Lex Diamonds]

I'll just be kind of bummed about it for a little while.
I knew it!

[Auton]

i figured it out, i figured out what the fetish is! you're a senator, trying to push through a piece of reasonably popular legislation, but oh no! he's a member of a minority opposition party, and he's filibustering you! you get bored, you look at the clock, you start to read the paper and as you're doing so he gets concerned and says "i'm sorry i'm boring you aren't i?" but you're like "no goddamnit, keep going, i was almost there!"

freak

that's probably the funniest thing i've ever seen in my life

[ericlee]

you like to suspend yourself from ropes on the ceiling and pretend that you're a fighter jet and your boyfriend is one of those mid-air refueling tanker planes. he's suspended from the ceiling on a moving track of some sort and you guide him in slowly until he...uh...refuels you

I was reading so good into this thread till I got to here.

Fucking totally lost it. Man, I forgot what page I was on now.

[jackrock]

Erotic Waterboarding, perhaps?

[DandyFop]

B===D \|/

and repeat

[Freebasser]

No, Brabs. It's more like this:

{(0)}

[funk63]

B===D \|/

and repeat

WHOOAA

[Randetica]

No, Brabs. It's more like this:

{(0)}

first ( then {
you vaggie noobie

[Freebasser]

Shhh... I'm secretly gay :(

[Documad]

It could have been worse though, I could have called him Hershey.

Hershey makes better chocolate than Godiva.

[Randetica]

Shhh... I'm secretly gay :(

secretly?

[Lex Diamonds]

ZING!

[abcdefz]

in the bedroom I go way beyond 'vanilla'




....Rocky Road?

[DandyFop]

I wish I got laid enough for something like this to be a problem

[befsquire]

i'd like to stomp on someone's hand with one of my spikey heels, while i'm wearing a business suit. i haven't figured out whether my hair will be up or down, and whether i'd be wearing glasses.

[beastieangel01]

....Rocky Road?

something about that is very disturbing.

Also got the "I'm afraid to hurt you" comment, despite my repeated reassurance on the matter.

Alas.

[cookiepuss]

something about that is very disturbing.

Also got the "I'm afraid to hurt you" comment, despite my repeated reassurance on the matter.

Alas.

then I would say he has no concept of the pleasure = pain = pleasure that dom/submissive play is based on. he's not a dom and I doubt he has it in him. A dom should know that he is in control of the pain and thus should trust in himself that he's NOT going to truly hurt you. besides that's what "safe" words are for.

I think you're going to have to find a new playmate.:(

[TurdBerglar]

i am not reading this whole thing but did some conclusion get reached onto what it is she likes?

[Bob]

she likes to have her hand stomped on by spiky-heeled female lawyers

[Knuckles]

Also got the "I'm afraid to hurt you" comment, despite my repeated reassurance on the matter.

Alas.
Yeah, sounds like he's just not into that sort of thing.

I heard Bob has a Ugandan pizzle he needs to break in.(y)

[venusvenus123]

i am not reading this whole thing but did some conclusion get reached onto what it is she likes?

she likes to share intimate details about her sex life on a message board.

[RobMoney$]

I keep checking this thread to see if BA01 has posted any video of her "sharing, um, desires with her partner" yet.

Stop being such a tease already Crystal.

[skra75]

"I'm afraid to hurt you"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

[beastieangel01]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I'm sayin.

I wonder what he would have said if I told him that from time to time I also want to wear a collar and he needs to control the leash.

:mad:

[cookiepuss]

I'm sayin.

I wonder what he would have said if I told him that from time to time I also want to wear a collar and he needs to control the leash.

:mad:

I don't know what he would have said..but is he a star wars nerd? cause you could have maybe hooked him in on that one if you said you wanted to be leia to his jabba.;)

[beastieangel01]

ahaha!

I'll totally wear that outfit, too.

God damn it! This should not be this difficult. :mad:

[mikizee]

Yeah this sucks for you.

I don't understand why some people are completely unwilling to do stuff for their partners in the bedroom that they know will get them off.

Why wouldn't you want to please your partner?

It just doesn't make damn sense.

If I was asked to indulge in any certain act/activity that I knew would get my partner off, it would in turn get me off too.

[russhie]

^ I disagree with that. People sit there and think it's all so black and white - 'do I wanna get you off?! Do I ever, shit yeah, awesome!!' - but what if that meant going seriously out of your comfort zone? If you don't enjoy it then you can't really be expected to go along with it just because someone else is gonna love it.

If you're being blatant about what you're want and you're still not getting it, and it's that important to you, then walk away, seriously. You're probably making him feel inadequate. It's not really fair.

[mikizee]

'do I wanna get you off?! Do I ever, shit yeah, awesome!!'

You've just described my life in a nutshell

[cookiepuss]

'do I wanna get you off?! Do I ever, shit yeah, awesome!!'

yeah that's pretty much the person I'm looking for. the unselfish lover who gets off on getting me off. and I really don't think anyone should settle for less. because I think any thing less probably means you should just be friends.

[ToucanSpam]

yeah that's pretty much the person I'm looking for. the unselfish lover who gets off on getting me off.

How are you single?:confused:

[cookiepuss]

How are you single?:confused:

by choice, my friend. by choice. ;)

although I'm not sure if you were trying to imply that I'm selfish for wanting the unselfish lover who gets off on getting me off...because I'm not. I reciprocate and I reward.:cool:

then again, i might also be single because I over think things.:o

[ToucanSpam]

by choice, my friend. by choice. ;)

although I'm not sure if you were trying to imply that I'm selfish for wanting the unselfish lover who gets off on getting me off...because I'm not. I reciprocate and I reward.:cool:

then again, i might also be single because I over think things.:o


I'm surprised because what you said seems like a massive plus.


I hate over thinking things too.:o:(

[beastieangel01]

the unselfish lover who gets off on getting me off.

definitely. And I think it should go both ways, too.

[NoFenders]

Selfish lovers are losers.

:cool:

[Echewta]

I'm happy when applesauce is involved.

[venusvenus123]

^haha, at first i read "applause" there

really tho, if i met a guy and he wanted me to shit in his mouth, well sorry dude but that really doesn't float my boat.
i totally agree with russhie there. it's not really about being a selfish lover in this case, just someone who isn't on the same page as you.

selfish lovers do suck tho. really bad. (n)

[King PSYZ]

selfish lovers do suck tho. really bad. (n)

actually they usually don't suck, isn't that part of the problem???

and to be fair to crystal's dude, it sounds like he's waaaaaaaaaaaay the fuck out of his comfort zone and you either need to back off and let him ease into his "role", accept the fact that you may never find the perfect balance of great person and great lover, or leave him for someone that satisfies your needs.

you gotta weigh the options here, not to be a dick or intrusive here, but don't your relationships usually suck ass?

I only know this because you've shared that here (and I met one of your exes on several occasions). so you now have a guy who sounds like he's into you and a lot nicer to you, plus while not perfect is at least willing to try and please you(in fact, he sounds far from selfish). so I would take that into consideration. in fact if you stop to think, aren't you being a bit selfish as to want him to meet your possibly lofty expectations as a lover?

I don't wanna bum you out, just offering a different perspective.

[beastieangel01]

I do appreciate the perspective, psyz.

However this area of my life is not the only priority of mine but it's a very high priority regardless. I'm a very, very physical person and if I am not enjoying myself fully (and I do want to be sure that the other person is enjoying themselves fully too, of course) I WILL stray and/or move on. I just know myself too well.

I'm still seeing him right now (and let me say again he is not my boyfriend, we are just casually dating) and he seems to be warming up to things VERY, very slowly.

So I guess I'll just see how it goes.

[RobMoney$]

You seem like you're into this scene pretty hardcore. You say how important it is to you.

I'd really like to know how someone gets to such a point in their sexuality.
I mean did you start out gradually with a specific partner and then just continually keep pushing the envelope further and further until you found yourself where you're at today?

I mean I've explored a lot, but I guess I've never gotten to the point where it affects my relationships.
Just curious what leads a person down such a path.

[beastieangel01]

sex has always affected my relationships. It's an important area of relationships, to me, regardless.

with this particular nuance it was something I seemed to naturally gravitate to without having been exposed to it. For a long time though I was not with someone who was interested in exploring or embracing that part when I'd, for the lack of a better term, 'bring it to the table'. Later, I was with someone who already enjoyed elements of it and introduced those elements to me. Then I dated another person who fully embraced that role and we discussed what I liked, what I did not like and what I was unsure about but willing to try since it was pretty much my first time experiencing it in full.

It's not like it has to be that way EVERY single time, but it's important to me that it's explored often enough because I enjoy it immensely.

Even before I even experienced this particular nuance, there were things I was not receiving back sexually even after communicating what I wanted. That, among other things, led me to end the relationship because I was very unhappy.

[cookiepuss]

You seem like you're into this scene pretty hardcore. You say how important it is to you.



er...I think she just knows what she likes and knows who she is. that has nothing to do with being deep into any scene. it's not the scene that's important to her it's her own sexual identity.

take away the notions you have about fetish or bondage and just think about your own sexual identity and how you like to have sex. then think about having a partner who doesn't like to have sex the way you do. you could say it's not important because the person is really nice or caring or what ever..but how would it really make you feel long term not to be able to be yourself in the bed room? over time it might kinda chip at your self esteem.

then again, I've had plenty a married man confide in me that they DON'T feel they can be themselves in the bedroom and that they want more kink. I'm like, I don't understand. why would you MARRY someone who you don't feel comfortable being yourself around? I mean sex CAN be one of the best parts of a relationship because of the imtimacy it builds...I think it's important. it is certainly not the only thing, but its important.

[beastieangel01]

er...I think she just knows what she likes and knows who she is. that has nothing to do with being deep into any scene. it's not the scene that's important to her it's her own sexual identity.

take away the notions you have about fetish or bondage and just think about your own sexual identity and how you like to have sex. then think about having a partner who doesn't like to have sex the way you do. you could say it's not important because the person is really nice or caring or what ever..but how would it really make you feel long term not to be able to be yourself in the bed room? over time it might kinda chip at your self esteem.

then again, I've had plenty a married man confide in me that they DON'T feel they can be themselves in the bedroom and that they want more kink. I'm like, I don't understand. why would you MARRY someone who you don't feel comfortable being yourself around? I mean sex CAN be one of the best parts of a relationship because of the imtimacy it builds...I think it's important. it is certainly not the only thing, but its important.


spot on.

[King PSYZ]

but aren't both of you technically single?

just kidding... sort of...

when you're young and full of hormones, which for women tends to run right through the early thirties, sex is top of the list. as you get older and look for more stability a "vanilla" sex life with someone you connect with and feel safe around doesn't sound so bad.

we all want it all, and very few get it. I'm all for you being happy people, but take into consideration the very real possibility you might not get everything you want out of a good partner.

[RobMoney$]

I don't know if I have any "notions" about fetish, bondage, or S&M per se.
I've experimented with all of that. Personally I thought it was stupid and immature, but I'm not judging either of you if that's what you are into.

I think we can agree that it's not for everyone, it's an alternative sexual preference, and there are definetly mild and advanced levels of participation. I lost interest during the introductory, mild level of things. I was just wondering about how you guys advanced to the advanced level.

[cookiepuss]

but aren't both of you technically single?

just kidding... sort of...

when you're young and full of hormones, which for women tends to run right through the early thirties, sex is top of the list. as you get older and look for more stability a "vanilla" sex life with someone you connect with and feel safe around doesn't sound so bad.

we all want it all, and very few get it. I'm all for you being happy people, but take into consideration the very real possibility you might not get everything you want out of a good partner.


Shit when you are 50 you can settle for mediocre sex if want, but it's kinda unrealistic to ask a 20 something woman to lock up her sexual identity for her partner. There's a good chance the a better match for her still exists out there.


we basically agree.


I just got of a long term relationship, so uh I guess you could say I'm still in the "optimistic not going to settle" faze, but in a few years my perspective might change again. Still, I'm going to enjoy this while it lasts.

[russhie]

Venus knows what I meant. It's easy to say that you'd be comfortable doing something that's guarenteed to get your partner off, but when it comes down to it you might not - you have to respect that.

This thread would be slightly different if it was a boy complaining that his sexual needs weren't being met... I think anyway.