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Waus
09-09-2008, 11:46 PM
I wrote a song to sing at my wedding, what are the chances I choke while I try to sing it? I haven't shown it to anyone but the guy I wrote/recorded it with.

Oh wow, I had too much Southern Comfort tonight, and my fiance hates it when I drink.

Besides that, I've never had sex proper, and I'm completely excited to finally do it. Any advice for a newb to sex?
TurdBerglar
09-09-2008, 11:57 PM
how have you had sex before? :confused:
Waus
09-09-2008, 11:58 PM
how have you had sex before? :confused:

Ah, I said sex proper. By that I mean I've never had "vaginal intercourse." Call me conservative, stupid, boring whatever.
TurdBerglar
09-09-2008, 11:59 PM
oh
mikizee
09-10-2008, 12:02 AM
I wrote a song to sing at my wedding, what are the chances I choke while I try to sing it? I haven't shown it to anyone but the guy I wrote/recorded it with.

Oh wow, I had too much Southern Comfort tonight, and my fiance hates it when I drink.

Besides that, I've never had sex proper, and I'm completely excited to finally do it. Any advice for a newb to sex?

Don't go in with your gun loaded... or you may not last as long as you hope.

After that, its all in the hips baby! Don't just prod away in and out. You gotta find your rhythm!
Drederick Tatum
09-10-2008, 01:51 AM
use a condom. babies are cute but then they become children and then teenagers and by that time it's too late to smother them with a pillow.
ericlee
09-10-2008, 01:58 AM
and if you want to be good at vaginal intercourse, you wouldn't necessarily want to call it "proper".
na§tee
09-10-2008, 04:39 AM
After that, its all in the hips baby! Don't just prod away in and out. You gotta find your rhythm!
SEX 101 WITH MIKIZEE - DON'T JUST PROD IN AND OUT, BOYS, MOVE DEM HIPS! THEY DON'T CALL ME SNAKEHIPS MCGEE FOR NUTHIN' IN ADELAIDE, WHUT WHUUUT!

;)

i have only been on the receiving end of vaginal intercourse, not possessing a penis an' all, but i would recommend a healthy amount of foreplay including, but not limited to, some cunning-lingual action, and ABSOLUTELY NO BEEFING when said penetration starts.

p.s. if you choke when you start to sing i wouldn't sweat it - chances are your fiancee will find it completely adorable and will be very moved by it.
mikizee
09-10-2008, 05:03 AM
Always with the beefing, eh nastee?

You talk about it so much that I bet deep down you secretly love the beefing. Whatever it is.
Lex Diamonds
09-10-2008, 05:15 AM
Beef? You don't want none, so don't start none. You just a small player in this game, play your part son.
na§tee
09-10-2008, 05:31 AM
there is a whole darned thread dedicated to the activity so i still don't quite understand why you don't 'get it' after all this time. anyhiz :rolleyes:.

i would really like a roast beef and horseradish sandwich right now. horseradish! i haven't had horseradish in yeeeeears.

anyway, when are you getting married, waus? do you have a lot of time to prepare?
mikizee
09-10-2008, 05:43 AM
mmmmm roast beef
Randetica
09-10-2008, 09:02 AM
i thought 'penis in vagina' sex was more conservative than any other type of sex, you whore!
Waus
09-10-2008, 11:54 AM
anyway, when are you getting married, waus? do you have a lot of time to prepare?

Ugh. Big mistake last night. I have about a month or so. I'm practicing it a lot (the song).
rirv
09-10-2008, 12:50 PM
You really did have too much Southern Comfort last night didn't you?
Pike Bishop
09-10-2008, 01:05 PM
after sex it's customary to get yourself in the kitchen and hook up some steaks and a six pack. stick on Blade Runner Directors Cut or maybe Beverly Hills Cop Trilogy, then... maybe....just maybe...your fella might be able to forget what he just had to go through.
Waus
09-10-2008, 01:08 PM
You really did have too much Southern Comfort last night didn't you?

I don't really want to get into it, but yeah. I don't drink, so after an argument I self-medicated to cope with the stress of impending marriage and uncertainty. That's my rationalization anyways. It was stupid and wrong.
Pike Bishop
09-10-2008, 01:12 PM
You're going to hell!
Dorothy Wood
09-10-2008, 01:20 PM
don't feel bad, getting drunk rules! especially when you're mad!

as for the song, yeah, she'll probably think it's cute if you cry a little. my friend just got married and they wrote their own vows, and her dude choked a little and teared up. it was hella cute yo. fo shizzle ma nizzle boo ya!

uhh.

as for the sex, don't expect to get it right the first time, and it's okay if it's not perfect, yadda yadda. take your time and most importantly, have fun!