Children.

[ET]

I think I am going to leave my current girlfriend because she now wants kids. Went from a "no" to a "maybe" to a "it's what I want". Sucks because I've never wanted any. What a waste, since we get along so well.

Would having children be a deal breaker for you in a meaningful relationship? Isn't having Echewta around just as well, if not better? (I say better!)

this is probably the only and last time I'm going to show a shred of seriousness on the mb, btw, save for the Sting option

[funk63]

first

[Matt]

It's a deal breaker if that's what she really, really wants. If it's something that she'll change her mind about in the near future, I'd say stick it out, but if not, leave her. She won't be happy if she doesn't have kids, and you won't be happy if you do.

That sounded better in my head. Sorry to be a downer.

[Matt]

first

(n)

[funk63]

Im not sure what you mean by justifying your existence. Isnt the whole purpose of life to create new life?

[funk63]

(n)

(y)

[ET]

It's a simple Yes, No, Sting, or Echewta. I added everything else to be sarcastic. So as if to say I don't need to have children to make my life worth living. Although I know opinions will differ and maybe it's meant for another post.

I meant it as to if ask if having kids would be a deal breaker for you. I already know how I'm handling the situation... I think, as I can only speak for the present. Thanks though.

[ericlee]

where to go from this? You're young, early 20s? I don't blame you for wanting to scoot but, is your gf talking about wanting to have kids at this breathing moment?

I never wanted to have kids either but my daughter came around when I was 29, unplanned just as about 85% of us were born.

How many years have you been together? If you two get along so well, I'm sure you can reach an agreement on having kids together further on down the line without rushing into it.

Don't jump the gun on her man, do you really want to go through the whole dating game weeding through ladies who you don't get along with who couldn't care less if they had your kids or one who seems content with you?

[Audio.]

adopt a dog or a cat... Or a parrot. Yeah, show her that to ensure both of your commitments you must test them on a pet. (y) Its a cheap excuse in owning a dog and forgetting the idea of barring children.

[Guy Incognito]

since the dawn of time a human's primary function has been to reproduce. 99% of women are going to want to have kids at some point there is no getting around it, its inevtiable. I think you need to pull up your pants a bit and start wondering if you really love this girl, if you come to the conclusion you do then have kids. Its a fucking great experience, its hard work but worth it all the way.

[Kid Presentable]

where to go from this? You're young, early 20s? I don't blame you for wanting to scoot but, is your gf talking about wanting to have kids at this breathing moment?

I never wanted to have kids either but my daughter came around when I was 29, unplanned just as about 85% of us were born.

How many years have you been together? If you two get along so well, I'm sure you can reach an agreement on having kids together further on down the line without rushing into it.

Don't jump the gun on her man, do you really want to go through the whole dating game weeding through ladies who you don't get along with who couldn't care less if they had your kids or one who seems content with you?

Word. I never wanted kids and figured they'd always be a deal breaker. But I'd do anything to be with her, and I would love to father her uncoordinated, slope-foreheaded children.

You can look at it two ways:

Is it an issue worth fucking up a good thing over right now?

Do you care about her enough to maybe consider changing your position down the line?

[mikizee]

Word. I never wanted kids and figured they'd always be a deal breaker. But I'd do anything to be with her, and I would love to father her uncoordinated, slope-foreheaded children.

You can look at it two ways:

Is it an issue worth fucking up a good thing over right now?

Do you care about her enough to maybe consider changing your position down the line?

Sage advice my friend

[Kid Presentable]

*has a Yabbie Creek Draught with mikizee*

[Fern]

Just tell her what she wants to hear and cronically masturbate to tap ypurself out of sperm. If she gets knowcked up, simply murder her!!!

Very easy stuff we're dealing with here, people....

[BangkokB]

I love children so much that I'm paying for my wifes kids own apartment.


And, are you ready for this, he's 13



Best $ I've ever spent. I like to walk around the house naked and if a 13 year old thai boy is in the same house that pisses and shits all over that plan unless you're some sort of pederast

[taquitos]

get out

[AceFace]

where to go from this? You're young, early 20s? I don't blame you for wanting to scoot but, is your gf talking about wanting to have kids at this breathing moment?

I never wanted to have kids either but my daughter came around when I was 29, unplanned just as about 85% of us were born.

How many years have you been together? If you two get along so well, I'm sure you can reach an agreement on having kids together further on down the line without rushing into it.

Don't jump the gun on her man, do you really want to go through the whole dating game weeding through ladies who you don't get along with who couldn't care less if they had your kids or one who seems content with you?

TESTIFY!

i was anti kid until maybe a year ago. i'm 32 now. i didn't want one. i didn't want one. i didn't want one. then suddenly... maybe i want one. we decided long ago we wouldn't have children and now we're smack dab in the middle of making a decision we never thought we would. it's natural progression, man. and life may change your mind no matter how much you say it won't. i was ADAMANT that i wasn't ruining my life with kids. now.. i think having a baby with my husband would be the ultimate form of love.

whether we will have a kid or not is undecided. we've had 10 years of unprotected sex and no baby scares so if we decide yes, it'll probably be a lot of humpin and a LOT of going to the Dr to check us both out to see if we're even fertile.

[skra75]

nah, kids rule. it's a tough adjustment but it's great.
lately I have a hard time hanging out with people who resent kids or choose to never have them, I find them self centered.

adopt a 'yeah sure whatever' attitude, you may be better off.

but if this chick is rushing to baby-dom that early (unless you're a cougar hunter, if so - then allright) it may be an early warning sign that you guys are not compatible if you're not feeling the baby thing too. plenty of chicks get the idea of a baby in their head if there is a deficiet elsewhere in their lives. It sounds cold but it's true.

[TAL]

i was ADAM ANT

Stand and deliver!

[Knuckles]

When a woman starts to have those feelings there is nothing in the world that can stop her from having that kid. I mean nothing.

I would also like to add that you will never feel ready. That doesn't mean that you aren't ready, though. It just means you have a penis.

[BangkokB]

Are you saying that as someone that married into a ready made family or are you saying that because you think it looks sexy to MILF's that are online? Seriously...I said the same thing years back but now I have come to a different conclusion once I was hit in the nose with it

And as far as having children: Can you really say that in this day and age that bringing a child into the world is a good idea? I can't. Maybe you do. I'm not gonna knock anyone that believes that having a kid maybe their key to happiness:Sad but True. Some say that you haven't lived until you've had a kid. Well, maybe that's the case for some but I'll gladly pass. Different strokes for different folks.

[ms.peachy]

I would also like to add that you will never feel ready. That doesn't mean that you aren't ready, though. It just means you have a penis.

This is true.


I've posted here before about our friends who never wanted kids, who enjoyed a reasonably lavish child-free life of travel, tasteful decorative objects, designer clothes and trendy restaurants. Now their daughter is just over 10 months old, and they both are utterly besotted with her and can't imagine why on earth they ever thought that life was better than this one. Babies are like that. When you don't have one, you think, 'oh god, it's going to just come along and fuck everything up with its constant pissing and puking and crying and I'm gonna have to buy a whole load of shit I never even knew about before and that's it, life as I knew it will end'. And then that's exactly what happens, and when it does you're like 'meh, who cares, look at it! It's the best thing ever! Look! It just puked! AWESOME! Wait, let me get the camera.'

[BangkokB]

Kids won't fill that empty spot in your soul
&
No: You can't live through them and you're selfish if you think otherwise

[Echewta]

I wanted kids for the longest time and just recently, that thinking changed and I could care less.

[BangkokB]

Meanwhile Could care less has a fight to death with Couldn't care less

[Knuckles]

And as far as having children: Can you really say that in this day and age that bringing a child into the world is a good idea?

I totally understand why people feel that way. Hell, that's the way I used to feel.

Although our future as a species on this planet is uncertain we are most certainly doomed if the world isn't repopulated with people who are raised to be loving, kind, compassionate, and aware. That's what my wife and I are striving for with our little spawn anyway. I'm hoping they will be part of the solution for the problems in our society. :)

[Yeti]

Do people really believe that this is the worst time to grow up?

Medical treatment is state of the art, technology is changing every day, you can easily travel all over the world, the life span of someone born today is something like 90 yrs old, opportunities for education and jobs abound (if you are driven) and on and on. Of course, you can look to the economy, problems with the enviornment and other bad things going on at this moment in time but I really think this is a great time to be around. I would rather be living now than having to go to a doctor in the 19th century when they would cover me with leeches to cure my cold.

My son is very happy and we will leave him a great foundation as an adult. He will have a good education, family support and the future is his.

I consider myself blessed to have a little man in my life to keep me on my toes.

[BangkokB]

Good on You and that's Great that you feel that way. I'm not being an asshole either
There are many people on this board that have kids that are fit parents.

Me: Not so much. Good thing I realize that. The last thing this earth needs is another one of me walking around. Too bad most people don't realize that.

But I'm unconventional and as I said earlier...

[venusvenus123]

go and watch children of men and you may change your mind!:(

in answer to the orginal q, of course i can see why it's a dealbreaker.
it's not like one of you has a fondness for spaghetti and the other has a wheat allergy...
good luck finding a woman who's not that interested in reproducing tho...


i thought you were nearer to 30 than 20 :s

[Randetica]

First! too

[ET]

Lots of viewpoints. That's what I was hoping for. I'll go a little more into detail.

So the gf and I have had somewhat of a falling out as of late. We both have our issues, which is okay, but she gave me the ultimatum that would put me between either being with her and having a kid some day, or ending the relationship altogether but still being "friends".

I'm not a fan of ultimatums and I do not negotiate with terrorists so I said I would sleep on it. She is being frantic about it because she only has so much longer until she can bear children, if you forget the other reasons. She is younger than I am, btw. (i am indeed closer to my 30's *shudder*)Also, I guess like all women, she can be really needy often and she's a little too dependent on other people to make her happy. To be fair, she's improved on that somewhat. Although it seems she really wants a child to fill a void in her life. Whether that's an inadequacy or desire to be a mother is up to debate. Or the fact that all of her cousins are either married, pregnant, or both. They are all fat though.

It's almost as though I can put myself in her shoes but the manner that it was presented in automatically put me leaning toward a stern "no". Not that outside (http://www.bseindia.com/images/line_graphs.png) factors (http://i11.photobucket.com/albums/a199/don_veto/mad_max/madmax.jpg) had an influence.

Knuckles made a good point in that no one ever feels ready to have a kid. I'd want the perfect childhood for my pretend kid but it's silly to think that I have the power to control how my kid would turn out. He/she would probably be a bigger/smarter asshole than I am. I suppose that's part of the wonder of having kids. You know, besides them throwing up all over your awesome furniture.

Now is definitely not the time to have a kid in my life. I still have things I want to do, and things I am doing, for myself and a child does not fit anywhere into this situation. I think it's selfish to feel that way but I think it's even more selfish to have a child just because I'm inadequate or it's what common people (http://www.factoryfilms.net/images/Pulp_common_people.jpg) do.

Regardless of the situation, I'm going to try to do her in the butt before I make a decision. I'll post details in the anal sex thread. Cheerio!

[Randetica]

just imagine how cute ET's babies would look like! omg! :o:o:o:o:o

[BangkokB]

If that's the case then I hope you took my little perils of knowledge and smashed it into a wall with a foot heavy on the gas pedal. I was mainly speaking about raising other ppl's kids: Which is something I know a little something about

Though I stand firm in my belief that not everyone should have a kid. I don't know enough about you to give you an appraisal: And even if I did it's not my place to impose my personal mores onto you. Good Luck to You and I hope everything works out. As for me: I can give you more reasons why I don't want to have kids than a stockbroker will tell you that you have to buy now

Cheers(y)

[kaiser soze]

I can't wait for my kid!

I know it's gonna be a huge challenge and honestly my girlfriend and I aren't on the best footing financially (both in school). But we have strong family and friend support, are modest, clean, well-behaved, frugal, and loving and that is what is most important for the kid....LOVE

It's gonna be fun, we've talked about all the things we would like to expose him to: sports, the outdoors, art, music, camps, cultures, religion all that stuff. I want him to grow up in a world of wonder and we have the tools and the imaginations to provide that for him.

[Videodrome]

is the Sting option in reference to the wrestler or the recording artist? i need to know before i vote.

[QueenAdrock]

Yeeah, those are pretty biased answers. I don't need kids to justify my existence, I just have a ton of mothering tendencies built up in me that need to get out! I'd like to have two kids, and if I can't conceive, I'm adopting two. Not conceiving wouldn't be that big a deal to me, actually. It's not about spreading my genes to me, it's all about loving some childrens. (y)

[Randetica]

I just have a ton of mothering tendencies built up in me that need to get out! I'd like to have two kids, and if I can't conceive, I'm adopting two. Not conceiving wouldn't be that big a deal to me, actually. It's not about spreading my genes to me, it's all about loving some childrens. (y)

yes exactly

[Dorothy Wood]

I wouldn't have a baby with a lady who forced me to choose out of the blue.

I'm leaning more and more towards adopting these days. I have some bad genes (cancer, depression, alcoholism, OCD, sensitive skin) on both sides and it seems kinda pointless to pass those on. also, getting pregnant and giving birth terrifies me. it would be kinda awesome to produce a human being though.

how long have you been dating?

[TurdBerglar]

there needs to be less people in this world for everybody's own good

[ET]

I agree that there are too many people in the world. Having one child is absolutely fine in my eyes since they'll be two people leaving the world and one well adjusted kid to take their place. Adopting is even better since you're taking on someone else's responsibility and maybe changing that child's life for the better.

I don't want to say how long we were dating since I'm paranoid that she'll see this thread (then why'd you post it, ya big dummy!?) but it's been a few years. Enough to build up a lot of trust. We stopped dating a few hours ago. For reasons beyond those even discussed in this thread and yes they are unbelievable. I can't even get into it. I don't really know why I'm online right now beyond not being able to sleep? Updating the thread seems like a responsibility though. No more whiny breakup threads, I promise.

I'm grateful for the input and the unbiased opinions, though. The choices were loaded. I was aware of that. (lb) Oh, and btw in the poll it's tantric Sting, not kickass wrestler Sting who's still kicking ass.

[beastieangel01]

I don't know what to say other than I myself am leaning towards never having children (considering the example of my own family in my life, people who know me well said they would be worried if I WANTED children). But that could very well be because where I am at in my life right now and who knows it might change.

But I'm not rushing it. And if I finally desire one and I'm past the age that I can have one, then oh well. Adoption is always an option too if I still want a child but cannot conceive.

I really hope though that I never do because if I do, god help that child. I wouldn't intentionally be a bad parent but I have too many fucked up emotional issues that surely would derail any hope they have of being a somewhat functional member of society.

[a.k.a me]

I don't think it would be a deal breaker for me, at least not in the beginning. I guess I'd just wait and hope he'd change his mind. I don't want to have kids. Maybe I'll change my mind later, who knows... hopefully I wont! but right now, I don't see kids in my future.


And that sucks. at least you didn't break up solely because of the kids issue. But still (n)

[Matt]

Sorry, ET. Breakups suck no matter what the situation. But if it furthers your life and happiness, then it's alright.(y)

Tell me you at least got to do her in the butt, right?

P.S. ONLY TWO OF US CHOSE THE OBLIGATORY ECHEWTA OPTION?! COME ON!

[Kid Presentable]

He is a kickass wrestler.

[ET]

Tell me you at least got to do her in the butt, right?

P.S. ONLY TWO OF US CHOSE THE OBLIGATORY ECHEWTA OPTION?! COME ON!


No buttsecks. It's way beyond that point. Enough that I've been blabbing to people from the mb off of the mb about it as well. I'm glad I made this post so I can put things in perspective now.

And, seriously, I was expecting more Echewtas. (n)

[ET]

I may as well come clean about all this, finally. My ex thought she was pregnant for me and decided to ask the question about children instead of just telling me she thought she was with child. Which, btw, is completely unfair to not put it in realistic terms as opposed to a fantasy situation.

I don't want to go out of my way to have a kid right now but I'll be damned if I won't take care of my own. She was totally against having an abortion now even though we had a scare a long while back. I told her the truth and why I wasn't ready for children now (and I may never be... things could change) and how I was just wrapping my head around the idea of getting married, which relied on having a better foundation for me to be 100%. (i took back our promise/engagement ring because she didn't trust me and was keeping me on a short leash... long story. And I was wrong for not explaining myself completely.)

So she then told me she thought she was pregnant and that since I didn't want a child that she'd make sure I'd never see it no matter what it took. The last thing she'd want is for the child to be around someone who didn't love it. Just imagine that someone you'd consider your best friend for 3+ years telling you that if they had it their way, you'd never see your own kid. And also that they wouldn't think you'd step up and be a father. I didn't take it very well.

Needless to say things have gone drastically worse between us the last few weeks. So much that I've actually talked to my grandmother about it. I didn't even tell her about the break up with the last person I dated for 4 years until this month and it's sad that we're not as close as we used to be anymore.

This whole event didn't further my happiness whatsoever, unfortunately. Anything that I was afraid would happen did and I'm pretty much feeling like chopped liver now. We've been talking every night since the original post and I think she's just confused about a lot of things. It's sad because she's turned into such a different person now and after everything I still see the good in her. She is just depending on her defense mechanisms too greatly and she hasn't even given me a chance to be let back in.

I don't meant to start any drama. I've found out how important it is to talk/write about these things and I'm glad I did it here. I almost forgot what time of the month this all went down. Considering how things are, I may not be posting very much anymore... not that I do a whole lot anyway. I'm not saying goodbye. I'm saying how fun it's been and that I've really enjoyed my time here. I've learned a lot from you guys and hopefully I'll be stopping by to share some funny stuff or maybe to read about it.

There are too many folks here that I appreciate and I won't get into specifics. (high school lol) There are people here that have no idea I enjoy reading their stuff. I wish I could go down a list and let you all know how great you've been but just assume that if I replied to you at any time it means something. Even if it was loaded with sarcasm. I'll be around.

[ms.peachy]

Well buckaroo. I am sorry to hear you're having such a rough time of it lately. I completely understand why you are feeling so hurt. On the one hand, I can sort of see why she posed it to you as a hypothetical first, to gauge your reaction. I'm certainly not saying that that was the right thing to do, and it isn't what I would do, but for whatever reason she was not feeling brave enough to just come out with it. That, I think, is forgivable. However, the way she seems to have handled it after that, is much more difficult to defend and so I won't even try, except to say that even an expected pregnancy can mess with a woman's head due to all the weird and crazy hormones coursing through ones veins, so on top of all that an unexpected and not-entirely-desired pregnancy can really fuck a girl right the hell up. Not an excuse for the things she said to you though.

[ET]

She had a lot on her mind, really. We'd been on shaky terms before and I had somewhat of a rough period a few months previously (ex: the ring). Like you said, she wanted to gauge my reaction and it wasn't the best way to do so.

It's similar to the way she handled a lot of touchy situations. I couldn't tell her how I really felt about things because she would always take it personally (and do drastically ridiculous stuff) and she didn't want to tell me how she really felt because she didn't think I would understand. And unfortunately that led to our downfall.

[ms.peachy]

It's similar to the way she handled a lot of touchy situations. I couldn't tell her how I really felt about things because she would always take it personally (and do drastically ridiculous stuff) and she didn't want to tell me how she really felt because she didn't think I would understand. And unfortunately that led to our downfall.

No doubt. What relationship can withstand an inability to communicate effectively?