Yet another use for Keri lotion!

[HEIRESS]

my parents have lived in the same house for 28 years now.

it used to reside across the street from the last remaining piece of property in the neighborhood that still retained its agriculture past.
the whole area used to be farms/orchards. so this meant every night they got to view a sunset cascading over a corn field.

in the past year though, the land sold and was bought by a company that built a block long assisted care elderly housing complex.
now all they get to look at is 3 stories of fake plastic siding in assorted shades of beige and gray.

ok i get it, progress happens.

anyways, these assholes built the place but didnt take into consideration the lack of parking they were facing.

so after all the contruction bullshit involved with building this joint, my parents now have to deal with people parking on their lawn, blocking the driveway, parking right next to the stop sign/fire hydrant, and obstucting their view of oncoming traffic when trying to turn onto the adjoining street.

Ive addressed the issue with the complex manager and my mom has spent hours on the phone with the city by-law people, to no ends. our entire family is just fed up with the whole situation.

anyways, the other night I was visiting when along comes this asshole who pulled up and parked a good 4 feet onto their front lawn and basically 2 feet from the stop sign on the corner.

I dont know where the idea came from, but I calmly walked into my parents bathroom cabinet, squirted about 7 or 8 pumps of oh so deliciously greasy keri lotion into my palms and proceeded to walk outside and smear it all the fuck over that persons front windshield.

and then I came back inside to finish the yummy dinner I was sharing with my parents.

keri.
lotion.
<3.

[Matt]

Word up. I think you handled that situation well (y)

My favorite is when you put a dab of vaseline on the windshield. It kind of looks like bird poo, and when the victim turns on their wipers, it gets smeared all over the window. They have to drive with their head out the window, Ace Ventura-style.

Only when they deserve it, of course.

[RobMoney$]

I have this same problem with my house.
I live across the street from the Rec. Center in my neighborhood so I have people parking to pick-up and drop off their kids for daycare, and all other types of activities that go on over there.
I also live on the same block as a bar, a VFW. and a Coffee Shop.
It's a busy street and I always have people parking on my pavement and it pisses me right the fuck off.

One suggestion I have for you is to consider some of these (http://farm1.static.flickr.com/163/329957629_6e338a9b27.jpg) for the front of your parents home.
If that's not an option, maybe type up a letter telling people to keep the F off of your lawn and stick it under their wiper.

If you're into something more malicious like me, get a nice hunk of dogshit on a piece of cardboard and shove the dogshit under their door handle. They'll get a nice handful of it when they go to open their car door.

[camo]

Keri Lotion sounds like the name of a Playboy center fold (y)

[ms.peachy]

Address labels. The sticky kind you get for your printer. Write
DON'T
PARK
ON
MY
LAWN
PLEASE
with each word on individual stickers. Then go out and arrange them artfully on the driver's side window.

Those stickers are a bitch to get off, I'm telling you.

[HEIRESS]

you guys are insane.
I love it!

[kaiser soze]

Call a tow truck

It's anonymous, it costs $$, it sucks trying to figure out where your car is

[jabumbo]

i thought you were talking about kll....


i'd love to smear her all over a windshield :rolleyes:

[MC Moot]

gee wouldn't that be great,going to see a relative who's in palliative or maybe even in end of life care and you get your vehicle vandalized by someone who doesn't even live there...weak...I'll tell you this,nothing good can of that kind of reaction...trust me karma will come back and yes she's a bitch...furthermore there are those of us who take slights against their vehicles to be goddamned serious...a house is a stationary target and therefore much more likely to feel my wrath if you fucked with my ride...so,if someone tosses a brick through the livingroom window sometime soon you know know why and you asked for it by your lack of temperance...(n)

[YoungRemy]

damn, I've only gone as far as angry threat under windshield (NEXT TIME WE WILL TOW YOU) and posted letter above parking space.(YOU WILL BE CITED AND TOWED)

so far, I like dogshit and address labels.(y)

oh and an old fashioned loogey never hurts.

[MC Moot]

damn, I've only gone as far as angry threat under windshield (NEXT TIME WE WILL TOW YOU) and posted letter above parking space.(YOU WILL BE CITED AND TOWED).

Yep,that's worked for me everytime,and I live downtown inner city... if you aproach me and say,"hey you know you need to be 10 meters back from a stop sign or driveway"...I'd apologize and shift it...intentionally fuck with my property and I'll be back with a bag of nasty tricks,guaranteed...

[Echewta]

I use to fill up balloons with cooking oil and throw it on peoples front windshield just to laugh when they tried to wash it away. haha, water and oil don't mix. :(

[beastieangel01]

gangsta! (y)

I like the address label idea especially.

[HEIRESS]

gee wouldn't that be great,going to see a relative who's in palliative or maybe even in end of life care and you get your vehicle vandalized by someone who doesn't even live there...weak...I'll tell you this,nothing good can of that kind of reaction...trust me karma will come back and yes she's a bitch...furthermore there are those of us who take slights against their vehicles to be goddamned serious...a house is a stationary target and therefore much more likely to feel my wrath if you fucked with my ride...so,if someone tosses a brick through the livingroom window sometime soon you know know why and you asked for it by your lack of temperance...(n)

I didnt think I had to give 8 paragraphs of back-story.
this shit is basically ruining my parents quality of life. this isn't an extended care facility. Assisted living facilities are the places where only the rich elderly get to go. this means they most likely sold their family home and now are able to find a home in this shining palace of a senior housing complex which has lovely apartments and a communal eating area where all meals are provided.
unlike others I know who feel horrible that their elderly mother is living in a shitty basement suite with one window for 700/mnth because if people thought buying a home was tough recently, try renting a place. there is nothing affordable anymore nor in an area where someone who is at a point in their life where they can no longer afford a vehicle or need to live some where close to a shopping complex so they can be somewhat self-sufficient.
Im not hating on the people living there but even if someone was visiting someone who is in their last years doesn't mean they can go ahead and break traffic rules could affect someone else's safety.

and I know for a fact that this vehicle belongs to one of their workers. It's not my problem any longer that the facility was idiotic and did not plan enough parking.
and should my parents really have to continually deal with a vehicle parked on their property for 8-12 hours at a time.
this place has been shoved smack dab in the middle of a purely single home non-apartment based area so it sticks out like a sore thumb.

my first priority was doing all I could to improve my parents situation. and if you hadn't read the entire post, we had already exhausted all other options. sure it was juvenile of me to choose that action, but if you have never lost control of your better judgement in a situation before (especially when it involves your family) then you must be Gandhi himself.

also, our neighbors who have it worse because they live RIGHT next door to this joint recently lost the matriarch of their rather large family after a long battle with brain cancer and the day of the funeral they had to make their relatives park down the block and around the corner because there was absolutely NO parking to be found in the vicinity.

and yet again, I dont give really to much of a damn about people and their vehicles. Ive never owned one and perhaps I never will, who knows. I'm sorry if others value them at the top of their personal property list, but I come from where I come from and my experiences are unique.
so if you are going to slight my point of view, then I shall do the same to yours.

I'm sure alot in this post is basically insulting moot, and I enjoy your posts here greatly but you called me "weak" and this morning I'm in the mood to not take such a comment lightly.

[MC Moot]

Ive never owned one and perhaps I never will, who knows. I'm sorry if others value them at the top of their personal property list, but I come from where I come from and my experiences are unique.
so if you are going to slight my point of view, then I shall do the same to yours.

I'm sure alot in this post is basically insulting moot, and I enjoy your posts here greatly but you called me "weak" and this morning I'm in the mood to not take such a comment lightly.

This makes 2 of us,I've been in court all week watching the weak get walked all over,I'm super fuck'n cranky...so perhaps my response was a bit hollier than thou...I still believe your actions were weak,and I can testify because I've been the perpetrator of more than a few retaliatory acts in my youth and it ALWAY'S comes back round...even in the most unrelated of manners...obviously this issue is causing you great distress and you have my sympathy but don't shoot,shoot,shoot that thing at me...especially if my parents we're the ones being impacted...you wouldn't believe what I've done to gypsy's squating on our land...but anyway's I had a good notion about 20 mins ago and it's this: landscaping...like parking boulders/rocks so the option doesn't exist...anyway's no disrepect,just cautionary advice posted with emotions entirely unrelated to the direct matter at hand...which is what this thread is all about really,emotional VS rational reaction...:o

[Knuckles]

I use to fill up balloons with cooking oil and throw it on peoples front windshield just to laugh when they tried to wash it away. haha, water and oil don't mix. :(

I used to nail people with maple syrup filled balloons. This was back in the era of big hair. Imagine the damage a Butterworth bomb would inflict on some teased out bangs.

What a jerk I was. :(

[Echewta]

Yup. Jerks as kids. We use to use the water fire extinguishers to hit the "cha chas" in the hair they just spent so long aqua netting :( We always tried to just hit half so it would be even more frustrating to them. Lame.

The water extinguisher was awesome to hit people in the mouth with when they were talking on the sidewalk. :( well maybe a little bit :)

[Fern]

that's pretty gangsta.....and that's coming from a gangsta's gangsta.

Better get those presents to you post-haste. ;)

[ET]

Address labels. The sticky kind you get for your printer. Write
DON'T
PARK
ON
MY
LAWN
PLEASE
with each word on individual stickers. Then go out and arrange them artfully on the driver's side window.

Those stickers are a bitch to get off, I'm telling you.

The ones from the postal service are worse. ;)

I'd be pissed to hell if someone thought they could park their vehicle in my yard. That would be open season. You know if you let the air out of someone's tires you can't be ticketed for anything since there's no damage to the vehicle. Also, you could vasoline under the door handles, pour fish oil into the intake near their windshield wipers, throw bologna on their car on a sunny day, throw honey then birdseed on the vehicle and birds will poop all over it, or hammer a potato into their exhaust pipe. Among other things.

[HEIRESS]

BOLOGNA!

[Myu-to]

i thought you were talking about kll....


i'd love to smear her all over a windshield :rolleyes:
Hells yeah!!!(y)