Why is this legal?

[Lex Diamonds]

OK so we ordered a stripper for two friends' joint birthday a couple weeks ago. Me and a friend had seen one a week earlier and she was a certified dimepiece so we got her number so we could order that shit again.

So it gets to the night and there's like ten minutes till chick's meant to arrive. Everyone turns on the birthday boys and tries to tie them to chairs ready for her arrival. Only problem is one dude is all stressed out and upset cuz he's drank too much and had some lame ass argument with his parents. Anyway all of the 50 or so people in the room tried to calm his ass down but he was being a whiny little bitch and ended up storming out.

Not wanting to waste that shit, I selflessy volunteered to take his place. Of course when I agreed to that shit I thought it was going to be the same hot young stripper we had seen previously. So I'm sitting there with a fat smile on my face ready for some sexy fun when some 50 year old munter with the saggiest tits ever and the face of a man walks in. My face just dropped. I nearly cried. The worst part was her pants weren't on properly so you could see half an elderly wrinkled gash... uhh I nearly just threw up. But fuck it, there were a lot of people there and they wanted a show, so I went with it.

I ended up motorboating her saggy cans and eating a Mars bar from between them. I am pretty much traumatised, and will never eat the aforementioned foods again.

Anyway, videos here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLzrblWk7UE) and here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8jT_Nzwoto). Watch out for the instant look of regret after the motorboat, when I realise what I've just done. :(

[BangkokB]

Any time I find meself in those type of precarious situations I ask myself what would Lemmy do? In that case: He'd probably escape the chair and burn the bar down then write a song about it

[mikizee]

I watched 3 seconds of the video, and that was too much.

[Yorkshire~Rose]

The look on your mate's face after he licks the cream off her arse is priceless (y)

[rirv]

I see she came in a police woman's outfit. She's so rough she wouldn't even get a part in The Bill.

[Lex Diamonds]

When she came in she leaned into my ear and whispered "I'm gonna have you". I replied instantly with "please don't". The thought of it makes me shiver.

[rirv]

How much did you pay? I'm sure you could picked up a recent divorcee from the local nightclub for less.

[roosta]

I ended up motorboating her saggy cans and eating a Mars bar from between them. I am pretty much traumatised, and will never eat the aforementioned foods again.
...Watch out for the instant look of regret after the motorboat, when I realise what I've just done. :(


LOL (y)

[kaiser soze]

wow....I'd rather watch some 80's porn on a warped beta tape

you got dick dulled

[Kid Presentable]

haha Pad that nanna was an angel

[b i o n i c]

there are few things funnier than watching a bag like that try to make cleavage where there is none.

on her defense, she looks about 40 though

whywhywhywhy.. it sounds like there are actual females in the background

[Kid Presentable]

Awesome thing is gents, when we hit our 50s we've got that to look forward to. (y)

[Caribou]

Oh. My. God. Can't. Stop. Laughing. HAHAHAHAHA.

:D

ROFLMAO

[beastiegirrl101]

Paddy is that a Members Only jacket?

[Knuckles]

Thread of the year?


Fuckin' awesome Paddy. (y)

[na§tee]

god, you couldn't look more bored if you tried.

[ericlee]

she looks like she could be a dedicated Aerosmith groupie.

[HotAndWet]

padster you look like my ex's old roommate.

[Gareth]

good thread (y)

[Lex Diamonds]

Paddy is that a Members Only jacket?
Nah it's Gio-Goi. :cool:
god, you couldn't look more bored if you tried.
Yeah I was somewhat less than aroused.

[Lex Diamonds]

whywhywhywhy.. it sounds like there are actual females in the background
Yeah there were a lot of people there, needless to say all the slutty chicks came up to me for the rest of that evening making unsubtle come-ons.

The best part of it was she came with some scrawny grey haired guy with a moustache in his 50s. They really did look like a super low budget pimp and ho. My friend asked him politely why he was there during the "performance" and the guy told him he was protection. The thought of that little creep up against a room full of drunken students is actually hilarious. What a goon.

[Lyman Zerga]

haha god, i hope/pray thats illegal


it's like your chillin around with your friends and one of their heavily drunk mums show up and start to strip, not really that much more embarrasing/talented


it was probably the mum of that guy that pussed out lol




i would be pretty mad if someone organized a stripper for my b day but it still had to be a female one, if i could choose

[Lex Diamonds]

You know what the sexiest part was? Every time she used a food stuff she had to ask us if we were allergic to each specific ingredient, one by one. "OK love do you have any wheat allergies? Are you okay with fresh dairy?" etc. What a boring ugly slut.

[Lyman Zerga]

haahahahaha

[BangkokB]

I think it's pretty dapper when I hear an Englishman say "Hello Love, I'm needing a Bee-er: Can you get that taken care of that Love?"

Say what you will or may but that sounds Pimp

America version "HERE HERE- Beer over HERER: Damn- There she goes off again. Shit"
that doesn't roll off near as smooth

[Lex Diamonds]

Actually the accepted procedure for ordering in England is "ello treacle, get us a pinta Stella would ya? Cheers darlin".

[Planetary]

I think it's pretty dapper when I hear an Englishman say "Hello Love, I'm needing a Bee-er: Can you get that taken care of that Love?"

Say what you will or may but that sounds Pimp

America version "HERE HERE- Beer over HERER: Damn- There she goes off again. Shit"
that doesn't roll off near as smooth

wtf is this supposed to mean?

[Lex Diamonds]

Mars bar action shot (http://photos-g.ak.fbcdn.net/photos-ak-snc1/v770/75/79/502559228/n502559228_1002934_43.jpg) (Mars bar not in shot). :(

[Fern]

We had one of those strippers/hookers a few times, but one come to memory;

We had like a 40 yr old skank with a spray tan. She was wearing a g-string and had some wirery pubes hanging out.

One of my buddies pointed at her crotch and yelled "ewwwww....shave that thing!" IT WAS FUCKING AWESOME.

Then we all started chanting "Pool Rack"

yeah, no one bought blowjobs off of her either.

Gangsta.

[Tone Capone]

Damn dude... I feel bad for you... I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Seriously, I am being 100% honest, I would have turned that woman around at the door and sent her packing back to her grandchildren.... that being said, it looks and sounds like people had a great time! LOL!(y)

[beastieangel01]

ahahahaha! I'm laughing so hard I am CRYING!

I admit, I'm impressed that you sucked it up and dealt with it. But seriously, you shouldn't have.

[cubsfirstplace]

ahahah, is that the typical british stripper? i thought british girls were hot. guess i was dead wrong.

[Lex Diamonds]

Most strippers here ARE hot. That's what makes it all the more painful. I was all ready for some hot young piece of ass and in walks Grandma. I mean, it's not even like she was average; just the complete opposite of sexy. When they hired her they obviously thought "hey, she's not gonna get many boners but the laughs will be FLOODING in".

[Lex Diamonds]

I tried to eat a bit of Mars bar yesterday and ended up having to spit it out. :(

[-T-]

First time i saw this thread.

It may have been a year and a half ago but the emotional scarring last forever. I'm sorry you had to go through with that buddy.:(

[Tzar]

fuck dude, i feel sorry for ya. some of my mates have gone through the same thing. i saw them out later that night and it was like they saw a ghost. you gotta look back at it as a laugh though. see the 'humour' in it once the taste of thrashed-gash-mars bar is out of your mouth.

wow this is old.

[Lex Diamonds]

Good times.