What are your thoughts on adults who live at home with their parents?

[kaiser soze]

I know in some cultures it is acceptable and there are circumstances that may require co-opted living with one's parents.

But what about those who never even tried living on their own? Adults with a rotting college degree, a massive 401k, and contribute very little to chores around the house.

I know someone like this and I'm convinced that I don't like them, added to the fact that they are a slob, spoiled rotten (never paid for college, never paid for car, never pay for their own clothes), and unbelievably snobby for being quite uncultured.

I wish I could kick his parents in the ass and say "LOOK he is totally sucking up YOUR resources....get with the program, when you die he will die because he can barely wipe his own ass!"

(n)

[jabumbo]

i think it's okay to an extent, but if its something like you are describing, it is pretty terrible.

i mean, if you are able to contribute to the general cause, then its no big deal, right?

[kaiser soze]

I would think that someone returning to home to help out might be more productive than having never left the house. The person I'm talking about is on the verge of 30, not 23 .

I gotta admit he can make a delicious salad and stuffed mushrooms, so I guess he is contributing something (too bad he didn't buy the groceries)

But never ever knowing what it is like to pay your own bills, have and furnish an apartment (more freedom being a plus). His sister doesn't even know if he has ever dated before and him being a virgin at this age is speculated by most.

When I walk into their "playroom", there he sits surrounded by crusty bowls, dirty socks, and smashed water bottles, engrossed in his World of Warcraft on his 32 inch mac monitor. It is pathetic.

He may be my future brother-in-law, but I doubt we'll have much in common.

[ms.peachy]

It depends on the circumstances. In my 20's I knew a woman who still lived at home with her parents, and the supported her financially almost 100%. She was working on becoming a documentary filmmaker, and her parents supported her because they believed strongly in her talent and in her commitment to her art. They didn't want her to have to work some restaurant or temping job just for money, diverting her energy and attention from focusing on the film stuff. Which is fair enough. She was very aware that she was fortunate to have parents who would do that, and she was no slacker; she was working all the time - it's just that they were things like unpaid internships with production companies, 'fetch it' jobs on film sets, etc. So that's cool.

However people who still live at home because they can't be arsed to do their own laundry and want to live in some perpetual state of adolescence - yeah, that's bullshit.

[HEIRESS]

a guy i work with is almost 40 and he still lives in his parents basement.

not even a separate suite, just a big bedroom/lounge area with his own bathroom.

and I know for a fact that his mom still does all his laundry and makes his lunch everyday.

he makes a somewhat decent wage, definately enough to live on ones own.
by choosing this situation though it apparently allows him to purchase/trade in for a new vehicle every 3 years that is in the $40,000ish range.

:confused:

[Fern]

I am 26 and still would be living with my Dad if he was still alive.

My old man was my ace. We used to go out and get bombed, get into bar fights, and do drugs togther all of the time. He was my best friend. All my friends were his friends and vice versa. My house was like a frat house my entire life. I had no anticipation on moving and he had no anticipaion on making me move. We had too much of a blast.

Now he's dead. Some days I dont even want to live anymore. I wish it were me and not him. Like the song, "So Sad, But True." I would give anything to live with him again.

[kaiser soze]

I wonder if these people realize that when they look back at their lives they will be sorely disappointed.

[na§tee]

However people who still live at home because they can't be arsed to do their own laundry and want to live in some perpetual state of adolescence - yeah, that's bullshit.
yessir.

although i think living in a flatshare and having your parents pay for everything - rent, bills, food etc - is maybe even worse. it's like getting your parents to pay for you to stay in a hotel. i had two ex-flatmates like that (musician and an actor. yes. i know) - mid 20s, never paid for rent on their own. i was literally the only one paying anything myself. all their money from their random jobs they would keep for two weeks then give up/get sacked from went on booze, tobacco, and steak. ha! seriously. and they would leave the house and leave alllll the lights on and i'd be like :mad: i'm paying for this, 'ere!

one of them recently went on a trip to australia, nz and the usa. she got her dad to pay for it all. three months. when i remarked that she was 'very lucky' (this was at the time i was working 6/7 days a week for a year and half in order to fund my own australasian travels) she said 'it's not luck. i worked hard for this!' yeeeeah. when you didn't pay for one penny. daddy did because you felt you had to travel, maaaan, to get something out of your life because you're going through a mid 20s crisis. get the fuck out of my face.

when i moved to bristol at the end of last year i had nowhere to stay so i moved in with my mum. however i pay for everything 50/50. so i am, in effect, probably paying more here than i could be in a flatshare with 2+ people. so, actually, i think of her more as a flatmate. i don't get any real benefits staying here (apart from the obvious not having to move to a shitty part of bristol with shitty people i don't know from the get go). oh. apart from she buys a lot of wine. SCORE!

it's not bad though. my mother freakin LOVES me being here - she was getting quite lonely and depressed and now she has someone to cook her dinner and keep her company. it is strange being together now as adults and how our relationship is different.. good though. i do have to move somewhere else at some point, if only for the social aspects.. i want to move in with some people my own age although i think she will be very upset when i go. i still haven't met lots of people here yet but it's getting there. soon.

she doesn't earn enough money to be really living on her own, either, so i am glad i am helping her out that way.. woman has a serious financial blind spot so i am trying to make her see sense. i worry about her a lot. but how does a divorced 40 something move in a shared flat? heck, are there shared flats for single older women? what are the options? meh.

[RobMoney$]

I am 26 and still would be living with my Dad if he was still alive.

My old man was my ace. We used to go out and get bombed, get into bar fights, and do drugs togther all of the time. He was my best friend. All my friends were his friends and vice versa. My house was like a frat house my entire life. I had no anticipation on moving and he had no anticipaion on making me move. We had too much of a blast.

Now he's dead. Some days I dont even want to live anymore. I wish it were me and not him. Like the song, "So Sad, But True." I would give anything to live with him again.


You're joking, right.

[Adam]

I'm 28 and still living in shared accommodation. If I don't meet a woman who is stupid enough to shack up with me I can imagine be being in my 40s and in shared housing, it does kinda freak me out but I do think people in their 40s can flat share - I fucking hope so anyway.

I don't think Fern is joking. Fucking hard losing your parents dude!

I would again live with my parents if still alive, and did for a good part of my 20s. I did support them when I was earning shit loads and they was struggling and my parents was cool so didn't mind living with them. Did mind living with my brother tho. But WoW addict-virgin-in 40s??? Guy has issues, he probably knows it but feels its too late to address it. Poor guy.

As for people sponging off their parents to travel world, pay for uni - used to annoy me. I've never been rich, I'm of the school where my mum & dad would sell anything in house to get food when we was youngsters. I even remember the TV getting taken away about 2 weeks after we first got one because they couldn't afford it - black and white to! I bet our tantrums broke my mums heart back then :( But now, I think those who get their life paid for them, they know fuck all, they'll be lonely and spoilt all their life if they don't see what opportunities they have been given, I know I'll be happier :)

[Lyman Zerga]

due an illness im still living with my mum


and im definitely would never become one of those cold hearted parents who kick their kids out of mommie's home once they turned 18

[yeahwho]

I couldn't wait to move out of my parents house, they're not bad people and actually provide pretty well.... it's just so fucking incredibly boring that I had to get away from that peaceful quiet serenity and into a drinking loud world of mayhem ASAP. So I moved out at 17, left Washington ST. went to work up in Alaska for a few years off and on until I knew I could come home and afford a place of my own, which I promptly drank away.

But that's another story for another day, half of my friends stayed at their parents place for years, until they were well over 21. A few even inherited the folks house and have never left. It would drive me absolutely batty. I'm pretty strong willed and more than a bit of a stubborn bitch, I have to have some space of my own to think straight, it just the way it has to be. For me.

Everyone who meets my parents agree with me that they are incredibly awesome, but small doses of awesomeness suffice. I also think they are extremely happy I got the hell out of the house @ 17... I am/was more than just a handful of trouble.

[checkyourprez]

im 24 and still at home. most of my friends are besides one who has his own house. im back in grad school though, so with a car payment and that, there isn't much money for a place of my own. i obviously would like to have a place with my buddies, but its just not economically feasible at the time being.

worst part is with chicks. cant really bring chicks home all wasted at 3 in the morning and bang out. other than that though, food, laundry and whatnot is money. old school italian house rules over here.

[Dorothy Wood]

I really don't think I know anyone who lived with their parents past age 18/19.

I lived with my mom through freshman year of college because I decided to stick around on account of my step-dad offing himself half way through my senior year in high school. I subsequently transferred to a school out of state and she moved down to my area about 6 months or so later to get out of town and start fresh and be closer to me. I lived with her the summer after sophomore year and that was it.

I guess if you get along with your parents and you're saving money for something, I can see how it could be okay...but I don't really understand the idea of foregoing an independent adult life for, say, a nice car. I'd rather have a shit car or no car and my own home, than be dependent on parents.

[Fern]

You're joking, right.

I wish I was.

[kaiser soze]

Sorry to hear Fern, sounds like he was just as much a buddy as a dad

Anyways, I guess I have little understanding of the dynamics of being an adult and living with your parents. It looks like there are tons of little things here and there that mean alot to the people who do. I'm sure many of you mean no ill will in fact I'm sure most who live with their parents do not.

On a developmental level I feel if someone never tries being independent it could cause serious complications when they do try. It will be a shocker. Most young adults get the chance to feel it out before committing to living on their own, how can those who have never tried "feel it out" at age 30?

[Fern]

Thank you.

In addition, housing costs in areas are motovation to live with one's parents. In the area that I live in, a 1 bedroom apt is rarely under 1300 per month not including utilities. Most of my friends live at home as well...

[russhie]

I suppose it depends on circumstance. I was 19 when I left home, and most girls I know moved out when they hit 21-22. I moved out to be closer to university but also because my parents and I didn't get along - me not being under their feet all the time made our relationship so much better. I moved back home for a few months when I was between houses after uni finished, but haven't been back since. My sister is 27 and still lives at home - it's actually very common here. Most guys I seem to date are still at home, granted, they're 'different' from the people I grew up with - much more well off, private schools, travel, etc. so the perks of staying home for them are greater. It is annoying though.

[ToucanSpam]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with people living with their parents. There's a terrible stigma in Western culture that says everyone has to move out and make it on their own no matter what. It's rubbish. There's a lot of circumstances where living at home with parents is necessary. Anybody who criticizes people who live at home is just employing some kind of elitism, sneering at those who aren't living the life style society shoves into people's faces. That kind of snobbery makes me sick.

[sjp]

being i have an uncle in his 40's close to 50 who lives with my grandma in her old folks home, and can't hold a job cause he can't stay off a bottle, and blames it on his divorce from over ten years ago i have no sympathy, and think if your not out of your parents house by 25 unless you have a good reason for it cool, but i respect people less if its like my example.

[ms.peachy]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with people living with their parents.

There is something wrong with it if they are basically being spongers. If they are being an integral, adult part of the family, then that's one thing. But if they're just home because they like having mummy wipe their ass, or if they don't want to move out because then they'd have to do stuff like pay bills instead of lounging around playing video games, then how the hell can you respect someone like that?

[rirv]

I'm 23 and am living at home again. I was at uni for three years, then spent another year in London and have now moved back home. Will likely be here for another year as well when I do my teacher training mostly because of money as I won't have enough to rent my own place although I do have to pay my mum £25 a week for bills and much to my disgust she does none of my washing/cooking/cleaning. I remember when I was 18 I couldn't wait to get out of home but now it's not so bad. As soon as I can I'll be off again though.

[mate_spawn_die]

off with their heads!

[trailerprincess]

I'm with Peachy, living with your parents and contributing is one thing. Sponging off them because you can get away with it is just dreadful. I lived at home for a couple of years after uni so that I could save some money and buy my first place but my parents were quite sure we all knew they wanted us to be completely independent & moved out by 25 (barring some disaster).

We all paid some rent but it wasn't a huge amount and they were quite happy to have us there but they also wanted to have the place to themselves when that time came, and I don't blame them.

[Kid Presentable]

Damn, I thought Fern said "apt" for a second there

[ms.peachy]

they were quite happy to have us there but they also wanted to have the place to themselves when that time came, and I don't blame them.

You know I was just reading something, I think it was in the New York Times yesterday maybe. About a study they'd done recently of "empty nesters". It used to be that the trend was, after kids left home, that there was quite often a breakdown in the marriage, because couples had sort of drifted apart in their interests and such during the child rearing years, and then when the kids were gone they found they had a lot less tying them together than they thought. For women in particular, if they did not have a job outside the home they were likely to experience depression, loss of identity issues etc in the 'post child' years. Apparently now though the trend is reversing, and couples are reporting an increase in marital satisfaction after the kids get the hell out and stop cluttering up the place with all their crap. The study indicates this is due to women having their first child at a later age than previous generations, and already having a defined 'career arc' and staying in employment; also, because men have taken on greater parenting and household management roles, mothers and fathers are more empathetic to each other's sense of loss when the kids are gone, and more supportive of each other as they move into the next phase of life. And they start having more sex too, apparently.

[Helvete]

I kinda still live at home, but more because I'm in the Army and when I get some leave I stay at home for a few weeks and then fuck off back to Germany or wherever the Army has me going.

It's a weird situation, and unless you are married, you don't really have your own place in the Army. So yeah, I live at home still aged 23, for a few weeks and then I don't for the rest of the year.

[trailerprincess]

That was quite an interesting comment until that last line :o

I think they like having us around and reasonably close by, and we often pop over for dinner and tea etc but we don't take the piss, and my mum reinforced that by adding new locks on the house so we can't let ourselves in when we want - that was quite amusing.

As for my parents relationship, they have both always worked outside the home and though they're not especially sociable, they like to do their own thing. My dad also works away for 3 months at a time so they really value that time when he's home. Mum often doesn't tell us he's arrived back until a couple of days later so they get some full on alone time.

[Adam]

So if you are in your 20s and have left home, your parents are probably having more sex.

In their bedroom - probably near where you used to sleep in the room next door.

Maybe they do it in the front room to to spice things up.

Kitchen?

Have a good think about where your parents might of had sex next time you visit. Or think about it now! Y'know - your dads penis in your mum vagina. It will and does happen.

They may even have better sex lives than you! And you don't have all the flabby and wobbly bits like your parents.

But if you are still at home, then you are probably ruining thier marriage by stopping them being in love.

[ToucanSpam]

There is something wrong with it if they are basically being spongers. If they are being an integral, adult part of the family, then that's one thing. But if they're just home because they like having mummy wipe their ass, or if they don't want to move out because then they'd have to do stuff like pay bills instead of lounging around playing video games, then how the hell can you respect someone like that?


Eventually the free ride would end, wouldn't it? The parents would say enough's enough at some point, right? What if the parents insisted this continued because the person had a mental disability and was unable to take care of themselves? I think if somebody is doing what you are describing there's got to be more going on than simply sponging.

[Lex Diamonds]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with people living with their parents. There's a terrible stigma in Western culture that says everyone has to move out and make it on their own no matter what. It's rubbish. There's a lot of circumstances where living at home with parents is necessary. Anybody who criticizes people who live at home is just employing some kind of elitism, sneering at those who aren't living the life style society shoves into people's faces. That kind of snobbery makes me sick.
Grow the fuck up you chump. Nobody is denying that there can be extenuating circumstances, but for the most part living with your parents means you are somewhat incapable or socially stunted. Something you should know a lot about.

[na§tee]

Eventually the free ride would end, wouldn't it? The parents would say enough's enough at some point, right? What if the parents insisted this continued because the person had a mental disability and was unable to take care of themselves? I think if somebody is doing what you are describing there's got to be more going on than simply sponging.
ho hooo! you would think the sponging would end at some point but not so! for example, my former flatmate above, neither her or any of her siblings have paid rent regularly themselves. their parents still give them money. her oldest sibling? he's 31. some parents can simply not say no. of course there are other reasons. this family are grade A bullshitters. maybe the parents notice it but they just ignore it and submit. who knows.. i'm not a parent. i don't know what it is to say 'no' to your children. even your 30 year old ones.

p.s. disability is a completely different issue. we're talking about adults with all their major faculties intact here.

[ms.peachy]

Eventually the free ride would end, wouldn't it? The parents would say enough's enough at some point, right? What if the parents insisted this continued because the person had a mental disability and was unable to take care of themselves? I think if somebody is doing what you are describing there's got to be more going on than simply sponging.

Eh? What're you on about with this 'mental disability' thing? If a person is living with a parent because they are disabled, mentally or physically, to the extent that it is at best imprudent for them to live independently, that is a whole other conversation. People who are allowing themselves to be infantilised by parents who are unwilling to cut the cord are another matter entirely.

[monkey]

as a person who currently lives at dad's home, after not living at dad's home, it's a weird switch. i dont think im completely living off my dad, as i go to school, i work, and i pay for most of my expenses. my dad makes my life easier by letting me live here and not worry about rent. if i had to worry about rent, i would have to work a lot more and go to school a lot less. rent in ny is EXPENSIVE. shit, as it is, i need to spend most of my income on transportation.
i dont feel bad for living here at my age, particularly because in my culture, a woman doesn't leave her father's house until she enters her husband's. and so it's culturally more acceptable for me to be home, as old fashioned as that concept is.

[Fern]

It's begining to flip-flop on me now.......

With my father being dead, my 19 yr old brother is going to live with me...

Now I have to support a little bum.ll

[kaiser soze]

It's a vicious cycle...

;)

I wonder what will happen when the roles reverse. Many children (who become adults) usually handle their parents elderly care.

What happens when these adult-kids don't have the resources or maturity to do such?

The whole returning home after college thing is curious. Usually graduating college is the first big step towards independence. I know a family who let their lawyer son move back home and also offered their engineer daughter the same. They pay for many of her bills as it is.

Seriously...a LAWYER and ENGINEER given the opportunity to sponge. I know college is pricey, but those types of degrees give you the opportunity to make some cash and pay of some bills with some reasonable comfort, right?

[ToucanSpam]

Eh? What're you on about with this 'mental disability' thing? If a person is living with a parent because they are disabled, mentally or physically, to the extent that it is at best imprudent for them to live independently, that is a whole other conversation. People who are allowing themselves to be infantilised by parents who are unwilling to cut the cord are another matter entirely.

Sorry, I wasn't clear enough. Just forget that post, I think I agree with you about this scenario with the video game playing and the mollycoddling parents.

[Adam]

I'm with toucan. I think people with disabilities should be locked up.

[beastieangel01]

when you die he will die because he can barely wipe his own ass!

hahaha

yeah I think it depends on the situation. If someone tried and things went terribly wrong, or especially in today's economy... it happens. But an adult living with their parents and NOT making an effort to be on their feet and on their own eventually? I don't find that very respectable.

[ToucanSpam]

I'm with toucan. I think people with disabilities should be locked up.

:confused:

[Adam]

:confused:

just fucking with ya.

[checkyourprez]

most people are blaming the kids in this situation. which i can see, because you should want to be out there on your own. like i said im at home now, but just because its easier with school and work, i would much much rather be living in a bachelors pad with my homies but its just not economically feasible right now.

but how about blaming the parents? its two fold, clearly there was some bad parenting (not the whole job, just a facet or two maybe. but who knows maybe more) going on to let their child get to this point in life. either babying them too much while they were growing up or just making it to easy for them not to leave. there is also the point that can be made, why dont these parents just kick their loser kids out of their house? why is it the kids fault because the parents let them stay there. its not like they are forcing their parents at gunpoint to live in the same room they have their whole life with their dumbass kiss posters all over the wall.

i feel if you raise your kids the right way they should want to get the fuck out and go on with their lifes.

[kaiser soze]

Oh I agree....the parents grow complacent, quite possibly some are beyond help with motivating their adult-child. I am sure some genuinely believe their daughter or son will eventually move on, and then the years pass and they are too embarrassed to admit they failed to instill the rewards of independence.

For those who have never tried moving out, I truly believe this stunts their emotional development, domesic capabilities, social capacity, and coping skills. They become "cellar dwellers" playing video games, stepping through piles of dirty clothes months on end, never wash a dish, and pitch fits like a 12 year old. They act as if they know everything in the world they hide from and mask their spoiled incompetent ass with ignorant smugness.

[adam_f]

I live it at home so I can sit on my couch and go on Xbox Live all night.

[Dorothy Wood]

lol @ the adams in this thread.


I still think it's weird to live at home when you're an adult...maybe that's because the friends I knew who lived at home (and maybe still live at home, we've lost touch) beyond age 21 were really unhappy and dare I say, pathetic. all they did was complain about their lives. they were going to school, working and saving money (making more money 7 years ago than I do now, actually, meh), but also had like $600/month car payments. that's fucking stupid. my one friend had a brand new pontiac or some such shit and made fun of my car (a used plymouth colt, purchased outright), the other had a big truck or something. and they were both like, "wah, I can't afford to move out, wah, boys/girls don't like me, wah, my brother/sister is annoying, wah". well, stfu and make your own life, dipshits!


all in all, I love my mom, she's hard to live with, but I love her. and by all accounts I'd probably be much better off financially if I had lived with her for a couple of years and saved money. but I'd never had made the friends I have, or had the experiences I do now that make me a well-rounded individual. all the heart-ache and mistakes and broken teeth and walking because I had no bus fair and eating ramen or tuna sandwiches without bread, turned me into a person who doesn't take things for granted and made me realize that friends and fun are the best stuff in life, not money and things.


I really do wish I wasn't poor though, but I'm working on that.


also, toucan is disabled and lives at home, lol.

[kaiser soze]

and by all accounts I'd probably be much better off financially if I had lived with her for a couple of years and saved money.

I think that is the deal with most who live with their parents. But why sacrifice freedom and independence to save a buck. I can invite anyone I want over to my place any time of the day and do whatever we care to do.

I think the whole "saving" money bit is old. Once you are emancipated the bills don't get any cheaper, houses, cars, kids, leisure....it doesn't come for cheap. I guess being frugal is good but being a cheapskate is pathetic.

People can point at me and laugh that I don't have a massive 401k, but at least I have my own things and those things just don't occupy 1 room of a house. Plus I've been around the country and have experienced life quite well.

You can keep playing WOW in your playroom.

[hellojello]

a guy i work with is almost 40 and he still lives in his parents basement.

not even a separate suite, just a big bedroom/lounge area with his own bathroom.

and I know for a fact that his mom still does all his laundry and makes his lunch everyday.

he makes a somewhat decent wage, definately enough to live on ones own.
by choosing this situation though it apparently allows him to purchase/trade in for a new vehicle every 3 years that is in the $40,000ish range.

:confused:
I think i saw that guy on Intervention.