i want to know if anyone's ever felt this way -

[monkey]

a few years ago i was madly in love with someone. it was the most love i ever felt towards anyone, and we had an incredibly intense relationship. it ended, and in the following years, any time we'd see each other, it would just be a painful thing for me. he moved on pretty quickly and easily. i moved on superficially.

today i find out that this exbf and his girfriend right now are having a baby. and it's really hitting me hard, cause in the back of my mind, i always thought it would be me. he was what i thought was my soul mate. obviously, he's not. i've been mostly ok with this, i've attempted all the possible ways to move on possible and i know that i deserved better (trust me, he wasn't that great to me.) but still, knowing that he's starting a family with someone else is just killing me. im jealous, im sad, i'm feeling hopeless, i'm feeling like i lost, i'm the big giant fuck up in this equation and he gets to have all the happiness.

i really want to know that someone else has gone through something similar and come out better. i need to know that i will not feel like this forever. i need an example of someone who knows how to rise above it. i really need it, cause it feels really bad right now.

[Yetra Flam]

well, not exactly the same situation, but very similar. a guy i was seeing for a while and was kind of infatuated with recently told me on the same night that one; he's gonna be a father (didn't tell me who the girl was, or if it even was a girlfriend or just some girl he's fucking) and two; he loves me. maybe he meant love in a friend way. it's likely. but i was in more of a state of WHAT THE FUCK for ages afterwards. i still am. i guess i'm a little hurt too, even though i never expected to settle down and have a kid with him. Its more of a "why wasn't i enough for you?" kind of circumstance.

However, i absolutely do understand your emotions, completely. I think I know, pretty much, exactly how you feel. And it sucks.

[taquitos]

there's a girl i know who could and probably will make me feel that way. it'll be hard.

[Lyman Zerga]

theres no baby involved in my story but i cant really say that im feeling any better than this right now

heart pain is the worst pain


good thing we are still young though

[b i o n i c]

i had a similar thing, i found out my hs exgf first love which was an intense one.. i found out she's married to comedian now and has a baby. even though it was a VERY long time ago, she WAS my first love and i remember all the conversations we used to have about our future, talking about the kids we would have, talk about how we would raise them, all that..

the thing that makes me feel better is that i know she had a hard life and a tough family situation. it hurt to think how she could possibly want that with someone else and not me, but she did at one point till life got in the way and fucked everything up. i think about the reasons why we broke it off and realize we really werent right for eachother and that there's no way i would be happy as a married guy with kids right now. im happy that she's happy, im genuinely happy she has finally come full circle.

i guess the best easiest thing to think of now is actually what's bugging you... it could be you

IT COULD BE YOU.

and im not sure you would really like to be pregnant right now. life still hold endless possibilities for happiness for you.

[monkey]

i feel like this person has ripped out my heart so many times already it's a miracle i still feel anything.

and a part of me wants to feel that sort of intensity and love all over again, and stronger still. i want it so bad. and then there's the part of me that wants nothing to do with someone ever getting that close to me. or maybe it's just that i want someone to love me but i just can't handle loving someone that much and then having them destroy me again.

i just want to know that eventually, this will be something i think on as something that just happened... i wont be bitter and lonely for life. but fuck, im bitter and lonely right now. i really did get the shitty end of the stick here. i had a boyfriend that i loved deeply and i fucked some things up and he fucked a lot of things up cause he didnt feel quite the same way, and now he gets to have his happy ever after and i get to cry in my room by myself.

and bionic: the fact that it could have been me is exactly why the jealousy comes up. when we were together, i wasn't ready for such things. in the time since, i feel like i could be ready if such thing happened. if it were me, i would be ready. i almost wish it were me.

[Dorothy Wood]

My first love fucked me up for a couple of years. then I realized he was a jerkface. he has a wife and a few kids now. he's a marine and I'm guessing away a lot. I don't think I'd want to be a military wife with a bunch of kids living on a base somewhere at this point in my life. It's 10 years passed now though, but it still feels weird to see pictures of his kids on facebook because for a long time I thought he was "the one". (a long time meaning ages 18-21)

My ex from college is married now too, with child. that only blows my mind because he was a such a doofus.

all of it just makes me feel like a kid sometime though, like everyone who is married with kids is living a real life, and I'm living a fake life. alone. meh.

I know I'm going to lose it when and if I ever hear of my last boyfriend dating or marrying or impregnating someone else. at this point I've given up on ever getting back together, but I feel like things involving him will sting forever because I still don't know exactly why he broke up with me.

other than that, I'm in a pretty good place in my life and I have a lot to be thankful for.

your ex doesn't necessarily have all the happiness now that he knocked up some broad. life is long and everyone struggles. people come and go throughout your life and you need to hold on the the good and forget about the bad (or at least try to learn from it).

[b-grrrlie]

I'm glad I never wanted kids...

[paul jones]

fuggeddaboutit! kids are expensive anyways and you'd have to stop going to discos and stuff(y):cool:

[Adam]

Why we never recover from first love (http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/18/relationships-love)

[Lyman Zerga]

theres nothing i want more than having a baby

yet the whore fucks around me get unwanted kids or abortions all the time

fair? i think not

[Nuzzolese]

I understand how attractive the seemingly put-together life can look, but you know intellectually that it's not always so perfect. A family brings extra responsibilities and stress. I think you know reasonably what to think about this situation anyway, it's just your emotional response giving you so much grief. You two would not have worked out together to make a healthy family. Being with him taught you how you are when you're in love, and how much you have to give to another person. Keep thinking about how you can give that to someone else. Also, being with him taught you about how a boyfriend is not supposed to treat you. So you learned a lot from this.

The emotional pain is this thing you have to go through and there are no real shortcuts around it. Avoid him as much as possible, take care of yourself and do what makes you happy with girlfriends, with your family, or alone. Eventually it will lift away and you won't feel so hurt anymore. Try not to dwell on his relationship because it's something outside of your control. Right now you can probably see happiness like a distant island while you're treading water out in the open ocean. The tide will bring you in, just stay afloat for now.

[easy 3]

I lost an 8 year relationship and I basically have to just forget all about it in order to maintain my sanity.

We split up amicably - but I think I was just trying to do what I thought she wanted me to do (as usual) - now there's part of me that wishes I'd fought tooth and nail to restore what had been a brilliant relationship. I think she just kind of grew out of me and I couldn't stand flogging a dead horse after it had been so good and special. She appeared to move on so quickly and easily that I had to conclude that I never really knew her like I thought I did.

Now I've got a good relationship with a girl that sort of treats me better, but we've been together 2 years and I just can't bring myself to tell her I love her - and how fucked up is that? I feel terrible, but it feels like my ability to love is broken or something and I couldn't lie to her so I carry on just hoping that everything sorts itself out in time.:(

[beastieangel01]

I understand how attractive the seemingly put-together life can look, but you know intellectually that it's not always so perfect. A family brings extra responsibilities and stress. I think you know reasonably what to think about this situation anyway, it's just your emotional response giving you so much grief. You two would not have worked out together to make a healthy family. Being with him taught you how you are when you're in love, and how much you have to give to another person. Keep thinking about how you can give that to someone else. Also, being with him taught you about how a boyfriend is not supposed to treat you. So you learned a lot from this.

The emotional pain is this thing you have to go through and there are no real shortcuts around it. Avoid him as much as possible, take care of yourself and do what makes you happy with girlfriends, with your family, or alone. Eventually it will lift away and you won't feel so hurt anymore. Try not to dwell on his relationship because it's something outside of your control. Right now you can probably see happiness like a distant island while you're treading water out in the open ocean. The tide will bring you in, just stay afloat for now.

I second this. Wise words.

[Waus]

I thought Adam's article about first love was pretty good.

It's really hard to determine when it's okay to consider a serious relationship though (if you believe what that article says) since it basically says your first serious relationship will be insane.

[ET]

I never really understood this song until recently. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mhwufCg7THM)

[cosmo105]

there are several past loves i've seen be all settled and seemingly happy and stable and doing things that were never done for me. and then i realize that's because we weren't right for each other and it's easier for me to be happy for them and know that somewhere out there is someone that's right for me too. sounds like BS, but it's true. once you realize that ultimately you're the only person that can let or make yourself feel any sort of way about something, it becomes much easier. (y)

[rirv]

I once got really, really upset when I was five years old and my dad, my brother and myself went to the toy shop (The Jolly Giant, RIP). My dad said he'd buy us each a small Lego model, but not one with light and sound because those were too expensive. When we got home and had built our models I realised my brother had a light and sound model - a fire truck with flashing lights and a siren. I started crying and kicked the fire truck across the floor and got sent to my room and cried for about an hour.

[hpdrifter]

" i really did get the shitty end of the stick here. i had a boyfriend that i loved deeply and i fucked some things up and he fucked a lot of things up cause he didnt feel quite the same way, and now he gets to have his happy ever after and i get to cry in my room by myself."

You're idealizing the situation he has with this other person. Do you really think that everything is perfect for them and that every day is bliss? And that your life (which was the same before you found out as after) is lame and you're a loser? All of a sudden everything changed? You're ascribing meaning to the situation that isn't there. Its all about perception.

That said, we all do it and there isn't really any way around it. Its like any other kind of pain, you just have to feel it until it passes. And it will pass if you let it. Obviously take some time to process but be careful not to wallow.