my new boss

[Nuzzolese]

My new boss is a lady my age, who is really nice and smart, she seems to have a good sense of humor, and she likes a lot of the things I like. So we should be friends, right?

But she's my boss.

I think if she was just my coworker, I'd totally want to be friends with her, and I'd feel comfortable talking to her more about personal stuff. But since she's my boss I feel sort of awkward about it, like I have to keep a distance. I don't know why. I always feel shy around authority figures, always afraid of getting into trouble, I guess.

Since she is younger than a lot of people here, makes more money and has more education, she's the new boss, she's inexperienced, she's new to this field of work, and she's not perfect, people have been harsh in judging her. She's not stupid so I'm sure she can sense some hostility with at least a few people, and I feel bad for her. She has some quirks that irritate people, but who doesn't? Other people can be such bitches!

I know that some peple are bothered by how proud she seems to be of her accomplishments. They think she's full of herself. And I know for a fact at least one woman here is racist, and I hope my boss doesn't pick up on that, but she probably does.

Sometimes she starts to talk about personal things and joke around, and I can tell that even though she wants to seem professional and in charge, she also wants to reach out and connect with us all. But after a certain point I feel nervous and I want to back off, even though part of me wants to keep getting familiar.

I want to be her friend, but I don't really think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure why. I just don't want her to hate working here.

[b i o n i c]

just be her friend

[Nuzzolese]

How? I don't know how. Should I just talk to her a bunch and ask her about the last thing I remember her saying? She's home sick today. Should I call her to see if she's okay?

[b i o n i c]

just talk to her

[Nuzzolese]

I'm going to send her an email, like a get well soon thing. What should it say? She was out sick yesterday, too.

[b i o n i c]

dont send her a get well soon email!

[marsdaddy]

Don't over do it. Unless you feel like you want to be her best friend.

[b i o n i c]

just be office friends. ask her questions about herself and shit

[mickill]

Subtly hint to her that you'd like to be friends. Maybe draw her a picture of the two of you having lunch together and leave it on her desk for when she gets back.

[Nuzzolese]

I should have waited for your replies! Dangit.

I already sent the "get well soon" email! What now? Did I ruin things?

Mickill that's perfect because I love to draw. You guys are great.

[marsdaddy]

Have you discovered her favorite ice cream flavor?

[Nuzzolese]

I want her to know that I'm not threatened by her youth and power.

[Nuzzolese]

Early on, when she first started, she told us all that she wanted to be our mentors, if that's what we wanted. And boy, that pissed off some old hags "Snort how's this 28-year-old going to mentor ME? ahh haggety haggety hag blah"

[Adam]

Is it just office friends? If so, you sound like you are already that.

Outside of work just don't talk shop. Which resolves any issues of boss issues. Only problem comes when you call up ill after a heavy drinking session with her. I've been friends with my bosses and I think its better to keep them close than at arms length.

Just don't steal her boyfriend or anything.

[b i o n i c]

offer to be her mentor

[jabumbo]

the head of my company is really awkward to talk to, and i think most of that reason is because he is the boss. however, the other head guy around here is completely different.

is this woman top dog in the office? and why would you feel threatened anyway? she's already your boss, so its not like you are competing with her

[Nuzzolese]

Is it just office friends? If so, you sound like you are already that.

Outside of work just don't talk shop. Which resolves any issues of boss issues. Only problem comes when you call up ill after a heavy drinking session with her. I've been friends with my bosses and I think its better to keep them close than at arms length.

Just don't steal her boyfriend or anything.

We're not already friends. I know that. She has shared more about herself to other girls here. Why not me?? Maybe she doesn't like me!

[Adam]

Oh, yeah - I read ya post properly now.

Organise a night out to welcome the new boss.

[Nuzzolese]

the head of my company is really awkward to talk to, and i think most of that reason is because he is the boss. however, the other head guy around here is completely different.

is this woman top dog in the office? and why would you feel threatened anyway? she's already your boss, so its not like you are competing with her

But other women feel threatened by her because she's younger, hotter, smarter, makes more money, and she took over their roles as supervisors. There are two women here who used to not have to answer to anybody, and they each had another person under their control. Now we are all under the new boss's approval for things like vacation time and assignments and stuff. They just hate having a boss, and not being able to tell another person what to do.

[mickill]

I want her to know that I'm not threatened by her youth and power.

You should bring your Barbies to work.

[mickill]

And sing Taylor Swift songs at your desk. Or that Lady Gaga song you like.

[Nuzzolese]

Oh, yeah - I read ya post properly now.

Organise a night out to welcome the new boss.


She's been here for like seven months already, though. I was her Secret Santa last Christmas. I missed that chance to tell her how I feel. I do think she liked my presents, though. I knew she liked latin dancing so I got her legwarmers and I designed some stationery cards with a salsa dancing couple on the front.

But then after I gave them to her I realized that the couple on the front of the cards looked kind of brownish and I was afraid she thought I got them from some kind of "ebony" collection, so it might have looked like I got them because I thought SHE would like them being brownish or something. Ugh, I'm so embarrassed.

[Nuzzolese]

And sing Taylor Swift songs at your desk. Or that Lady Gaga song you like.

She loves to dance!

[Nuzzolese]

You should bring your Barbies to work.


Maybe I could bring in some brand new clothes but tell her they are old and I don't want them anymore, and ask if she wants them. I always loved trading clothes with my girlfriends. But in her case I want to impress her so they'll actually be new.

[Nuzzolese]

Every time we have a staff meeting, she brings in treats for us like fruit and coffee cake. And then she makes us do this annoying ice-breaker thing where we share our "Highs" and "Lows" of the week. I have the hardest time thinking of something to share.

[Adam]

When is her Birthday? Can't you get her something amazing for then?

How come it took ya 7 months to be bothered about making friends with her now? Worst than Bob putting off getting some.

[Nuzzolese]

I dunno. I was into other stuff. I'm so bad at making friends. I like people, but then I don't really want to do anything with them. And I never know how to get friendly either. I always feel nervous with early conversations when I don't know the person well. And I hate when friendships just peter out, but it's just as bad if they get out of control and you have to keep becoming better friends, and better friends, and then I'm like "I think we should just be friends, but less so"

[Nuzzolese]

Oh! Also, I forgot. I started to kind of be friends with her in the very beginning, but I was still giving her space.
But then I noticed that this other girl here was nearly smothering her with attention, and I also got the feeling that she wanted to be more professional and aloof so I backed off.
But then people started talking shit about her around here, even the girl who had been smothering her had felt no gratitude, and I sort of sympathized with their stories.
But then it ocurred to me that she was actually pretty nice, and maybe these people were not justified in their mean comments.
Then I got really busy and didn't want to be bothered with making friends.

But now I'm finally reconciled with the idea that I could be friends with her.

So that all took 7 months.

[marsdaddy]

Every time we have a staff meeting, she brings in treats for us like fruit and coffee cake. And then she makes us do this annoying ice-breaker thing where we share our "Highs" and "Lows" of the week. I have the hardest time thinking of something to share.THIS IS WHERE IT STARTS!

I bet she's shared more with people that have this "highs" & "lows" thing down. She knows you're not one to share much, so she's not going to either. You need an epiphany during an H&L session and you'll draw her into your circle / web...

[Nuzzolese]

But I hate sharing when it's prompted in a group setting.

[Fern]

My new boss is a lady my age, who is really nice and smart, she seems to have a good sense of humor, and she likes a lot of the things I like. So we should be friends, right?

But she's my boss.

I think if she was just my coworker, I'd totally want to be friends with her, and I'd feel comfortable talking to her more about personal stuff. But since she's my boss I feel sort of awkward about it, like I have to keep a distance. I don't know why. I always feel shy around authority figures, always afraid of getting into trouble, I guess.

Since she is younger than a lot of people here, makes more money and has more education, she's the new boss, she's inexperienced, she's new to this field of work, and she's not perfect, people have been harsh in judging her. She's not stupid so I'm sure she can sense some hostility with at least a few people, and I feel bad for her. She has some quirks that irritate people, but who doesn't? Other people can be such bitches!

I know that some peple are bothered by how proud she seems to be of her accomplishments. They think she's full of herself. And I know for a fact at least one woman here is racist, and I hope my boss doesn't pick up on that, but she probably does.

Sometimes she starts to talk about personal things and joke around, and I can tell that even though she wants to seem professional and in charge, she also wants to reach out and connect with us all. But after a certain point I feel nervous and I want to back off, even though part of me wants to keep getting familiar.

I want to be her friend, but I don't really think it's a good idea, but I'm not sure why. I just don't want her to hate working here.

SOunds like you want to do her.

[marsdaddy]

But I hate sharing when it's prompted in a group setting.Isn't it obvious: you and her are like yin and yang.

[Nuzzolese]

SOunds like you want to do her.

She is in good shape.

[Adam]

high: I realised I have feelings for my boss

low: I realised I have feelings for my boss

[ms.peachy]

This thread is really funny.(y)

At the moment mr.p is sharing an apartment with his new boss in China. He says it is really, really weird. But it's a whole really weird situation overall and there's not much to be done about it for the moment, so he's just got to deal with it. V strange though because, you know, he likes the guy and all, but it's his boss, so in a sense whenever they are 'home' together, he can never really quite relax all the way. Probably the other guy feels the same way.

[jabumbo]

you should say your high is doing a different type of ice breaker game like teaming up and seeing who can put on the frozen t-shirt first

[Nuzzolese]

She came back today but she's still sick and I'm being super nice to her.

Aside from her work here, she teaches ballroom dance lessons, or she wants to, or she's trying to, and she's also trying to get certified to be a trainer or something. Maybe I could go take a lesson or have a training session.

I feel most comfortable with new people if I can share an activity with them like playing basketball, working on a jigsaw puzzle, or stripping a car. That's hard to get on first dates but it's a perfect first friend date.

[Myu-to]

Bring her some soup and crackers. Sick people like soup and crackers.

[jabumbo]

think you can hook the two of us up?


that way i can tell her about how awesome you are and maybe get you that assistant job

[b i o n i c]

see the tea thread, make her feel better and you'll be like the mouse who got the thorn out of the lion's paw

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm friends with one of my underlings. it all started when we had worked together a few times and had some laughs. we were supposed to go to a gallery opening at our other store after work one night, and I didn't have anyone else to go with me (I knew people there, but I didn't have a buddy). he said he was going to go home first, and I was like, "aw man, you better come up there, I don't have any friends", and he was like, "I don't have any friends either. we should be friends. I mean, for real." and I was like, "um. okay." then we shook on it.

and now we're best friends. forever.

I don't know how that helps, but maybe just invite her out or something. ehhh. or make like you need a buddy for something. hmm, oh! say you're interested in the dancing stuff, but you don't have a buddy to go with. then maybe she'll offer to be your buddy! buddies forever!

[Myu-to]

see the tea thread, make her feel better and you'll be like the mouse who got the thorn out of the lion's paw
WINNER!

[Nuzzolese]

She knows I take ballet, and she takes ballroom. My desk is always neat and tidy, hers is a mess of papers. We're like the odd couple!

ahh, we're so, right, for each other. If only she would see that. Why can't she see that? What, is she blind? Do I have to tie her up and make her see that?!

[Myu-to]

Invite her to that new Paul Rudd movie "I Love You Man". After it's over, casually say something like "I feel we could be friends like that."

[Nuzzolese]

I don't know, a movie seems so forward and formal. There's the whole issue of meeting there or picking each other up, and of who buys the tickets and who buys the snacks and how you share, if at all.

[Fern]

You should make it so you get 'caught' peeking in on her while she is in the bathroom.... that'll break the ice.