dedication to someone with a dream

[Nuzzolese]

I've seen a number of movies lately in which one person has a passion that dominates their life, and as a result their relationships suffer because their partner feels neglected and so they leave.

I tend to think that people who love one another should respect each others' passions and dreams outside of their relationship. So that means that if one person spends time working at a job they love, or pursuing an artistic expression or some other dream, their partner should support them through that even if it means they aren't always around.

Maybe someone can only pursue their dreams with the support of someone else. How far does that go? How much do you owe someone you love, when it comes to supporting them? Aren't there supposed to be times of self-sacrifice in a relationship? Aren't there supposed to be hard times? And aren't you supposed to stay there anyway? What else is dedication but sticking around when it's not convenient?

Are marriages supposed to be totally balanced and equal and FAIR? Or are they just supposed to function, to endure, to love each other? Can a person love another person and also love some passion? Is it fair to ask someone to choose between their passion in life, and you? Is it reasonable to ask, or demand, that you be the first passion and priority in another person's life?

[taquitos]

moderation in all things

[Nuzzolese]

But how can you ask someone to be passionate moderately? If someone loves something, you're saying you would ask them to chill out about it and not give it so much of their lives? For some people, the only way they achieved greatness was because they immoderately dedicated themselves to something. How can dedication be moderate?

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm upset that Harvey Milk's boyfriend left too. :(


to the topic...erm, I suppose I'm not as needy as the ladies or gentlemen in movies that leave the talented partner because of not getting enough attention.

but I also suppose I've never been put in the position. anybody I've dated has shared a lot of interests with me and/or been a lazy turd.

[Echewta]

Thats a big topic that should be worked out before marriage. Like in the serious dating stage to make sure both are comfortable with the passions, work schedule, habits, etc. If you get upset that someones passion is taking much of their time, and you knew this when you married them, its not really fair to demand time back.

Having children would be a different story I think. Both would have to change and sacrifice, if necessary, their passions because its their children that should be on the top of that list.

[jabumbo]

what is your passion nuzz? i will support you wholeheartedly and with unrequited love.

[Waus]

I think movies sometimes omit that the dreams of two people can be mutually exclusive.

For example: I have a friend who wanted to do special effects work for movie studios in Hollywood. His wife wanted to settle down and have kids where they are. She's just as passionate about having a family life there as he is about going to Hollywood, but he settled for doing small-time effects out of love for his wife.

[Nuzzolese]

Echewta you are so mature.

Dorothy did you think James Franco had good reason to leave Harvey? Do you think he was being needy? I guess there was no room in Harvey's life for a relationship like that. But did Harvey deserve to be alone?

Great, creative, driven people are so attractive because of their talent and work-ethic and devotion to something. But would you be willing to stay with someone who might place you second after something else in their life? I think that I would be okay with that, because I have so much independence in my life, even in my own feelings. But like Dorothy, I've never felt neglected by someone. I can imagine that one day would come when, if you were in that position, you might think "why even bother sticking around when he doesn't need me?"

What happens when children come into the picture? Do the children become number one like Echewta said? Do they become the first priority even over one another, or do you somehow view the entire family unit as one priority? I'm asking you Mickill and Ms.Peachy and other parents.

[Nuzzolese]

I think movies sometimes omit that the dreams of two people can be mutually exclusive.




I don't know if they omit it intentionally, just maybe they focus more on one side of the situation. In Flash of Genius it was pretty clear that his wife really wanted a big family and that kids were her first goal in life. When her husband wanted more, she was hurt and upset that they didn't share the same ideals.

[yeahwho]

What happens when children come into the picture? Do the children become number one like Echewta said? Do they become the first priority even over one another, or do you somehow view the entire family unit as one priority? I'm asking you Mickill and Ms.Peachy and other parents.

I know your not asking me but your personal dreams are a failure if your kids are a second priority, in the bigger scheme of things. I believe dreams, dedication, prosperity and destiny should become a mutual goal where everybody benefits.

[beastieangel01]

I agree with chew.

I think part of loving someone is also loving that their passionate about something.

If someone can't handle how often someone is away, despite the fact that the other person loves them and shows it, then maybe their 'style' isn't compatible.

For some, they need a lot of attention from the other person in the relationship. Others don't. It's just how they are (their 'style', I can't think of a better word).