my "issue"

[monkey]

i'm writing my issue down here because i feel that if i just admit it and put it out there, i may start to let it affect me less. and this is the most comfortable place i can imagine to let go of my issue.
now, a disclaimer. im not doing this so i can get a bunch of sweet responses of people saying nice things. not fishing for compliments. im just really in the process of trying to recognize how i deal with this and maybe try to change the way i react to little things in my life. please dont consider this an attention whore thread. quite the opposite, this is more along the lines of me becoming comfortable with opening up to people. it's easier to open up to you guys before i try people in my daily life.

my issue, right now as i see it, is that i don't truly believe that anyone really wants to be with me. sort of like... if someone had a choice to be with someone else or me, the other person would always be chosen. i feel inferior to anyone else around me.

this is not to say i have terrible sef esteem, or that there ins't something about worth knowing. i occasionally think im pretty fucking cool. i have lots of friends, im a friendly person who constantly does things for other just to make my friends happy. it's just that i feel like... for the most part, i'm not good enough to be that person that people think about. i feel like that at any point i could be easily discarded, by just anyone. there have been instances in my life that back this up, and it's just getting to a point that it's just driving me lower and lower into depression. i know im not supposed to base my sef worth on others. but i somehow wish that people made me feel a little more wanted, a little more important. i try to make my friends very important by telling how thankful i am when they help me, how happy i am to have spent time with them, how great i think they are. im not sure i expect the same in return, but for once i would like to feel like there's someone who appreciates having me around and would be sad if i wasn't. i want to feel, for once, that i matter to someone.

[Randetica]

tell me about it!

[Echewta]

Its a lot of people's issues. Unless you are interested in making some major changes in your life, it goes on until that right moment you hope comes along will.

[paul jones]

Don't let it get you down Pauli.You're fine.(y)

[jabumbo]

when something like this happens to me, i just think about how they are the ones missing out!



i have come to realize that a lot of people won't put their routine lives aside for anyone but their significant other unless they are the ones asking. many of times i have asked people to do things with me, but all they do is come up with excuses. excuses like how they can't come to a show at 8 because of their 9-5 job. so i just stopped caring and started enjoying those events on my own. they can sit at home and watch american idol every night for all i care!

[paul jones]

so i just stopped caring and started enjoying those events on my own. they can sit at home and watch american idol every night for all i care!

well said jabba(y) It's a whole diffrent night out when you're on your own.usually other solos will talk to you and probably wouldn't if you were with a few friends.

Like Han Solo.He tends to do his own thing and probably did before his hairy gorilla friend showed up but he was friends with Lando but they fell out over a bet but then made up when Han landed at his pad and Lando wanted to bone Leia so Lando was nice to Han but wasn't really at the time or was as the empire had his balls in a vice so he kits out leia in some new threads cos women like dudes buying them new clothes as we know or at least giving them some cash to go shopping.

Luke's gay

[nodanaonlyzuul]

but i somehow wish that people made me feel a little more wanted, a little more important.

I completely understand this statement.

I'm not saying that the following is the answer, but I noticed that this cycle for me changed once I left my home town behind. Granted, it was kind of a forced push out of there because I was homeless and the only place I had to go was with a friend here in the bay area... but that's what it took.

I find myself completely surrounded by people that truly care and express that fact.

Maybe there is someway to get away from your town for a bit? Even if it's just for a summer or something? Meeting new people, expanding your horizons, etc seems to do the trick. Just because the people that surround you in your life now don't really appreciate how wonderful you are doesn't mean no one else in this world won't either. They will.

Or maybe I missed the point of what you were trying to express and I am talking out of my ass right now.

[paul jones]

I am talking out of my ass right now.


are you my ex?

[monkey]

i dont think im really all that depressed about it, i mean, i may have overstated that. and it's not like im sitting home alone all the time completely friendless. when i do sit at home, it's usually of my own doing because I don't wish to be out. i know that i have some really great friends, i've been quite blessed with that.

it's more that i feel like... at any point in time, any of those people could just forget me. it feels slightly more poignant in terms of men in my life. (i hate talking about this.) it's like, any one who would have a choice between being with me or being with anyone else anywhere else would chose anything but me. the best way i can explain it (though this is NOT the only case scenario) is when i like a dude. i think about the dude, i think of nice things to say to him or do for him, i try to impress in my dorky ways, but i often feel the dude is just out with me cause he's got nothing better to do. i want to feel like he should be priviledged to be in my company, but i just don't. and again, it's not a terrible self esteem problem. i dont think im a particularly hidious person, i'm rather witty in conversation, i just feel like there's no way in hell that the other person finds me interesting, but they'll hang out with me if nothing better comes along.

it's just really frustrating. i want to be the object of someone's interest! i want to be a first choice!

[Helvete]

Yeah whatever, I bet you turn loads of dudes down.

[Dorothy Wood]

I have a problem with feeling like people (mostly men) get really really into me, and then just suddenly stop liking me.

it's like nobody I choose ever chooses me.

but then again, I have to remember that some people have chosen me, but I've rejected them. not outright, but I've inadvertently been aloof and hurt their feelings because I just wasn't that into them. and I'm guessing you and most everyone has done that without realizing it. I guess you just have to hope that one day feelings between you and another person will match up. (y)


I've cultivated a few really strong friendships over the last 5 years, so I do feel like people want me around and are happy to see me when I go out and socialize. however, I spend a lot of time alone because hardly anyone actually calls me.

My male BFF and I hang out all the time, but he has a long-distance girlfriend who's moving here in 2 months. it won't be the same when she's here. and lately I feel like he's trying to test me and suspects that I'm in love with him or something. it makes me sad. it's especially sad because he tells me he loves me all the time and that we're kindred spirits...so, it wouldn't be the weirdest thing if I had sexy feelings for him (and I admit I do feel some things sometimes, but jesus christ, I'm a heterosexual woman, sexy feelings for dudes is gonna happen no matter what). and recently I hung out with him and his best guy friend who was visiting, and he was like, "yay, my favorite dude and my favorite lady!" to which I thought, "um, shouldn't your girlfriend be your favorite lady?" I don't think he and I would make a good romantic couple...but sometimes it's hard to hear all the things I've ever wanted to hear from a man that I can't have. sexually. :cool:

oops, sorry about the personal tangent.

[monkey]

Yeah whatever, I bet you turn loads of dudes down.

people have said to me in the past, and i can honestly say this is not true. i dont get asked out. maybe im missing something, but for the most part, i hardly ever see a guy show interest in me. i become everyone's little sister, the chick that chills with the guys. guys come to talk to me about how much they like my girlfriends. and it's not like im putting forth a lez vibe either. i dress cute and show off boobies and wear heels, i talk about guys with my girl friends in cute jokey ways. and occasionally, when i show interest in a guy, he'll respond in kind. that's always nice. but it's like... I always have to start things. and then wait patiently to see if he'll actually follow through on wanting to like me.

maybe it just all boils down to the fact that i feel lonely and i wish i didn't. bah.

[Helvete]

I don't know then, shit sucks sometimes and guys can be just as complicated as girls. Maybe you need to expand the circle of people you hang out with to meet some fresh people, rather than be known as just some cool chick to hang out with.

[Myu-to]

Pauli, I know I don't know you all that well, but this seems weird to me. It's definitely not the way that I think of you, and I don't think it's the other people see you either. I think the dudes that have chosen "anything but you" are afraid, rather then taken the chance to be with someone special. I really do, and it's a shame that their cowardness was made you question yourself.