Ah great.

[ericlee]

Time to air my dirty laundry again. Well, the inlaws are coming back for good. The wife tells me right after they left that they will not be living with us again because she saw how it almost destroyed the marriage. She promised me this.

Well, they're expected to be here in a few months so now the story is we're getting a 3 bdrm apartment so they can stay and we'll get a brand new vehicle as well. I didn't agree with this decision. We may have a bigger place but I just do not want to live with anyone else but my wife.

I try to tell her that why don't we just move to a 2bdrm apartment, get a smaller vehicle- the tiguan instead of the touareg and her parents rent a room. We can go pick them up and hang out whenever.

I already know if we get a 3bdrm and live with each other, I won't have any peace and quiet and I'll be confined to my bedroom.

Well, as usual, my input doesn't matter and now the vehicle isn't going to happen. I don't have credit enough to get the car on my own, my score is 617 because I don't purchase with credit cards, nor do I own any. She has the better credit and since I'm offering advice on her parents moving in she refuses to cosign.

I'm also getting divorce threats again. Nothing new except for this time I told her to go ahead and do it then. Usually when I verbally call it quits, it's quits.

[Lex Diamonds]

I'm going to be frank now and it's only because I actually think you're a decent guy, so don't get offended.

This woman has been walking all over you for years. She's using you for something, whether it's money or somewhere to live or what. You need to be a lot more assertive and stand up for yourself. Even if it's just letting your feelings known, you can't keep allowing her to take these liberties with YOUR life.

[ericlee]

I'm going to be frank now and it's only because I actually think you're a decent guy, so don't get offended.

This woman has been walking all over you for years. She's using you for something, whether it's money or somewhere to live or what. You need to be a lot more assertive and stand up for yourself. Even if it's just letting your feelings known, you can't keep allowing her to take these liberties with YOUR life.


No offense taken. I'm seeing it that way too. Have been but maybe I didn't want to admit it. I'm a very calm mannered person, being taken advantage of.

Now since I told her to do what she feels she has to do, she's "willing" to talk to me. I told her that it's pointless. I'll get ignored and smacked in the face again. I have received so many divorce threats that I couldn't give a shit anymore.

[beastiegirrl101]

It seems like it's always her way or that's it, what happened to compromise? And why do you continue to put up with her shit?

[RobMoney$]

Why can't her parents get their own place?

[Randetica]

she makes me feel better about myself

[checkyourprez]

how bout you turn the tables and drop the divorce bomb on her.

[spacemonkey]

My worst fears inlaws moving in. I too get alot of these divorce threats. My second marriage isn't much different. It really boils down to culture difference, there is so much I will never understand and have zero interest in getting to know. Good luck Eric, don't do something you will later regret though you must stand your ground. Very tough spot to be in.

[ericlee]

To answer why am I still with her- as I've said, I'm a very passive person, at home that is. I don't let things bother me too much. We have more great times together than bad times.

It's just when a tough subject like this occurs and she has no interest what so ever of what I have to say and she takes offense if I'm trying to reason with her.

Now for the first time, I am not playing any of her games. Normally when I get a threat, I just ignore her and walk away. Now I have told her that I will get the papers ready with a quickness. She still wants to "talk" to me and I honestly am in no hurry to hear her, she put herself in that position.

Now she is realising why I pick the jobs that I do and it's scaring her. I can be a real cold hearted motherfucker if you want to keep pushing me. I do not take any shit.

[roosta]

We have more great times together than bad times.


this is important to remember.

[ericlee]

My worst fears inlaws moving in. I too get alot of these divorce threats. My second marriage isn't much different. It really boils down to culture difference, there is so much I will never understand and have zero interest in getting to know. Good luck Eric, don't do something you will later regret though you must stand your ground. Very tough spot to be in.

How is she with her parents towards you?

Don't get me wrong, her parents are great and caring people, even if we will never converse. My wife translates. They are always busy cooking and cleaning etc.

But I couldn't live with them. They're old school Chinese. Slurp and chomp and suck their teeth when eating, no noise discipline when talking. Everytime they converse it sounds like they're about to throw down. Also the first time they were here, I got to experience seeing her pops walk around in his baggy underwear everyday and then her mom started walking around like that too.

I am kinda scarred from that. I also can't believe they're willing to live with me after the last time. I started getting real tiresome and decided to not care anymore. I'd walk from the bedroom to the livingroom in my boxers with morning wood, I'd take a piss in the bathroom with the door open and let out some rippers. The livingroom where they hung out is right next to the bathroom so they got to hear everything.

[Helvete]

I cannot offer much advice in the ways of marriage, but I can say that any problems you may have currently WILL NOT get better if the in-laws move in. You'll get ganged up on, they'll be talking Chinese, and 3 loud Chinese people is not fun. Any problems need time and space to sort out, not in-laws in the mix! Imagine having an argument that you'd normally sort out in due course and now have the parents get involved!

Woah, messy.

[Kid Presentable]

I've been under such a Street Fighter fog I forgot you guys had lives.

[kaiser soze]

aren't spacemonkey and ericlee married to Asian women?

This sounds cultural to me - many Asian families have generations living together (I'm sure you know that ericlee). Is the culture matriarchal?

You should really try to compromise peacefully, let her know that you will try your best to accept this only if she lets you have your deserved space - don't hide in your bedroom, it'll only make it worse for all of you. there has to be fairness for this to work.

I have no idea what it is like to have inlaws yet, but thankfully my girlfriend's parents are excellent people. Her mom is quite the artist and her dad could cook a piece of shit and it'll taste awesome.

[ms.peachy]

I dunno. Part of thinks, like, hey dude, you married an Asian woman, you should have known this kind of thing comes with the territory, so suck it up and make the best of it. But then, another part of me feels that life is too short to spend it feeling compromised. I know that I personally couldn't be in a marriage where I didn't feel like issues as important as this weren't things that we discussed and decided as a couple, but not everyone has the same ideas and expectations of marriage, so it's not for me to say what's right or wrong for anyone else.

So, in short, I am of no help whatsoever, sorry, I'll shut up now.

[ericlee]

I already knew if you marry an Asian lady, their parents come with the package. No problems.

How my wife went about it is part of the issue. The first time they came, I had like a two weeks notice- oh my parents are staying with us- for 6 months.

Her mom got the job in which she stays where she works and came home on the weekends which is my only time off while her dad didn't work, completely took over my livingroom, basically told me in my own apartment that if I didn't like it, I can either move out or they move out.

I already know what to expect living with them again and I don't want any part of it. They're not my responsibility and since my wife promised they will get a place of their own, they need to do that. This is another thing about my wife that she needs to learn, she's always back pedaling and can't keep focus.

[b i o n i c]

I dunno. Part of thinks, like, hey dude, you married an Asian woman, you should have known this kind of thing comes with the territory, so suck it up and make the best of it. But then, another part of me feels that life is too short to spend it feeling compromised.


by that same token, she should have known she was marrying an american, not another asian - she should do a good deal of suckiing it up herself

[ms.peachy]

by that same token, she should have known she was marrying an american, not another asian - she should do a good deal of suckiing it up herself

Yes, true, but Americans are far less a homogeneous culture, IYSWIM. The whole melting pot thing - there isn't one expectation of what 'family' and familial obligations would be, in the same way as in Chinese culture.

[paul jones]

I'm gonna have a shit and a piss then get on my best glad rags on then book a cab to go to the pub quiz and drink some guinness(y)

[checkyourprez]

have you considered beating your wife yet?




but seriously i dont know if there is a way to reason with her from what you've been saying. sounds like she just takes advantage of you where she sees fit. thats not what a marriage is about. it doesnt even sound like counseling or something would work because shes just unwilling to compromise. you could just say fuck it and make it unbearable on the parents, not in a mean way, just make it so they dont want to live with you a day longer. maybe instead of walking the house in your boxers with morning wood...eh you just happen to start walking the house naked. and go from there.

[mikizee]

Wow dude, that completely fuckin blows. I feel for you.

[ericlee]

I'm pretty sure that now since I've shown my ass, she's willing to listen. I think she's taken the fact that I will walk on out seriously and I will. I don't need any stress. I get enough of that at work.

Yes, chinese are a different culture, they live different. They'll live 10 in one apartment to save money. That's the whole deal with moving in with me, to save money while not saving a marriage.

She has an uncle, he's pretty wealthy, has a house with plenty of room, like 3 extra bedrooms at his place. Why can't they go there? That's their family.

[-T-]

"Never disrespect the family"

[yeahwho]

Relationships are difficult at best. But having no relationship is either misery or completely narcissistic. It gets old fast.

Sounds like the action meter just got cranked up a few notches in your life, do not take shit from people who take advantage of your good graces then have the audacity to not recognize your sacrifice.

I've been a doormat before and that is OK to an certain extent, but being the door is much more effective, that way I can open or close it depending on how people want to get in or out, lol.

Sorry to hear about this, remember they're humans too and we're all flawed and fucked up to some degree, try and be just a bit more thorough in understanding all aspects of your situation.

PS; sucks about the car, I know you really wanted it. damn.

[ericlee]

No need to say sorry. Shit happens. I'm rough enough to take it. At worst, I'll get it out in typing. It doesn't hurt anything. I'll also release the steam through music.

She's a great gal, she has her flaws and so do I. I respect the fact that she stayed home alone waiting for me in a crappy country. She works hard, went from 0 credit to a very good score, has many things to show for, etc.

She has to respect my values too. At my job alone, I deal with people, hundreds of people a day, asking for directions, getting crazy, lunatic homeless dudes pissing on the building, man, I'm lucky I still have like .05% sanity left in me.

That being said, I like to use my home as my sanctuary and get away from people when I'm off. I don't want to be around any other than my wife and myself when I get off. When my daughter comes, that'll be great. The wife is looking forward to it and my daughter is very shy.

[rirv]

Do you think your Wu-Tang sword can defeat me?
En Garde! I'll let you try my Wu-Tang style.

[RobMoney$]

maybe instead of walking the house in your boxers with morning wood...eh you just happen to start walking the house naked. and go from there.

Why should he have to?
Why should he be forced into a living arangement he doesn't want to be in?

Simply saying "No" to the proposition of her parents moving back in should be enough.


I love my GF's mother to death, but I've now spent 3 days with her over this holiday and that's just about enough for the both of us I think.

[checkyourprez]

Why should he have to?
Why should he be forced into a living arangement he doesn't want to be in?

Simply saying "No" to the proposition of her parents moving back in should be enough.


I love my GF's mother to death, but I've now spent 3 days with her over this holiday and that's just about enough for the both of us I think.


that was plan A. it clearly has not worked.


time for plan B. walking around naked, shlong swingin one way, balls goin the other.

[gbsuey]

God i do really feel for you-i don't think i could even live with my own mother without going insane, and whilst my sort of in-laws are brilliant i sure as shit wouldn't want to share a house.

family is important but so's everyday life-you only get one after all.

i'm way too passive-to the point where things are just so fucked-up= i'm completely lost and all i can think is that i need to grow a pair and start getting tough. but i'm too easy-going and i just try and keep things going along as smoothly as i can in the face of it all. but that's me and i think you should really try and find a compromise to suit you all. you've given-it's fair enough you should request what you need.

[ericlee]

problem solved. She found a place for the parents and we're talking about getting the tiguan and 2bdrm apartment.

That was easy, if she didn't backtrack in the first place, we wouldn't have a problem.

Drama is over. Go watch the young and the restless now.

[Belt Parkway]

That's good news. There are too many divorces in this country already.