Wife hates mother. Thoughts?

[Kid Presentable]

To be fair, the Mother does deserve some disdain, no matter how oblivious she may be to her prior wrongdoings.

I have told wife it is always going to be me and her, and let's deal with the mother together. Regardless, this is pretty much a nightmare for me, as the only child, because I will have to care for the mother when she's old and infirm.

So at present, I am being pulled to pieces.

[na§tee]

wife hates mother would be a GREAT band name! sorry.

methinks you need to elaborate a little. what irritates your wife about your mother? do you guys live in the same town, so it's a frequent thing? is it obvious when they're in each other's company that the wife-hates-mother?

[Schmeltz]

Two words, man: NURSING HOME.

No seriously though, why does your wife hate your moms so much?

[NoFenders]

Norman???????.......is that you???

[b i o n i c]

isnt part of being married respecting, and in many cases, tolerating eachother's parents? what did the moms do?

[ericlee]

isnt part of being married respecting, and in many cases, tolerating eachother's parents? what did the moms do?

yeah, true but also he can't change his wife's mind as to she's free to think anything she wants.

If kid's wife doesn't like his mom then all he has to do is not have his mom around while the wife is present and only have inlaw time when she's ready.

His wife may come around and accept or maybe not. She does have to keep in mind that she created the guy that she lives with and love so, that's reason right there to not feel so salty about her.

The only thing that can cure this is time. The wife may grow better feelings towards her or not but kid's role in this is to stand beside her regardless of what decision she makes.

[NoFenders]

Something told me you would have words of wisdom on this subject.
:cool:

[RobMoney$]

I have told wife it is always going to be me and her, and let's deal with the mother together. Regardless, this is pretty much a nightmare for me, as the only child, because I will have to care for the mother when she's old and infirm.


Say this to your moms, and explain that not only you, but your wife may be the ones to have to care for her when she gets old.

Also explain that by disrespecting your wife, she's disrespecting you and you're not gonna have it.

[Burnout18]

remind mom if you die young, it may be your wife taking care of your mom.

[Pres Zount]

Yeah, threaten your mother. She'll fall back into line after that.

[Kid Presentable]

Mother is very demanding of attention, and has stepped on wife's toes a few times. Mother won't leave us alone, it seems.

Mother bought me a watch for graduation, after wife had told her she wanted to get me a watch for graduation. It was malicious, but like stupidly malicious. Made worse by the fact that wife has planned birthdays for mother, taken her for meals and out shopping and done all sorts of lovely shit and now mother expects the royal treatment, with very little giving in return.

In many ways I think it's going to simply require wife to develop a sense of duty and just deal with her sometimes, because it's unavoidable. That's what I'm doing, and christ knows my in-laws aren't perfect.

EDIT: It's not apparent to anyone but me when they're together, which is a good thing I guess.

[RobMoney$]

This most likely won't end well. I'm sorry bro.

I've been here before. Got to the point where I had to choose my ex-wife over my grandmoms (Grandmom raised me and was my mother figure).
That was around 15 years ago and I still don't associate with my Gran to this day.

Gran has a history of doing this to almost all my Aunt's and Unkle's marriages and I knew it was coming before I even got married. She use to do shit to sabotage other relationships of mine before my wife.

[Kid Presentable]

Yeah I know. While it may look petty written down, the situation is a bit more intense than it appears. But on the whole it's manageable, and hey, parents die eventually.

[Pres Zount]

Well, I'm sorry Kid P. I gues you can either ride it out or take your mum aside and explain that she is hurting you.

Not a good state to be in I guess.

[Kid Presentable]

Cheers man. Explaining it is just suicide, since the offending party is completely oblivious, and reacts harshly to criticism. Especially the deserved kind, as I've found out many times over.

I've always had a shit family situation. Not like abusive or impoverished, just generally shit. When things are good, it alwys feels like acting, like talking to a stranger. Without my Dad around, I guess I'm more aware of trying to deal with it in a positive light no matter how hard it may be. My stepdad is a legend, too, so that helps.

So this is no big deal for me, really. The problem is that wife has been used to a different type of family scenario, and the learning curve is finally making itself evident.

[kaiser soze]

kill her...I mean kiss her, kiss her

yeah kiss her that'll do the job!

[Dorothy Wood]

my mom hated her last husband's mother. she was really intense, it was hard to even be around her. she was also from the tennessee hills and only had a 3rd grade education, but very strong opinions on everything.

I went down to tennessee once for thanksgiving and within minutes of meeting her, she was having me call her grandma and trying to plan a trip where I just came down by myself to stay with her and hang out and get to know each other. ugh. I was all, "yeah...maybe...not sure I can take off work". *runs away*

also also, my former step-dad may or may not have gotten a lady pregnant 17 or 18 years before, but was never in the child's life. then the kid who might or might not have been his son, died in a car accident. when grandma found out, she went ahead and got her hands on a school picture, blew it up to 8x10 and framed it and put it on a wall with all the family members and pointed it out to everyone who came to dinner.


she also once had a clogged pore on her cheek that had hard build up inside, and when it popped out, she was convinced that it was a piece of bone that had broken off her face and worked its way through her skin to the surface.


anyway, there was no stopping that crazy train, so my mom just kind of acted polite and tried not to take things personally. and didn't go out of her way to try to get the mother to like her or anything. seeking approval from a crazy person is almost impossible.