This website has become a total timesucker, but seriously the funniest shit...

[kll]

Has anyone been on http://www.textsfromlastnight.com?

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

or

(416): Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!

or

(408): carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
(415): be there in 3 mins

[paul jones]

(888) : I can't eat no more

[DipDipDive]

cosmo introduced me to this. So glorious. (y)

(478): wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.

(917): new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms

(208): I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.

(651): Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.

^FUUUUUUUUUCK that last one is totally in my area code, which means that dude more than likely resides within mere miles of me. Yikes...

[DipDipDive]

(760): Are u in religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.



HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[Dorothy Wood]

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.


ha hahhha, this one's scary AND cute.

[jackrock]

(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
(214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

(248): I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.

(919): What are we going to do tonight?
(704): What we try to do every night. Try to take over the world

(248): god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

^Don't we all?

[kll]

(310): im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon


i just realized (with the help of you guys) what the numbers mean...duh!

[silence7]

(727): He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.

(253): I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.

(206): She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.

(514): I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...

(718): so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood

I could spend the rest of the night reading these..... Thanks Alot!! :rolleyes:

[Rock]

thank you.

[monkey]

a friend linked me to these a few weeks ago, and i cant stop reading them. the quotes are even siller than overheardinny used to be.

[b i o n i c]

(281): ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
(214): Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.

[b i o n i c]

(505): the new term for farting is butt boxing.

[DipDipDive]

(508): Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again

HAHA (y)(y)(y)(y)

[pshabi]

(248): god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time

^Don't we all?

Give me one reason we can't do that??????:confused:

[Rock]

(770): Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
(404): Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
(770): Fuck. Wron person. But yea

[jabumbo]

i like the fact that almost every one of these has more thumbs down then they do up

[countrymikedj]

(919): Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry