Frustrated desire to impress someone

[Nuzzolese]

Yaknowhat it's like when you admire someone and you want to impress them / also get to know them a little better but you just can't seem to get there fast enough? I can't just go up to them like a doofus and say "Hi! I think you're cool! Just a few questions, if you don't mind?" You have to sort of feel the air around them, test the waters, trial and error, wait and see. It's agonizing! Wait for an opening, be ready, it's like I'm a social hobo trying to hop their train. Take me anywhere, I'm game!

[Freebasser]

What's a pudding?

[Nuzzolese]

I'll pudding you!

[hpdrifter]

Yeah, and when you know you're going to see them you very carefully plan your outfit so as to appear both fashionble and aloof but all you really display is that you're trying too hard.

I had one of these recently, a girl I think is really cool, and I just decided it was too much work.

[Nuzzolese]

Something about this is exciting to me, moreso than actually getting to know a person. I love this sense of hope and expectation, of possibilities. It makes me feel alive. I love feeling curious and interested. I like to prolong it as long as my willpower will allow it.

There's definitely a breaking point, however, in the thrilling sensation of being interested in a new person and wanting to eat up their existence like an ice cream sundae. At some point or another, whether I've satisfied my urge to know them or not, the novelty of them will crest, break and fall back again. Then I go back to my steady-pulse humdrum life of familiar things. Is this what happened with you and that girl, hp?

The trick is to take that risky chance and force myself out there into a vulnerable spot before the break happens. It's much more satisfying that way. Otherwise it's a lot of build up for nothing.

[hpdrifter]

For me it's part discovery and part ego-building. I want them to like me because if cool people like me it means I'm cool, right?

Part of it was that I achieved what I wanted to achieve and part of it was that in getting to know her I realized that she isn't quite as all-wonderful as I made her out to be. She's smart and clever and quite attractive and all of those things but she has a mean streak. Sometimes she says quite nasty things about other people and laughs as though I am supposed to laugh with her. I think it's a throwback to being popular in high school. I wasn't popular in high school so I find it quite distasteful. It belies an insecurity that I'd prefer to think she doesn't have.

[hpdrifter]

The trick is to take that risky chance and force myself out there into a vulnerable spot before the break happens. It's much more satisfying that way. Otherwise it's a lot of build up for nothing.

I'd like to hear a little more about this...

[Nuzzolese]

Part of it was that I achieved what I wanted to achieve and part of it was that in getting to know her I realized that she isn't quite as all-wonderful as I made her out to be.

They often aren't, and that's a big let down.




I think what I mean by making myself vulnerable is that when I still feel intimidated by them, and desirious of their attention, I ought to take a risk, or what feels like a risk. I don't want to look stupid or eager or worse, scare them off (that'd be worse than if they turned out to be Christian. (snore!)) But I ought to say or do something that makes my heart race as I anticipate their response. Then, even if they turn out to be awful, I feel like I accomplished something, like I gave it my best shot. And then when that breaking point inevitably occurs, I don't have to depend on them to give me the excitement I was anticipating from interacting with them. I made it happen myself.

[hpdrifter]

Ah, I see. It's a bit like riding a roller coaster. Are you a roller coaster person? I am not, I don't tend to enjoy the stomach dropping thrill feeling, it just gives me anxiety.

[Dorothy Wood]

reading this, I realize that I have never pursued a female friendship in my life.

the female friends I have now are either related to cort, from work, or my dude friends' girlfriends.

growing up, starting in kindergarten all the way through the first couple years of college, I've always been a sort of pet of popular girls. and when I didn't perform to their standards, I was usually dropped. or they moved away or I moved away.

there is one lady I know that I think is amazing, but I already know that she likes me. she invited me to her birthday party this week and I thought about wearing something to impress her, but in the end, just wore very plain clothes. a couple years ago we had some deep conversations and blossoming friendship moments...but for some reason we never really got it together. we're always happy to see each other, but then have nothing to talk about.

meh.

[paul jones]

Ask them to play LEGOS.

Everyone loves LEGO.

See how high you can make a skyscraper of LEGOS(y)