Venting

[skra75]

So, my girl and I were talking last night, just bullshitting. We got to talking about our ex's a little and had some laughs and such. The conversation swerved somehow to talking about our sex lives. I told her with honesty that she was the best I ever had in the sack. But, then when she had a chance to say something in return she was like "yeah, honey you know I don't like talking about that detail of myself. That's just something I don't like thinking about, before you that is. You're the only one I think about."
:confused:

SO of course I'm all self conscious now, wondering why she wasn't "oh heck yes, you're the best too." I guess maybe girls are different? Or maybe some stud from her past was a pro in the sack compared to me? Either way it's got me in a fizzle this morning. a fizzle.
I've chalked it up to "ok, some guy from her past was incredible in bed", and am dealing with it now. But now I'm all hung up on maybe there is something I should be doing differently that I'm not doing? Sex is an important part of any relationship and this sorta feels like an unhealthy band-aid I'm putting on.

Anyways - venting, a fizzle. The anonymity of this board makes it a great psychiatrists chair since I don't know you ppl irl. help pls.

[Belt Parkway]

I found it's never a good idea to talk about the sex in your past relationships. I had a similar conversation with my wife when we were dating and basically was in a fizzle like yourself because she admitted that she had a double orgasm with her prior boyfriend. You can't change what's in her past, so just live in the now. I know it will be hard to get over it, but all things shall pass.

[Fern]

I was probably that dude...

[skra75]

HA! :D(y)
:(
:mad:

[Adam]

It is such an ego boost being told you are the best they've had, but I do have a problem where I can't cum that easy so its kinda a good problem for the partner, but its still best to avoid that sometimes or if you are gonna tackle it, be prepared to be not the best.

But on the other hand, she is with you now ain't she? You obviously do something that makes up for all that. Sex is not the only thing in a relationship and if it was she would of dumped your ass. Its also not a bad thing to want to improve on it - I've had some of the best sex of my life when we previously talked about what we both like. And not everyone likes the same thing, a turn on for one person is a turn off for the other - communication and exchange of ideas is the key - going in like you are already #1 is setting yourself up for a massive come-down.

[hpdrifter]

Well it's a little unfair of you to expect that she'll just automatically say the same. If you're going to have those conversations then you need to expect that you might hear something that makes you uncomfortable. Either way, to her it doesn't matter whether you're the best or not, she loves you.

When I was single I slept with a guy who was hands down the best I've ever had, he somehow knew things that felt good to me that even I didn't know about. But it's not like when I'm with my husband now I think about that and wish he could be more like that guy. It's totally separate in my mind.

[YoungRemy]

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[nodanaonlyzuul]

Well it's a little unfair of you to expect that she'll just automatically say the same. If you're going to have those conversations then you need to expect that you might hear something that makes you uncomfortable. Either way, to her it doesn't matter whether you're the best or not, she loves you.

When I was single I slept with a guy who was hands down the best I've ever had, he somehow knew things that felt good to me that even I didn't know about. But it's not like when I'm with my husband now I think about that and wish he could be more like that guy. It's totally separate in my mind.

what she said.

[skra75]

Yes but ladies, wouldn't you be like wtf if you told your man "hey you're the best" and he came back with "oh honey, you know I don't like to compare you to people from my past" You'd be all : / no?

I feel like hitting the gym now and training to become a cage fighter or some shit. haha my skinny ass as a cage fighter makes me laugh. I'm like the white/mexican looking Pharrell.

[hpdrifter]

If I wasn't prepared to be open to his answer, I wouldn't ask.

That said, this is not a problem for me because my husband doesn't ever ask and doesn't want to know. I've gleaned a few things just from general conversations and he has only one long-term ex so.

I used to be threatened by her but it had nothing to do with sex. I've grown up a bit since then.

[Dorothy Wood]

it sucks that she couldn't reciprocate the sentiment...but there's just so many different things to consider when deciding who was "the best".

I liked doing it with my ex better than anybody else, but he was far from the best. the best sex I've had was with a dude I thought was annoying and sorta femmey (he was all man in the bedroom though, hoo boy). and the best kisser I ever made out with was awful awful awful at sexing. and the best kisser/sex combo guy could never get me off, even though he was technically excellent at everything...I just couldn't ever relax.


I think it's best to be open and honest. you're not going to want to know or hear about how or why someone else might've been better than you, but you can be open and communicate to make the sex that you two have better.

[yeahwho]

Something I've noticed (I could be completely off though) is that chicks don't tell dudes about their best lay ever and dudes don't tell chicks about their best lay ever... if the two of them are going out with each other.

This is an unspoken (part subconscious/part DNA) self preservation mechanism that keeps the current relationship from unraveling into the point of complete inadequacy for each of you.

It's crazy. Sex is crazy. I was watching Conan the other night and Larry David was his usual hilarious self and he was talking about how he "never had an orgasm [he] didn't regret." Because you know, well watch the lower video (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/17/larry-david-on-conan-my-e_n_216705.html) and he talks a little about it.

[skra75]

Larry David is a genius and a scholar (y)
It's amazing that no matter how hungover or depressed you are - Mr. David somehow always has a way of putting you back on the top of your game. Thanks I feel like a millions bucks.

Lessons learned:

Don't talk sex history with gf or other women - end of discussion
Don't get hung up on self because certainly self has redeeming qualities in bed or otherwise.
Go to gym routinely before honeymoon to train to become unstoppable Cage Fighter


(y)

[Echewta]

It sounds like she just used that particular moment to say she wanted to squash the conversation so it wouldn't go any further, not necessarily that you were the best or worst had handling her business.
Talking about past sexual experiences with someone you are with is a timebomb and no good comes from it. You should only talk about what you want now.

[skra75]

chewie I think you are right. she came over later and was like "I don't know what I said honey, but I'm sorry". So, honestly I think it is exactly that - she was trying to kill the timebomb before it cracked open.
(lb)

[Laver1969]

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[Echewta]

chewie I think you are right. she came over later and was like "I don't know what I said honey, but I'm sorry". So, honestly I think it is exactly that - she was trying to kill the timebomb before it cracked open.
(lb)

I hope then you tackled her with the attitude of being the best she ever had. I would have brought an egg beater for backup but thats just me.

[cookiepuss]

Talking about past sexual experiences with someone you are with is a timebomb and no good comes from it. You should only talk about what you want now.


Absolutely.

[b i o n i c]

Talking about past sexual experiences with someone you are with is a timebomb

if youre with the unthinking, unstable ,unconfident, needy, overly sensitive type, yeah zip it.

[DipDipDive]

Nevermind who's been her best. Tell her you want to be the best she's ever had and ask her what you need to do for that to happen. That's some hot shit in the making right thurr. :cool:

Sidenote: I agree with DW. Another thing to take into consideration is the difference between lovemaking and hot, sweaty, filthy, scandalous fucking. We've all had both and who's to say which is better? That alone can make it difficult for a lady (or fella, I suppose) to say who is her best ever. I think women have a tendency to categorize moreso than pick a favorite when it comes to sex, but if you strive to be the all-around gold medalist, even just express your interest in being that guy, your lady will be smitten. Trust me.

[ET]

The best handshake I ever got was from a guy. The person I'm dating just doesn't compare. :(