never give girl/boy advice to your friends

[b i o n i c]

even if you only do when they ask for it

3/4 times they will patch things up and be mad/hurt/passive aggressive to you forever:

girlfriend controlling you? stick it out, son

boyfriend driving you insane? thats love, girl

girlfriend wrecking the house and making your life a living hell? women.. ya caint live with em, caint live without em

ive learned that when people ask for this type of advice, all they want is to vent and tell you all the things they wish they could say to their significant other.

the only thing you can get from situations like this is to log and store the experiences that are relayed to you and use them to sort out your own life if you need to, according to your own conclusions. if you're ever asked to give this type of advice, you're just digging yourself in a hole if you answer honestly.

[bigblu89]

I agree. The only time I give advice is when they are still persuing said boyfriend or girlfriend.

When they actually become a couple, the biggest piece of advice I usually give is "you have to pick your battles".

[b i o n i c]

right, it all ends after the persuiing phase.

people will do what they want, always.

for a guy when there's sex involved.. they will put up with the craziest of insanities for a lil sum sum. for women, when there's either status or security (or somethinlikethat) involved, will put up with anything for it.

and of course im talking about all people, yes - this applies to everyone. every single person in the world fits into the generalities i speak of. there are never exceptions. please take this personally.

[bigblu89]

Like you said, most times, when a member of an "Established" couple seeks advice, they more or less just want to tell you all the things that they should be telling their sig.other, but don't want the hassle of a potential argument.

Lognest run-on sentence ever.

[Nuzzolese]

ive learned that when people ask for this type of advice, all they want is to vent and tell you all the things they wish they could say to their significant other.





This may be true, but I still remember the advice my friends gave me when I have had relationship problems in the past. If they were my friends, I respected them. I still think of their advice. True, I may act in a way that doesn't seem to follow their suggestions. But it's not in one ear and out the other.

[b i o n i c]

^ most people dont think rationally about these things

[Nuzzolese]

Have you ever sought advice of this ilk?

[Echewta]

I don't think I've heard anyone use the word "ilk" in years.

[MC Moot]

hmmmm...tough one...but in general probably a good practice...our best friends are living in a somewhat sexless relationship/marriage...and it makes no sense...the only advice I offer is to speak about it directly and frankly with one another...and consider counsel...otherwise I try and steer clear...there both really attractive,young,really sweet and cool peeps...but they just aren't shaging...it's not right...see I believe a man has a responsibilty to take care of her needs and vice versa...every once in awhile,after drinks,and talk relates to anything vaguely sexual the wife will throw out a cheap shot at husband...now that creates an awkward silence...or when she leans over and tippsily whispers in my ear "do you think he's gay?"...which he so clearly is not...:rolleyes

[b i o n i c]

^ oooooh shitttt. it would be curtains for her if my wife did that. thats unacceptable. i wouldnt do that to a s.o., you gotta stay tight no matter what, dont you think?

have i ever sought relationship advice? very very rarely if at all. like blu said, possibly at the persuit stage but thats it.

i generally like to ask for advice (nonlove/sex). i do that a lot actually. and it doesnt matter what i think of their opinions, i think everyone can have something to offer in terms of opinions no matter who they are - ive been surprised

but in terms of love, i dont generally because no one really wants to hear my shit. and in terms of getting love advice, if i were to seek out someone's opinion, i would want to give all the context and back story before i listented to an opinion on it and, really, who wants to hear that? so i generally dont

not of that ilk, no

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I generally agree... no matter what people will do what they want to do. Most of the time it's just venting.

Although sometimes I find that in my own past, I may have not listened right away but it finally got me to see/flag things that I was otherwise unaware of. I only really saw the bad parts of the relationship, or the fact that it was just a BAD relationship as a whole, due to friends giving advice and shedding light on what the problem(s) were.

[RobMoney$]

The rule I go by is to NEVER talk negatively about the person being vented about, even if a divorce is ongoing. Comiserating about someone else's ex always has the potential to come back and blow up in your face at some point in the future.
Even if you hated the ex, that is not the time to broach the issue.

I usually do attempt to offer advice if I can, but am adamant about not being negative about the ex.

[Lex Diamonds]

I don't think I've heard anyone use the word "ilk" in years.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news but this probably means your circle of friends is becoming smaller/less intellectual. I don't like to give girl/boy advice but I'm going to go out on a limb. Have you tried meeting new people in more cultured settings such as libraries or museums? These places not only offer a wealth of material to talk about (hence giving you a selection of interesting openers) but are usually more well-lit and conversation-friendly than your typical bar or club.

Hope this helps,

yours truly,
Paddy.

[Kid Presentable]

I don't think I've heard anyone use the word "ilk" in years.

Broaden your circle. Not a euphemism.

[Nuzzolese]

What happens when you're a girl looking for advice or help from another girl, is that they usually tell you what you want to hear, and they are usually blindly supportive. This is all good at making you feel better but it's not always the best advice. Girlfriends (sometimes) encourage bad, self-indulgent, and selfish behavior in one another and often lie to each other just because they want to pretend there's no problem. "You did nothing wrong! HE'S the jerk!" "Go ahead, treat yourself, you deserve it!"

And while these encouragements may stem from some empowered ideal, it can go overboard. You have to wonder, does she really think this is the best idea for me, or does she just want to make me feel better? And does she really think that my feelings in the present moment are all that matter?

I've never been able to reconcile romantic relationships with my female friendships. They always seem at odds. So I usually drop the girls for someone I love. And then the girls say I've lost my identity and I'm headed down an exponentially narrowing path of life in which my compromises and sacrifices make me a pushover.

[b i o n i c]

thats abolutely true, even on the bbmb. i dont get it. i see it as a sort of weakness

[hpdrifter]

What I've found is if you just listen people usually talk themselves into where they need to go. Don't offer advice, just give a few ohs and uh huhs and they come to it on their own. Like BA01 said they don't always do what they need to do, at least not right away, but it percolates.

Also, if you talk badly or even agree with whatever bad things the advice-seeker is saying about their s.o. it just causes them to defend that person which leads them in the wrong direction.

[b i o n i c]

^ yes ^

what happens though is they forget all the bad shit they said and somehow your agreement or approval gets those feelings assigned to you, like you said it.

this is why i have learned to zip it