He's just not that into me?

[Dorothy Wood]

I am confused, I had a date last week that went pretty well and the dude seemed to like me a whole lot. I was kinda "meh", but he made me laugh and we made out, kept our clothes on, he said I smelled good and was a "hell of a kisser", whatevs. Anyway, he was all, "omg, I want to see you again". and I was like, "yeah, okay, sure", but we didn't make any plans. then when he left he was like, "call me or text or email me this week if you wanna hang out", and I was like, "yeah, I'm not very good at that, so you can go ahead".

then 3 days went by and I was like, "ah, he's just playing it cool". then a couple more days and I thought, "shit", so emailed him saying, "hey, I'd like to make an appointment, etc." kind of like a businessy form letter as a joke (because I am so hilarious). and he wrote back something about how he's sorry he's taken awhile to get back to me, work is really crazy and he'll have to check his schedule and get back to me. WTF?


did he sense my "meh"? am I a jerk for saying I wouldn't call? I'm not too upset or anything, just kinda confused. I'm not really in the mood to be dating anyone anyway.

Yesterday I hung out with one of my old crushes at his house and ended up leaving when I could've made some moves. He made me dinner and everything. Then on my way home I ran into another old crush and he stopped me and we chatted for awhile in the street and then said, "me and so-and-so are headed to [bar], you should come hang out." and I was like, "nah, thanks".

I'm retarded.

[bigblu89]

I've been out of the "game" for a while, but I'm betting the part where you more or less said you weren't going to call him soured him a little.

I know it would if it was said to me.

He more or less put the ball in your court, gave you the control of being the one to make the next move, and you rejected the idea.

[Dorothy Wood]

I've been out of the "game" for a while, but I'm betting the part where you more or less said you weren't going to call him soured him a little.

I know it would if it was said to me.

He more or less put the ball in your court, gave you the control of being the one to make the next move, and you rejected the idea.



yeah, but my mom always said that I shouldn't call boys. maybe he hadn't heard that rule.

[Freebasser]

Oh, Miss Wood... Will you still be doing this in ten years time?

If you like somebody, be an adult and tell them so. Playing games is something that teenagers do.

[Dorothy Wood]

Oh, Miss Wood... Will you still be doing this in ten years time?

If you like somebody, be an adult and tell them so. Playing games is something that teenagers do.

I hope not. I don't really like anybody, I think that's the problem.

I wasn't playing any games at all really, just been plain and honest with the one I went on a date with. and the other two I gave up on months ago, they're insufferable. I love them dearly, but I do not want to date them.

the funny part is, the last two don't like each other very much. So, if I'm like, "yeah, I gotta go to Dan's party", Pete will be like, "oh, that guy's weird, I don't think he likes me." and I'll be like, "oh come on, he's not that weird, we've been buds for years." and he'll say, "yeah, but I've known you for years too." and I'll say, "um, okay."

and Dan will say stuff like, "Pete's weird, I mean, he's a sweet guy, but I don't know". ha.

the truth is all these people are weird and awkward! I just want something easy and fun and natural.

blrgh.

[bigblu89]

It sounds cliche, but sometimes it's better to be alone than be with someone just because you feel like you "should" be with one.

If there's no one out ther that tickles your fancy, don't force the issue.

[Nuzzolese]

If you're 'meh' and you don't want to be dating anyone anyway, what's the problem? Why do you care? If you're feeling loss of face why don't you contact HIM and say "hey, I know I told you I wanted to get together but I just thought I'd tell you I changed my mind and I'm a lesbian now." That'd be sexy.

[Dorothy Wood]

It sounds cliche, but sometimes it's better to be alone than be with someone just because you feel like you "should" be with one.

If there's no one out ther that tickles your fancy, don't force the issue.

oh I know, I've been a hermit and not even trying to get with guys for about a year now. I kinda just gave up I guess.


If you're 'meh' and you don't want to be dating anyone anyway, what's the problem? Why do you care? If you're feeling loss of face why don't you contact HIM and say "hey, I know I told you I wanted to get together but I just thought I'd tell you I changed my mind and I'm a lesbian now." That'd be sexy.

well, I don't want to be dating anyone because I'm a loner and I'm lazy. it means I'd have to start shaving my legs and considering another person's schedule and feelings. ugh, it all just seems so tedious.

that said, I am pretty lonely I guess...but I have a bad habit of rejecting people before they can reject me. I'm really good at sabotaging myself.

you're right though, I should probably tell him I'm a lesbian. then we'd both be off the hook.

[Bob]

you could always just give bona fide lesbianism a try. then you wouldn't have to shave your legs





take THAT, homosexuals

[Dorothy Wood]

you could always just give bona fide lesbianism a try. then you wouldn't have to shave your legs





take THAT, homosexuals

actually, the lesbians I know are big into hair removal. and have more dramatic relationships and relationship problems than any straight person I know.

so yeah, no thanks. although I don't think I'd have trouble getting laid if I was a lesbian, I get hit on a lot by girls when I'm at gay bars. not as much as my male friend who gets mistaken for a butch girl though. hee hee.

[Nuzzolese]

The big test for a potential date for you would be: Is he worth shaving your legs for? Is he shaveworthy?

Have you ever taken an extensive trip somewhere all by yourself? Your answer to this question is potentially my springboard for a point I want to make. If you have, I would abandon my point. If you haven't, I was going to suggest that you try it and thenI was going to explain why I think it's important - but I don't want to bother unless you think it might be useful. I'm lazy and a loner, too! Let's get together and not shave our legs. And tell people we're lesbians. But we won't kiss unless they pay us, because we're that lazy.

[Echewta]

Making out shouldn't be so complicated.

[Dorothy Wood]

The big test for a potential date for you would be: Is he worth shaving your legs for? Is he shaveworthy?

Have you ever taken an extensive trip somewhere all by yourself? Your answer to this question is potentially my springboard for a point I want to make. If you have, I would abandon my point. If you haven't, I was going to suggest that you try it and thenI was going to explain why I think it's important - but I don't want to bother unless you think it might be useful. I'm lazy and a loner, too! Let's get together and not shave our legs. And tell people we're lesbians. But we won't kiss unless they pay us, because we're that lazy.


I've never been on a trip by myself. I went on long road trips by myself sometimes when I was in college, but that was only me driving from southern ohio to eastern michigan and back.

I was stuck in Milwaukee for a couple of hours by myself once, that was kinda fun. I spend a lot of time alone already though. I'm alone right now, in fact. and I should be doing work. oops.

I'll agree to the lesbian-for-pay scheme since I'm kinda low on cash. but what about your boyfriend?

[Bob]

The big test for a potential date for you would be: Is he worth shaving your legs for? Is he shaveworthy?

Have you ever taken an extensive trip somewhere all by yourself? Your answer to this question is potentially my springboard for a point I want to make. If you have, I would abandon my point. If you haven't, I was going to suggest that you try it and thenI was going to explain why I think it's important - but I don't want to bother unless you think it might be useful. I'm lazy and a loner, too! Let's get together and not shave our legs. And tell people we're lesbians. But we won't kiss unless they pay us, because we're that lazy.

i would like to hear your point regardless of dorothy's answer to that question

[TAL]

why don't you contact HIM

No! Don't do that, they are crap!

[Planetary]

Your ranting has warranted a serious response from Freebasser, interpret this as you will...

[Dorothy Wood]

Your ranting has warranted a serious response from Freebasser, interpret this as you will...

but he accused me of playing games and I am doing the opposite! I am honestly very bad at communicating with people. I hate talking on the phone and I'm terrible at email. text I can do, but still have trouble initiating it.

anyway, that's why I left it up to him. but then I told my male BFF that and he pulled a face and said, "why did you do that? he probably thinks you don't like him!" so, again, oops.

[pshabi]

Yesterday I hung out with one of my old crushes at his house and ended up leaving when I could've made some moves.

Then on my way home I ran into another old crush and he stopped me and we chatted for awhile in the street and then said, "me and so-and-so are headed to [bar], you should come hang out." and I was like, "nah, thanks".


Fuck.....you're annoying. Problem is that you're probably not nearly attractive enough to be playing these little middle school games and it probably turns guys off instantly to where they're like, "fuck that bitch," the second you guys part ways for the first, and last time. Then he probably calls his boy and they laugh about you for a while and he's like, "fuck that bitch, man."

You're obviously high maintenance and probably slightly our of your mind. I thought I read that you were thirtysomething as well, which makes this a total laugher. Guys your age don't wanna be dealing with this shit. They are over this shit. They have been over this shit for years at this point! Have fun being alone forever.

[Ty Webb]

you probably farted.

[Dorothy Wood]

Fuck.....you're annoying. Problem is that you're probably not nearly attractive enough to be playing these little middle school games and it probably turns guys off instantly to where they're like, "fuck that bitch," the second you guys part ways for the first, and last time. Then he probably calls his boy and they laugh about you for a while and he's like, "fuck that bitch, man."

You're obviously high maintenance and probably slightly our of your mind. I thought I read that you were thirtysomething as well, which makes this a total laugher. Guys your age don't wanna be dealing with this shit. They are over this shit. They have been over this shit for years at this point! Have fun being alone forever.


how am I playing games? how am I high maintenance? I have a bunch of pictures in the family album, so I guess you can look and see if I'm "attractive enough". no use guessing.

I can concede that I am slightly out of my mind, but those guys are my friends, they don't know I had secret simmering crushes on them. the crushes started when I was in a relationship anyway. I just think they're cute and interesting, I'm not playing them or leading them on.

as for people laughing behind my back and calling me a "bitch", I highly doubt that.

here is where I toot my own horn-below are two quotes from those dudes. said to other people behind my back:

Pete: "Dorothy is amazing and hilarious."

Dan: "There's just something about her, she has this gentle way of just making you feel nice."




so, there. you're a mean and presumptuous person. I hope you enjoy being a jerk.

[Ty Webb]

i like turtles.

[Dorothy Wood]

me too, especially ittle bitty ones (http://lovvy.files.wordpress.com/2008/12/baby_turtle.jpg)

[Miho]

Zombie Kid likes turtles as well. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMNry4PE93Y)

And Dorothy, just be straight with him. Cut to the chase. Mind games suck.

[DipDipDive]

Something similar happened to me recently. I went on a date with a really skinny boy with stupid hair and dirty fingernails. I didn't like him at all until we both got a little drunk and started arguing about baseball. Then I accidentally made out with him when he walked me to my car. He called me the next day...and the day after that...even though I told him I was going out of town that weekend and would call him when I got back. So I was totally thinking dude was sweating me. Then when I came back from my trip, we played phone tag for a week and a half and in the end he texted me "I'm too busy to date right now" or something like that. I was kind of relieved, but also confused.

About a month before that, I went out on an awesome first date, made plans with the boy to hang out again, then he totally never called me.

My point is that I have no insight to offer other than to say that dating is fucking confusing. The only way to deal with it without driving yourself insane is to say that if it doesn't happen with someone, despite how much you may like them or they may like you, it just wasn't meant to be. Cliche, yes, but it's true.

[DipDipDive]

Mind games suck.

Agreed, but that's what dating is. One big mind fuck. The only way to counteract said mind fuck is to be as honest with the people you're dating as possible, but even that can backfire. Take DW, for instance. Seems to me like she was being honest with this guy when she said she wanted him to contact her. She was probably thinking to herself "yeah, that's better since I suck at staying in touch with people," but he may have (and probably did) completely misinterpret her intention.

[Yetra Flam]

This seems to be the kind of shit that guys just do.

Especially these hipster-artsy type of guys who are like 40 years old and still don't know what the fuck they're doing with themselves.

[DipDipDive]

Fuck.....you're annoying. Problem is that you're probably not nearly attractive enough to be playing these little middle school games and it probably turns guys off instantly to where they're like, "fuck that bitch," the second you guys part ways for the first, and last time. Then he probably calls his boy and they laugh about you for a while and he's like, "fuck that bitch, man."

You're obviously high maintenance and probably slightly our of your mind. I thought I read that you were thirtysomething as well, which makes this a total laugher. Guys your age don't wanna be dealing with this shit. They are over this shit. They have been over this shit for years at this point! Have fun being alone forever.


I'm going to be presumptuous here (just like you have been) and guess that you're in a relationship, in which case one of the two scenarios more than likely applies to you: 1. now that you've settled down, you only recall the fun aspects of dating and have forgotten that though it's exciting, it's also extremely frustrating at times, or; 2. you never did a whole lot of dating to begin with.

In either case, shove it. People any age anywhere are capable of playing games and fucking with eachother's feelings, whether intentional or not. If you haven't learned that by this point in your life, you shouldn't be sitting so comfortably on that high horse of yours.

[checkyourprez]

I am confused, I had a date last week that went pretty well and the dude seemed to like me a whole lot. I was kinda "meh", but he made me laugh and we made out, kept our clothes on, he said I smelled good and was a "hell of a kisser", whatevs. Anyway, he was all, "omg, I want to see you again". and I was like, "yeah, okay, sure", but we didn't make any plans. then when he left he was like, "call me or text or email me this week if you wanna hang out", and I was like, "yeah, I'm not very good at that, so you can go ahead".

then 3 days went by and I was like, "ah, he's just playing it cool". then a couple more days and I thought, "shit", so emailed him saying, "hey, I'd like to make an appointment, etc." kind of like a businessy form letter as a joke (because I am so hilarious). and he wrote back something about how he's sorry he's taken awhile to get back to me, work is really crazy and he'll have to check his schedule and get back to me. WTF?


did he sense my "meh"? am I a jerk for saying I wouldn't call? I'm not too upset or anything, just kinda confused. I'm not really in the mood to be dating anyone anyway.

Yesterday I hung out with one of my old crushes at his house and ended up leaving when I could've made some moves. He made me dinner and everything. Then on my way home I ran into another old crush and he stopped me and we chatted for awhile in the street and then said, "me and so-and-so are headed to [bar], you should come hang out." and I was like, "nah, thanks".

I'm retarded.


if this exact scenario happened to me this is how i would interpret it...

if i say this..."omg, I want to see you again"...it means i would like to go on another date and get to know you better.

if you reply with this..."yeah, okay, sure"...i think hmm, okaaay. leaving me slightly confused.

then i respond with this..."call me or text or email me this week if you wanna hang out"...i am clearly putting the ball in your court because you already know how i feel ("omg, I want to see you again"), and i clearly do not know how you feel ("yeah, okay, sure").

when you ended it with this..."yeah, I'm not very good at that, so you can go ahead"...i immediately think "are you serious with this?", and am left slightly miffed/humiliated (although this word is a bit harsh). basically this would have been it for me.



then when you email him. he thinks...hmm, she did want to hang out again but she was just playing games. and probably is like ehhhh if nothing else comes up maybe ill think about it, but i dont need that shit i gave her a chance and she didnt take it eff her.


but thats just me.

[ms.peachy]

but thats just me.


No I think you pretty much nailed it.

DW, I know your perception is that you aren't playing games, you are just being honest, but I think you're maybe lacking a little self-awareness here. I'm not saying this to be mean, just kind of a general observation, from the flow of your thoughts in this thread and other relationship (or lack thereof) tales you have posted over time. I get that you are not a big, deliberate game player, but I think you are failing to see that you are, in fact, playing a game, and a pretty common one at that - wanting the ones that are unavailable to you, and rejecting the ones who do show interest in you as being a bit (to use your own words) "meh". What you are doing is protecting yourself from risk.

Yes, relationships take work and involve actually caring about and doing things for other people. It's totally fine if you don't want to be bothered, and want to be on your own. But I suspect you do actually want to be with someone, but like you said, you are lazy - you have romantic notion of someone coming along and everything fitting together perfectly and magic happens and you don't need to do anything at all, it just all works. Without you having to risk changing things about your life to accommodate someone else's.

I might be totally wrong about all of that, I know. But that's just the feeling I get.

[skinnybutphat]

The only way to deal with it without driving yourself insane is to say that if it doesn't happen with someone, despite how much you may like them or they may like you, it just wasn't meant to be. Cliche, yes, but it's true.

haha, stupid daters

I got married mostly because I didn't want to date crazy chicks anymore.

DDD
Why were this guy's fingernails dirty and what was the baseball argument about?

Sarky, if you really want to see someone again don't give them a bunch of 'mehs' and 'sures'. Guys want to be wanted too.

[DipDipDive]

DDD
Why were this guy's fingernails dirty and what was the baseball argument about?

He came to our date immediately after shoeing his horses or some such bullshit.

Here's the abridged version of the baseball argument...

Dude: Oooooh the Twins are sooo great word vomit word vomit word vomit Wrigley's pretty fun blah blah blah do you get paid to be a White Sox fan? etc. etc.

Me: You're welcome for Joe Crede and congratulations on having the most unfair homefield advantage in baseball. We'll see what happens next season when your team is forced to grow testicles and play outside like the rest of the division, bitch.

Dude: Ummm...uuuuuh...ummmmm...*slightly scared* umm...*inevitable Joe Mauer dick tugging*

Me: Hey, remember what happened at the end of last season? Yeah, me too. Let's talk again in August.

Scene.

[Bob]

He came to our date immediately after shoeing his horses or some such bullshit.

Here's the abridged version of the baseball argument...

Dude: Oooooh the Twins are sooo great word vomit word vomit word vomit Wrigley's pretty fun blah blah blah do you get paid to be a White Sox fan? etc. etc.

Me: You're welcome for Joe Crede and congratulations on having the most unfair homefield advantage in baseball. We'll see what happens next season when your team is forced to grow testicles and play outside like the rest of the division, bitch.

Dude: Ummm...uuuuuh...ummmmm...*slightly scared* umm...*inevitable Joe Mauer dick tugging*

Me: Hey, remember what happened at the end of last season? Yeah, me too. Let's talk again in August.

Scene.

you showed him

i think

[DipDipDive]

you showed him

i think

I sure did, Bob. I think it was at that point he decided he wanted to french me. :cool: Except then I touched his stupid hipster ass pseudo rattail when we made out. Not so :cool:. :(

[Bob]

I sure did, Bob. I think it was at that point he decided he wanted to french me. :cool: Except then I touched his stupid hipster ass pseudo rattail when we made out. Not so :cool:. :(

if you're gonna shoe horses, you have to have a rattail. it's a rule, you wouldn't understand it

[DipDipDive]

No one ever taught me that when I took field trips to colonial America, goddamnit. I should tell my mom so she can try to get her money back.

[Echewta]

Ask him to go deeper?

[DipDipDive]

Like in football?

[Echewta]

I suppose so. I guess the gspot is the end zone? That doesn't sound right though.

But then the legs mess everything up and its like a field goal.

I dunno.

[DipDipDive]

I'm gonna start saying "HAIL MARY ME!!!" in the bedroom.

[Echewta]

Its a long shot.

[DipDipDive]

After some thought, I've decided I'd prefer that my vagina never be referred to as a wide receiver, so scratch the hail mary thing.

[Echewta]

Then there is the whole two balls thing and the taint being the defense. It just gets out of control.

[Dorothy Wood]

This seems to be the kind of shit that guys just do.

Especially these hipster-artsy type of guys who are like 40 years old and still don't know what the fuck they're doing with themselves.


yeah, but this guy is a chubby comedian who is completely outside my group of friends/scene. I dunno, comedians are probably just as wackadoodle or worse than arty dudes.


if this exact scenario happened to me this is how i would interpret it...

if i say this..."omg, I want to see you again"...it means i would like to go on another date and get to know you better.

if you reply with this..."yeah, okay, sure"...i think hmm, okaaay. leaving me slightly confused.

then i respond with this..."call me or text or email me this week if you wanna hang out"...i am clearly putting the ball in your court because you already know how i feel ("omg, I want to see you again"), and i clearly do not know how you feel ("yeah, okay, sure").

when you ended it with this..."yeah, I'm not very good at that, so you can go ahead"...i immediately think "are you serious with this?", and am left slightly miffed/humiliated (although this word is a bit harsh). basically this would have been it for me.



then when you email him. he thinks...hmm, she did want to hang out again but she was just playing games. and probably is like ehhhh if nothing else comes up maybe ill think about it, but i dont need that shit i gave her a chance and she didnt take it eff her.


but thats just me.

dang, this is what I'm afraid of.


No I think you pretty much nailed it.

DW, I know your perception is that you aren't playing games, you are just being honest, but I think you're maybe lacking a little self-awareness here. I'm not saying this to be mean, just kind of a general observation, from the flow of your thoughts in this thread and other relationship (or lack thereof) tales you have posted over time. I get that you are not a big, deliberate game player, but I think you are failing to see that you are, in fact, playing a game, and a pretty common one at that - wanting the ones that are unavailable to you, and rejecting the ones who do show interest in you as being a bit (to use your own words) "meh". What you are doing is protecting yourself from risk.

Yes, relationships take work and involve actually caring about and doing things for other people. It's totally fine if you don't want to be bothered, and want to be on your own. But I suspect you do actually want to be with someone, but like you said, you are lazy - you have romantic notion of someone coming along and everything fitting together perfectly and magic happens and you don't need to do anything at all, it just all works. Without you having to risk changing things about your life to accommodate someone else's.

I might be totally wrong about all of that, I know. But that's just the feeling I get.


no, I think you're right. I isolate myself for protection, but then end up being sad that nobody can see through it or has the energy to go past it. well, I wouldn't say nobody does or has, the ones who have are my best friends. It's just hard to find people like that to date. the guys who are usually fascinated by me are the ones who are in relationships or as socially retarded as I am, so we just go round in circles.

argh.

[Dorothy Wood]

thanks for having my back, DDD :)

[skinnybutphat]

Me: Hey, remember what happened at the end of last season? Yeah, me too. Let's talk again in August.

Scene.

Black-out!

That game ruled. Hipsters have rat tails now too? I thought Hipsters didn't like sports. I'm so confused. Let's see what happens when Maur leaves next year when the Twinkies can't afford him. How old is Jorge Pasada? Guys shouldn't show up to dates all filthy with horse stank on them.

[sjp]

Here is my thought on first dates they are like interviews you make one good impression but you don't always get the real thing, but I just date around but this seems like one of those people who are dicks can go the same way with women, but you'll find someone my advice I learned from a 60yr old guy I worked with was he noticed younger people are rushing to be in relationships or be with someone when they have their life ahead of them.

[Nuzzolese]

i would like to hear your point regardless of dorothy's answer to that question


I really want to read this thread because I scanned some posts about some stuff and things but first, my point was going to be...the following, which now that I think about it, sounds dumb and obvious but perhaps it only fully sank in after I experienced the feelings I will describe in the next paragraph.

I took a long trip by myself once, in which I had to take care of everything, plan it all out, pay for it all, and make every decision by myself. It was about a month-long. Anyway, as I was struggling through it and enjoying it: making myself wake up each day, forcing art and culture down my throat, dealing with my own mistakes of traveling 30 miles in the wrong direction, accidentally over-paying, watching my desperation for company lead me down some dark alleys, and my mental exhaustion lead me into meaningless boat tours over the sides of which my tears fluttered when a mom told her son they were going to a pastry shop that she read about and I almost asked them if I could come too...I realized that a life shared is rich in rewards.

I like to be alone, I like to do what I want when I want. But I don't think that if I hadn't taken that trip I would ever fully appreciate being with someone else. I guess since my little life is rather boring, that little trip was all it took to appreciate not having to be faced with my own company in such duration. And from that trip I could see my life before me, and how I knew I wanted to share it with another person in a practical way.

I decided it would be nice to not have to be the driver all the time, to sometimes surrender the lead to someone else and not have to make the decisions even if that means doing something I don't want to do, or surrendering some of that illusion we call identity. I needed to look for companionship with an eye toward practicality, not just thrilling crushes and flirting games. I don't remember where I was going with this in relating it to Dorothy.

I just thought that my trip helped me with my priorities in looking for another person to share my life with - and also with deciding that I did, indeed, want to share my life with someone. So I thought that Dorothy might be helped by a long lonely struggle in doing something she wanted to do. Even if it's a stupid something like hiking the appalachian trail all alone, or trying to travel by bus from one city to the next. It reeks of middle class soul searching, and I hate jack kerouac type of stuff. I don't mean to sound pompous. What the hell do I know!?! I probably would have gotten this way eventually without taking that trip, so forget it.

[Nuzzolese]

I was just thinking, DW, if you really want to see this guy again, it's not too late. Make yourself contact him and don't give up. Don't try to be witty or awesome or super cool or original, because I think that's a bad idea for you at this point. Just ask him to see that movie with Johnny Depp as a gangster. I really want to see it, it looks good. Then invite him over for pie that you baked yourself. DO IT. PLEASE!?!?! Just try it, as an experiment to see what happens. If he rejects you, you don't have to get hurt because you don't really care that much at this point. I don't care if he's 'meh'. You think you can do better than meh? Entire civilizations were built on less than meh, I'll have you know.

[Lex Diamonds]

Sorry to break it to you DW but only the hottest/most fun/most interesting girls in the world can get away with being dicks to guys like that. The way you describe your behaviour (in these lame almost weekly "crush" threads) it's hardly a surprise you're not happy (love-wise) and/or in a relationship.

Like Freebasser said you need to grow up, you're far too old to be doing/saying these things and whatever excuses you might make for your behaviour nothing's gonna change until you start respecting people more. If you continue to think you're too cool for anybody then you will be- at the cost of ending up alone.

[Dorothy Wood]

Sorry to break it to you DW but only the hottest/most fun/most interesting girls in the world can get away with being dicks to guys like that. The way you describe your behaviour (in these lame almost weekly "crush" threads) it's hardly a surprise you're not happy (love-wise) and in a relationship.

Like Freebasser said you need to grow up, you're far too old to be doing/saying these things and whatever excuses you might make for your behaviour nothing's gonna change until you start respecting people more.


oh for god's sake, I wasn't being a dick to him. I was very nice to him, I just couldn't lay it all out on the table. he was all, "I like you" and I was all "you are nice". I shouldn't have said what I said about not contacting him, but I did and if that was enough to drive him away...then he probably shouldn't date me anyway.





edit: this isn't a crush thread, you fuck. I just added a little bit about crushes to show how I'm an inept dumb ass. and I don't make them weekly, so sit down. I haven't made one in months.

[Lex Diamonds]

So who should date you? Like, seriously? Someone that understands the self-absorbed thoughts behind your negative signals? What quality do you want a person to have that allows them to keep coming back to you when you act lukewarm towards them? I think you need to consider how other people see things more, not just your own intentions behind them.


Edit: I was exaggerating when I said "weekly" but calling me a "fuck" is an extreme overreaction. I think most of the people on here associate you above anything else with high school-style crush/relationship threads.

[Randetica]

no offence but some kind of turtles are horribly ugly, those that eat rats n stuff

nothing likeable about them

[Nuzzolese]

What kind of turtle eats rats?


Padster is being incredibly mature and wise. It's strange. He's not all blunts and hoes. I guess there's a heart under that "shit the bed" t-shirt.

[Lex Diamonds]

I'm a walking contradiction. It's kind of my thing. ACT like you don't know, bitch.

[Dorothy Wood]

So who should date you? Like, seriously? Someone that understands the self-absorbed thoughts behind your negative signals? What quality do you want a person to have that allows them to keep coming back to you when you act lukewarm towards them? I think you need to consider how other people see things more, not just your own intentions behind them.


Edit: I was exaggerating when I said "weekly" but calling me a "fuck" is an extreme overreaction. I think most of the people on here associate you above anything else with high school-style crush/relationship threads.


I don't know who should date me or who I should date, that's the point. In the past it's been: drunken hookup, then follow up from the guy the next day with "that was awesome, we should do it again", and I say, "yeah, err, sure." and then it's awkward maybe, but the guy is persistent in wanting to hang out with me. so then *poof* we end up in a relationship.

this was a first date with this guy, I didn't even know him prior. I think it was reasonable for me to be hesitant.



anyway, I make these threads because in between all the sniveling back-handed remarks, there is some real information and feedback from people who are thoughtful instead of reactionary.

[Lex Diamonds]

No doubt there's real information and feedback, so why not use it and stop making the same mistakes over and over?

I'm not trying to beef, I have given you some real advice. You just don't seem to want to hear anything that isn't a compliment.

Would you rather I had just said "All these guys are chumps Dorothy, they don't know what they're missing. Just keep doing what you're doing and one day someone will realise how awesome you are!"? Because I could have done but it wouldn't have helped you one iota.

[Dorothy Wood]

I really want to read this thread because I scanned some posts about some stuff and things but first, my point was going to be...the following, which now that I think about it, sounds dumb and obvious but perhaps it only fully sank in after I experienced the feelings I will describe in the next paragraph.

I took a long trip by myself once, in which I had to take care of everything, plan it all out, pay for it all, and make every decision by myself. It was about a month-long. Anyway, as I was struggling through it and enjoying it: making myself wake up each day, forcing art and culture down my throat, dealing with my own mistakes of traveling 30 miles in the wrong direction, accidentally over-paying, watching my desperation for company lead me down some dark alleys, and my mental exhaustion lead me into meaningless boat tours over the sides of which my tears fluttered when a mom told her son they were going to a pastry shop that she read about and I almost asked them if I could come too...I realized that a life shared is rich in rewards.

I like to be alone, I like to do what I want when I want. But I don't think that if I hadn't taken that trip I would ever fully appreciate being with someone else. I guess since my little life is rather boring, that little trip was all it took to appreciate not having to be faced with my own company in such duration. And from that trip I could see my life before me, and how I knew I wanted to share it with another person in a practical way.

I decided it would be nice to not have to be the driver all the time, to sometimes surrender the lead to someone else and not have to make the decisions even if that means doing something I don't want to do, or surrendering some of that illusion we call identity. I needed to look for companionship with an eye toward practicality, not just thrilling crushes and flirting games. I don't remember where I was going with this in relating it to Dorothy.

I just thought that my trip helped me with my priorities in looking for another person to share my life with - and also with deciding that I did, indeed, want to share my life with someone. So I thought that Dorothy might be helped by a long lonely struggle in doing something she wanted to do. Even if it's a stupid something like hiking the appalachian trail all alone, or trying to travel by bus from one city to the next. It reeks of middle class soul searching, and I hate jack kerouac type of stuff. I don't mean to sound pompous. What the hell do I know!?! I probably would have gotten this way eventually without taking that trip, so forget it.

I was just thinking, DW, if you really want to see this guy again, it's not too late. Make yourself contact him and don't give up. Don't try to be witty or awesome or super cool or original, because I think that's a bad idea for you at this point. Just ask him to see that movie with Johnny Depp as a gangster. I really want to see it, it looks good. Then invite him over for pie that you baked yourself. DO IT. PLEASE!?!?! Just try it, as an experiment to see what happens. If he rejects you, you don't have to get hurt because you don't really care that much at this point. I don't care if he's 'meh'. You think you can do better than meh? Entire civilizations were built on less than meh, I'll have you know.


that trip thing makes sense Nuzz, I would never be able to do that because I'm a big baby. I like be alone, but only where I'm comfortable. I did take a grey hound from Green Bay to Milwaukee once, that was kinda weird and lonely. I just kept thinking it'd be nice to be able to explain some of the stuff I saw, or to be sitting with a friend though. but then I tell myself, "it's nice to just experience it yourself too." sometimes I have to turn all zen to make it so I don't get too sad or anything.

so yeah, I do want a companion. like, a lot. it just has to be the right person I guess.

as for baking a pie for that guy...I thought that guys thought it was creepy when girls didn't "take the hint" and back off. I don't know. I really have nothing to lose. I could just invite him to do something, and if he declines I'll just be like, "okay, I get it, have a nice life."

[Dorothy Wood]

No doubt there's real information and feedback, so why not use it and stop making the same mistakes over and over?

I'm not trying to beef, I have given you some real advice. You just don't seem to want to hear anything that isn't a compliment.

Would you rather I had just said "All these guys are chumps Dorothy, they don't know what they're missing. Just keep doing what you're doing and one day someone will realise how awesome you are!"? Because I could have done but it wouldn't have helped you one iota.


I'm not looking for compliments, I asked if it was possible that what I said turned him off/away. and CYP was like, "yep", and then peachy was like, "yep", and nuzz and DDD were being helpful as well. I don't need people to tell me I'm awesome, I have my own cheerleading squad IRL. I know that I am an enjoyable person to hang out with, but I also know that I am anxiety ridden and have a bad temper. and I am sometimes strange. weird perhaps. some people like that. I will find someone one day who realizes that I am awesome yet sometimes horrible, but doesn't mind.

I guess my point is, I wasn't really looking for advice, just opinions on how dude might've interpreted the situation. and I've gotten them now, so hooray for me.

[Randetica]

What kind of turtle eats rats?


Padster is being incredibly mature and wise. It's strange. He's not all blunts and hoes. I guess there's a heart under that "shit the bed" t-shirt.

they are black and got horns just like paddy

[Nuzzolese]

as for baking a pie for that guy...I thought that guys thought it was creepy when girls didn't "take the hint" and back off. I don't know. I really have nothing to lose. I could just invite him to do something, and if he declines I'll just be like, "okay, I get it, have a nice life."

Guys usually like free food, though, too. Look at it this way, if he declines, you still have the pie so it's not a total loss. I think that if a girl doesn't take the hint, guys might think it's creepy but they will definitely think it's flattering. OMG men are from mars.

[Videodrome]

free food? count me in!

[Dorothy Wood]

Guys usually like free food, though, too. Look at it this way, if he declines, you still have the pie so it's not a total loss. I think that if a girl doesn't take the hint, guys might think it's creepy but they will definitely think it's flattering. OMG men are from mars.

what if I email him a gift card to applebees?

that says, "take me out to dinner, but only if you want. if not, enjoy."


right? I hate being from venus. harumph. *cathy comic*

[Echewta]

We dont have pies on Mars :(

[Echewta]

I've never been a fan of traveling alone. There have been many weekends where I wanted to hop in the car and take a random 2 dayer with no one go go with.

That all changed this year. I was tired of waiting to go down my path with someone. It often meant sitting on the bench and waiting. Now I just go and if someone is on the path by chance already, rad. I'm spending a week in Hawaii by myself in a few months. I'm looking forward to it. I'm going to make friends with a giant turtle.

[Videodrome]

what if it's a snapping turtle?

[Echewta]

Then I get some unexpected play.

[Videodrome]

as long as you have a good time, that's all that counts.

[ms.peachy]

*research purposes*