Indecision

[Nuzzolese]

Post here the puzzles you're mulling over.



My older brother is getting married next year and I'm thrilled. I love his fiancee so much. She even offered to let me be in the wedding if I wanted to. I think that I do, but I'm not sure what that involves.

On the one hand, I'd love to be a part of it because I've never been in a wedding before, and I love my brother and am really happy for them. I don't know if she meant something like a bridesmaid, or what. I don't know what roles there are in a wedding party. If I do want to be a part of it, what do I do? Should I just wait for her to call or should I voice my desire to participate?

On the other hand, I don't want to intrude because usually the women in the wedding party are the best friends and family of the bride. Maybe she was just asking me to be nice, because I know she has a lot of friends where the wedding is taking place. Also, I don't know if I will be able to manage being around the wedding spot for the time it might take to rehearse and everything - a week? I'm not sure if I could be away from work for so long, or if I could afford it financially if I needed to buy a dress and travel on my own.

[Nuzzolese]

I want to get some winter boots. These look very similar but with subtle differences. (I know it's early in the year but I thought they might be on sale now)

Opinions, please:


These? $79.50
http://s7.landsend.com/is/image/LandsEnd/322428_A508_LF_LBR?wid=170&hei=255&align=0,-1&op_sharpen=1

Or these? $117.85
http://www.zappos.com/images/746/7462394/6220-738608-d.jpg


Or these? about $200
http://images.bizrate.com/resize?sq=160&uid=742383704

[Fern]

I really like this new girl that I am seeing. SHe is a Ph D. student, a college advisor, and a professor of lower-level science classes. She is smart, very pretty, a total slut in the sack, and my favorite genetic mix (100% Polish (y) )......

The Problem: she has a 4 year old son.

What bothers me is a combination of things: one, I cannot help but feel mildly guilty that I am taking time away between him and his mother. My mother was a drug addict growing up, so I have an idea of how shitty it could be not having 'Mom' around all the time. two, I don't know if I am ready to go out with a girl with a kid, it just seems odd to be, like used goods I guess. I know it is wrong, but I cannot help feeling that way. three, I could see this being a long-term thing, and I don't feel that I am ready to have regular contact with her kid. I just don't know. . . . . . the father is totally out of the picture, so I feel that I was in a serious relationship role with her, that there could be some ill-pointed pressure ..... I am just not sure . . . .

I feel better that I got that out. Thank you. Back to being an asshole.

I would wait to be formall asked . . . . if I were you. But I am not

[Nuzzolese]

I would keep my distance from her emotionally until I was ready to be around the kid more, if I were you. I'm only thinking of the kid here.

[Fern]

I was thinking along the same lines.,

may I take this oppurtunity to state that I was incorrect above, the child is not a problem, but more of a concern.

[hpdrifter]

Well I know for sure that being in a wedding is pricey (as a bridesmaid or maid of honor). You're not only expected to take the time off work, travel to the destination, and buy a dress that will probably cost at least $200 but you may also have to chip in to throw the bridal shower and bachelorette party which can cost some serious $$$.

But it is fun to be in a wedding. I like the dressing up and getting ready and hanging out with your girlfriends. I'd say it is not at all uncommon to have the groom's sister be a bridesmaid even if the bride doesn't know her that well.

It is quite a commitment.

[Nuzzolese]

I decided I don't really like the second pair of boots afterall. The other two look almost identical except for a slight difference in the shade of brown, and the more expensive ones have a fluffier lining.



I have this problem; When I get angry at people I love, I secretly decide to rebel against them in private. I do things that I know they wouldn't be happy about, but that only hurt myself. It's childish, passive aggressive, silly. For example, I know my boyfriend wants me to save money and be healthy. So when I get angry at him I say to myself "Fine! I'm just going to go shopping and I won't eat anything tomorrow!" And I really do like the idea of getting new stuff and feeling a sense of control, which is therapeutic and he never has to know about it. But maybe I should try to stop doing that and maybe I should tell him. I don't know. If that's my little tantrum that doesn't hurt anybody else and it helps me get over it, then I appear mature from the outside so who cares if I'm immature in secret? I'm wrastling with inner demons.

[hpdrifter]

When it comes to kids there's no half way. If you're not interested in having a relationship with her son then you're already just killing time until the end.

[Bob]

i believe the correct spelling is "wrasslin'"

[Fern]

When it comes to kids there's no half way. If you're not interested in having a relationship with her son then you're already just killing time until the end.


killing time it is then . . . .

[b i o n i c]

its rasslin i think. real rednecks dont do silent w's

[Echewta]

Instead of reading and expanding my mind, I tend to watch VH1 shows. They are predictable and hardly reality but stiil, I'm sucked in like a cow in the midwest during a tornado. Worse, I have a TV in my bedroom so when I retire with my pipe and bourbon, there it is. Easier than turning pages. Daisy, Brett, New York, Tools, Mystery, etc. How I love them so and hunger for new episodes. :(

So do I put down the remote and dive into books, thus becoming smarter or continue watching VH1, thus becoming number but all up in pop culture.

[hpdrifter]

Find a balance. Pick one or two shows and follow them instead of all of them.

I tried not to watch Daisy and Charm School with Ricki Lake but I did anyway.

[ericlee]

clouds my vision
No one listens
Because I'm somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I'm somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together

[ms.peachy]

Well I know for sure that being in a wedding is pricey (as a bridesmaid or maid of honor). You're not only expected to take the time off work, travel to the destination, and buy a dress that will probably cost at least $200 but you may also have to chip in to throw the bridal shower and bachelorette party which can cost some serious $$$.

But it is fun to be in a wedding. I like the dressing up and getting ready and hanging out with your girlfriends. I'd say it is not at all uncommon to have the groom's sister be a bridesmaid even if the bride doesn't know her that well.

It is quite a commitment.


All true, in the US. Apparently in the UK the bride is expected to pay for EVERYTHING for the bridemaids! The dress, the hair, the shoes, the makeup, everything. And give them gifts. WTF is that about? I tried asking a few English girls once about it and they said the bride does all this because they as bridesmaids are 'doing the bride a favour' by 'being there to support her' on her big day. Huh? Cuh-razy.

If all the bridesmaid responsibilities seem too daunting but you still think you might like to be a part of the wedding, maybe you can offer to give a reading? Just tell her "I'm sure you have loads of friends you want to be your bridesmaids already, but I'd like to be a part of the big day. Is there a special poem or something I can read for you guys in the service?"