Things women cannot do [Archive] - Beastie Boys Message Board

Dorothy Wood

07-30-2009, 01:23 AM

you know, actually, I scored in the 99th percentile in mechanical reasoning in one of those tests they give you when you're a teenager so you know what stuff you might be good at or something.

some kind of career test. anyhoo, the top two career suggestions were auto mechanic and commercial airline pilot.

so yeah, I could totally fly a plane good, I bet you some money.

QueenAdrock

07-30-2009, 01:25 AM

Pfft, humankind won't even need men in the future

http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Story?id=4725121&page=1

"Within the next few years you will get two women having a child who is the biological child of both of them," Sykes said. "And entirely normal in every respect, but always female." Two mothers: the genetic material from one used to fertilize the egg of the other.

dun dun dunnnnn

Whatitis

07-30-2009, 01:29 AM

Fart proudly.

Dorothy Wood

07-30-2009, 01:31 AM

Fart proudly.

ah, this I will concede. I only feel shame when I fart.

Audio.

07-30-2009, 04:31 AM

Be good at videogames

lol bull shit. Not even sarcasm.

Audio.

07-30-2009, 04:33 AM

mikizee

07-30-2009, 05:46 AM

A few girls i've come across seem completely unable to flush a toilet properly, if and when I'd go to the toilet after there would always be a bit of toilet paper left floating there.... One ex of one of my old housemates.. More than half a dozen times i'd go after her and find a turd still floating in the bowl. After about the sixth time I confronted her about it, and said 'do u know how to flush a fucking toilet? Do you know the difference between the half flush button and full flush button????!!'

She replied that she didn't know why there were two buttons, she would just push one and walk away. She was incredibly ditzy though.

Re motorsport my girlfriend is right into F1, she's the one that called me in a frenzy today saying 'schumis coming back!!!!!!'

she also woke me up yesterday by blowing me, then got up and made me a coffee.

Which pretty much makes her the greatest chick in the world.

Kid Presentable

07-30-2009, 06:25 AM

Bowling you for what?

Caribou

07-30-2009, 06:36 AM

Fart proudly.

Oh, this I can do. And proudly follow it up with a ginormous belch.

I'm such a lady.

Helvete

07-30-2009, 08:24 AM

Pfft, humankind won't even need men in the future

Sure, bringing me onto more points.

Open tricky jars
Reach for high things on cupboards/shelves
Dispose of insects and spiders in the house

And as far as 2 females bringing up children, not saying that they could never raise a child well, but I believe it is quite important that children have a male influence while growing up. The same goes for a female influence also, but I'm just saying.

hitmonlee

07-30-2009, 08:42 AM

lol i open jars for my (male) housemates.
women have worked out tricks to open jars that are too hard to open.
men just keep trying to turn the lid.

Caribou

07-30-2009, 08:57 AM

Sure, bringing me onto more points.

Open tricky jars
Reach for high things on cupboards/shelves
Dispose of insects and spiders in the house

I can do all of these things. I have never understood why people can go so hysterical over a tiny spider. The only times I was scared of insects, was when wasps had built a nest in the airvents and came flying out everywhere. And when I had an enormous Queen-Wasp with a throbbing behind stuck to my window. Eugh.

I probably learned all the unladylikeness from my mum. She's a tougher cookie than my dad, who's the kind of guy who worked out everyday and is covered in tattoos. She taught me to independant from an early age and how to kick a guy's ass if I ever need to. We also hold burping competitions. :o

Helvete

07-30-2009, 09:02 AM

There is a reason girls shouldn't be like guys.

checkyourprez

07-30-2009, 09:34 AM

drive

hitmonlee

07-30-2009, 09:38 AM

also most dudes are petrified of spiders, i deal with spiders for boys all the time.
cockroaches are what scare girls.

Helvete

07-30-2009, 09:48 AM

I am quite composed around spiders really, not the biggest fan of some of them, but I'll either grab them and toss them out or just smash the fuck out of them if I don't think I can grab it.

rirv

07-30-2009, 10:13 AM

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3424/3192435737_6d81f4bb88.jpg

Why is there a drain on that road? Waste of engineering. Probably built by a woman.

Fern

07-30-2009, 10:33 AM

vote?

Helvete

07-30-2009, 10:37 AM

vote?

I think they got that one eventually. Had to throw themselves in front of horses and shit to get it though, damn idiots! Horses can't vote either, what do they care?

beastiegirrl101

07-30-2009, 11:22 AM

Park a car

EXCUSE ME...I can parallel into a tiny spot, stick shift, left side of the street IN THE RAIN in 2 cuts of the wheel.

b i o n i c

07-30-2009, 11:24 AM

yeah but can you do it while writing your name in the show with pee?

b i o n i c

07-30-2009, 11:26 AM

And when I had an enormous Queen-Wasp with a throbbing behind stuck to my window

yes, but were you peeing your name in the snow at the same time?

nodanaonlyzuul

07-30-2009, 12:59 PM

Be good at videogames
Park a car

ixnay.

nodanaonlyzuul

07-30-2009, 01:00 PM

p.s. we can now pee in the snow, FYI http://www.rightech-co.com/products-magic-cone.html

Waus

07-30-2009, 01:01 PM

she also woke me up yesterday by blowing me, then got up and made me a coffee.

jealous.

b i o n i c

07-30-2009, 01:19 PM

p.s. we can now pee in the snow, FYI http://www.rightech-co.com/products-magic-cone.html

yes i believe ive posted that before and while it is a pretty rad invention, you can't really aim it with the precision of a piss cannon weiner.

Helvete

07-30-2009, 01:20 PM

ixnay.
I'm not talking comparative here. "Oh, I'm pretty good at videogames." FOR A GIRL! Admittedly, I know a girl who is really good at racing games, far better than I. But I maintain she is a one trick pony. That pretty much goes for everything about women really.

b i o n i c

07-30-2009, 01:23 PM

look, its a fact that men will do the dumbest, most ridiculously idiotic things imaginable for a woman. that wins right there

jennyb

07-30-2009, 01:59 PM

For fuck's sake this thread is one big ginormous trainwreck. (n)

*waits for the equally corny things men cannot do thread*

Audio.

07-30-2009, 02:16 PM

For fuck's sake this thread is one big ginormous trainwreck. (n)

*waits for the equally corny things men cannot do thread*

pleeeeeease someone make that thread. I just gotta knooow.

checkyourprez

07-30-2009, 02:21 PM

For fuck's sake this thread is one big ginormous trainwreck. (n)

*waits for the equally corny things men cannot do thread*

its a shame trainwrecks never lie.

hpdrifter

07-30-2009, 02:29 PM

I was going to say

... be baited into an obvious, attention-whoring bore of a thread.

Come on, jennygirl. Sweetheart, you're smarter than that.

saz

07-30-2009, 02:30 PM

(y)

look, its a fact that men will do the dumbest, most ridiculously idiotic things

Helvete

07-30-2009, 02:53 PM

For fuck's sake this thread is one big ginormous trainwreck. (n)

*waits for the equally corny things men cannot do thread*

*claps*

nodanaonlyzuul

07-30-2009, 04:39 PM

look, its a fact that men will do the dumbest, most ridiculously idiotic things imaginable for a woman. that wins right there

or put up with the dumbest, most ridiculously idiotic things imaginable from a woman.

Sorry fellas.

Helvete

07-30-2009, 04:45 PM

That's also true.

funk63

07-30-2009, 05:12 PM

Anything. Women are baby ovens.

Caribou

07-30-2009, 07:11 PM

p.s. we can now pee in the snow, FYI http://www.rightech-co.com/products-magic-cone.html

I have those (though in the original, dutch version). They're awesome. :cool:

But all my male friends seem to think it's gross. I don't understand. I'm not touching anything apart from the cardboard cone. They touch their penises and often don't even wash their hands, that seems a lot grosser to me.

faz

07-30-2009, 07:23 PM

Resist me

Kid Presentable

07-30-2009, 07:26 PM

Be told

Documad

07-30-2009, 08:05 PM

I am excellent at parking a car. For years I had to find a parking spot in difficult circumstances as both my work and school were in popular urban areas. I'm out of practice these days but I have a shorter car so it's still a breeze.

I agree with the videogame part though. It's a factor of so many teenage guys with nothing better to do whereas girls are social animals. You have to spend your teenage years playing games for hours a day to get good. When I was a teenager I was hardly ever home. Even when I hung out at the arcade, I was talking more than playing games. :rolleyes:

Caribou

07-30-2009, 08:29 PM

Resist me

*resists*

checkyourprez

07-30-2009, 10:54 PM

I have those (though in the original, dutch version). They're awesome. :cool:

But all my male friends seem to think it's gross. I don't understand. I'm not touching anything apart from the cardboard cone. They touch their penises and often don't even wash their hands, that seems a lot grosser to me.

whats the difference between touching my penis shaft and touching my stomach?

sjp

07-30-2009, 11:10 PM

fix cars
all they can do is cook, clean, and do the laundry

jabumbo

07-30-2009, 11:58 PM

EXCUSE ME...I can parallel into a tiny spot, stick shift, left side of the street IN THE RAIN in 2 cuts of the wheel.

its easier to park on the left side of the road

oh, and i hope this street you're parking on is one way or in england

07-31-2009, 12:02 AM

Pee standing up

Wait... Damn! (http://www.blogcdn.com/www.gadling.com/media/2009/02/picresized_1235613742_gogirl.png)

Get blue balls

Foiled again. (http://bbs.clubplanet.com/new-york-new-jersey/37585-there-female-equivilant-blue-balls.html) :(

Helvete

07-31-2009, 12:43 AM

Did I mention that women cannot not be horrible, lying, deceitful, cheating cunts? What about whores? Cunts? Oh I said that one.

DipDipDive

07-31-2009, 12:47 AM

Aw. Sounds to me like someone thought he was gonna get his dick wet and got shut down. :(

07-31-2009, 12:49 AM

Things dudes cannot do

Get their dicks wet.

:((n)

Helvete

07-31-2009, 12:50 AM

Nothing of the sort. I do not pursue such puerile activities with the scum of the earth. I don't pursue it with guys either just in case you are wondering.

DipDipDive

07-31-2009, 12:51 AM

Women can't get boners. :(

DipDipDive

07-31-2009, 12:52 AM

Nothing of the sort. I do not pursue such puerile activities with the scum of the earth. I don't pursue it with guys either just in case you are wondering.

You sure are one angry fella. I bet the veins in your forehead are thicker than your erect penis.

Helvete

07-31-2009, 12:52 AM

Women can't get boners. :(

Yes they can. Whether they fucking like it or not.

You sure are one angry fella. I bet the veins in your forehead are thicker than your erect penis.

Maybe so, sex doesn't interest me right now anyway. I'm sure it will pass, but I feel really fucking bad right now.

07-31-2009, 12:55 AM

What about when it gets a little 'nipply'? Fem-boner?

DipDipDive

07-31-2009, 12:55 AM

Yes they can. Whether they fucking like it or not.

HAHA! (y)

Oh man, I love a good zinger about non consensual sex.

DipDipDive

07-31-2009, 12:56 AM

Maybe so, sex doesn't interest me right now anyway. I'm sure it will pass, but I feel really fucking bad right now.

What did shorty do to you, man? Did she put your scrotum in a vice while you were sleeping or something?

skra75

07-31-2009, 01:17 AM

hahahahahha

Kid Presentable

07-31-2009, 11:29 AM

Get blue balls

A girl I shagged many a year ago called it 'Blue Walls'. Clever bitch.

hpdrifter

07-31-2009, 11:39 AM

oh, and i hope this street you're parking on is one way or in england

Around here some of the streets are so narrow you can only fit one car down them at a time and are lined with cars on both sides. So you park on either side, especially when you have to get out of the way because someone is coming down the opposite end of the road.