i don't blog, so you'll bear the brunt of this

[monkey]

i'm feeling kinda sorry for myself and i don't really want to but i can't help it.

i'm sitting on my desk, reminiscing about shit and thinking up some new shit.

my coworkers make a big stink about everybody's birthdays. but they forgot mine. granted, it's been a rather insane few weeks, my boss was in the hospital for a little bit, and i haven't worked during that time. but it still sorta hurts that they forgot my birthday.

it's my birthday soon, i'm turning 27, and i actually noticed that i've become an adult over the course of the past year. ive had to deal and face things that i never expected to deal with or have to face.

but right now, instead of seeing the positive of the changes (and there are many, i know this), i'm really seeing the things that make me sad. my existing medical condition has recently acquired a new side effect, which makes me stupidly sad. i don't want to take more medications! i want to be goddamned normal. the most annoying thing about this new side effect is that i'm gaining weight, and i hate myself for it. it doesn't matter that im barely eating and im exercising more (and yes, that feels good) and i'm still gaining weight bc of this medical problem. i feel ugly to top it all off.

and then there's the constant facebook reminders of the fact that a person that i once loved is now a happy family man. i'm jealous that he has what i wanted, with someone else. and though i know i've achieved a ton, and i have wonderful things and people in my life, it doesn't stop me from wanting that which i do not have, and i don't see myself just suddenly having all of that too. it fucking sucks. i have been working insanely hard over the past 6 or so months to get over this bullshit and build myself up, but days like today... it just kills me.

i don't want to feel sorry for myself, it's not good, it's quite pathetic. there are so many people with much much bigger issues that get through life just fine. i sometimes feel very silly saying this, but there are little things i want that are not easily accessible to me, that other people just take for granted. something as silly as knowing you have a home base, a place where you can always go to and be at home... it's something i don't really have. i don't belong anywhere and that sucks.

fuck man, i just want to be happy again.

[Helvete]

Well I don't think there is much I can say to help, but you know with the whole Facebook thing you should delete whoever as it's not good to keep seeing that stuff.

Wish I had some good advice, but I don't, sorry. I've not been the happiest lately so it's not like I can offer any advice when I can't even do it myself!

[Dorothy Wood]

oof, birthdays are the worst. I think you'll probably feel a little better once it passes. I know I instantly felt relieved.


and yeah, get that dude off your facebook. or at least take him off your news feed.

[monkey]

he's not on facebook, his little sister is, and we are very close friends. and it's not even HER that puts the stuff on facebook, it's his baby momma that tags the little sister, and thusly, it shows up. i've done the no news feed thing, but facebook comes up with new ways of making things stand out every day!

im feeling foolish, i know. im also at work trying to pretend everything is ok, while im blowing my nose every 30 seconds. i can stop myself from crying, but i can't stop the nose from running. i hate this.

[Dorothy Wood]

awws, I'm sorry dude. :(

you should look at pictures of baby animals. STAT.

*hugs*

[beastiegirrl101]

Or animals with casts! (http://fuckyeahanimalswithcasts.tumblr.com/)

Hugs

[Audio.]

aah I'm sorry ya feeling bad or horrible :(

I havent celebrated my birthday since I was 14 or 15... I forgot which of the two. I'm 21 now. I dont get huge parties, I dont have friends over (sadly I loss most of my friends after moving away), I just get a hug from a family member if I happen to see them, for a quick b-day present I get $20. Its not a umm ... umm... hmm that kind of present isnt to me a thoughtful gift but I'll take it anyway hahah. Sometimes I dont even get anything from a close family member. The one thing I appreciate every year what my parents do for my birthday is buying me a cake. That birthday cake its the only thing I feel where the day of my birth still matters. The more I grow older the more birthdays just become something for kids.

I dont mean at all to make you feel sorry for me, I just want to show that maybe what you're going through inst that bad. But from the sounds of it I think you just need to a take a nice very very nice vacation and enjoy yourself. QUICKLY!

[mickill]

I think you may want to start immersing yourself in your interests/hobbies. Maybe even a few new ones. Or set a couple of short term realistic goals for yourself. Sometimes you just need a few small victories under your belt to help you get through a rough time.

I tried to make a house of cards at the behest of my daughter last week and couldn't do it. I felt pretty down on myself about it for some reason. That shit was pretty frustrating, actually. But then I redid the bathroom floors and installed a new toilet and I was right back on top.

Hang in there.

[hpdrifter]

Okay, there's a kangaroo in that link. Is it possible to keep a kangaroo as a pet? Cuz I saw one at the fair last year and my husband said you couldn't keep them as pets.

Also, monkey, I am sorry you're feeling blue. I hope it passes soon.

[Echewta]

Are you telling your doctor all of this? Especially the depression part? Thats some serious business. Do you have a shrink? If not, you should look into one. Its a lot on your mind and with the meds working, it could be problems. Don't delay and call today.

And to see 500 Days of Summer. The message at the end is cool about breakups.

[mickill]

Are you being paid to promote this movie?

[Echewta]

I'm not. It just that I saw it recently and the end notes on a not feeling bad about breaking up with someone. They put it in a good light. Cram it.

[mickill]

I've just never seen you this passionate about anything before. Not even when they brought the McRib back.

[ToucanSpam]

Things could always be worse. You could be one of a billion people on this earth who are starving to death.

[saz]

I've just never seen you this passionate about anything before. Not even when they brought the McRib back.

except maybe fun dip and taco bell drive-thrus.

[Echewta]

This thread isn't about me and my high-class, back to the subject at hand please.

[Randetica]

Are you telling your doctor all of this? Especially the depression part? Thats some serious business. Do you have a shrink? If not, you should look into one. Its a lot on your mind and with the meds working, it could be problems. Don't delay and call today.

And to see 500 Days of Summer. The message at the end is cool about breakups.

or she should just woman the fuck up

thats what cyprez would say

god bless him

[b i o n i c]

.

[Echewta]

Telling someone to woman up or get a hobby, etc. doesn't mean squat if the medication is affecting her. How can you take control when a chemical is changing your mood?

[Randetica]

Telling someone to woman up or get a hobby, etc. doesn't mean squat if the medication is affecting her. How can you take control when a chemical is changing your mood?

i wanna know aswell

[b i o n i c]

yeah

[Echewta]

Sorry, I wasn't knocking the other ideas or people sharing their thoughts as much as the medication probably is the major cause.

Well, I'm always knocking on Randy...

[Randetica]

yeah

woman the fuck up!

[b i o n i c]

.

i dont disagree, you're probably right

[Audio.]

woman the fuck up!

Chopper Reed..?

[monkey]

i have no issues with "woman-ing up" or sucking this shit up and moving forward. that's part of the reason that i'm venting here. it's healthier to express the feelings rather than suppress them and festering them in my head.

i do have a therapist who is incredibly good at helping me through these things. but i dont need to call him every time i get down on myself. yes, the meds might be affecting my mood, they might be affecting a lot of this shit im feeling. and that's why i have a shitload of appointments to deal with all of my medical issues in the coming weeks. august is slated to be doctor month for me, with at least 2 appointments per week with various specialists. this is not just a mood issue though, and that's why i have to see so many doctors. specifically, it is an inoperable brain tumor in a location that affects an insane number of things, the least of which is my mood. and honestly, the fact that i am willing to share it means that i am desperately trying to make sure i do suck it up and move forward. those of you who've never had to deal with such life altering medical conditions are fucking lucky, because i'm never going to be able to live a life without medications, and if i want to cry about that or cry about silly things like my inability to have a child because of all of this, i will, and i have no problems doing it on the internet. it sucks that there's starving children out there or whatever other things there are out there to compare my unhappiness or my happiness, but all i know is my life.

[mathcart]

Things could always be worse. You could be one of a billion people on this earth who are starving to death.


it sucks that there's starving children out there or whatever other things there are out there to compare my unhappiness or my happiness, but all i know is my life.


A very good rebuttal to that piece of shit line. Truth.
(y)


... also I'm real sorry to hear about your, erm, other bad thing. Know you weren't looking for that.
Now woman up please seems to be the best advice at the moment.

[ms.peachy]

Welcome to your first Saturn Return.

[Echewta]

Monkey, you are totally allowed to feel how you need to without comparing your life to others. You are number one and thats who you look out for.

I'm sorry about your current condition and I hope it all works out for the best. :)

[DipDipDive]

You have every right to be sad right now and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.

Sometimes it's best just to feel it and know that it will pass eventually, which it will. If you don't want to feel it, keep doing the things you enjoy. Force yourself to go out with your friends no matter how much you may not want to. Talk to them about what you're going through and let them know you need them. KEEP EXERCISING. Don't think about the weight thing. It doesn't matter in the long run, the fact that you're staying healthy is what's important. Try not to smoke or drink.

Are there any support groups for people with your...um...condition? I think that could be a wonderful outlet for you.

[DipDipDive]

P.S. You've always seemed to me to be a very optimistic person. If you're not right now, that's okay. No one is happy all the time.

P.S.S. I think you're real pretty. :o

[RobMoney$]

.

[ms.peachy]

..

[mickill]

Things could always be worse. You could be one of a billion people on this earth who are starving to death.

Are you serious dude?

[Knuckles]

Are you serious dude?

Oh, he's serious.

Just last night he ate enough at Burger King to feed half of Somalia for a week.

[monkey]

ok i just wanna clear some stuff up, cause i don't want to give the impression that im always feeling down on myself. it was mostly just earlier today that i felt pretty shitty. for the most part, i do try to be optimistic about things. i feel that things work out better that way. and my buddy (it's what i call it) is a manageable situation, something that's barely bothered me much other than when i get new news/new side effects, like I just recently have. it just means that things have to be tweaked and i go through a few months of hell before things get to an even level for a while longer. i've already gone through a ton of insanity bc of various ways i've chosen to deal with it, and finally i've learned to deal with it in a way that feels more or less... healthy.

anyway, i really was just ranting and venting earlier, because a stupid little thing like my coworkers forgetting my bday snowballed into me just bursting out all the negative stuff i don't like. maybe i had it coming, i had been thinking about roses and sunshine too much. i have optimism and pride about my recent accomplishments coming out of my ears sometimes. it's a little gross how full of myself i can get. hahahaha.

anyway, thanks for letting me vent guys. and ddd: thanks :o

[ToucanSpam]

Are you serious dude?

It was a halfhearted answer, rude, and poorly thought out, I'll admit. I apologize for it. I guess if I had any point it would be that we should be thankful we have good things in our lives like friends, food, kids, and safety. It's much better to think about the good things we have going for us than always be down.

This isn't really directed at monkey either, it's just sort of for anyone who doesn't thank their lucky stars now and then for the things they have.

[Bob]

kids

toucanspam, are you going baby crazy

[Dorothy Wood]

toucan's pregnant!
























































with a butt baby.

[Echewta]

Should we plan a shower? Will we all fit?

[russhie]

Things could always be worse. You could be one of a billion people on this earth who are starving to death.

I hate when people do this, it's so stupid.

I think, if Monkey were starving, she wouldn't be quite so concerned with her emotional state. But she's not (to my knowledge). Starvation doesn't figure in her everyday life, but (it seems) feelings of depression do. Starvation might be affecting quality of life for billions of people worldwide, but depression is affecting the quailty of Monkey's life and making statements in an attempt to diminish the feelings she has expressed just makes you look like an idiot.

EDIT: ok, I see you admitted it was poorly thought out and maybe you're not so much of an idiot. But I'm going to leave this post as is cause it is something that annoys me when people say it to me.

[paul jones]

hop on a plane and meet me in the pub.If not I'll be drinking one for your birthday tomorrow Pauli(y)

p.s. fuck your co-workers (not literally though)

[Michelle*s_Farm]

i'm feeling kinda sorry for myself and i don't really want to but i can't help it.

i'm sitting on my desk, reminiscing about shit and thinking up some new shit.

my coworkers make a big stink about everybody's birthdays. but they forgot mine. granted, it's been a rather insane few weeks, my boss was in the hospital for a little bit, and i haven't worked during that time. but it still sorta hurts that they forgot my birthday.

it's my birthday soon, i'm turning 27, and i actually noticed that i've become an adult over the course of the past year. ive had to deal and face things that i never expected to deal with or have to face.

but right now, instead of seeing the positive of the changes (and there are many, i know this), i'm really seeing the things that make me sad. my existing medical condition has recently acquired a new side effect, which makes me stupidly sad. i don't want to take more medications! i want to be goddamned normal. the most annoying thing about this new side effect is that i'm gaining weight, and i hate myself for it. it doesn't matter that im barely eating and im exercising more (and yes, that feels good) and i'm still gaining weight bc of this medical problem. i feel ugly to top it all off.

and then there's the constant facebook reminders of the fact that a person that i once loved is now a happy family man. i'm jealous that he has what i wanted, with someone else. and though i know i've achieved a ton, and i have wonderful things and people in my life, it doesn't stop me from wanting that which i do not have, and i don't see myself just suddenly having all of that too. it fucking sucks. i have been working insanely hard over the past 6 or so months to get over this bullshit and build myself up, but days like today... it just kills me.

i don't want to feel sorry for myself, it's not good, it's quite pathetic. there are so many people with much much bigger issues that get through life just fine. i sometimes feel very silly saying this, but there are little things i want that are not easily accessible to me, that other people just take for granted. something as silly as knowing you have a home base, a place where you can always go to and be at home... it's something i don't really have. i don't belong anywhere and that sucks.

fuck man, i just want to be happy again.

I sort of know what you are getting at. I had a thyroid condition a few years back it did similar things to me. Two things below may make you feel a bit better. Actually much of what you are experiencing would make great comedy material and could be cathartic (i.e., evacuating the bowels) or do I mean catharsis (same thing I guess). Although now that I think about many comedians are presumably depressed sods so these links below may not make you smile at all (I apologise ahead of time then).

1) You cannot celebrate a 27th birthday anyway according to Patton Oswalt

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d3V5n4qhrpM

2) You could eat a "failure pile in a sadness bowl" from KFC: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tfan5MacmsI

These things work for me :)

[Bob]

EDIT: ok, I see you admitted it was poorly thought out and maybe you're not so much of an idiot. But I'm going to leave this post as is cause it is something that annoys me when people say it to me.

you mean that something about saying "in addition to feeling bad about things, you should feel bad about the fact that you feel bad about the things that you feel bad about" exacerbates things? i don't follow

[b i o n i c]

thats not goood to hear. none of us wouldve/couldve guessed something like that. i hope you're doing ok, mona