Boycott Scotland!

[roosta]

Boycott Scotland! (http://www.boycottscotland.co.uk/)

The Boycott

Every self-respecting American should immediately ensure that they do not purchase, own or use any of the following as it could be construed as supporting Scotland and their terrorist friendly regime.

Road Travel

The pneumatic tyre, tarmac and the two stroke engine are all Scottish inventions and as such should be avoided. Unfortunately it is best if you don't cycle either as that was also invented by a Scotsman. For the time being please walk instead.
Television

Set down the remote control, unhook the cable and turn off the television set as its inventor was born in Helensburgh. I know it might be difficult, but think about all the time you will have free to do other things, just make sure you walk to them.
Communication

I urge you to please get the word out about this site and the Boycott, but do not telephone your loved ones or write to them (best to avoid postcards, fax & radio as well).
Bridges

Please do not use any of America's suspension bridges as their construction is due to another Scottish invention.

If you do have a suspension bridge in your area please consider contacting your local government official and demand its removal.
Finger Printing

Any American citizen convicted using finger print evidence should be pardoned immediately.
Medical

Moms to be, cancel that ultrasound. Kid taken a tumble down the stairs? Am sure they'll be ok, just ensure they don't have an MRI.

All diabetes sufferers should immediately cease all use of Insulin (its ok, you wouldn't have been able to inject it anyway)

If you are currently taking any of the following (or any other beta blocker) dispose of them;

* acebutolol
* bisoprolol
* esmolol
* propranolol
* atenolol
* labetalol
* carvedilol
* metoprolol
* nebivolol

and you'll have to find an alternative treatment for that unfortunate bout of syphilis
Cold beer

Remove all beverages from the fridge, a cooler will have to do. Just remember that every warm beer is bringing us one step closer to Scotland relenting. A reduction in liquid consumption might be a good thing as I every patriotic American should remove the flush toilet from their bathroom.
Sport

While enjoying your warm FREEDOM™ beer please petition your local government official to begin disbanding the American PGA (remember not to use the telephone, post, radio, fax or a computer - perhaps their office is within walking distance?) also you should urge Lance Armstrong to be a true all American and give up cycling.

[Echewta]

I'm down with getting rid of golf all together. I didn't realize this was my golden opportunity.

[faz]

Dont forget the navy (http://www.navy.mil/navydata/navy_legacy_hr.asp?id=276)

[yeahwho]

and McDonald's (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/McDonald%27s#Legal_cases)!

[na§tee]

aye! (http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/cifamerica/2009/aug/25/twitter-boycott-scotland)

Things move so quickly these days. No sooner had Kenny MacAskill made his decision to have al-Megrahi flown back to his native Libya than the backlash had begun. Without particularly meaning to, Scotland suddenly found itself in the unenviable position of being the first nation to really nark Barack Obama. And, to be honest, we kind of thought someone else would have got there first.

The internet was awash with outrage. "Boycott Scotland!" was the cry on message boards the world over. In particular Americans, so long proud to claim Scottish ancestry, were encouraged to cease buying our products and show us exactly how pissed off they were. Websites like www.boycottscotland.com sprung up, with hints and tips about how to damage the country that had so slighted them.

These vehement proclamations might have defeated a lesser country, but the Americans had forgotten two important aspects of the Scottish character.

One, we also know how to use the internet and two, we like nothing more than a good rammy. And enter the rammy we have.

Many mock Twitter as a further useless addition to the flow of personal nonsense on the internet. But it doesn't half help when you are faced with the wrath of the western world. Search twitter.com with #boycottscotland and you will find thousands of tweets about how to hit us where it hurts.

But instead of lying down and taking it, we have turned Twitter into an instrument of mockery against those who would seek to destroy us. One cannot fail to smile when faced with tweets like "Decided to #boycottscotland and go to England for the week. But I reserve the right to #unboycottscotland at hometime."

Even more enjoyable are those who outline how serious the implications of boycotting Scotland truly are. Tweeters have pointed out that Doctor Who is as of now persona non grata. Gamers will have to do without their daily dose of violence when Grand Theft Auto goes in the bin (proudly produced in Scotland). And New Year just won't sound the same without the traditional rendition of Auld Lang Syne.

The main point of these tweets is for Scots themselves to point out the lunacy of the whole campaign. Retweeted more than any other post is the link to www.boycottscotland.co.uk which summarises beautifully what the rabid anti-Scots will now have to do without: road travel , television, bridges, golf and almost anything containing an LED display. And watch you don't get into any bother – without the medical expertise of generations of Scots you might be limited to a simple (American made) sticking plaster. But I'm sure you will be OK walking to and from the hospital. It's also a good thing that the internet is being used to disseminate this information as all those who boycott Scottish goods will have to throw away those pesky phones they have been so reliant on.

So, when Americans loudly proclaim "BOYCOTT SCOTLAND!" we don't mind if they stop wearing those ridiculous tartan bunnets around Loch Lomond. We don't even mind if you think our justice minister is an idiot for what he did. But for heaven's sake think of the consequences. Please, don't make us take it all back from you. Because we just might try.

[Echewta]

Fringes for everything. I'm sure the tiny minority that actually does stop going to McDonalds because they think it is Scottish won't make a bit of difference.