i'm about to go to the airport

[Bob]

but i haven't taken a dump yet and i don't want to leave until i do because i don't wanna have to poop in the plane's bathroom, those things suck. i mean i guess the airport would work but i don't like pooping in public restrooms, you never really know what you're sitting on and the toilet paper is always a gamble

this sucks

[paul jones]

have a shit before you leave Bob!(!)

[Bob]

well i've done all i can do

wish me luck

[paul jones]

good luck on the plane(y)

[cookiepuss]

yes. bathrooms on planes DO suck. suck your poop right down the shaft, indeed.

[Drederick Tatum]

but i haven't taken a dump yet and i don't want to leave until i do because i don't wanna have to poop in the plane's bathroom, those things suck. i mean i guess the airport would work but i don't like pooping in public restrooms, you never really know what you're sitting on and the toilet paper is always a gamble

this sucks

stay away from any Republicans.

[Dorothy Wood]

pooping at the airport isn't so bad, there are usually tons of stalls and everything's clean. at least at the airports I've pooped in.

[jabumbo]

^ yeah, all the airport poopers i've been to are reasonable. at least compared to some of the shitty once i've been through in restaurants....

[Fern]

You can always shit in your hand and slip in the flight attendant's cart as they pass by if you're really in a jam, nigga..........

[paul jones]

I'm glad I don't have to go on a fucking plane again.

[Bob]

i ended up pooping at the airport. it wasn't so bad, it was clean and big and mostly empty but the janitor came through and swept the floor while i was in there and it was noisy and distracting

but then i went to take a piss before i got on the plane but the only restroom on that side of the security gate was terrible. it had two urinals and one stall, and the urinals were right next to each other with no wall, i can never pee like that. and of course i went right as a plane was getting out so there was a line behind me. i ended up just holding it in. then i got on the plane and there was a mother with a baby in the seat next to me and the stupid thing cried half the flight. but in a way it was almost better than having a baby crying somewhere out of my line of sight because i could at least see that the mom was trying to make him stop and that she felt bad about it. she kept apologizing, it made me feel superior to her (because i am certainly not a crying baby, nor did i bring one on the plane). it was nice. she was on the same flight on the way back too, and we laughed about it (because this time i was sitting on the opposite end of the plane where it kind of smelled like a chemical toilet but at least there weren't any babies. the woman sitting next to me was chewing her gum a little loudly but she was hot so it was ok)

anyway i had the greatest idea - a plane that's fueled by poop from its own bathroom

[paul jones]

i ended up pooping at the airport. it wasn't so bad, it was clean and big and mostly empty but the janitor came through and swept the floor while i was in there and it was noisy and distracting

but then i went to take a piss before i got on the plane but the only restroom on that side of the security gate was terrible. it had two urinals and one stall, and the urinals were right next to each other with no wall, i can never pee like that. and of course i went right as a plane was getting out so there was a line behind me. i ended up just holding it in. then i got on the plane and there was a mother with a baby in the seat next to me and the stupid thing cried half the flight. but in a way it was almost better than having a baby crying somewhere out of my line of sight because i could at least see that the mom was trying to make him stop and that she felt bad about it. she kept apologizing, it made me feel superior to her (because i am certainly not a crying baby, nor did i bring one on the plane). it was nice. she was on the same flight on the way back too, and we laughed about it (because this time i was sitting on the opposite end of the plane where it kind of smelled like a chemical toilet but at least there weren't any babies. the woman sitting next to me was chewing her gum a little loudly but she was hot so it was ok)

anyway i had the greatest idea - a plane that's fueled by poop from its own bathroom

you need to write a book on poop stories(y)

[yeahwho]

Whats up with the no-wall urinals? This is what you get after you buy the ticket sit around drink starbucks, try and hydrate for the flight with massive bottles of water then as the flight keeps being delayed hours and hours for mechanical problems your anxiety ramps up to massive heart attack levels you walk into some shit house that makes a pig barn smell like roses and guys are lining up to hang out there cacks and piss side by side.

At least at concerts and sporting events a guy can get so blotto'd on beer the urinal trough is just a vague target around the area you pee.

At least you didn't take the bus.

[Bob]

the last two times i took the bus i got the seat right next to the bathroom. i couldn't even fall asleep because my long legs kept blocking the door, i had to consciously move them out of the way.

the second time was really annoying, too. i got there early and stood in the front of the line, and then the bus gets there and the guy's like "oh by the way this is the wrong bus, i've parked in the wrong spot, you want to get on that bus" so i have to get out of line, join the back of a longer line and sure enough i'm the last man on and i get the bathroom seat. bunch of shit

[Ghouls_Night]

Is that not what the little paper bag behind the seat is for??!!


Opps...

[Ty Webb]

i've never shat on a plane. definitely would.

[jabumbo]

so did you get the job?

[Bob]

yes. i am a professional grandma visiter

[jabumbo]

does it pay in hugs or kisses?

[Echewta]

I would assume it pays in odd dishes filled with butterscotch candies.

I wonder with the next generation of grandparents, if they will continue that tradition. I don't see my parents leaving out dishes of mints or b.scotches. Cheap bastards.

[jabumbo]

they'll start giving them away once you move out

[Echewta]

How dare you.

[b i o n i c]

airport bars rule

[paul jones]

airport bars rule

they did when you could still smoke in them like that time I was between flights in Charlotte.