say you're digging a swimming pool and find a chunk of ice with a frozen woman

[insertnamehere]

shes early 20's. you need to disguise her and help her fit in. you have limited funds, but you need to purchase some clothing so that she appears to be a normal looking 20-something year old female human. nothing fancy. you just want to be able to show off the neanderthal you found in your backyard to some friends at the bar and you need to take her on campus with you because you cant leave her unattended.

you're on a limited budget. what are some clothing items you would purchase for your new friend?

hypothetically.

[Mr Films]

can't. sunk all my cash into this fucking swimming pool project.

then the fucking contractor backed out and skipped town. last time I use steve's cousin who claims to build swimming pools.

long story short, I'm a few vodka and tonic's in and on the other side of midnight when I decide "fuck it! I'm digging this pool myself."

[Audio.]

sounds like a movie I seen before.

[insertnamehere]

impossible

[checkyourprez]

sounds like a movie (http://mysmallpotatoes.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/encinoman1.jpg)I seen before.

?

[Audio.]

?

aah yeah now I remember. An old Pauly Shore flick.

[insertnamehere]

the point is i own very few clothes and what i have makes me look like a man and id like to invest in a new wardrobe but i cant spend all of my dollars on it so i need to decide on a few essential things except i dont know how to dress myself.

[Audio.]

a shirt? At Marshalls, AJ Wrights, JC Penny... Ross? Sorry I dont know about shirts for the gals.

[paul jones]

google Lady Gaga

[rirv]

I don't think making her fit in is an option. I use the rest of the swimming pool budget to dig a new basement in which to imprison this girl.

[Bob]

I don't think making her fit in is an option. I use the rest of the swimming pool budget to dig a new basement in which to imprison this girl.

what are you, austrian?

[rirv]

what are you, austrian?

I can but dream:(
All the best people come out of Austria...

[ms.peachy]

the point is i own very few clothes and what i have makes me look like a man and id like to invest in a new wardrobe but i cant spend all of my dollars on it so i need to decide on a few essential things except i dont know how to dress myself.

First of all, get a knee length A-line denim skirt. A denim skirt is just about the most versatile thing a girl can own. It will go with almost any top and footwear, barring the most formal. I like a skirt that ends just above the knee, but just below is also good, if you don't feel your knees are good-looking enough (some women have a real hang up about this for some reason). It is important though to make sure the hem of the skirt does not stop at the thickest part of your calves, as it will make your legs look stumpy - you need to be able to see the curve of the calves. Trust me on this.

Then get two or three black cotton shirts - T-shirt type shirts, but the ones that are 'shaped' (i.e., proper girl ones, not like guy ones).

Invest also in a comfy but chic pair of low heeled black boots.

What you have now is a sort of 'blank canvas'. Black top, denim skirt, boots. You can now get a number of "looks" from this depending on how you accessorise. For a basic classic look, tie your hair back (or use a headband), put on some red lippy, tie a little scarf around your neck. Feeling a bit more rock chick? Tease your hair out a bit, go heavy on the eyeliner, put on some silver chains. If you want to go a bit ethnic, go easy on the slap but put your hair up/back with a colorful scarf, and try some big beads and bangles.

And so on, and so forth.

[camo]

A fur trimmed Bikini and some comedy horns.

[checkyourprez]

what are you, austrian?


you misspelled it. its australian.

[insertnamehere]

Thanks! This is the kind of stuff I was looking for. I'm terrible at shopping and usually just end up wandering around looking confused and scared in the mall for hours without buying anything, so I'm making sort of a list so I go in with a game plan and actually buy some stuff. I am on a mission.

Most for girls t-shirts look kind of poop on me cause I have a big gut and the clingyness is really unattractive. I just gotta look around though I guess. While simultaneously trying to lose some of the tummy.

First of all, get a knee length A-line denim skirt. A denim skirt is just about the most versatile thing a girl can own. It will go with almost any top and footwear, barring the most formal. I like a skirt that ends just above the knee, but just below is also good, if you don't feel your knees are good-looking enough (some women have a real hang up about this for some reason). It is important though to make sure the hem of the skirt does not stop at the thickest part of your calves, as it will make your legs look stumpy - you need to be able to see the curve of the calves. Trust me on this.

Then get two or three black cotton shirts - T-shirt type shirts, but the ones that are 'shaped' (i.e., proper girl ones, not like guy ones).

Invest also in a comfy but chic pair of low heeled black boots.

What you have now is a sort of 'blank canvas'. Black top, denim skirt, boots. You can now get a number of "looks" from this depending on how you accessorise. For a basic classic look, tie your hair back (or use a headband), put on some red lippy, tie a little scarf around your neck. Feeling a bit more rock chick? Tease your hair out a bit, go heavy on the eyeliner, put on some silver chains. If you want to go a bit ethnic, go easy on the slap but put your hair up/back with a colorful scarf, and try some big beads and bangles.

And so on, and so forth.

[ms.peachy]

Most for girls t-shirts look kind of poop on me cause I have a big gut and the clingyness is really unattractive. I just gotta look around though I guess. While simultaneously trying to lose some of the tummy.

If you can't find t-shirty ones you like, look for asically anything simple and black - again, it's the 'blank canvas' thing. As we are coming into autumn, you should be able to find some decent knitwear around and knitwear is good because it 'skims' rather than 'clings'.

Also, don't be afraid to go to a department store that offers a "personal shopper" service and say to them "look, I am on a very limited budget but I have no idea what suits me and I need to find some basic wardrobe staples." You never know.

[Dorothy Wood]

don't wear t-shirts if you're a bit chubby. you just need some cute tops and a couple pairs of jeans that fit really well. you might need to try on like 30 pairs of jeans before finding a good one, but don't get discouraged. kohl's has a surprisingly good selection of jeans. in the ladies section, and juniors. you don't have to do skinny, but you should do a straight leg because it's classier, or boot cut, but no flares.

as for tops, thicker materials that don't cling are best. there are tons of blousey options out there now, which are good at disguising bellies, but don't go overboard. a big flowing blouse just makes you look fatter. it needs to have a little structure. something that fits you well at the shoulder can take off 10 pounds, no joke.


don't shop at malls. they suck, they have too much stuff in them. if you want cheap and easy, just go to old navy. http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/division.do?cid=5360
there see, outfits already picked out for you.

I like H&M and Forever 21 myself...but they can be a little intimidating.


basically, just try on a billion things and don't buy anything unless it truly fits you and you like it.

[Helvete]

I spent over $500 on like 4 items of clothing the other day! I know that's not much help because I am a guy and they wouldn't suit you.

[monkey]

places like kohl's, target, h&m, and old navy are really great for getting cute cotton staples. COTTON being the key word here, because oftentimes the other fabrics these places use (like polyester) end up looking very cheap very quickly.

getting a few basic tees in solid colors that fit well is good. they dont have to be baby t's (which are usually the smaller, girly shirts.) I'm pretty sure you can find non-baby tees in regular girl sizes that aren't going to be as snug. shopping for staples is often better in the misses or ladies sections, as they tend to be better quality and a little more conservative than the juniors section.

getting jeans takes patience, patience, patience, and some more patience. you will have to try on a ton of them, in all different sizes, from all different brands, in a bunch of different stores. after a little while, you'll get a feel for what you like, what looks good, and what is most comfortable. i find that levi's stretch jeans (in the juniors section) are quite affordable and comfortable, when you find the right size and fit.

as for skirts, denim is a good staple, but i'm a fan of black skirts. i like to have one or two of varying lengths (like knee and maybe a mini) because they can be used for work things and going out (especially minis).

another good basic item is a plain vneck sweater. you can get nice basic vnecks on the cheap at old navy and h&m, and as long as you hand wash them, they stay nice looking for a while.

as for trendy things, little accessories can make the basics look great. colored tights can make an outfit (and your legs) look awesome. like ms. peachy said, scarves around your neck or as a headband can make you look very lady like and polished.

i buy a lot of little black things at h&m and old navy, like tshirts, sweaters, tights, etc. and occasionally, i buy a trendy little item at forever 21. and once in a blue, i splurge on something that im gonna wear to death, like a well-fitting leather jacket, a great pair of boots, or even a great sweater or shirt.

[Echewta]

FRESH NUGS!

[Dorothy Wood]

lol

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I don't know why but I really hate denim skirts.

For affordable clothes: I second Old Navy, they have a lot of solid color shirts in various cuts for very cheap. Their jeans, skirts, etc are also pretty well priced. Check for sales!

You also might want to try Ross. Sometimes it's a little bit of a process since everything is a different style of top but if you take the time to look through it and try some stuff on, you'll find tops for $8 or less. And if you need a cute dress to wear to something special, you'll find them for $15-ish.

H&M is good for cheap clothing that has patterns or more flair to it but you don't have to do that if you don't want to. I also find that I don't like the way their clothes fit but I'm a girl with big lady parts so maybe that's why. It's catered to the opposite usually.

Then as peachy said getting accessories can really change or dress up the simple clothes. I'd recommend stores like H&M, Forever 21, etc for accessories only. You can find really beautiful, expensive-looking necklaces and the like for $10 or less. Cute hair clips/pieces/headbands etc as well.

FOr cute shoes I'd say Payless or Target. They are super cheap and they have some decent styles. They have a lot of flats as well if you aren't in to heels.

Always try things on. It takes time to try a lot of things on but once you do you can figure out which cuts look best on you. So from there on out you can shop much faster.

[insertnamehere]

why no flares with the jeans? ive got really big everything below the waist, big butt, big hips, big calves, and i feel that flares suit me best. is wearing them a universal no-no? i feel like the bigger bottom helps balance out the big top, and it keeps it from being skin tight around my calves.

ive got one pretty awesome pair of jeans and a couple really shitty pairs of jeans, and i wear the good ones constantly so i definitely need to expand my jeans collection.

no joke the best fitting tshirt i have is a mens plain black t that was 79 cents at piggly wiggly, haha

[Randetica]

girls shouldnt wear plain xxl shirts unless they use it as a sleep shirt
it looks too manly


i got tons of cool new clothes over the last few weeks (y) my main money spent

[Dorothy Wood]

why no flares with the jeans? ive got really big everything below the waist, big butt, big hips, big calves, and i feel that flares suit me best. is wearing them a universal no-no? i feel like the bigger bottom helps balance out the big top, and it keeps it from being skin tight around my calves.

ive got one pretty awesome pair of jeans and a couple really shitty pairs of jeans, and i wear the good ones constantly so i definitely need to expand my jeans collection.

no joke the best fitting tshirt i have is a mens plain black t that was 79 cents at piggly wiggly, haha

well, I guess if you've got flares that have the right proportion everywhere else, it could be okay. it's tough for me to say without seeing them. I just know that I look like an elephant in flares. I wear mostly straight leg and skinny jeans because I like the shape of my butt and legs even though they're quite ample.

really, the key for anything is fit. as long as your clothing fits properly and the proportions are right, you look put together.

[insertnamehere]

girls shouldnt wear plain xxl shirts unless they use it as a sleep shirt
it looks too manly


i got tons of cool new clothes over the last few weeks (y) my main money spent

it wasnt xxl it was s :(

[ms.peachy]

Sorry Dorothy I am also going to go against you on the flares thing - a good 'kick flare' adds length to the leg and makes you look taller. At least, a properly fitting pair should. It's a bit of a modified hourglass shape - widest at the hip then narrowing through the thigh down towards the knee, then widening again towards the ankle.

[Dorothy Wood]

well, I guess I'm not into flares like this: http://assets.tobi.com/files/product_color/main/120670/DSC_0337.jpg

it just looks ugly to me.

they can look cute as long as it's a straight flare...I don't like it when it narrows and then pops out. I like the 70's look of tight at the bum and thighs then flared from the knee down.

these aren't bad: http://www.republic.co.uk/content/ebiz/republic/invt/61581/61581_md.jpg


I guess they just have to fit right.

[ms.peachy]

well, I guess I'm not into flares like this: http://assets.tobi.com/files/product_color/main/120670/DSC_0337.jpg

it just looks ugly to me.

they can look cute as long as it's a straight flare...I don't like it when it narrows and then pops out. I like the 70's look of tight at the bum and thighs then flared from the knee down.

these aren't bad: http://www.republic.co.uk/content/ebiz/republic/invt/61581/61581_md.jpg


I guess they just have to fit right.

I'm having a hard time seeing how the pair in the first photo differs from the description you are offering of what you like, and indeed how the second pair is more like what you are describing, as to me they appear to do exactly what you are saying you don't like. But hey look, if you don't want to wear flares, I am not going to try to make you; I am just saying that the consensus among stylists is generally that flares lengthen the look of a leg and are especially good for women who are a bit more 'broad in the beam' as my grandfather would have put it.

[Documad]

Maybe it's an age thing. I think that the flares in Dorothy's first photo are more flattering and I think that women who aren't super skinny look bad in skinny jeans. But honestly many women shouldn't wear jeans at all, including me. :p

I don't do fashion advice but from a practical standpoint I'd invest in flattering black dress pants. You can do anything with them. From a job interview to a wedding. And pay to get them hemmed if they're not the right length. Don't step on the hem of your pants!!!


(BTW, the way I read it, Dorothy prefers elephant pants to flares but doesn't like either one. The second photo are almost elephant pants, though not exaggerated enough. I had purple elephant pants in 4th grade.)

[Dorothy Wood]

yeah, I dunno guys, I'm a hipster, so I'm probably just biased toward skinny jeans.

this looks horrible, yes: http://www.splendicity.com/files/313/2007/12/575488_hi.jpg


and I would say that in this picture: http://www.flawlessforless.com/Pictures/skinny.gif
only the girl in the pink jeans actually looks good.

ah, and what the hell, here's me: http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v350/sarkyd/skinnyjeans.jpg

I may be a little knocked kneed and chubbly, but I think those jeans look better on me than flares. ?

[russhie]

ok, so. wardrobe staples.

A plain black blazer. Not the shit they're flogging now, cropped/tuxedo/boyfriend/80's power bitch. A simple, black blazer in a nice cut.

A loose white tee. V-neck, with sleeves you can roll up slightly.

Dark wash, mid rise straight leg jeans. If they're a little long, turn them up a bit at the bottom, and pair with ballet flats or thongs (flipflops, or whatever they're called).

Plain black or grey tank tops. Thicker straps. Not spaghetti. For layering.

A simple LBD. Find a cut that suits you, and a length that you're comfy with.

Ballet flats. Awesome little things.

there are others but I like these.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I personally love barely boot (http://www.express.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=19621&parentCategoryId=2&categoryId=24&subCategoryId=130). It's not too much flare but not too skinny.

I think skinny jeans only look good on rail thin people and even then, I end up wanting to throw a sandwich at them.

[insertnamehere]

Previously I owned one pair of "nice" jeans and a few unflattering/poor fitting/cheap jeans. I got two more pairs of nice jeans today, and some black flats I'm really happy with.

I got a jacket I really liked but realized when I got home that when it's zipped up it makes my top half look completely square, so that one's gotta go back...

Anyway I feel the shopping trip today was a success. Now the harder part is going to be tops. I'll deal with that later.

Thanks for the input. I also just found this which I think is pretty neat. Most of the clothes are way super expensive, but it kinda helps me see what kind of stuff I like and how to put outfits together. http://www.polyvore.com/

[cosmo105]

i haaaaaaaaaaate flares.

straight leg or skinny for me, but not the super skinny oh-my-god-look-at-those-Mexican-thighs fit. just slim fit. they work on me. i was so happy when they came into fashion, because for years i suffered wearing men's jeans because all the women's jeans i'd find were fucking flares. hail the slim fit!

[Randetica]

it wasnt xxl it was s :(

i mean

no (http://www.sammerch.com/product/448/Mens_Green_Man_Logo_T-Shirt)

yes (http://www.sammerch.com/product/447/Womens_Thyme_Cut_Out_T-Shirt)

[Randetica]

well, I guess I'm not into flares like this: http://assets.tobi.com/files/product_color/main/120670/DSC_0337.jpg

it just looks ugly to me.

they can look cute as long as it's a straight flare...I don't like it when it narrows and then pops out. I like the 70's look of tight at the bum and thighs then flared from the knee down.

these aren't bad: http://www.republic.co.uk/content/ebiz/republic/invt/61581/61581_md.jpg


I guess they just have to fit right.


yes, i agree and also with the skinny jeans post

[Randetica]

I personally love barely boot (http://www.express.com/catalog/product.jsp?productId=19621&parentCategoryId=2&categoryId=24&subCategoryId=130). It's not too much flare but not too skinny.

I think skinny jeans only look good on rail thin people and even then, I end up wanting to throw a sandwich at them.


i hate when i get in skinny jeans and they still look barely bootish on me, it looks good too but when i buy skinny jeans then i want them to look like skinny jeans

[skra75]

I'd put a 90's workout headband on her, wayfarer sunglasses, cheap nike jogging shoes (Bruins) and those teeny-tiny workout running shorts with a small top that says " GO FOR THE GOLD! " and top it off with a thick gold braid necklace and hoop earrings. (y)(y)

[b i o n i c]

how did this chunk of ice stay frozen for so long