boy problems (you've been warned)

[insertnamehere]

im having conflicted feelings about this guy. physically he's really not what i would normally go for. not like he's ugly or anything, he's just not my normal "type" and i dont really feel that physically attracted to him. i completely love his personality and i think he's hilarious. whenever im around him im like :D and i like him so much that i totally want him. i like him in a kind of way thats different from how i feel attracted to most people i feel attracted to and i dont really know how to explain it except that i really genuinely like being around him and he makes me feel happy, whereas with most guys its more like they're cute and pay attention to me and i like that fact.

physically im not what he would normally go for. apparently a mutual friend had a conversation with him a couple weeks ago about how he and i had been spending a lot of time together and that i seemed interested, etc. and he said that he wasnt interested in anything more than friendship. they told me this because they "didnt want me to get my hopes up"

he's always complaining about how no girls want him, he cant get any play, etc. and i want to be like AHEM. how can someone be so desperate and so picky at the same time?

im still thinking about trying my hardest to wear him down but i dont really know how to handle the situation. thoughts?

[Audio.]

Girls are confusing.

:confused:

[insertnamehere]

whats confusing?

[Audio.]

why not just ask him out?

[insertnamehere]

he told that friend that he wasnt interested in being more than friends with me

i think its pretty obvious that i like him. im pretty sure. so if he knows i like him i shodulnt have to ask him out right? RIGHT?

but i like him so much :(

rape?

[Audio.]

haha rape. booze him up.

Well he did rant how no girl is interested him. Is it you in particular that he doesnt want to date?

[Dorothy Wood]

what does he look like? what is undesirable about him? how does he dress?

I need to know these things before I can proceed.

[Audio.]

what does he look like? what is undesirable about him? how does he dress?

I need to know these things before I can proceed.

He wears bell bottoms and looks like Frankie Muniz.

[insertnamehere]

the thing is he's currently going through what i believe is only a phase where he really wants to get with not white girls... he has an asian fetish but i think hed go for just about any kind of brown chick.

so hes completely uninterested in white girls is the problem. i just need for him to get over that.

[insertnamehere]

what does he look like? what is undesirable about him? how does he dress?

I need to know these things before I can proceed.

i'll get to this later. i gotta go get some lunch.

[Audio.]

the thing is he's currently going through what i believe is only a phase where he really wants to get with not white girls... he has an asian fetish but i think hed go for just about any kind of brown chick.

so hes completely uninterested in white girls is the problem. i just need for him to get over that.

fuck him then.

Well anyways you like him a lot so just ask him out if he declines then whats (this sounds overrated) the worst that could happen? Nothing really, you wont lose a friend over by asking him out. I gotta go to class this idea is all on rush btw. Not like you are gonna ask him out - I think? Amirite?

[Dorothy Wood]

I feel like white guys who claim to only be into non-white girls just use it as an excuse for why they're not getting laid.

it's a way to limit choices.

fetishizing race always seems gross to me.

[hpdrifter]

I guess I'd say it would be good to hear it directly from him rather than third hand. But if he tells you the same thing you've got to take him at his word and get on with your life.

[Dorothy Wood]

yeah, I mean, you can't force the issue...but it doesn't hurt to plant a seed.

when I asked my current boy a few months ago if he'd make out with me, he was like, "I don't know" and then went on to say he was really busy and thanks, but we're friends and it's probably not a good idea, etc.

but after that he started getting curious, and started thinking about me differently, and started to like me, then started to really like me.

not saying that's what will happen, but it doesn't hurt to try. because if you feel like there's something between you guys, there probably is something between you. and it'd be a shame to avoid it just because of insecurity and fear.

[Adam]

undo his fly, pull out his cock, give him a sample hand job and then walk away.

[Audio.]

^ fap fap fap

[Dorothy Wood]

audio, are you fapping it to adam's suggestion?

[Audio.]

why, does it sound gay?

[Dorothy Wood]

no, I was just checking.

[Audio.]

k I'll stop. :p

[insertnamehere]

Dorothy - with regards to what he looks like, he's pretty average I guess. Averageish height and build. He's a little goofy looking, but in an endearing way. He's really pale and has light colored eyes, which I generally just prefer darker features is why I said he's not my "type"... but I don't really have a type. Oh yeah, and he doesn't have all his toes. He wears flip flops in spite of this fact, and I actually like the fact that he can wear flip flops and not give a fuck even though he's missing toes, haha. Feet are gross anyway, so I don't really find it any more gross than regular feet. Some people might be put off by it, I don't know.

I ask him to do stuff with me regularly and we see each other usually a couple times a week ,but always around other people. Twice I went over to his place to play video games and found out when I got there that he invited other people... I'm not sure if this is because he doesn't want to be alone with me or what. I talk to him on AIM nearly every day I don't actually see him.

I pass out on his couch on a fairly regular basis. I just need to convince him to let me pass out in his super comfy bed instead. But yeah, I'd really like to spend some time with just him and for us to get to know each other better, etc.

[Dorothy Wood]

well, just do what I did, flirt with him for a year and a half and then hope for the best!

ha.

yeah, I dunno, keep hanging out with him...maybe invite him to do something other than video games? just the two of you? a concert or some kind of event? petting zoo?

start touching him more too. if he gets creeped out, I guess you just have to back off.

[insertnamehere]

yeah i realized i need to start doing the touching thing. i get touchy with him but usually im only ballsy enough to do it when im drunk, so he might read that as me being a drunkard rather than liking him.

i was trashed the other night and riding in the back seat of a car with him and put my arm through his and stated running my fingers along the inside of his arm. he allowed it for awhile and then sorta pulled away.

i inadvertently mirror him pretty badly. i realized i do it and ive tried to tone it down some, but its pretty ridiculous. i think thats how everyone else figured out that im into him.

[Dorothy Wood]

take him to karaoke and then sing this to him: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z04r_tlWdRs


it will be totally normal and will work out for the best! ha.

[insertnamehere]

haha. i always though el scorcho would be good for this purpose.

part of the problem is we're both awkward as fuck. i cant tell how much of him not going for my poorly made advances is him not wanting to go for it and how much is him just not knowing what to do with himself.

really i think the issue is he thinks of me as one of the guys. i might have to stop beating him at things :p

that and that im too white.

[Dorothy Wood]

I'm telling you, the non-white thing he's playing is just an excuse. I guarantee it. He's not even doing it consciously.

just keep trying. it sounds like he knows you like him, if your friends know and you were stroking his arm and all. just keep talking to mutual friends about liking him.

that's how I got my awkward man, I recently found out that a friend of ours was like, "hey, she likes you and you seem to like her, so do something about it you idiot!"

I think you should ask him out, or come on to him when you're both drunk.

[insertnamehere]

or come on to him when you're both drunk.

this sounds like the best plan

next time we're intoxicated and together i'll try to snuggle up on him on the couch.

[insertnamehere]

also i went though a phase where i was into brown guys, so i can kind of understand that. i dont think its necessarily an excuse for not getting laid. tons of guys have asian fetishes. i dunno. maybe maybe not. apparently one night he said he might have to give up on asians ,but then when someone questioned him about if hed hook up with a white girl he was like, well only if she was already touching my penis.

i know the logical thing to do here would be to touch his penis, but id rather him not never talk to me again.

[cosmo105]

an old friend of mine has a HUGE boner for latina women, and thinks they are the most gorgeous ladies in the world (and we are). but his girlfriend of several years is super blonde and blue-eyed, and gorgeous and awesome and sweet and hilarious, and they're deeply in love. so yeah, what dorothy said. it's an excuse.

dude is either super nervous and awkward or not into you, from the sound of it. just go for it and satisfy your curiosity. if not, meh. other crackers in the barrel.

[insertnamehere]

i mean im pretty sure hes not into me. im just hoping that eventually he will change his mind or something... i dunno

*sigh*

[Dorothy Wood]

he wouldn't keep hanging out with you all the time unless he was at least a little bit into you. unless he's an asshole and just wants you around to stroke his ego because he knows you like him.


so yeah, jump his bones when you're both drunk...but keep in mind that it might not turn out how you want the next day if he's not into you. it's a gamble, but the only other way to find out is to tell him your true feelings when you're sober. drunken make out sesh is definitely easier to do, in my opinion. and whatever you do, dear god, don't sleep with him.

you could also hire an actor to play a long lost boyfriend who comes back into town to woo you. and if he gets jealous, you'll know he likes you. ;)

[ms.peachy]

I dunno. I'm going to go against the "just keep hanging out with him" grain and say, walk away. But tell him why you're walking away. Next time you're around him, tell him "look, I just don't think I can hang out with you anymore. I'm starting to have feelings for you that are more than 'just friends' but I know you don't feel the same way, so I think I need to stop spending time with you because I'll end up getting my feelings hurt when you meet someone you do like."

[insertnamehere]

well we belong to the same circle of friends so i sorta have to keep hanging out with him. i mean, i could minimize the amount that i see him and stop talking to him online and such but.... i just have too good of a time to walk away.

by your rational i shouldnt get involved with anyone because it will probably end in them breaking up with me.

[ms.peachy]

well we belong to the same circle of friends so i sorta have to keep hanging out with him. i mean, i could minimize the amount that i see him and stop talking to him online and such but.... i just have too good of a time to walk away.

by your rational i shouldnt get involved with anyone because it will probably end in them breaking up with me.

I'm not sure how you come to that conclusion; we're not talking about a relationship here where you're on equal footing but it just doesn't work out - we're talking about a situation wherein one person (ie, you) is content to throw themselves at another person who has already indicated that he's just not that into you (ie, him). So to me, going down the route of 'yeah I'll just keep hanging out with him and then maybe someday he'll turn and look at me and realise I am THE ONE and have been right under his nose the whole time like in some stupid Hollywood rom-com' seems a bit... I dunno, like degrading yourself in a way. Respect yourself and uphold your right to be with someone who totally digs you, and don't reduce yourself to silently, desperately trying to get him to notice your fabulousness.

[insertnamehere]

well can i still hang out and play brawl with him? cause i really like that game.

[Audio.]

can I join in during your guys brawl games?

I like picking Ike and Kirby :o

[insertnamehere]

GREEN HEADBAND PIKACHU WILL PWN YOU

[Audio.]

NO


(>0.0)>

[Dorothy Wood]

there are a ton of different ways this could go. while I agree with Peachy, I think sometimes men are stupid about what/who they want. ultimately, it's best when they full on want you from the get go and aren't afraid of it.

but that doesn't always happen so easily.

after all my bitching and questioning on this forum (almost 10 years worth), I find myself in a situation equal parts luck, planning and desire. Luck: on one particular day, if I had decided to go home as planned instead of sticking with him for the day, we probably never would have connected in the particular way we did. Planning: I, despite my better judgment, always positioned myself to be around him and made sure to engage him in conversation and activity. Desire: after being heart broken and having dated a few guys casually recently, in general, I was ready for something easy and nice, but serious.


besides all that, I knew as soon as I saw this man 2.5 years ago, that I liked him. I didn't know why, and I didn't assume anything about him or me or us. After I got dumped by my ex, my first thought was, "now I can make a move on [boy]". but at the time, one of my best friends had a crush on him and had even gone out with him once, and she was like, "NOOO!" so I backed off. and then when she was done, I snuck back in, but it was never working. I gave up, I tried again, I gave up, tried again, ad infinitum.

and the truth is, neither of us knew who we were or what we wanted anyway. and now maybe at the same time we started to wake up and realize. and for now, it's absolutely terrific. and I'm glad I never gave up, and that I waited for something that I always knew deep down was right.

anyway, I'm drunk, you don't need to listen to me. :o

[insertnamehere]

so plan was to get crunk on tuesday, then everyone realized we still have class on weds, so the new plan is to get a little crunk tuesday and reeeaaallll crunk weds.

opportune moment.

[cosmo105]

Sorry Dorothy, but I'm going with Peachy here. She's got the right idea. It may be full of cliches, but I really do believe that all women with questions/problems like this should at least flip through He's Just Not That Into You. So much of it is so obvious that it seems like forehead-smacking duhs, but you just need to have that reinforced sometimes to finally say to yourself, oh, fuck, what am I doing? Duh, he doesn't see me like that, or he doesn't see me as more than a hole. So why waste your time and effort on someone that doesn't want to date you too? At any rate, a lot of the messages in it hold true. You can't change someone's mind, and if dude's not showing mutual interest, and if he's TOLD people he's not interested, hello, he's not interested.

Walk away for a bit. You have plenty of friends. You don't need another one that makes you ache in your heart-hole. If he IS just being stupid about it and actually does want inside your pants party, then it'll be come obvious. Never chase a man or a bus; there will always be another.


Edit: nothing to do with your story of your dude, D. I'm just saying on the whole, that's kind of a rarity. And in inh's case, it doesn't sound exactly like that. jsin'.

[insertnamehere]

i realize thats the case and that hes not into me and whatnot... and i would like to just enjoy his company for what it is... but i cant shut up that little part of me that thinks it sure would be nice.

[insertnamehere]

also worth mentioning is that i havent know him a whole hell of a long time, so i feel like i should give it a little while before i give up/make any sort of move.

[ms.peachy]

also worth mentioning is that i havent know him a whole hell of a long time, so i feel like i should give it a little while before i give up/make any sort of move.

ahem...


i was trashed the other night and riding in the back seat of a car with him and put my arm through his and stated running my fingers along the inside of his arm. he allowed it for awhile and then sorta pulled away.


You already made a move. He 'sorta pulled away'. That should be telling you something.

[Dorothy Wood]

Sorry Dorothy, but I'm going with Peachy here. She's got the right idea. It may be full of cliches, but I really do believe that all women with questions/problems like this should at least flip through He's Just Not That Into You. So much of it is so obvious that it seems like forehead-smacking duhs, but you just need to have that reinforced sometimes to finally say to yourself, oh, fuck, what am I doing? Duh, he doesn't see me like that, or he doesn't see me as more than a hole. So why waste your time and effort on someone that doesn't want to date you too? At any rate, a lot of the messages in it hold true. You can't change someone's mind, and if dude's not showing mutual interest, and if he's TOLD people he's not interested, hello, he's not interested.

Walk away for a bit. You have plenty of friends. You don't need another one that makes you ache in your heart-hole. If he IS just being stupid about it and actually does want inside your pants party, then it'll be come obvious. Never chase a man or a bus; there will always be another.


Edit: nothing to do with your story of your dude, D. I'm just saying on the whole, that's kind of a rarity. And in inh's case, it doesn't sound exactly like that. jsin'.


oh no, you guys make a lot of sense. I kinda got sidetracked with my own story because I'm drunk and being a big mushball, but I mostly mean to say that although some effort is involved, it should ultimately be easy in the end if what you feel in your heart is true.

erm...that sounds retarded, sorry.

honestly, this guy sounds like a dick. the whole "if she were already touching my penis" thing just sounds like typical insecure male bravado.

and actually, in my case, I did walk away. so I agree with that part. throwing yourself repeatedly at an uninterested party is pointless.


fudge, I'm not being as eloquent as I'd like. really, I just think people should be honest with each other and not be so afraid to say what they want and why.

[Adam]

I still think all men want is their penis touching

[Audio.]

well durr.

[insertnamehere]

ahem...



You already made a move. He 'sorta pulled away'. That should be telling you something.

i was really sloppy drunk. i wouldnt let someone in that condition rub up on me either. i bit the fuck out of someone at the bar, and went up to someone wearing a sticker for a cause i dont agree with and ripped it off their shirt. all very attractive behaviors.

i just remembered i scratched his head for a long time at a party, haha. theres a picture of it. he looks really content, like a kitty cat.

[Echewta]

If he wanted to, he would have. You are letting others pass you by while you wait for something that isn't going to happen.

You could go 80s/90s movies on him and find yourself another guy to fool around with in front of him and keep making eye contact with him. When he walks away, then push your boytoy away and say "Im done, later." That will get him all jealous of the time you use to spent together. If the movies do it, you know it works.

[insertnamehere]

im not really letting others pass me by. this impossible shot is currently my best shot. i dont really know that many people. if something more promising were to come along, id go for it.

[Helvete]

I have girl problems, which one do I choose?!

[insertnamehere]

i got 99 problems and a bitch aint one

[Helvete]

I got 99 bitches and a problem ain't one.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

peachy and cosmo said all that needs to be said. So if you continue to let that voice in your head guide you and pine for him, you are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.

[insertnamehere]

yeah, i know it can only end badly. i just just expression frustration with the situation.

[Dorothy Wood]

I don't really get a good feel from this dude, but there's no reason you shouldn't try to molest him.

[insertnamehere]

i dont think i did a good job of explaning tbh. theres a lot to say and im bad at words. hes not a super huge douchebag like i made him sound with that penis touching comment.

hes been on this asian kick since before i met him, but apparently is failry recent and most people seem to agree its just a phase.

i think the conversation he had with the mutual friend was sort of like --- youve been spending a lot of time with her lately, anything going on? oh we're just friends

when i first met him he acted kind of weird around me and i thought he hated me and then someone told me later that its becaues i acted like i liked him and hes real awkward and didnt know how to deal with it. then he started being nice and talking to me and inviting me to stuff.

i feel like that helps to clear up some stuff i said?

[Helvete]

He sounds like a big hom.

[sjp]

can a woman really rape a man I mean yea if she is creepy but I'm not gonna lie if a woman forced me to have sex with her hell yea I would I like my best friends mom by the way so I hope its her.

[Randetica]

can a woman really rape a man I mean yea if she is creepy but I'm not gonna lie if a woman forced me to have sex with her hell yea I would I like my best friends mom by the way so I hope its her.

is it rape when you get a boner? not really and girls cant fuck hangers

we can sit on your faces though

[insertnamehere]

last night i fell asleep on his couch and i woke up to him putting a blanket over me. i thought it was super cute.

[Adam]

last night i fell asleep on his couch and i woke up to him putting a blanket over me. i thought it was super cute.

did you grab his cock?

[ericlee]

how is asian associated with only "brown" people? There's more than just brown people included in the term asian.

Why does it have to be considered a fetish?

I just read the first page into this and I got stumped at this..

[ms.peachy]

Why does it have to be considered a fetish?


If the only people you want to date are asian, I would say that is fetishising. Because it is putting a single attribute that is really just an accident of birth above other, personal qualities. Same as if someone only wanted to date blondes, or chicks with big tits, or Puerto Ricans, or whatever.

Completely different if it is a person of shared heritage. If you're, say, Jewish, and you only want to really date other Jews, because you feel that mutual cultural identity is important in the type of relationship you want to have, that's one thing. But if you are, say, black and you only want to date Eskimos, then I think it's fair to say you are fetishising Eskimos.