girls girls girls - a rant

[monkey]

im really annoyed by the stereotype that girls can't be good friends. i'm particularly pissed at the kind of girls who say they only have dude friends because girls are just trouble and gossipy and whatever other bullshit is attached to that.

i have amazing, wonderful, intelligent, and loving girl friends. a whole bunch of them too. and you know, even though we have a ton of hormones and insecurities running through us, we still manage not to be bitchy or talk shit about each other behind each others' backs. i have friends that are absolutely beautiful, drop dead gorgeous in the model sense, and yet they don't harbor "beautiful friend superiority" over the rest of us. and i have friends who are insanely intelligent (like one getting a phd in math@oxford, or the one getting a MBA and an MFA at the same time!) and they don't act snooty or too intelligent to sit and watch cartoons and talk about silly stuff. we all treat each other with respect. i know that there are people out there that are out to fuck you over, but you know what? those people come in male and female form, and i try very hard to not befriend people that are sketchy like that.

girls can be good friends to each other, and i think it's partly due to how YOU act with other girls. but don't say that "girls dont make good friends because of power/beauty/intelligence dynamics" without recognizing that it is a giant stereotype. if you put effort into building solid friendships, either with men or women, the effort will speak for itself.

i just read some sort of feminist article in regards to this, and it pisses me off that even in feminist circles there's the idea that women can't support other women because of their inherent competition. that's bullshit. i understand inherent competition in the workforce or scholastics, but that's neither the reason nor the excuse for women-on-women bitchiness. you can be competitive and still be a decent human being. you can be competitive and still not talk shit about someone else. you can most definitely be competitive and not put down a friend or a co worker or another female in general.

argh. i just want to know why it seems to be this way. i hate having to constantly defend my view of loving my girl friends to people who say befriending girls is troublesome. it's not.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

I think a lot of it just depends on the types of women one would try and befriend. The snotty, bitchy, jealous types are relatively easy to spot or figure out within 5 minutes of meeting them.

In which case don't bother with those particular women. Easy.

I also find that it was more of an issue around the ages of 19-22. Not so much anymore.

[monkey]

i wanted to chalk it up to youth and those sorts of insecurities, but that article that i recently read didn't focus on young women, it focused on women in the workforce. and recently i met a really lovely woman that i liked very much, but her view on girl friends was basically that they're petty little bitches, and this woman was 28 years old! other than that particular comment, i thought she was a person that i would love to get know and befriend, but i felt that she was basically hesitant to befriend me because of those views. i tried to tell her that i had great girl friends and great experiences with them, but she basically looked at that as an anomaly. whether or not i end up being friends with this person is irrelevant here, the point is that these views seem to be pervasive.

i wish they weren't.

[Adam]

If I was being a dick I would tag this thread with #irony - but I won't cus I'm not a dick.

- on a semi-serious note and also not being female I know I'm not very well qualified but observing ladies throughout my life (which I've become very skilled at) I see the type of stereotype in the younger ones only, most grow out of it because life gets in the way and you grow.

[monkey]

to be fair, my rant isn't actually about girls, it's about the stereotype attached to girls and friendships.

you guys are right to note that it happens more and more with younger girls. but i occasionally see this shit amongst older ladies. it's a little ridiculous. makes me want to slap a ho. hahahaha.

[Waus]

My wife was one of those girls who never had many good girl friends. She's met a few girls she hangs out with now though, and they're really way better friends than any of the guys she used to hang around with.

A good friend of the same sex seems like it's generally more awesome in the long run for both genders.

[jabumbo]

would it be safe to say that this stereotype tends to grow when romances are involved?

[b i o n i c]

i think the problem is just that people are stupid

[insertnamehere]

I don't befriend that many girls, but I just tend to relate to guys better and to feel more comfortable around them. I think that part of the problem is that other girls can fairly easily make me feel insecure. But I was primarily raised by guys, and I think that's just what I'm more comfortable with.

I have one really excellent girl friend, who unfortunately moved very far away. Of the rest of my acquaintances I prefer the guys to the girls.

This is some of the stereotypical shit you said you hate, but most girls I know are also way too sensitive. I think its just the age group, but most of the girls I know seem mentally and physically weak. I have a female friend that once her boyfriend opened his eyes really wide like in a funny face and looked at her, and she fell out of her chair crying. Most of the girls I know do things equally ridiculous. Another cries easily and faints at the drop of a hat. I just don't want to surround myself with people that cry and whine all the time.

[hitmonlee]

girls can be good friends to each other, and i think it's partly due to how YOU act with other girls. but don't say that "girls dont make good friends because of power/beauty/intelligence dynamics" without recognizing that it is a giant stereotype. if you put effort into building solid friendships, either with men or women, the effort will speak for itself.

well said (y)

here's something a friend of mine said once on a similar topic

There are people in life that realise their passage in life is made easier if they surround themselves with people around them that kiss their arse and tell them they are wonderful and do things for them all the time. Some of these people are drawn to politics, some decide to make money and then their are others that use a different currency.

These are some beautiful women. They live in a world where the majority of men fall all over themselves not to upset them, put them out or have them break a sweat. Some women treat them this way. However on the whole they tend to get the real story (and often vindictive and undeserved - the jealous/realistic womens waying of evening things up - treatment) from women.

So therefore a lot of women that say 'i don't really get along with girls' actually mean, 'I get treated so much more like the princess I am by most blokes and so few women'

[adam_f]

Put ya number on this paper, cause I would love to date ya, holla at cha when I come off tour

[Dorothy Wood]

I find it much easier to socialize with men than women, but my closest friends are women for sure.

I'd much rather shoot the shit with a male acquaintance than a female one...because all girls want to talk about is clothes. and my hair. I'm so sick of talking about my hair with strangers. I don't mind talking about these things, and have fun even, with people I already know...but not strangers or girls I don't know very well for some reason.

I dunno, I'm in a fairly masculine profession and as an old boyfriend of mine said, I enjoy "masculine pursuits". so maybe that's why I get along so well with dudes.

I guess I just think men are more entertaining. but overall, the female friends I have are amazing and supportive and there's not usually even an inkling of competition. except for one of my best friends who gets mad at me for being "pretty" sometimes. which is just ridiculous because she's pretty and her personality is 500 times better than mine and most everyone else on this planet. I always tell her to shut up because I'm super jealous of her ability to walk into a room and just light it up.

[Adam]

I'm always like a sister to them :(

[hpdrifter]

well said (y)

here's something a friend of mine said once on a similar topic

Bolded part seconded.

Women that say that kind of thing... well it says more about them personally then "women" as a whole.