Men and monogamy

[DipDipDive]

I need to talk to the fellas in the house.

What drives you to be monogamous?

I just re-watched an older Bill Maher stand up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oop5fY755Jo&NR=1) during which he states on the subject of monogamy, "if you really got inside the man's mind, you'd understand that it's never about big or little or short or tall or blond or brunette...It's only about old and new." This statement had a pretty major impact on me for a few reasons, but mostly because I just started dating someone I really like. He seems to be a very faithful and loyal person...but he's still a man. I trust him, but I guess I don't completely grasp why he (or any other man, for that matter) commits to one person sexually when he's biologically inclined to do just the opposite.

I'm the kind of girlfriend who gets that I am not the only woman my dude is attracted to. I understand and accept that he will always look at other women and potentially think of them sexually. But I struggle with understanding what keeps him from taking that instinct a step further.

So I'd like your input, men. Do you do it because sacrificing your seed-spreading nature is worth it for emotional gratification? To ensure regular sex? Because you're lazy? Because it's easier than being single?

Tell me the honest truth. I want to hear it.

[TurdBerglar]

laziness

doesn't want to put effort again into another girl

is happy with what he's got and doesn't want to piss the girl off and ruin everything

[DipDipDive]

laziness

doesn't want to put effort again into another girl

is happy with what he's got and doesn't want to piss the girl off and ruin everything

Aren't laziness and happiness two different ideas though?

[TurdBerglar]

well at the very beginning


the guy will stick around if he actually likes her and she doesn't piss him off too much

[TurdBerglar]

oh shit you edited what the fuck

[paul jones]

I just wish I could get some,let alone be in a relationship.I hope I win the lotto tomorrow

night.........

[DipDipDive]

Why would you rather be in a relationship as opposed to just getting some?

[TurdBerglar]

personally i have that urge to fuck anything i find remotely attractive.

it's a very instinctual urge. kinda like that urge to eat even though you're not hungry and are fully satisfied.


but i only want to fuck one girl at a time. i need like a connection or it's just kinda "icky" without the connection.

[TurdBerglar]

i think i've said this before


guys look at females. like the random females that they don't know as if there were not actually people.

the best way i can explain this as....

guys check out girls(the random ones) the same way they check out exotic sports cars.

instead of being all like... oh shit! did you see that! imagine driving that thing!

for females it's... oh shit! did you see that! imagine fucking that thing!

and it's all based on the visual aspect

it's when the guy gets to know the girl he wants to fuck for another added reason. just because he likes her.

and some people just don't have control over their urges. male or female.

i don't know where i was going with this. i just felt i had to say it.

[ms.peachy]

Clearly I'm not a guy, but from what I gather mr.p's take on it is that it is definitely part 'laziness' - he doesn't like his life complicated. You know there are these guys, the 'players', whatever, who get off on having a string of girls going or a 'double life' and such, they have all these stories going for each one, dashing around keeping all the plates spinning on sticks so to speak, and it makes them feel powerful to be able to do all that. Then there are guys like mr.p who look at that and think "fuck me, that's a lot of unnecessary work, I'd rather just go see a band and drink some beer."

Oh plus also of course he's totally devoted to me and never ever even thinks about other women, even ones that are younger and thinner and prettier and stuff, I'm not sure if he even notices that other women exist ;)

[DipDipDive]

guys check out girls(the random ones) the same way they check out exotic sports cars.

instead of being all like... oh shit! did you see that! imagine driving that thing!

for females it's... oh shit! did you see that! imagine fucking that thing!

and it's all based on the visual aspect

it's when the guy gets to know the girl he wants to fuck for another added reason. just because he likes her.


Yes yes I understand all this. I'm not confused about men's sexual urges, I'm confused about how and why they control those urges and stay faithful to one person...

[TurdBerglar]

you know how like there's something really tasty in the kitchen? but you shouldn't eat it because it's not yours? and you keep telling youself... no no no i can't eat it! it's not mine! but you end up eating it anyways? maybe it's like that.

[DipDipDive]

Well, that was a justification for cheating, not monogamy.

[TurdBerglar]

but if you really like the peson you don't eat their fucking food.

[TurdBerglar]

i don't know

you need to ask better questions

[DipDipDive]

Would you understand them better if I put them in picture form for you?

[lolkat]

i cant belive pop your balloon hasnt been uploaded to the net off the nba live soundtrack yet

[TurdBerglar]

like pictures of asses?

[checkyourprez]

I need to talk to the fellas in the house.

What drives you to be monogamous?

I just re-watched an older Bill Maher stand up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oop5fY755Jo&NR=1) during which he states on the subject of monogamy, "if you really got inside the man's mind, you'd understand that it's never about big or little or short or tall or blond or brunette...It's only about old and new." This statement had a pretty major impact on me for a few reasons, but mostly because I just started dating someone I really like. He seems to be a very faithful and loyal person...but he's still a man. I trust him, but I guess I don't completely grasp why he (or any other man, for that matter) commits to one person sexually when he's biologically inclined to do just the opposite.

I'm the kind of girlfriend who gets that I am not the only woman my dude is attracted to. I understand and accept that he will always look at other women and potentially think of them sexually. But I struggle with understanding what keeps him from taking that instinct a step further.

So I'd like your input, men. Do you do it because sacrificing your seed-spreading nature is worth it for emotional gratification? To ensure regular sex? Because you're lazy? Because it's easier than being single?

Tell me the honest truth. I want to hear it.

morals. cheating makes a person a piece of shit imo. it is complete disrespect to your partner.

[DipDipDive]

^ Fair enough. But why choose to be with just one person?

[Dorothy Wood]

I think it's inaccurate and kinda sucky that some people (bill maher) think women supposedly don't understand what it's like to be attracted to multiple people because all they want is to nail down one dude and procreate. I look at random hot dudes and think about them sexually all the time.

but if one of those hot dudes say, turned to me suddenly on a bus or something and said, "wanna fuck?" I'd be creeped out. and I think if a hot chick said that to a dude, he'd pop a boner and be up for it. but, ya know, I bet a handful would probably get creeped out too. (but then masturbate to the situation later)


I haven't had "the talk" with my dude yet, but he has made it clear from the start that he wants things to be serious. His reasoning being that he respects me as a friend and peer. And now that he's seen my boobs, he's even more excited about the whole deal.

[DipDipDive]

I think it's inaccurate and kinda sucky that some people (bill maher) think women supposedly don't understand what it's like to be attracted to multiple people because all they want is to nail down one dude and procreate. I look at random hot dudes and think about them sexually all the time.

He never said anything about women wanting to do nothing but nail down one man and procreate. In fact, he didn't say women don't understand what it's like to be attracted to multiple people. His point is that men are naturally inclined to have sex with multiple people, and he's right.

[checkyourprez]

^ Fair enough. But why choose to be with just one person?

they are worth it.

I think it's inaccurate and kinda sucky that some people (bill maher) think women supposedly don't understand what it's like to be attracted to multiple people because all they want is to nail down one dude and procreate. I look at random hot dudes and think about them sexually all the time.

but if one of those hot dudes say, turned to me suddenly on a bus or something and said, "wanna fuck?" I'd be creeped out. and I think if a hot chick said that to a dude, he'd pop a boner and be up for it. but, ya know, I bet a handful would probably get creeped out too. (but then masturbate to the situation later)


I haven't had "the talk" with my dude yet, but he has made it clear from the start that he wants things to be serious. His reasoning being that he respects me as a friend and peer. And now that he's seen my boobs, he's even more excited about the whole deal.

you would be surprised...

usually your right. but i def turned down this woman at my work who brought it up to me. we both go out at 4 that day and she wanted to go back to her house. id never said more than a hello to this woman. but this lady was like 45 and a smoker and just ehh naaah.

[Dorothy Wood]

He never said anything about women wanting to do nothing but nail down one man and procreate. In fact, he didn't say women don't understand what it's like to be attracted to multiple people. His point is that men are naturally inclined to have sex with multiple people, and he's right.


okay, well, not in that clip, he just seems like the type. I don't know why I put that there. I'm really tired right now :o and I guess I just meant to show I wasn't referring to turd.


I think even if men are naturally inclined to have sex with multiple people, humans have developed and evolved to a point where survival of the species is no longer solely based on how many people you fuck. so, in my opinion, it's just an excuse that some men use for their behavior.

[checkyourprez]

okay, well, not in that clip, he just seems like the type. I don't know why I put that there. I'm really tired right now :o and I guess I just meant to show I wasn't referring to turd.


I think even if men are naturally inclined to have sex with multiple people, humans have developed and evolved to a point where survival of the species is no longer solely based on how many people you fuck. so, in my opinion, it's just an excuse that some men use for their behavior.

maybe socially, but not biologically.


that stuff doesn't just leave you.


but realistically why should it even be used as an excuse for men. why not just...men like sex (not saying woman dont) and they like variety. whats wrong with that?

[Dorothy Wood]

maybe socially, but not biologically.


that stuff doesn't just leave you.

well, people used to kill each other on the regular. murder still happens, but nobody ever says, "aw, it's just good old fashioned blood lust, everybody wants to murder someone some time." *slap on the wrist*

I really don't buy it. maybe because I've never been cheated on and never been left for another woman or anything like that. and as for the "old and new" thing, I don't buy that either because everyone I've ever dated or had a fling with has come back to me at one point or another for lovin' and/or friendship.

I'd like to think that mature adult relationships are based more on a human need for stability and comfort, which for some (or even a lot, maybe?) can trump the need for sexual gratification.

So when the stability and comfort thing couples up with the sexual gratification thing, shit's amazing and most sane people wanna lock that down and keep it for as long as they can.

[Dorothy Wood]

but realistically why should it even be used as an excuse for men. why not just...men like sex (not saying woman dont) and they like variety. whats wrong with that?


I'm saying people like Bill Maher want to make excuses because their lifestyle doesn't mesh with what society decides is normal. he's basically trying to rationalize what he does because he's been made to feel, or people try to make him feel that he's wrong. he's annoyed and he's whining and he thinks he knows the REAL truth about men and women...but he's just trying to make himself feel okay with himself.

I mean, does that dude seem like a happy person? he doesn't to me.


don't forget that monogamy is a human construct. the idea didn't just plop down on everyone's heads. it serves a purpose, if it didn't, it wouldn't exist.

[Helvete]

I have no interest in the pursuit of casual sex with multiple partners. I am ready for a single partner and I can think of nothing better than being in a long term relationship with someone.

I know guys that despite being in relationships will still actively go out and try and pick up girls in clubs or whatever. I think this is completely unacceptable behaviour and would never do such a thing. When I find the right girl she better damn well appreciate this!

[Dorothy Wood]

oh! and. my male bff is a relationship guy, but was also a slut when single. he flirts with girls all the time and is a charming little bastard, but is completely devoted to his current girlfriend. he told me he was in love with her after their first date, and is dead certain that she's the one, and would marry her immediately if that sort of thing weren't considered kooky (they've only been dating 6 months).

[Kid Presentable]

The thing I always found interesting about the instincts of the genders is that society is pretty open to indulging the female instinct to nest and nurture a baby and all that, but not so much to the male instinct to shag any and everything.

I'm faithful to my wife because I love her.

[Guy Incognito]

I'm faithful to my wife because I love her.

thats the crux of it really.

I've been thru too much with the missus to even think about letting her down like that. Plus i'm shit at lying and it'd be all over me face. Sure , like turd said, there's no harm in having a look. If you have made your bed then you have to lie in it. No chance of me cheating with any dream woman either, or cheating if i am not getting any of the missus. no point in that , as long as i have a right hand and a strong broadband connection ;) .

[OPINIONTRON 800]

WRONG OPINIONS ENCOUNTERED IN THIS THREAD. INDIVIDUAL HUMAN MALES ARE COMPLEX CREATURES AND ARE AKIN TO HUMAN FEMALES IN THIS REGARD.

GENERALISATIONS IN REGARD TO SEXUALITY HAVE RESOUNDED IN A LESS THAN 15.65% SUCCESS RATE FOR OPINIONTRON, FAR BELOW ACCEPTABLE OPERATING STANDARDS.

HOMO SAPIENS SAPIENS INSTINCTS ARE NOT AS ENCOMPASSING AS THOSE OF LESSSER BEASTS. IT IS ALSO MORE SOUND FOR HUMAN MALES TO RAISE A SUCCESSFUL PASSING OF GENES THAN IT IS TO 'AVE ANOTHER GO, OR TO USE SPERM SCATTER-GUN STYLE.

OPINIONTRON IS ALWAYS CORRECT.

[Guy Incognito]

.

[ToucanSpam]

I agree with Kid P. I just love my girlfriend and I don't want anything but her. I've never been interested in being promiscuous or a "player". All I want is one person and to spend my time making her happy.

[saz]

being with someone who is cool, compatible and intelligent is more worthwhile and meaningful, as opposed to banging someone you wouldn't normally want to spend any time with.

[hpdrifter]

I wouldn't call it an instinct and it's not confined to males.

Isn't there a newer opiniontron model? The 800 is so 2007.

[camo]

I agree with Kid P. I just love my girlfriend and I don't want anything but her. I've never been interested in being promiscuous or a "player". All I want is one person and to spend my time making her happy.

me too.

[Waus]

Monogamy doesn't have to be monotony.

When it is, that sucks.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

Oh plus also of course he's totally devoted to me and never ever even thinks about other women, even ones that are younger and thinner and prettier and stuff, I'm not sure if he even notices that other women exist ;)

Yeah same here about my dude ;) I wish. Kind of.

I know that I have noticed other attractive men at times. My immediate thoughts are along the lines of "I want to sit on his face" but almost as soon as that happens, the moment passes. I would never act on the impulse because I truly love my partner. The momentary perv moments is something hardwired in most or all of us. So I expect this happens to my boyfriend if he sees a woman he is attracted to as well. But just like me, it's just for a moment, and he would never act on it because he loves me.

And I'm not a guy so I'm not helping I'm sure but I think it really depends on the man. Some of them said laziness, some said love, others have no interest in monogamy. Just depends on who your asking I guess. :)

[NoFenders]

I need to talk to the fellas in the house.

What drives you to be monogamous?

I just re-watched an older Bill Maher stand up (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oop5fY755Jo&NR=1) during which he states on the subject of monogamy, "if you really got inside the man's mind, you'd understand that it's never about big or little or short or tall or blond or brunette...It's only about old and new."

First of all Bill Maher is a drunk pervert. I've seen him a few times at a bar in Chicago and he gets very loud when he drinks, and he grabs at any ass he can get his hands on.

Some time ago at a bar called the Drink, he wouldn't stop hitting on the wait staff, and when nobody would give him the time of day he turned to my girl. That wasn't a good idea for Bill.

Anyway, back to your question, what drives me to be in a monogamous relationship is security. Not like I have to be with somebody in order to feel secure. That would certainly be insecurity. But the security in myself to know who I am and what I want. When I find what I want, I keep it and do nothing to stand a chance of losing it.

Bottom line, a real man never wanders, only little boys feel the need to roam.
Same with girls.
As we get older, we know this to be true more and more.

[RobMoney$]

and I think if a hot chick said that to a dude, he'd pop a boner and be up for it. but, ya know, I bet a handful would probably get creeped out too. (but then masturbate to the situation later)


Every stripper I ever knew told me the same thing, 90% of guys out there are too afraid to pull their penis out for a girl they barely know.

[paul jones]

Why would you rather be in a relationship as opposed to just getting some?

yeah I would,absolutley,as long as there's quite regular 'getting some' type activity.(y)

[ms.peachy]

yeah I would,absolutley,as long as there's quite regular 'getting some' type activity.(y)

Don't have any bloody kids then *sigh*:(

[Bob]

Don't have any bloody kids then *sigh*:(

that's usually how they come out though, isn't it?

[paul jones]

Don't have any bloody kids then *sigh*:(

No way jose.I want a giraffe.can people keep giraffes as pets?

[Guy Incognito]

that's usually how they come out though, isn't it?

lol at "isnt it?"

its true though , not much inclanation, energy or time on both sides to regularly do that anymore, occasionally yes and its very entertaining when it happens, its like a nice diversion now. its not a massive priority like it was in my twenties.