how much did your parents kiss your ass growing up?

[Dorothy Wood]

I was just having a princess moment earlier, and it reminded me that my dad used to call me a princess all the time. (it partially had to do with him liking to think of himself as a king though, ha).

and basically, my parents lavished compliments on me constantly when I was little.

I'm wondering if I'd be a little less full of myself if I hadn't experienced that. or if it somehow set me up to be let down because not everyone thinks I'm a princess.

maybe it's an only child thing?

and parents, how much do you compliment your kiddos?

[saz]

nada

[jabumbo]

my mom had that broken wooden spoon in the drawer for my ass :rolleyes:

[Nuzzolese]

My mother used to compliment me all the time, but she had an uncanny ability to make every compliment sound like an accusation. If I was good at anything or lucky enough to be blessed with anything she didn't have, I was made to feel guilty while also somehow made to believe it wasn't worth anything. I think it was her own bitterness. You know, you want something you can't have so you condemn it while privately coveting it?

Then if there was somethng she thought was of value, then I was made to believe I'd automatically do well at it and shouldn't have to try. If you try and fail, you're pathetic. Inadequacy was met with cruel derision. I think that she partly assumed I was supposed to be super awesome simply for having the benefit of her DNA, and whenever I didn't surpass her in anything that she thought was of worth, which was never, she'd exhibit undisguised contempt for my failure to represent her ability to progenate superior offspring.

Whenever I had problems, she'd assure me blindly that I would do fine, that I was going to be okay. This wasn't so much advice as it was an intense insistence on overblown self confidence as a means of succeeding in life - or at least deluding yourself into thinking you'd succeeded. By example, she acted overly superior to all of us.



I'm only just now figuring all of this out and I'm 29 years old. And I did it mostly on my own, with just a little help from my siblings and an outside observer.

[Guy Incognito]

my parents - not at all, i was pretty feared of me mam for quite some time. but that meant i kept a lot from her which hasnt stood the family in good stead over the years
as a parent i think i am pretty fair, i did go thru a phrase of over complimenting but checked myself. my 3 yr old girl can be a proper fucking madam at times but i like to think we are sorting that out. she surprises me a lot when i think she's gonna be a madam but is then good as gold. for instance the wife is away for a coupla days and i had to look after her and the baby boy, she can get quite jealous of him and i thought she was gonna play up bigstyle but she has been really good. time out count for 48 hours= 0.(y)

[nodanaonlyzuul]

They didn't. If I did well, it was expected and nothing was said either way.

But if I did even slightly bad I got an earful. And under 12-ish I got the belt.

[mickill]

What's the opposite of being encouraged, showered with praise, and willingly given the opportunities to foster your interests, thereby allowing you to feel some sense of fulfillment in your life? It was kinda like that.

[Ty Webb]

not much, but they let me live there into my 20's. so that's good.

[Randetica]

my dad let me feel all of his anger and my mum didnt even care if i brush my teeth or what grades i got


they both failed pretty hard.

[ms.peachy]

My mom sorta did, but then she was also really flaky. Like, she was always and forever saying encouraging stuff like "you can be whatever you want to be, do whatever you want to do in life!" etc but when it came down to the actual business of being supportive, she couldn't be arsed. Doing things like, I dunno, driving me to music lessons or sporting events or whatever was just too inconvenient. Any classes or hobbies that involved buying supplies or instruments or uniforms or whatever was too expensive. (To be fair, it's true we didn't have much money...always enough for booze and smokes though...) So throughout my childhood I'd get interested in doing something and join a club or a team and then have to drop out because she wouldn't feel like getting up early/going out later to drive me, didn't want to keep paying for it, etc. So the message basically was, "you can do anything or be anything, just don't expect me to have to do anything to help you achieve anything."

I resolved a long time ago, before I was ever a parent, that I wouldn't be this way and if my daughter has an interest in something I will do whatever I can to try to help her explore that.

Generally though I kiss her ass at least once a day, usually I bite it as well, as it is so cute. Unless she's not had a bath for a couple days, in which case I tell her she is a stinkypants.