speaking of sea changes

[hpdrifter]

I think I am going through one.

I feel uninspired by my job. I am trying to regenerate a good attitude about it because I used to really love it here but these days I feel unsupported, left twisting in the wind on some things.

I feel awkward and antisocial around all my groups of friends. I don't feel interested in the same things any more and in most cases would rather stay home. I find myself not caring what anyone thinks and just saying whatever is on my mind whether it's relevant, constructive, a non sequitur or just plain mean.

I am not motivated to exercise or eat reasonable portions so I'm getting fat.

I don't know what to do about it, I can tell I'm moving toward something, a new me is being born. Or maybe just a return of the old me.

It's uncomfortable and I wish it would just get on with itself already.

[MC Moot]

Sounds like the rains,once again,have found the Puget Sound…

[hpdrifter]

I am going to use this thread as my own personal blog.

It's sort of like when you're nauseous and you know you're going to vomit. You lay around feeling miserable, waiting. You put something you like on TV but you can't really enjoy it. You maybe try to eat something hoping it will make you feel better or drink some soda or water or milk or whatever people do. But nothing will make any difference. You just have to wait until your body tells you it's the right time and you run to the bathroom.

That's what I feel like emotionally.

[MC Moot]

You just have to wait until your body tells you it's the right time and you run to the bathroom.

That's what I feel like emotionally.

Be wary if your emotional mouth starts to water,like crazy...cause that's when I know I'm gonna hurl...the Dr prescribes ginger ale for the soul..

[hpdrifter]

But what would that be? Right now I can't think of anything that would make me feel better.

[yeahwho]

Jobs by definition are designed to make you feel uninspired. The bottomline is another job is..... another job. It's what you take to the job that counts. I realized a few years ago when I was working at a restaurant cleaning up at night after everyone went home that it didn't matter to anyone what I thought.

Let me explain, I threw a fit all by myself because most of the tools I needed to clean up the galley hood and floors were strewn all over the place, I was pissed and completely out of sorts about the mess, I had been for months.

Then I had a mini epiphany that nobody, not my family, not my friends and especially not my boss or co-workers could give a shit if poor little yeahwho was having a tough time at work. I realized that they were paying me $15.95 an hour if I was pissed off or if i was happy. My personal feelings did not equate into the wage or the standard of work.

I raised my game, I got happy (because fuck 'em if they can't get happy) I elevated my work standard beyond everybody elses and my life improved exponentially.

It's an inside game.

[MC Moot]

forward momentum...put sails to the wind,pull up your socks,get up and jump...In my experience positive change is best obtained through self initiation...

[hpdrifter]

Right, I get that.

My problem is that I'm in the moment it's percolating before it takes hold.

I'm going to eat. It's the only thing that sounds good.

[checkyourprez]

I am going to use this thread as my own personal blog.

It's sort of like when you're nauseous and you know you're going to vomit. You lay around feeling miserable, waiting. You put something you like on TV but you can't really enjoy it. You maybe try to eat something hoping it will make you feel better or drink some soda or water or milk or whatever people do. But nothing will make any difference. You just have to wait until your body tells you it's the right time and you run to the bathroom.

That's what I feel like emotionally.

stick your finger down your throat and get it over with.

[MC Moot]

Right, I get that.

My problem is that I'm in the moment it's percolating before it takes hold.

I'm going to eat. It's the only thing that sounds good.

mash potatoes and gravy might make it right...

I'm gettin older in my years
Feel me? I got a folder worth of fears
But it's cool, we gotta make it better
Don't take my sweater,y'all make my head hurt
I ain't even gonna finish this song, it's too long
I'ma watch Cops,in my La-Z-Boy,in my thong

[hpdrifter]

Well I went to an Indian buffet for lunch and ate my weight in vegetarian pekoras. Now my nauseous feeling isn't just emotional.

[hpdrifter]

stick your finger down your throat and get it over with.

Actually reading your posts works just fine.

[yeahwho]

I usually smoke an expertly blended hand rolled cigar when my perspective needs re-booting. It changes my take on the day and gives me time to sort things out with a nicotine kick.

I haven't had to smoke a cigar in months, but for me that works incredibly well when I need to change.

[MC Moot]

Well I went to an Indian buffet for lunch and ate my weight in vegetarian pekoras. Now my nauseous feeling isn't just emotional.

mmmmmmmm PAKORAS!...even better than samosas...Didn’t you have the dip with them?…the mint would’ve done your belly well... (http://www.marionkane.com/recipe-raita.htm)

[hpdrifter]

No, I drenched them in korhma. :(

[hpdrifter]

I usually smoke an expertly blended hand rolled cigar when my perspective needs re-booting. It changes my take on the day and gives me time to sort things out with a nicotine kick.

I haven't had to smoke a cigar in months, but for me that works incredibly well when I need to change.

Thanks for the suggesto, buddy, but cigars are definitely not my thing.

I'm sure my perspective will reboot, maybe by the end of this work day.

[yeahwho]

Yep cigars seems to be mainly a dude thing. If a person is well researched and versed in cigars, I'm tellin' ya they are great. Just like anything else in life it's really about quality and time.

Money is one thing, quality is another thing altogether. Concentrate on quality. All aspects of quality and your life.

[jabumbo]

have you tried doing something new? something that you wouldn't normally go for? something you enjoyed when you were a kid?


take a personal day from work and have at it!

[Waus]

Maybe it's just the post-marriage blues?

[hpdrifter]

I think it's more than that. I have near constant anxiety, I dream about guilt.

It'll pass I'm sure and whatever I'm meant to get out of it I'll get. Just right now it sucks.

[camo]

Hey, you I'm here if you wanna chat.

[skra75]

nows the best time to either draw, paint, or write songs.
Make the best of it before you get happy again and lose your creative spark.

[hpdrifter]

I don't seem to feel inspired enough to write about anything except how I don't feel inspired.

It was just so weird, I went out to dinner last night with some friends and I just couldn't wait to get out of there. We got home and my husband was messing around with my drum kit (he doesn't know how to play it) and he was kicking the bass and every kick made me tense up, I had to ask him to stop. Then he was messing around on iTunes and I couldn't stand the sound of the music and had to keep turning it down because it was weirding me out.

Then I dreamt about someone telling me I did something bad when I was drunk and I was wracked with guilt in my dream mostly for getting drunk, less so for whatever it was I did.

[mickill]

I don't know what to do about it, I can tell I'm moving toward something, a new me is being born. Or maybe just a return of the old me.

It's uncomfortable and I wish it would just get on with itself already.

I believe this is what's referred to as the chrysalis stage in ones life.

[hpdrifter]

When do I get to be a butterfly?

Has no one gone through this and come out the other side? Impossible!

[checkyourprez]

Actually reading your posts works just fine.

omg your so hilarious.

(lb)you feel like this for a reason. bad karma. talking all that head about me has taken its tole.

[Dorothy Wood]

it's saturn return, dude!

http://www.sonyericsson.com/cws/products/mobilephones/overview/w580i?cc=us&lc=en

[hpdrifter]

Saturn's return has something to do with the Sony Ericsson?

[Dorothy Wood]

haaa, oops. copy paste fail.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saturn_return

[hpdrifter]

I'm a year or two past that period but I always was a late bloomer so I suppose it's possible.

I am getting sick, I am almost positive. I wonder if that's all this has to do with.

[mickill]

Menopause?

[mickill]

Maybe you're just one of those people that really need something big happening in their lives at all times. As in something significant to look forward to, or a project of some sort. We have this one friend that literally can't just be. She has to keep herself busy constantly or she ends up going mental.

Maybe your hormones are giving you a hard time because they want you to make a baby?

[Nuzzolese]

I think what you need is to be really shaken up. You sound bored. You just have to KOKO. Keep On Keepin' On. This will help you to become OKOK. It's like a phanamagram or whatever those things are that go backwards and forwards with equal relevance.

But I repeat that you need to shake yourself up. When I feel the way I imagine you might be feeling, I usually do something stupid and pointless and reckless which I will later regret. Maybe it's not good advice but it sure works. Don't go get drunk at a bar in front of strangers. It has to be something you wouldn't normally do.

By the way, drunkenness is so the idiot's form of wild abandon. I never understood it. "What's the wildest thing you ever did?" And they always respond with something they did while really drunk, or something involving sex. So wild! :eek: Bah! When you think of wild, try to think beyond sex and drugs and drinking. And then do the thing you think of.

It's fun to go to a really stupid concert and get really into the music; shouting and dancing and yelling. It's especially good if you've never even listened to the band before. This is how I had the time of my life at a Saves The Day concert. Metal concerts are good for this, probably better, even. Shouting lets it all out. Force yourself. It might feel uncomfortable or artificial at first, but eventually you'll realize that it's all about letting out aggression and anger and it's not really about the music or the people around you.

Also, nature is a good answer. Go into nature and it might scare you and put your life into perspective. I almost fell down the grand canyon once. I doubt I would have hit the bottom but I would have gotten hurt. I was 14 and it was enough to shake me out of my Classic Rock phase and stopped me from wanting to have sex with every cute boy I saw. You don't have to go to the biggest canyon you can find. You can just go to a ravine. It doesn't have to be naturally formed. Sometimes even stray dogs will be enough.

This is my advice. Rock concerts and stray dogs. It's worked for me my whole life until I attempted suicide last night.

[hpdrifter]

Um. Everything but that last sentence...

I can never tell when you are fucking with me.

[jabumbo]

bite the head off of a bat

[Nuzzolese]

I can never tell when you are fucking with me.

I guess you have to decide whether or not that makes a difference. Do you think I would put all the effort into a post like that if I didn't mean most of it?

[Nuzzolese]

I really like this thread because you sound like a nice person who means well in life. And I can relate to eating too much. Not the way Dorothy ate too much, and was still happy in life as if it didn't make her feel self-conscious. You eat too much and get upset by it, like me.

[Dorothy Wood]

I think Nuzz put some solid advice in here. Remember to wear shoes with some grip though, no matter what adventure you choose. OKOK?


also, Nuzz, I only get self-conscious about eating too much food that is unhealthy. I was eating red curry with vegetables...ooh, I guess it had white rice. Still, pretty healthy overall. If I was eating like a triple cheeseburger, I wouldn't have bragged about it, I'd have quietly shamed myself.