Hey, you're nice, but just friends?!

[Helvete]

I'm somewhat of a late bloomer, only recently actually having any real success with girls. Now, I'm not asking for dating advice, but more like, un-dating advice. I have no idea how to say to someone that I don't really want to take things any further.

I'm in Germany right now, but moving back to the UK in a week or so. Now I've been speaking to this girl from back home and she wants to go out when I'm back. How do you even say to someone that you're not too sure or whatever?

One of my good points is also one of my problems, I'm just too polite and nice. Do I go out with her anyway and then say 'thanks but how about just friends?', do I go out with her and act like an asshole so she decides that she doesn't want to see me? I think I'd have trouble with that to be honest. Or before any of that just turn down the date?

Not trying to sound like an asshole or big headed, but for some reason girls I go out with always want to see me again and I've no idea how to turn them down.

Erm, any tips?

[MC Moot]

edit: nevermind...

[Adam]

Approach it like you said in your title.

But bare in mind there could be a 'talk about on first date' thread about you on some other forum as she is excited about you coming back. [no pressure]

If she likes you there is nothing you can do that won't disappoint her but just be the nice person you are to say so.

I once told a girl lets be friends and she kinda said 'no' and we stayed together for the longest period I've ever had a gf.

[Bob]

if you're not interested don't lead her on. tell her before you go out with her. it'll suck but it'll suck less than if you fake her out and agree to go out with her and then drop the bomb on her afterwards

as for what to say, i'd recommend something along the lines of "I think it would be better if we just...stayed friends. You're a great guy, and I really did have fun hanging out, but I'm just not sure if I'm ready for a relationship."

worked on me

[miss soul fire]

Keep denying her requests to go out, say you already had another thing planned, until she gets the point. Most of the time, it's the easiest way out.:D

[Bob]

Keep denying her requests to go out, say you already had another thing planned, until she gets the point. Most of the time, it's the easiest way out.:D

nah, don't do that, be direct. hurts the least

[Helvete]

Keep denying her requests to go out, say you already had another thing planned, until she gets the point. Most of the time, it's the easiest way out.:D

Well that's the thing, there's this other girl I'm hoping to go out with, and I'm not the sort to keep more than one on the go. I could just say that I'm seeing someone else and don't really want to date more than one girl. Maybe?

[Bob]

i guess you could say that. i think "we should just be friends" sends a pretty clear message though, i don't see why that wouldn't work. maybe if she insists upon an explanation you could tell her about the other girl. i don't know if i'd mention it right away though, otherwise what you're saying is "i like you, but not as much as i like someone else, you're my #2" and that just feels kind of shitty

[Adam]

Well that's the thing, there's this other girl I'm hoping to go out with, and I'm not the sort to keep more than one on the go. I could just say that I'm seeing someone else and don't really want to date more than one girl. Maybe?

So have you dated this girl before or just got friendly via long distance?

If you haven't seen her before as a 'date' then I think it's cool to say that you are kinda seeing some1 else and maybe make a little apology if you led her on (to be nice as possible). That wouldn't really hurt at all and you have the bonus of friends or a possible fuck buddy for those times you really need a fuck buddy (y)

[Helvete]

If you haven't seen her before as a 'date' then I think it's cool to say that you are kinda seeing some1 else and maybe make a little apology if you led her on (to be nice as possible). That wouldn't really hurt at all and you have the bonus of friends or a possible fuck buddy for those times you really need a fuck buddy (y)

No, we haven't been out on an actual date together yet, just getting to know each other whilst I've been away. Now she knows I'm back soon she wants to go out for a drink. She's a nice girl though and we could definitely be friends, but how long as 'friends' before it goes any further?

[miss soul fire]

Then say you have plans with another...girl. That's the only way to do it, in that case.

However, I can understand perfectly when a guy says he has another plans. I mean, you just know it. When a guy wants go out with a girl and vice versa he/she does anything to get it.

[Adam]

I see, well I think she'll be fine you saying let's be friends. Some of my best friends are those who have rejected me. Maybe cus I dont creep out about it they relax around me more?

[miss soul fire]

I wouldn't want to be friends with a guy who just rejected me. Hell no. The history...the history.:D

[Adam]

I wouldn't want to be friends with a guy who just rejected me. Hell no. The history...the history.:D

I used to think like that then I think its pointless dwelling on stuff too much, they like you enough to be friends so while spoil all that because of a question?

[miss soul fire]

Well, I've tried that once and it only ended up hurting me more. Plus, he thought he was the greatest. Then, some time passed and I regreted myself for trying to be his friend. Anyway, that was a long time ago. Hihihi. It's kinda weird to think about it now.:D

[Adam]

But I suppose its different for a dude - most are generally of the opinion that every girl wants to sleep with them. Women I think are hoping most men around them aren't thinking about them sleeping with her.

[miss soul fire]

Now, I'm confused. I thought it was the opposite.

[Adam]

What? That women check out every guy and wonder what they'd be like to sleep with?

If they do then I have no idea why I find them so complicated :confused: :D

[insertnamehere]

id say definitely be direct with her. the saying your busy thing is kind of bullshit. a lot of people i know are legitimatly busy a lot of the time, and when they say stuff like that i can never tell if they're busy or if they just dont want to hang out with me. a lot of the time i'll get paranoid that they dont want to be around me and then it turns out that they were actually busy. so if someone doesnt want to do something with me id rather them just say it instead of me not being sure and keep asking them to do stuff.

i kind of wish me and my dude would hurry up and have this conversation but im too much of a puss to bring it up and he's too nice to openly reject me.

[miss soul fire]

Go figure.

I'd rather when a guy says he's busy because I get it right away anyway. If he says he's not into you and you're also not into him, you just want a company, that would be bad for both. That happened with my brother once. He called this girl he knew to go out with him and some friends and she knew those people too, so she said "I'm not into you, so I won't go, sorry". That was terrible, he just wanted to gather some friends and have some fun! It makes me think the person doesn't even really know what you really really want. Although it seems clear, sometimes it's not that clear and you may end up making a fool of yourself.

[Rock]

Listen to Bob.

[insertnamehere]

Go figure.

I'd rather when a guy says he's busy because I get it right away anyway. If he says he's not into you and you're also not into him, you just want a company, that would be bad for both. That happened with my brother once. He called this girl he knew to go out with him and some friends and she knew those people too, so she said "I'm not into you, so I won't go, sorry". That was terrible, he just wanted to gather some friends and have some fun! It makes me think the person doesn't even really know what you really really want. Although it seems clear, sometimes it's not that clear and you may end up making a fool of yourself.

but then what if they're actually busy? they have a big project due in a few days and they're spending a lot of time working on that. and then you just give up on talking to them because you take it immediately to mean that they dont want to have anything to do with you.

[miss soul fire]

but then what if they're actually busy? they have a big project due in a few days and they're spending a lot of time working on that. and then you just give up on talking to them because you take it immediately to mean that they dont want to have anything to do with you.

It's easy to notice if the person is interested even when he or she is busy. If I were very very busy I would say in detail evertying I have to do and all I need is a day off and I would sound very excited about meeting the person. And if I was really into the guy, I would definitely find a way to talk to the person for like 15 minutes or so.

[Helvete]

Yeah, I think women are smarter than guys when it comes to this sort of thing. A guy wouldn't have a clue where as a girl would be able to tell. Sorry Rach, I'm not calling you a guy or anything...

[russhie]

This is where I come unstuck a big with boys - I find it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.

It's not really possible to be friends with someone who has different intentions, you date or you ditch. I've tried being friends with them, I've tried dating them, neither work unless you're on the same page. The relationship is always unequal (inequal? I don't know) and the owner of a spurned advance will inevitably use that against you.

I went for "friendly" drinks with a manager of mine at work, under the belief that it was possible for two members of the opposite sex to get along well sans sexual attraction but have sadly found myself somewhat mistaken. Office gossip is occasionally correct and ultimately it's his fault for not saying "I like you!" to me himself before catching up with me. I thought we were friends but turns out there was an agenda and now I'm stuck picking up drycleaning while he awkwardly avoids talking to me about his new girlfriend.

Moral of the story: be clear and upfront about what you want from someone.

[Randetica]

you treated me like shit, shouldnt be that much of a problem to treat other girls like shit aswell, i thought thats your biggest hobby anyway

also youre not that type of person who should be picky so shut up and take what you can get before the girls find out how low you really are

[Helvete]

Good advice! lol, bitter much?

[Adam]

Have I completely missed a history with the above two posts?

Don't have to explain, but you a yes or no answer will suffice and I'll make my own story and takes sides from that (y)

[Helvete]

Yes actually. We effectively went out on a 'date' in February, but I didn't want to take it any further. She did, then had to turn her hurt into hostility.

[Adam]

oh

[rirv]

w
t
f
:confused:

[cosmo105]

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn.

[cosmo105]

Also, February? Randy, let it go. He's just a guy.

[hpdrifter]

I saw a post about this awhile back but didn't comment.

I think it was more than a date. I think there was first time sex involved.

[Helvete]

Haha, absolutely not. We hung out, went for something to eat, went to the movies and randomly walked about the most boring town in the world.

[hpdrifter]

Okay, I was pretty sure she had posted something to that effect but clearly I am wrong.

[Randetica]

Also, February? Randy, let it go. He's just a guy.

im over it, the only emotion i feel for him is hate anymore but it's ok since most in my situation would hate him just as much (trust me) my whole family hates him for what he did to me and i cant blame them

just saying that he is either too immature or too cold for a relationship, all he wants from a girl is sex, he doesnt care about the rest

he should just stick to fuck his hookers instead of treating other girls bad aswell

if i knew this all before i would have never wasted years waiting for a person like that, i wouldnt not even have wasted one day but i hoped since he met crafty that he treated like shit too that he grew up. i was wrong.

i knew that shit with the hookers all over the time like he told me nice things and 5 minutes later he banged the next hooker (y) still i was nice enough to meet him



he is just a kid, i need a man and to be honest i hardly think of him anymore
i get enough attention from other guys now (y)

from time to time i would wish to use my boots on his face but else than that he is nothing but past to me, mainly this thread reminded of this whole shit that happend

[b i o n i c]

no offense, but this is all kinda too personal for the message board i think(n)

[rirv]

no offense, but this is all kinda too personal for the message board i think(n)

No, no, no. Please let it continue. Helvete, your turn!(y)

[Helvete]

Haha, this is great. Myself and Randy spoke for quite a few years online, we met but she pretty much only exists as a person online. Cue awkward silences, no chemistry and no attraction. You don't know these things until you meet someone. I get back home and she's messaging me saying how much she liked me blah blah, but of course, I felt it unfair to carry on so didn't want to see her again.

Continue with messages pleading with me (I can change, I was just nervous the first time, my weight was too much, we can go into Vienna it's more fun...) well no, your personality is that of wet cardboard and I require a bit more than that. She now feels the need to spout her hate in public on these boards and slate me in any way she can. She calls me too immature for a relationship yet comes across as a scared, silly child herself? Her posts reflect this and have done for a long time.

Apparently I'm having sex with hookers all the time, don't know where she gets this information from or why she keeps saying it, I don't need (or want) to pay for sex. Meaningless sex (one night stands etc) don't do it for me and it's not all I think about!

I'd kept very quiet about this whole affair really, I didn't feel it necessary to make this public, yet she does so here I am. She's a hopeless case, her life only exists online, she has deep down emotional and mental problems, she has no confidence, no life, no job, no friends and very small chance at a future with anyone sometime soon. I want a girl who is confident, outgoing, has a job and a life of her own, and I'm doing a damn good job with meeting girls to find the right one!

Now tell me who is the immature one not ready for a relationship. I'll quite happily speak about this all day, I've just chosen not to until now.

I welcome any comeback from her, and leave it to the rest of you to decide who is the well adjusted, outgoing and confident person and who is the silly, bitter and hopeless case.

[lolkat]

^ either way ur a dick

[rirv]

WOO!! Go Team Helvete! Randy's out for the count. Can she respond?

[Miho]

rirv, you remind me of the referee from Punch-Out.

At any rate, this is heating up. *popcorn*

[b i o n i c]

if rirv sounded like the ref from punch out his post would sound more like

"pwow-pwiw-pwoah" or something like that

[Helvete]

^ either way ur a dick

What's the matter? Not enough balls to tell me that with your proper username?

All this time I really didn't want to say anything, I didn't feel the need to as it'd be like picking a fight with a 5 year old, you're going to obliterate them and still feel no satisfaction at an easy win.

As far as 'treating her like shit', I was nothing but a gentleman when we met, I was kind, friendly and polite. I didn't expect sex or make her feel like that's what I wanted. I pretty much met all her family and got on well with them (although it seemed a bit much for the first weekend of meeting her!). The only way in which I 'mistreated' her was after all the obsessive messages and her not getting my message, was blocking her and not speaking to her any further. I then played the asshole to make her dislike me in the hope it would make her feel better about herself and get over me as I was the 'bad' guy.

Didn't seem to work as here we are all this time later...

Oops, I didn't wait my turn.

[checkyourprez]

im over it, the only emotion i feel for him is hate anymore but it's ok since most in my situation would hate him just as much (trust me) my whole family hates him for what he did to me and i cant blame them

just saying that he is either too immature or too cold for a relationship, all he wants from a girl is sex, he doesnt care about the rest

he should just stick to fuck his hookers instead of treating other girls bad aswell

if i knew this all before i would have never wasted years waiting for a person like that, i wouldnt not even have wasted one day but i hoped since he met crafty that he treated like shit too that he grew up. i was wrong.

i knew that shit with the hookers all over the time like he told me nice things and 5 minutes later he banged the next hooker (y) still i was nice enough to meet him



he is just a kid, i need a man and to be honest i hardly think of him anymore
i get enough attention from other guys now (y)

from time to time i would wish to use my boots on his face but else than that he is nothing but past to me, mainly this thread reminded of this whole shit that happend

^ either way ur a dick

same?

[Echewta]

Its difficult to find hookers to have a relationship with.

[hpdrifter]

Wow, well quite personal. It seems like it was (at least at one point) a deeply painful situation for one person which makes me sad. I am not sure either of you has handled it well but that's to be expected in these types of situations.

And the Board is never really the same. Cosmo and Boomin', Yetra and Prez, DDD and TNLOL, even Beth and Def. It seems even if the relationship works out people who were interesting bail. I suppose interesting people bail either way but it still sucks.

[Rock]

Its difficult to find hookers to have a relationship with.

you just aren't trying hard enough. YOU can rescue them from their lives of lying on their backs and blowing people behind dumpsters off of K street.

[Echewta]

Beth and Def are no longer together?

[hpdrifter]

I think they are but even though things worked out for them they both still disappeared from the Board.

[Freebasser]

Beckalina posted here the other week but then she wet herself and had to log off.

[Echewta]

ahh, i see what you are saying now.

[hpdrifter]

Beckalina posted here the other week but then she wet herself and had to log off.

Were you and Beckalina together?

[Helvete]

What the fuck has happened to my thread?

[rirv]

My fires for Echewta still burn brightly. I'm waiting for his fireman's hose to quench the flames of desire.

[Echewta]

Its no longer your thread sunshine but our thread. You just sit back and answer questions.

[Freebasser]

Were you and Beckalina together?

Still are.

We are waiting for the operation, but the doctors said that she would get most of the liver and spleen, so I'm beginning to have second thoughts.

[Adam]

.

[Echewta]

My fires for Echewta still burn brightly. I'm waiting for his fireman's hose to quench the flames of desire.

Oh rirv, you could row into my life anytime you wished. Other couples have a bicylce built for two but we could have a scull.

[Caribou]

Still are.

We are waiting for the operation, but the doctors said that she would get most of the liver and spleen, so I'm beginning to have second thoughts.

Dude, is it weird and creepy that I actually know the day you guys first met up?
June 22nd 2005, right?

[Freebasser]

*uses barrel of rifle to seperate blinds and peer out into street below*

You're watching me, aren't you? :(

[rirv]

I'm watching you. Take your shirt off again. Oh yeah.

[Planetary]

Hey, it just goes to show that some threads, though initially boring and tedious, can still serve a purpose :)(y)

Also,

What's the matter? Not enough balls to tell me that with your proper username?

pipe down big balls it's only the internet

[Caribou]

*uses barrel of rifle to seperate blinds and peer out into street below*

You're watching me, aren't you? :(

Uhuh, but it isn't from outside. *psychoface*

[hpdrifter]

How come Beckalina doesn't post here anymore?