it is official...i have a girlfriend

[checkyourprez]

for a variety of reasons i just havent really had one for the first 25 years of my life. obviously there was some in high school, but that was just kid stuff. through college i was not trying to have one. played the field and played it well, figured i was only in college with this kind of access to young college girls for a finite period of time i might as well live it up. after college i continued the lifestyle for some years. but over time the thrill of random sex with random woman declined.

at work i started talking to this girl a couple months ago, she had a boyfriend of two years at the time. i kept trying to get her to come out and have a drink with me but she wouldnt do it. thats when i knew she was a good girl, resisting overtures by me, and just looking at her old bf...not in my league. so eventually they break up, and i start talking to her more and we start hanging out that whole courtship. finally last night we actually talked about terminology of bf/gf and a relationship was birthed.

shes a really cool chick, she gets my personality. i fuck around a lot , but its never in malice and she just likes the jokes.

im quite happy to call her my gf.

[NicRN77]

(y) sounds cool! Best of luck!

[jabumbo]

you see her regularly at work? i always thought that was a bit hard to handle. although, in general, i refuse to get involved with anyone who works in my field.

[camo]

You have your own field? Cool. Do you use it to grow crops or graze cattle?

[Echewta]

Thats so cute!

[Dorothy Wood]

Congrats!

does she let you anal her?

[Echewta]

Great question. Do you get to Jack Horner?
(n)
(0)

[Freebasser]

Are you going to let her sniff your dick towel?

[hpdrifter]

Congrats!

does she let you anal her?

Haha! That belongs in the Genius Thread.

[Waus]

Haha! That belongs in the Genius Thread.

I once worked with this guy who was really vulgar.

We asked him what his girlfriend was like, and he was like "well, she's 18 - enjoys anal. Puts up with my shit. I can't complain."

Maybe it's just me, but I probably wouldn't introduce my girlfriend like that. It'd make for awkward introductions.

[checkyourprez]

Congrats!

does she let you anal her?


haha, probably if i really wanted to and pushed the issue. but i haven't and don't see myself doing so any time soon.


the place i work at is quite large and im not really near her unless i go to where she is, she can't really leave her area. so thats not really a problem.


and my dick towel is currently in the mail, when i get it im going to have her wear it after we bone in the shower. hilarious.

[checkyourprez]

i can say i really like this girl. she really is just a nice chick. can be a bitch, but not to me :)

i know i like her because i dont want to degrade her like i do normally with most woman i romp around with. i would only facial or anal her if she asked for it. AND i will readily and willing eat pumpkin pie. something i was never really willing or wanting to do in the past.


we're similar in a lot of ways, we dislike people for the most part. not that we hate people but we feel no need for the fake monotonous bullshit of life that most people partake in. we also both fall asleep while reading.

although i am trying to get her to be healthier. that hot tight bod's not going to stick around for ever if she doesn't take care of it!! thats not why i like her, sure its half the equation (looks 50/ personality 50) but i just want her to be healthy bc its good for her and i care for her.



thats all on the CYP love chronicles for the time being.

[Bob]

i know i like her because i dont want to degrade her like i do normally with most woman i romp around with. i would only facial or anal her if she asked for it. AND i will readily and willing eat pumpkin pie. something i was never really willing or wanting to do in the past.


a mixed bag, as usual

[paul jones]

make sure you film the anal for dorothy to watch on redtube(y)

[Adam]

AIn't that what women are meant to do to men - change them? Eat healthier etc?

You should set a limit of how much weight she can put on, like over 6lbs you're allowed to fuck some1 else. 8lbs and its over or anal or something? A relationship need rules and limits.

[checkyourprez]

AIn't that what women are meant to do to men - change them? Eat healthier etc?

You should set a limit of how much weight she can put on, like over 6lbs you're allowed to fuck some1 else. 8lbs and its over or anal or something? A relationship need rules and limits.

its not that shes in danger of gaining weight, but more so of not being fit, eventually, if you get that. its like when your young everything is nice and tight, but as you get older even if your skinny it can still not be fit. but anyways.

she just eats like 1 meal a day and its usually not healthy. then theres very little fruits or veggies in there. pop instead of water...stuff like that.

[checkyourprez]

make sure you film the anal for dorothy to watch on redtube(y)

dorthy has been clamoring for my analing sex tape for some time.


i wonder if my gf is a power-bottom..

[Adam]

take up a sport together.

[checkyourprez]

take up a sport together.

im an avid footballer, but shes not so much, id like her to be on my coed team but i dont see that happening. im trying to get her to the gym which she says shes going to start...which is a start.

when the weather gets nice im going to run to her house (she lives a few miles away) and force her to run around her neighborhood a bit. then id just end at her house and she could go inside and id run back to mine.

[Adam]

I mean; I new sport for both of ya. When your other half starts becoming part of something you already do, it no longer becomes 'your thing' and resentment can grow in my experience.

Take up horse back riding and then make some joke about having a stallion between her legs for a change. Or tennis. But a non-loner sport.

[checkyourprez]

I mean; I new sport for both of ya. When your other half starts becoming part of something you already do, it no longer becomes 'your thing' and resentment can grow in my experience.

Take up horse back riding and then make some joke about having a stallion between her legs for a change. Or tennis. But a non-loner sport.

hah ooo. hmm decent idea. ill have to think about that.

[Ty Webb]

slam it
tape it
post it

[Echewta]

Next comes marriage and a baby in a baby carriage.

[Planetary]

then id just end at her house and she could go inside and id run back to mine.

after she's sucked you off i assume?

[checkyourprez]

after she's sucked you off i assume?

the thought of me inserting such a statement did cross my mind, but i refrained.

[Echewta]

I hope you have learned your lesson about how this board would respond to "it is official... I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" thread. We care not for romance and other fancy lad thoughts.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

it certainly looks like she works out and eats well. If she doesn't, yeah, that won't last forever but I'm sure she still has a good 3-5 years before she really has to work at it. Lucky her for having good metabolism.

[HEIRESS]

weird.

[checkyourprez]

I hope you have learned your lesson about how this board would respond to "it is official... I have a boyfriend/girlfriend" thread. We care not for romance and other fancy lad thoughts.

damn you dorthy!

[rirv]

im an avid footballer, but shes not so much, id like her to be on my coed team but i dont see that happening. im trying to get her to the gym which she says shes going to start...which is a start.

when the weather gets nice im going to run to her house (she lives a few miles away) and force her to run around her neighborhood a bit. then id just end at her house and she could go inside and id run back to mine.

You should start mentioning whether she thinks she has too much food on her plate.

[checkyourprez]

You should start mentioning whether she thinks she has too much food on her plate.


im ruthless when i joke with her, but she knows im not trying to be mean. but yea i give her the business about her eating habits.

she grew up with 3 brothers, im lucky they broke her in for me. (no need for incest jokes sickos)

[rirv]

im ruthless when i joke with her, but she knows im not trying to be mean. but yea i give her the business about her eating habits.

she grew up with 3 brothers, im lucky they broke her in for me. (no need for incest jokes sickos)

She's not a horse. Or is she...?

[checkyourprez]

She's not a horse. Or is she...?

nice. appropriate alternative joke to being broke in. i like. but nah, shes a fox, with a vagina tight like a mans anus.

[silence7]

Good Luck my man, Hop all works out and you get married and have your 2.3 kids, and live happily ever after...

[Ty Webb]

douchebag boy meets douchebag girl

[checkyourprez]

douchebag boy meets douchebag girl

ha i dont even know what to make of that

[Ty Webb]

like the scene in Ms Pac Man, except with douches.

[checkyourprez]

like the scene in Ms Pac Man, except with douches.


ooo is that so gayboy. you're pathetic.

[Adam]

Have I missed something between you two?

Almost turning into another Helvete-Randy thread (y)

I just thought TY was drunk at first but the counter suggests something deeper?

[checkyourprez]

Have I missed something between you two?

Almost turning into another Helvete-Randy thread (y)

I just thought TY was drunk at first but the counter suggests something deeper?

nothing on my end. jealous on his end most likely.

[Kid Presentable]

I've had your mothers on my end.

[checkyourprez]

I've had your mothers on my end.

thats the friendly ribbing i live for.

[Kid Presentable]

She did have a cold, yes.

[mickill]

nice. appropriate alternative joke to being broke in. i like. but nah, shes a fox, with a vagina tight like a mans anus.

I haven't experienced either, but I was wondering if that means tighter or not as tight as a woman's anus?

[checkyourprez]

I haven't experienced either, but I was wondering if that means tighter or not as tight as a woman's anus?

idk ask borat, i stole the joke from him.

[russhie]

I'd be pretty offended if my boyfriend spoke of me in that way, joking or not.

Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend currently

[checkyourprez]

I'd be pretty offended if my boyfriend spoke of me in that way, joking or not.

Maybe that's why I don't have a boyfriend currently


well its defiantly why your not dating me (and the fact that were half a world away :rolleyes: )


i do say a lot of stuff on here because i dont know any of you and i wont ever know any of you so i dont really care.

[ericlee]

I would sure hope your new gf uses better grammar than you.

[Randetica]

i hope her anus falls off

[Videodrome]

i really don't understand some of the haters on here.

[ericlee]

my statement wasn't of hate, if you're referring to my post. I don't have a grudge against anyone here. I'm just pointing out the fact that cyp has some gosh darn crappy grammar.

[Knuckles]

I'm just pointing out the fact that cyp has some gosh darn crappy grammar.

Yeah, but he makes up for it by fucking bitches in the shitter. (y)

[checkyourprez]

my statement wasn't of hate, if you're referring to my post. I don't have a grudge against anyone here. I'm just pointing out the fact that cyp has some gosh darn crappy grammar.

grammer shammer bro. ive pointed this out before. its a fuccckiiinnng meeesssaaaggeee board. unless im writing a paper for school or the job i do not give a shit about writing proper.

[ericlee]

grammer shammer bro. ive pointed this out before. its a fuccckiiinnng meeesssaaaggeee board. unless im writing a paper for school or the job i do not give a shit about writing proper.

I've pointed this out before. True, it is a message board and we all have to read what everybody writes. Therefore, whatever people write is read and goes through our head exactly as it is written.

It's a little painful reading this stuff and feeling like a 12 year old again.

[checkyourprez]

I've pointed this out before. True, it is a message board and we all have to read what everybody writes. Therefore, whatever people write is read and goes through our head exactly as it is written.

It's a little painful reading this stuff and feeling like a 12 year old again.

when your an old man your going to wish you were reading my writing again. :)

[jabumbo]

so its been what, a couple weeks now? tell us, cyp, what is your secret to keeping the lady?

[checkyourprez]

so its been what, a couple weeks now? tell us, cyp, what is your secret to keeping the lady?


to be honest we just match up pretty well. she likes my humor. unlike a lot of people on this board, she gets that i am not serious with what i say 99% of the time and see it for what it is...jokes. thats the key to a ladies heart. my ridiculous good looks help too. :rolleyes: keeping her happy in the sack is also part of it, shes a fiend for it.

[Guy Incognito]

to be honest we just match up pretty well. she likes my humor. unlike a lot of people on this board, she gets that i am not serious with what i say 99% of the time and see it for what it is...jokes. thats the key to a ladies heart. my ridiculous good looks help too. :rolleyes: keeping her happy in the sack is also part of it, shes a fiend for it.

enjoy this time while it lasts dude. i mean you maybe together forever but i guarantee that her tolerating the 99% not being serious will diminish to a smaller percentage no matter what, as will the sex! so lap it up, these are the good times ,as the film goes.

[jabumbo]

well that's a relief. i was worried it might be because she has a mans anus.

[checkyourprez]

enjoy this time while it lasts dude. i mean you maybe together forever but i guarantee that her tolerating the 99% not being serious will diminish to a smaller percentage no matter what, as will the sex! so lap it up, these are the good times ,as the film goes.

she broke up with her last boyfriend, in part, because they werent have sex enough. that was a two year relationship.


and on the her tolerating the joking thing idk, i honestly dont think its a tolerating thing. i think she appreciates it more than tolerates it. i have a unique sense of humor that she just digs.

but we shall see!

[checkyourprez]

well that's a relief. i was worried it might be because she has a mans anus.

and a mans dick!

[jabumbo]

just don't let it come to this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeM15aA-hr8)

[checkyourprez]

just don't let it come to this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeM15aA-hr8)

yea bro her gun is constantly digging into my hip.

[Dorothy Wood]

ask her to marry you!

[checkyourprez]

ask her to marry you!

slow your roll dorothy.

[Dorothy Wood]

well, she's got top-notch yabbos, she laughs at your jokes, and she loves penis. what more could you want?


get married!
I will be the best man!

[RobMoney$]

enjoy this time while it lasts dude. i mean you maybe together forever but i guarantee that her tolerating the 99% not being serious will diminish to a smaller percentage no matter what, as will the sex! so lap it up, these are the good times ,as the film goes.


Not for nothing Guy, but you come off here a little jealous and a little broken hearted.
You're projecting something.


Also, don't ask her to marry you.
Worst idea ever.

[Guy Incognito]

Not for nothing Guy, but you come off here a little jealous and a little broken hearted.
You're projecting something.


.

right then doctor. I re read my post and i suppose it was a bit blunt so i will explain myself so that it projects better.There was something in CYP's posts that suggested a luvved up lad who thought it was always going to be like this and i just wanted to try and say it wont be. Just a bit of a reality dose. I dont think anyone can say that a relationship is always like the first few months. Maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. CYP certainly didnt think i was having a go.

Jealous? No, its nice to see someone really into being in a couple for the first time.

Broken Hearted? No, i love my wife , she is my best friend and i would crumble without her and i'm fairly sure she would say the same. Sure we arent banging every five minutes but we still love each other, enjoy sex (when we arent too knackered after looking after 2 kids!) and have a laugh.
In my experience, some of the gags i used to crack early on wouldnt be appreciated as much now. But thats not to say we dont have a laugh, i just got some new material. I guess i should have said something like, make sure you try and keep it fresh.

I expect you are going to say you touched a nerve due to the rambling nature of this post. But i thought i should explain myself in detaiil. You certainly surprised me and i commend you for your honesty but you are wrong.

[checkyourprez]

right then doctor. I re read my post and i suppose it was a bit blunt so i will explain myself so that it projects better.There was something in CYP's posts that suggested a luvved up lad who thought it was always going to be like this and i just wanted to try and say it wont be. Just a bit of a reality dose. I dont think anyone can say that a relationship is always like the first few months. Maybe i should have kept my mouth shut. CYP certainly didnt think i was having a go.

Jealous? No, its nice to see someone really into being in a couple for the first time.

Broken Hearted? No, i love my wife , she is my best friend and i would crumble without her and i'm fairly sure she would say the same. Sure we arent banging every five minutes but we still love each other, enjoy sex (when we arent too knackered after looking after 2 kids!) and have a laugh.
In my experience, some of the gags i used to crack early on wouldnt be appreciated as much now. But thats not to say we dont have a laugh, i just got some new material. I guess i should have said something like, make sure you try and keep it fresh.

I expect you are going to say you touched a nerve due to the rambling nature of this post. But i thought i should explain myself in detaiil. You certainly surprised me and i commend you for your honesty but you are wrong.

i didn't take it personal at all. and honestly who knows, i live life one day at a time!!!!

[RobMoney$]

You just sounded like you hated women at the moment, like you were just coming off a break-up or something.
Glad to hear that's not the case.

Just didn't understand why you wanted to rain on Prez's parade was all.

[jabumbo]

dorothy makes a point here.

you mentioned a lot of hanging with buddies with wives in that other thread. you don't want to be the last guy in the group without a wife now do ya?


unless of course there is money on the line. eh, jerry? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04XocpZhV5M)

[checkyourprez]

dorothy makes a point here.

you mentioned a lot of hanging with buddies with wives in that other thread. you don't want to be the last guy in the group without a wife now do ya?


unless of course there is money on the line. eh, jerry? (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04XocpZhV5M)

eh i dont care. i dont feel they have made mistakes, because i think they truely love their wives. but i do think they are in the american model of "thats what you do". graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have kids. i just think thats what they think they should be doing. i beat my own drum.

although i will say it was annoying that my wingmen were dropping like flys. hard to pick up chicks with dudes who leave the bar at 11:30 to go home to the wives.

[jabumbo]

hey, at least your wingmen actually GO to the bar and/or anywhere else....

[RobMoney$]

You sir, are wise beyond your years.

Statistics show that most of your wingmen will regret their decision to get married in five years and will envy you for having the foresight not to fall into that trap.
Their lives will be about ex-wives, child support, and divorce court.
Yours won't.

I fell into the trap, and now it's my life's mission to save the rest of my fellow man from repeating my mistake.

[checkyourprez]

hey, at least your wingmen actually GO to the bar and/or anywhere else....


hah yeaaa, i should have prefaced that....when i do actually get them to go out its 11:30.

normally i have to hang out with guys that weren't in my original tight nit group of friends just so i have someone to party with.

bars are fun, but i dont miss spending 40-80 bucks a night on something ill just piss out in half an hour or so anyway ya know what im saying.

[checkyourprez]

one thing about her though is she is rather quite in bed, its just her personality. feminine noises are part of what turns me on though.

any suggestions on what to do about this?


(minus the jokes about me sucking in bed, because lets be serious, i am a cocksmith (a joke, but still, you get me))

[Adam]

maybe you're not punching hard enough?

edit: how do you make a women scream for hours after sex?

a. wipe your dick on the curtain

[checkyourprez]

maybe you're not punching hard enough?

edit: how do you make a women scream for hours after sex?

a. wipe your dick on the curtain

ha. domestic violence. (y)


but sorry adam i like that joke better with the 5 year old and the teddy bear.

[Dorothy Wood]

how quiet?

[checkyourprez]

how quiet?

like barely anything. occasional low moans. she has confidence issues (but then again dont all girls/people) idk if its something about not being able to express herself if that makes any sense.

[Dorothy Wood]

hmm. that's weird. are you sure you're as good as you think?

it might be her age...what is she, early 20's?

it seems like she just needs to relax. she obviously puts a lot of time and energy into her looks. maybe you just need to keep complimenting her when she's not all dolled up.

Is she catholic? maybe she feels a certain amount of shame about sex because of how she was raised.

I'm no expert...but foreplay might help. Like, a lot of massage and teasing. also, respond favorably when she does make noise...say stuff like, "I love the sound of your voice" or whatever.

I'd really have to see a tape to give full advice.

[Guy Incognito]

good advice miss wood but i gotta say i dropped my drink laughing at this:


I'd really have to see a tape to give full advice.

[checkyourprez]

hmm. that's weird. are you sure you're as good as you think?

it might be her age...what is she, early 20's?

it seems like she just needs to relax. she obviously puts a lot of time and energy into her looks. maybe you just need to keep complimenting her when she's not all dolled up.

Is she catholic? maybe she feels a certain amount of shame about sex because of how she was raised.

I'm no expert...but foreplay might help. Like, a lot of massage and teasing. also, respond favorably when she does make noise...say stuff like, "I love the sound of your voice" or whatever.

I'd really have to see a tape to give full advice.

shes early 20s.

i tell her all the time to not wear makeup. i like her better without it actually.

shes plenty wet, so somethings working. and she defiantly has facial expressions of pleasure, so its not like shes just laying there like a slug taking it. she just doesnt make noise.


however i will confess, and i was a little perturbed to this hear, she has never had an orgasm in her life. so its not like its just me. she was dating a guy for 2 years before this. and had other bfs before that. soo idk, i have heard some woman just dont get orgasms until later in life. any truth there?

[Echewta]

I'm pretty sure girls can buy orgasms on Amazon now a days. I think they can even download them.

Not all woman can have them.

[Dorothy Wood]

shes early 20s.

i tell her all the time to not wear makeup. i like her better without it actually.

shes plenty wet, so somethings working. and she defiantly has facial expressions of pleasure, so its not like shes just laying there like a slug taking it. she just doesnt make noise.


however i will confess, and i was a little perturbed to this hear, she has never had an orgasm in her life. so its not like its just me. she was dating a guy for 2 years before this. and had other bfs before that. soo idk, i have heard some woman just dont get orgasms until later in life. any truth there?


I see, well, that's a horse of a different color. I sort of suspected that. It sounds like a mental block to me, considering she's capable of getting aroused and all. But I'm not a doctor. I've found that women I've known who haven't had orgasms have never masturbated...which I find crazy, but it happens. I know one person who had never had one until her first serious boyfriend. She was 26 or 27 I believe. I found it quite shocking. She's also the biggest prude I know though. She doesn't even like kissing with tongue, says it's gross. My other friend and I have tried to tell her that it's very normal, but she doesn't believe us and/or understand.


anyway, you need to help her relax. how to do this, I don't know. maybe you guys should go to a sex therapist?

nodana knows more about this kinda stuff I think.

[checkyourprez]

I see, well, that's a horse of a different color. I sort of suspected that. It sounds like a mental block to me, considering she's capable of getting aroused and all. But I'm not a doctor. I've found that women I've known who haven't had orgasms have never masturbated...which I find crazy, but it happens. I know one person who had never had one until her first serious boyfriend. She was 26 or 27 I believe. I found it quite shocking. She's also the biggest prude I know though. She doesn't even like kissing with tongue, says it's gross. My other friend and I have tried to tell her that it's very normal, but she doesn't believe us and/or understand.


anyway, you need to help her relax. how to do this, I don't know. maybe you guys should go to a sex therapist?

nodana knows more about this kinda stuff I think.


she doesnt masterbate!!

hmm.

[Knuckles]

I wouldn't worry too much about it.

She's young and sounds like she might be a bit self conscious about her body and sexuality. Just be patient and have a good time. You might find the more you do it the more her inhibitions will disappear.

The one thing you don't want to do is make her feel weird about it.

[Dorothy Wood]

she doesnt masterbate!!

hmm.


yeah. she's got some kind of shame thing going on for sure. It could be based in some sort of trauma, or just a kinda puritan upbringing. I'm hoping it's the puritan thing, because that's pretty easy to overcome. Otherwise, girl gon' need therapy.

whatever the case may be, you need to make sure she knows that you're trying to help because you want her to feel good because she deserves to feel good...not because her feeling good will make you feel better.

[jabumbo]

buy her a pack of tube socks

[cosmo105]

and a grainy VHS of True Lies, with the time that Jamie Lee starts dancing scratched on the cover

[Lyman Zerga]

time for me to jump in

[Dorothy Wood]

and a grainy VHS of True Lies, with the time that Jamie Lee starts dancing scratched on the cover

dear lord! no!

[checkyourprez]

yeah. she's got some kind of shame thing going on for sure. It could be based in some sort of trauma, or just a kinda puritan upbringing. I'm hoping it's the puritan thing, because that's pretty easy to overcome. Otherwise, girl gon' need therapy.

whatever the case may be, you need to make sure she knows that you're trying to help because you want her to feel good because she deserves to feel good...not because her feeling good will make you feel better.

thanks for the advice ddubs.


ya its def not about me, it would have been one thing if she was cumming like it was her job..until me. but the fact that shes never had one makes me ok with me not giving her one. but i defiantly do just want to give her one because i like her and want to her enjoy it.