Some methods for resolving confrontation with friends, family and significant others?

[mickill]

I mean like, if you're clearly in the wrong.

Do you wait until they calm down before attempting to talk some sense into them? Do you raise your voice and pound your fist on the table as you try to force them to see your side ?

My approach with my lady, which is basically tickling her and going "ah c'mon" until she starts hitting me and I'm forced to become very angry and storm out of the house and go driving real fast hasn't been working out too well for me.

[Adam]

hmmmms, its seems you have been going for the maturest option already.

My last housemates where a couple - when they was pissed at each other the guy would just drive off without telling her where she was going. Man, they was annoying at times.

[hpdrifter]

If you're in the wrong why are you trying to talk sense into anyone but yourself?

When I'm wrong there's only one thing to do, tell the truth and take the blame. Let the other person ask you what you were thinking a hundred times, answer any other questions they ask completely, honestly and with humility. And then let them deal with it however they need to til they're over it.

Its the best way to get through it and past it the fastest.

[mickill]

I don't necessarily want to fixate on what I'm doing wrong. I want her to think, "oh wait, maybe this isn't only his fault" and try to make things better with me. I can't be expected to clean all the mess myself.

It's like that old adage: It takes two people to be wrong about the same thing.

[paul jones]

I laugh at couples who argue all the time.It's like after realising that after a few fucks it's not what they had really wanted and just stay together just because they can't cope being alone or something.

[Dorothy Wood]

what'd you do, dude?

I don't really have any advice, I never do anything wrong. :cool:

[Echewta]

If one person cant see where you are coming from and you can't see where she is coming from, or perhaps you do but are wondering how that can be, the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to bring in a neutral third party. Chances are that both of you have your defenses up and a shrink isn't threatening so the walls should be down to be able to listen and better understand the situtation. Plus, you'll have a professional to be able to give you the tools to resolve it.

[Guy Incognito]

i used to storm off cos i would get so pissed off i wouldnt be completely in control so i went to get a bit of space but that just meant we ended up arguing about me pissing off as well as whatever issues we had. so i ironed that shit out of me game. we dont argue a lot but when we do i just say my piece fairly calmly and then leave her alone for a bit and we talk about it after a bit. its not very interesting but we know when the other one wants to be left alone and that shouting gets us nowhere.

[Dorothy Wood]

I only ever really fight with my friend/coworker. He is a hard-headed dick face sometimes though. He and his girlfriend fight a lot, but they are also purportedly totally in love and shit.

Sometimes I fight with my boyfriend when I'm explaining a fight I had with my friend...because my boyfriend will say, "well, maybe he..." and tries to defend his actions and I'm like, "bleh! I shouldn't have even told you!" and he's like, "I'm on your side, but..." and I say, "ugh, nevermind!"

Either way, none of us hold any grudges. I think that's key to getting along with people in the long run.


Saying sorry goes pretty far.

[Kid Presentable]

Whatever I do it never works, so I just lay face down on the floor with my arms at my sides.

[Dorothy Wood]

Whatever I do it never works, so I just lay face down on the floor with my arms at my sides.

lol

[mickill]

what'd you do, dude?
Nothing really. I'm saying like what if she's all "oh hey...c'mon...that's not cool" and I'm like "uh, no...it's totally fine" and we're not seeing eye to eye, how can I get her to see it from point of view?

If one person cant see where you are coming from and you can't see where she is coming from, or perhaps you do but are wondering how that can be, the best thing to do, in my opinion, is to bring in a neutral third party. Chances are that both of you have your defenses up and a shrink isn't threatening so the walls should be down to be able to listen and better understand the situtation. Plus, you'll have a professional to be able to give you the tools to resolve it.
Sure. Take her side why don't you.

[Kid Presentable]

I used to work in direct sales, in a number of roles. Do you have a pamphlet or something? Maybe say something non-committal like:

"The guys will be doing some work in the neighbourhood, and some of your neighbours will be agreeing with me. I'll just leave a brochure for you to look at. No worries. My number's on there if you have any questions. Just out of interest, what sort of channels do you like to watch when you get a chance to sit down?".

I don't know how things work in The Coov, but here if you ask somebody for a glass of water at their doorstep, they aren't allowed to say no. It won't get you in the house, but it buys you some time to qualify her needs.

No need to thank me.

[mickill]

I only ever really fight with my friend/coworker. He is a hard-headed dick face sometimes though. He and his girlfriend fight a lot, but they are also purportedly totally in love and shit.

Sometimes I fight with my boyfriend when I'm explaining a fight I had with my friend...because my boyfriend will say, "well, maybe he..." and tries to defend his actions and I'm like, "bleh! I shouldn't have even told you!" and he's like, "I'm on your side, but..." and I say, "ugh, nevermind!"

Either way, none of us hold any grudges. I think that's key to getting along with people in the long run.


Saying sorry goes pretty far.
Well, we do have the Can't Go To Bed Mad At Each Other policy, so there are no grudges, usually.

And I'm pretty easy about apologizing. As soon as I've done something "wrong", and she starts with the whole "why in the hell would you..." routine, I just start saying sorry. I'm usually like, "look, I get what I've done wrong. I'm sorry, let's just move on", but that only worked for about a week. She's sort of caught on to my approach, so IO need new ones.

[mickill]

I used to work in direct sales, in a number of roles. Do you have a pamphlet or something? Maybe say something non-committal like:

"The guys will be doing some work in the neighbourhood, and some of your neighbours will be agreeing with me. I'll just leave a brochure for you to look at. No worries. My number's on there if you have any questions. Just out of interest, what sort of channels do you like to watch when you get a chance to sit down?".

I don't know how things work in The Coov, but here if you ask somebody for a glass of water at their doorstep, they aren't allowed to say no. It won't get you in the house, but it buys you some time to qualify her needs.

No need to thank me.

No, I insist. Thanks. I'm sure this will come in handy.

[Kid Presentable]

Yeah beacause the guys are all going to be out here at once, we're doing cheap installs. So yeah, have a look over that, I'll be here until around 8 this evening.

[Dorothy Wood]

Well, we do have the Can't Go To Bed Mad At Each Other policy, so there are no grudges, usually.

And I'm pretty easy about apologizing. As soon as I've done something "wrong", and she starts with the whole "why in the hell would you..." routine, I just start saying sorry. I'm usually like, "look, I get what I've done wrong. I'm sorry, let's just move on", but that only worked for about a week. She's sort of caught on to my approach, so IO need new ones.

hmm, well, I think the only solution is to stop doing things wrong. You can't really fool women.

Or at least you could explain that you're going to do the wrong thing a lot in your life, because you're kind of a jerk. But she made a vow to love you forever whether she likes it or not, so get used to it. Also, it should be fun for her that she's smarter than you. She should just be proud of herself for being a better person instead of getting angry that you're a turd.

:p

[nodanaonlyzuul]

We have that same policy about not going to bed mad too.

It sucks but sometimes we have had to go on back and forth for hours before things are resolved. It usually results in us explaining our perspectives on whatever the issue is in a variety of ways until we finally understand each other and the other says, if it was in fact a bad thing that was done/said/whatever, "Oh, I understand where you are coming from now, I'm sorry" OR "Oh, we both just have two completely different ways of looking at this. We should come up with a compromise." That sort of thing.

[mickill]

hmm, well, I think the only solution is to stop doing things wrong. You can't really fool women.

Or at least you could explain that you're going to do the wrong thing a lot in your life, because you're kind of a jerk. But she made a vow to love you forever whether she likes it or not, so get used to it. Also, it should be fun for her that she's smarter than you. She should just be proud of herself for being a better person instead of getting angry that you're a turd.

:p

I like the whole part about her being obligated to obey my commands...I mean our vows are legally binding after all. I see what you're saying there, but I'm not really following you with the whole pretending to be a jerk thing.

[mickill]

It sucks but sometimes we have had to go on back and forth for hours before things are resolved. It usually results in us explaining our perspectives on whatever the issue is in a variety of ways until we finally understand each other and the other says, if it was in fact a bad thing that was done/said/whatever, "Oh, I understand where you are coming from now, I'm sorry" OR "Oh, we both just have two completely different ways of looking at this. We should come up with a compromise." That sort of thing.

Okay, but this whole approach, while proven to be very effective on shows like Gilmore Girls or 7th Heaven, doesn't work forever. See, after awhile people start waking up all bitter and resentful and wanting to throw hot coffee at one another. So I need quick easy solutions.

Are the kids still throwing jewelry at chicks to calm them down these days?

[cosmo105]

Get a tattoo on your back that says DON'T LISTEN TO ME, YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT AND I'LL MAKE THIS UP TO YOU MY DEAREST LOVE or something along those lines. You never have to see it, and in the passion and rage of an argument when you rip your shirt off and storm away from her, she's going to see that and soften and forgive you much quicker. No need to thank me, just send me pictures of baby pandas.

[mickill]

During arguments I usually rip my shirt open from the front. I don't usually remove the whole shirt because that just seems a bit melodramatic.

So in order for your idea to work, I have to strategically position myself in front of a mirror before walking away so that the message is visible to her. Only then, it would appear backwards, which means I'd have to get it tatted in reverse. Not to mention I already have a tattoo of my flesh being torn open, revealing a heart made of steel on my left boob, which presents its own set of problems.

[mickill]

oops

[ms.peachy]

See, I never have to worry about this, because I'm never wrong. Just ask mr.p, he'll tell you.

On a completely unrelated note, my daughter is getting to be very stubborn and argumentative. We just can't figure out where she gets that from. It must be his side of the family, though.

[yeahwho]

See, I never have to worry about this, because I'm never wrong. Just ask mr.p, he'll tell you.

On a completely unrelated note, my daughter is getting to be very stubborn and argumentative. We just can't figure out where she gets that from. It must be his side of the family, though.

That is because your husband has adapted the policy of "He could be right or he could be happy".

He's perfectly happy letting you be right all the time.


As far as your daughter, are you sure there wasn't a swap at the hospital?