The adventures of our stupid annoying cat

[mickill]

I was tidying our living room before heading to bed last night. It was late, quite dim in the room, and I was tired. At one point I reached under the couch to pick up a book when something suddenly swatted my hand away. And then this beefy creature went darting out from under the couch and ran into the kitchen. It took a moment for me to realize it was my nemesis, the cat.

I'll admit I'm not a cat person, but I stay out of this bitch's way. All I ask is she show me the same courtesy in return. And I even buy her the good cat food, the kind that's supposed to make her all shiny and not cough up hairballs.

Anyway, once I got past the slight shock from this latest of many ambushes, I went about collecting the stray articles from around the room. However, I sensed that something else was afoot. I felt a tingle in my nose. A foul aroma, what I imagine the decaying corpse of a sloth might smell like after a week in the sun, began to aggravate my senses. And then, from out the corner of my eye, I saw it. Shit.

For whatever reason, someone or some thing had felt the need to go and drop a load on our love seat. It was right in between the two seat cushions. By process of elimination I was quickly able to discern that the cat was the only likely culprit. Which just made it all the more grosser to me. I would have much rather it belong to the dog; at least he's on a vegetarian diet. I then spent the next 45 minutes to an hour scrubbing the love seat and trying to sterilize our living room with a combination of common household cleaning supplies and vinegar. I'll never forgive her.

[paul jones]

I think the cat wants to kill you.

[nodanaonlyzuul]

one cat we used to have would pee or shit on ANYTHING that was on the floor. If it was on the floor, it was a litterbox apparently.

The current cat, she's sweet and really fun to play with and makes me smile about 75% of the time.

Other times she is jumping all over the kitchen counters leaving her hair all over them (which is totally disgusting to me because food goes near there and EWWWWWWWWWW).

Then sometimes if we are not paying attention to her she will start playing and/or chewing on things she KNOWS she is not supposed to. Like computer wires, headphone wires, or plastic. Which she will ingest if it's small enough then she pukes it out, like she's doing it out of spite for not being fawned over right away. Idiot.

And every morning, somewhere in between 4:30-6:30am she will start scratching at the box spring UNDER the bed, which shakes the bed and makes a shit load of noise. If that doesn't wake us up she'll start with the loud "MEOW" then running like a crazy psycho back and forth around the apartment, which means running around with her claws out so it makes a ton of noise across the apartment. And if THAT doesn't work, she'll either A) start messing with the blinds near the bed to make noise B) find something on one of the bed stands or dressers to kick over to make noise or C) get on the bed and start scratching at us (sans claws) but over the covers, so it makes noise too, to wake us up.

Asshole cat. :mad:

[nodanaonlyzuul]

So I feel your pain. Kind of. Damn that other cat would shit EVERYWHERE god. And pee. It stunk bad in our last apartment because that smell never really comes out if it sits (he did a crazy ambush when we were gone for a few days once, where there was flies/dead flies everywhere even). I am so glad we moved out.

[Bob]

one of my roommate's cats is trying to kill me i think. every time i go up or down the stairs, he's waiting at the bottom, and he sprints up and cuts me off. i think he's trying to trip me. but i'm onto him.

[rirv]

My cat kept poking me in the face this morning to get me up. I told him to get bent, but he kept returning with his paw jabs.

[hpdrifter]

This would not be a problem if you'd just stuck with bunnies.

Not that they don't pee and poop everywhere, they do. But they are less nimble and you have more control over their environment. They're not up on the couch unless you want them there.

The don't make any noise, they don't jump on you. They just exist in a state of cuteness, wiggling their noses and looking at you.

[yeahwho]

That seems like a pretty bold statement, cat poop on the love seat. I don't know what t o tell you other than my inner CatCSI sensibilities are telling me you are a marked man.

I have two cats and one dog. They look at me as if I'm a walking pork chop. The cats need fresh water, fresh food and lots of clean multiple litter changes, minimum once weekly, twice is right.

My cats and dog have me under a spell where the guilt is so huge that if I do anything other than the highest of levels of pet maintenance I will be eaten, like a pork chop. If I'm not home at 8:00 AM or 6:00PM, I begin to look over my shoulder at other animals and up at the birds. I see PETA people in every other human. I am suppose to be home feeding my pets.

I have to stop now, all three of them have congregated here within 10 feet of the keyboard and have me under surveillance.

They know some shit is up.

[TAL]

Yesterday it was 5 years since my parents cat died.

Which means I've had 5 years of not having to go there to feed it everyday when they go away (y)

[Adam]

pets (n)

[paul jones]

pets (n)

I bet you'd like a pet tiger.Imagine that,walking down the road with one of the most dangerous predators on earth.No hoodie gangsters would fuck with you(y)

[kaiser soze]

I love animals but am not a fan of the neurotic ones. It sucks that some are driven to madness by their owners and some just aren't well adjusted :(

[checkyourprez]

end that cat.

[Myu-to]

I dig cats, but I loathe the smell of cat pee. Even if you have washed it pine-sol, I'll still smell cat pee. I mean really, WTF?

[Lyman Zerga]

my fat cat tries to cuddle me to death and the ginger one tries to play me to death..with toys!!

[Lyman Zerga]

The don't make any noise, they don't jump on you. They just exist in a state of cuteness, wiggling their noses and looking at you.

my bunny made noises like when she growled at the other bunnies but those noises are still nothing compared to dog or cat noises

i miss having bunnies but im very happy with my cats now
the thing i like about cats more is that they show me when they want to cuddle but when i took one of my bunnies out for a cuddle they always seemed nervous, it was kinda like rape cuddling, i never did harm them in any way though..damn instincts

[Planetary]

Cat stories (y)

Rabbits (n)

I havnt had a cat for years but my girlfriend has them at her house. always scurrying about getting under my feet almost tripping me over. the worst part is maneuvering my way to the toilet at night with no light on. i know theyre there and theyre watching me... but i can't see them.

[mikizee]

Fucking cats.

Honestly, cat shit is the WORST. 10 times worse than dog shit. And dog shit is bad. But the smell of cat shit makes me want to puke almost instantly.

Fucking cats. Cant stand them.

[NicRN77]

a cat pooping where it shouldn't...that's just icky.

I love cats...and my cat usually rocks 99% of the time. I don't appreciate her waking me up super early by jumping on and off my bed to give her treats though. Or the occasional hair ball gifts left for me.

[Deep_Sea_Rain]

My girlfriend's cat fancies shitting in the sink or on the stove.

I think I'm going to invest in a Super Soaker.

[mickill]

The cat took a dump on the couch again. In two different places. So I think the next logical step would be to have it put down. So I'm wondering, if I take her to wherever it is that they provide this service for you, do you get to choose the preferred method of death, or do they make that decision for you. Also, can you participate? I'm assuming it's considered humane if it's done under the supervision of say a vet or anyone with a D.V.M., so is strangling acceptable?

[TurdBerglar]

shovel to the cranium

[mickill]

That seems a bit cruel.

I really don't want to beat the cat to death in front of the kids. And I don't exactly have a designated slaughtering area in the back yard or anything anyhow.

[TurdBerglar]

duct tape the cat to the drive way and act as if you ran it over accidentally

[mickill]

I like that one. It seems more humane.

[TurdBerglar]

make sure you whack that bitch with a shovel first so she's easier to duct tape down

[gbsuey]

What's a love seat? Is it like one of those fucking swings? Cat shit is totally the worst, but since my dog died a couple of years ago i'm still happy i don't have to pick it up. And since my kitten's been going outside she hasn't been shitting in the litter tray. But i know i'll find where she HAS been going one day and that'll be bad.
I was never a huge cat person but i'm loving having one now...i do have to be careful on the stairs and she will sit almost on my head in the early hours but she's way cute. And she only crapped somewhere bad once...but it was on my little son's bed, for that she was named shitty kitty. It's kind of stuck

[TAL]

What's a love seat? Is it like one of those fucking swings?
It's a couch for two people.

[abcdefz]

I'm pretty sure cats generally know what they're doing.

[Adam]

I have a kiwi friend who grew up on a farm and if they had a cat they didn't want to see again, he said he rubbed paraffin on the cats arse and it'd shriek and run off and never return.