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russhie
04-07-2010, 07:52 AM
Way back when I was 15 this guy in highschool liked me. Alot.
Without making it a hugely long story, I had a boyfriend, and even if I hadn't, there was no way in hell I'd ever have hooked up with him. He got weird about things, gave me small gifts, told my best friend how much he liked me, drew pictures of "us" together (traced pictures of say, the two adult Dalmations from 101 Dalmations touching noses with lovehearts around them) so needless to say my boyfriend wasn't happy and I was creeped out. We stopped being friends at my insistence.

He started saying weird shit like how I looked like Joey from Dawsons, how he loved that show for that reason, and that he'd masturbate after the show because she was so much like me. The kicker came when gave my friend a love note he wrote for me, with a drawing on the back of himself jerking off in the shower - and at that point even my friend cut off communication with him. We were like 16 or 17 and creeped out as fuck.

We all had ICQ so he started creating fake identities (as many as half a dozen) after I blocked him, and each time I found out he'd get madder and madder with me - one afternoon my little sister got mad at me, told me he was a nice guy and demanded to know why I was such a bitch to him...I found out he'd secretly been speaking to her, telling her lies, and had basically brainwashed her into thinking I had some sort of unfounded vendetta against him. So, I told him that if he ever spoke to myself or a member of my family again I'd go to the police. He responded by calling me a "two dollar whore" that nobody liked, blah blah. I figured he hated me and it was done.

Nope. He hacked my email account, and when I found out, he got a friend of his to email me on behalf of him, saying he'd kill me and members of my family if I didn't date him. I remember his friend sending pictures of himself looking menacing (well, as menacing as a schoolboy in uniform can be) and later he admitted he wasn't going to do a thing - he lived in a whole other state. Anyway, my main point is, this guy was pretty unhinged for a teenager, and the last I'd heard from him was that he was going to make it big in America and I'd be sorry I turned him down and that I'd crawl back to him, begging to be with him, but I'm just a whore, blah blah...whatever.

I got facebook, he found me. Since then, he's requested my friendship which I've turned down 3 times. He also sends me messages periodically, saying I "look good...far as (he) can see" asking what I'm doing, please add him, do I remember him, etc.

I just got another message after more than a whole year of silence. It's pretty harmless when considered in context with the other stuff he's said/done, but this is it for me. I'm fucking creeped out, this shit has been going on for MORE THAN TEN YEARS and it's a pattern that keeps repeating itself (though far less extreme) in relationships I've had since...I'm tired of it and I want him to just go away. It's odd that something so harmless turns out to be the straw that breaks the camel's back but I just want it to end...I've made myself clear so many times, I want to weep with frustration! He scares me :(

What do I do now?

Planetary
04-07-2010, 08:23 AM
"...a love note he wrote for me, with a drawing on the back of himself jerking off in the shower."

Quality.

Call the police (y)

Kid Presentable
04-07-2010, 08:23 AM
There's a girl I once pined for in my facebook friends list. I don't know what you should do. Privacy settings?

gbsuey
04-07-2010, 08:32 AM
It's no wonder he scares you, he sounds like a complete arse. I think you just need to keep doing what you've been doing, just ignore those requests,if it's been a year since he last tried he may just be trying a last ditch attempt to get to you. If it gets any worse you may need to think about threatening him with taking the situation further, but only if needs be. Guy sounds fairly unhinged so i guess you don't want to provoke him. Just make sure all your friends and family know what's been happening.
And try and give yourself an ego boost...you must have something pretty special going on!!

russhie
04-07-2010, 08:43 AM
I changed my privacy settings, but he can still find me one of two ways

a) he sees me listed as a mutual/suggested friend because some of my idiot friends care more about their friend count than actually giving a shit about the person they're adding.

b) he does what alot of people I know do - gets old school photos out and searches each name specifically and mine (though it's a little unusual and hard to spell) pops right up. And, of course, I'm the only one.

I had my privacy settings wayyyy up, but then people I wanted to add couldn't add me so it seemed pointless.


ps. thanks gbsuey *blush*

Freebasser
04-07-2010, 08:55 AM
He's only interested because he can't have you. Engage him in proper full on conversation, but keep it to things that he'll have no interest in. Handbags, the Sex and the City movie, the correct order in which to paint toenails, etc.

He'll soon tire of speaking to you, see you as just another human being and not some holy grail to chase after, and leave you alone (y)

rirv
04-07-2010, 08:58 AM
You should have dated him in the first instance. Especially after he mentioned jerking off after Dawson's Creek. Would have saved both of you the hassle.

Kid Presentable
04-07-2010, 09:07 AM
Sorry man I don't get nearly enough masturbating stalkers

checkyourprez
04-07-2010, 09:33 AM
when he friends you and you go to denie him there is a report as spam thing you can click and then if gives you a list of what kind it is and you can go from there.

Helvete
04-07-2010, 09:49 AM
'Alot' is not a word.

checkyourprez
04-07-2010, 10:19 AM
but fer serious i would not have any contact with this dude. idk about contacting the police but i would think about it. attractions like this dont end bad for him, they end bad for you. bad like you're cut up in a million pieces bad. defiantly dont let this person back in your life even through something as simple as facebook, it would only give him hope.

jabumbo
04-07-2010, 10:32 AM
can we all add this guy to our facebooks?

nodanaonlyzuul
04-07-2010, 12:08 PM
ignore the shit out of him. If he keeps sending you messages, report him for abuse on facecbook. And if he says ANYTHING that is even close to threatening, do that AND report it to the police and keep the message as evidence.

Adam
04-07-2010, 12:21 PM
cut all contact, anything that shows a crime could be committed - even if a flippant idle threat, send to the police.

You already have cause to go to the police actually so don't dismiss that option, they might not be able to do anything but if a pattern starts, then the police have the warnings and should act.

b i o n i c
04-07-2010, 12:25 PM
so was the doofus good at drawing or was it like a stick figure with some bulletey things raining down?

gbsuey
04-07-2010, 12:45 PM
This thread makes me so glad there was no facebook when i was a teenager, i'm actually pretty sure there was no internet back then either, all those hormones, boozing and guys to have crushes on could have just been messy online. Not tht i don't get crushes now but i'm sober and old enough to behave myself!!

gbsuey
04-07-2010, 12:46 PM
This thread makes me so glad there was no facebook when i was a teenager, i'm actually pretty sure there was no internet back then either, all those hormones, boozing and guys to have crushes on could have just been messy online. Not tht i don't get crushes now but i'm sober and old enough to behave myself!!

P.s i wasn't an alcoholic btw, kinda made it sound like i was

Echewta
04-07-2010, 12:48 PM
ignore the shit out of him. If he keeps sending you messages, report him for abuse on facecbook. And if he says ANYTHING that is even close to threatening, do that AND report it to the police and keep the message as evidence.

Yup. Police won't do anything but you will have a report should the guy go crazy town USA.

paul jones
04-07-2010, 01:36 PM
This thread makes me so glad there was no facebook when i was a teenager, i'm actually pretty sure there was no internet back then either


likewise.

LongDuckDong
04-07-2010, 03:17 PM
Come on, give him a chance.

Audio.
04-07-2010, 05:07 PM
what if he finds this site o.0'

Freebasser
04-07-2010, 05:26 PM
Then we'll beat him up.

*Twirls rusty metal chain through fingers*

checkyourprez
04-07-2010, 05:37 PM
what if he finds this site o.0'

what if hes found this sit o.0'

Adam
04-07-2010, 05:47 PM
its cyp !!! GET HIM!

RobMoney$
04-07-2010, 05:52 PM
Is it really that important to have a facebook profile?
Seems like that's his doorway back into your life via your friends and whatnot.

Consider deleting it.


Or you could tell him you'd love to catch up with him, but you've got a line of guys at your door with a fist full of 2$ bills, and business is business.
Maybe it'll scare him off?

Miho
04-07-2010, 06:47 PM
Is it really that important to have a facebook profile?
Seems like that's his doorway back into your life via your friends and whatnot.

Consider deleting it.


This.

I deleted my Facebook account. I'd rather not have a profile anymore. I was never too keen on these social-networking sites, anyway.

cosmo105
04-07-2010, 06:53 PM
I have a psychotic ex that still sends me an "I'm soooo sorry, please lift the restraining order" message probably once a year. You can keep your FB profile uber super duper private, so that no one can search for you. And of course don't list anything like your address, phone number, place of business etc. on there.

Jesus, this guy sounds insane. I'd call the cops right now just to get shit rolling.

abcdefz
04-07-2010, 06:59 PM
As someone who's been through this before (though not nearly for so long), I just want to say I'm sorry about the situation. It's so stressful; it sucks.

I don't think there's a formula for stalkers, because for some, a restraining order might be the thing that breaks the camel's back. As much as possible, I wouldn't take the bait. Ignore him. But also, don't leave bait lying around -- e.g. Facebook or discussing him with anyone who might carry it back to him. I think part of what drives a stalker is feeling like they have some power over you or at least some of your attention.